Stargazer Posted April 7, 2015 Posted April 7, 2015 My hope that my wife's cancer had been conquered turned out to be false hope. She was in the hospital over the weekend and is coming home tomorrow with the expectation that she will be dying sometime in the next two or three months. It may be much sooner than that. One doctor said that it was likely this will be a very peaceful death, due to the particulars of how the cancer has spread. It is too far advanced to do anything to slow it down -- although one doctor said that treating it aggressively would probably kill her even faster. My wife doesn't want to do anything like that in any case. She is 74, so she doesn't think she's being shortchanged in the mortality department, and plans to do her gardening until she runs out of strength. She is quite chipper and doesn't seem downcast at all. Her testimony of the Gospel and Jesus Christ is very strong and she is looking forward to a good passover. I have a strong testimony, too, but I am nowhere near as cheerful as she is about it. She has no pain at this time, and with proper symptom management she won't have much in the coming weeks, either. We will be having an influx of family coming to visit to pay last respects and it is going to get very busy! I am probably going to be very scarce on this board for the time being -- my apologies to anyone whom I might have been disputing points with! You can declare victory if you want! I won't mind. 2
Kenngo1969 Posted April 7, 2015 Posted April 7, 2015 Sincere condolences on your pending loss. I know you've expressed misgivings in the past about the choices your wife has made with respect to her treatment. I wish I had some wonderful advice about how to come to terms with those misgivings, but I don't. While even they cannot relate to your reservations (frustrations?) about your wife's choices, I know there are those who have had their own recent losses. (ERayR comes to mind.) While the circumstances of your respective losses have been (for him) and will be (for you) different, perhaps you, nonetheless, can find Cyber-fellowship together. Joseph Smith said that all of our losses will be made up to us in the resurrection if we continue faithful. For what it's worth, I have a firm testimony that that is so. I wish you well.
Garden Girl Posted April 7, 2015 Posted April 7, 2015 Hello Stargazer...I am so sorry... it has been a struggle for both you and your wife... I, too, experienced the loss of my dear companion. My husband passed away unexpectedly...I know you will do all you can these next weeks or months to help your wife to be happy each day that you have together. Bless you both... GG
Dgal Posted April 7, 2015 Posted April 7, 2015 May the time you have left for this life be filled with great joy, love and peace.
Rain Posted April 7, 2015 Posted April 7, 2015 I'm sorry that you will be losing her. I would imagine her biggest concern is leaving you alone right now. *hugs*
rpn Posted April 7, 2015 Posted April 7, 2015 You don't have to apologize to us for focusing on family. May you feel wrapped in their arms and in your Heavenly Parents and Savior's arms during this tough time. 1
Tacenda Posted April 7, 2015 Posted April 7, 2015 You're right about the influx of visitors. My father in law is on hospice and living at home until he passes on. People from all over continually visit. His ward has been fantastic through bringing meals and recently scheduling someone to be with him so my mother in law can go to the Senior's Center for her exercise. His children take turns each day to help also, which I've grown to love. I found a greater closeness than ever has been. Each time my husband and I visit, usually night time, he has wanted family prayer. And we'll pray over his dinner and often he'll say them. He had a stroke so sometimes he says his words funny, but the prayers always bring the spirit. And as we say goodnight we give him hugs & kisses! He loves it. His attitude is unbelievable. Must be the knowledge the gospel brings. In sharing this I wanted you to see an upside to the sad time. I hope this side will be what happens with you and your wife, I'm sure it will or even better memory makers also. 1
ERayR Posted April 7, 2015 Posted April 7, 2015 My hope that my wife's cancer had been conquered turned out to be false hope. She was in the hospital over the weekend and is coming home tomorrow with the expectation that she will be dying sometime in the next two or three months. It may be much sooner than that. One doctor said that it was likely this will be a very peaceful death, due to the particulars of how the cancer has spread. It is too far advanced to do anything to slow it down -- although one doctor said that treating it aggressively would probably kill her even faster. My wife doesn't want to do anything like that in any case. She is 74, so she doesn't think she's being shortchanged in the mortality department, and plans to do her gardening until she runs out of strength. She is quite chipper and doesn't seem downcast at all. Her testimony of the Gospel and Jesus Christ is very strong and she is looking forward to a good passover. I have a strong testimony, too, but I am nowhere near as cheerful as she is about it. She has no pain at this time, and with proper symptom management she won't have much in the coming weeks, either. We will be having an influx of family coming to visit to pay last respects and it is going to get very busy! I am probably going to be very scarce on this board for the time being -- my apologies to anyone whom I might have been disputing points with! You can declare victory if you want! I won't mind. I went through the experience not yet a year ago. It is sometimes a surreal experience. I would suggest you contact hospice care, if you haven't already, and get them involved early. They were such a help to me and my family. May you receive help and comfort from God as you find the need for it.
thesometimesaint Posted April 7, 2015 Posted April 7, 2015 My hope that my wife's cancer had been conquered turned out to be false hope. She was in the hospital over the weekend and is coming home tomorrow with the expectation that she will be dying sometime in the next two or three months. It may be much sooner than that. One doctor said that it was likely this will be a very peaceful death, due to the particulars of how the cancer has spread. It is too far advanced to do anything to slow it down -- although one doctor said that treating it aggressively would probably kill her even faster. My wife doesn't want to do anything like that in any case. She is 74, so she doesn't think she's being shortchanged in the mortality department, and plans to do her gardening until she runs out of strength. She is quite chipper and doesn't seem downcast at all. Her testimony of the Gospel and Jesus Christ is very strong and she is looking forward to a good passover. I have a strong testimony, too, but I am nowhere near as cheerful as she is about it. She has no pain at this time, and with proper symptom management she won't have much in the coming weeks, either. We will be having an influx of family coming to visit to pay last respects and it is going to get very busy! I am probably going to be very scarce on this board for the time being -- my apologies to anyone whom I might have been disputing points with! You can declare victory if you want! I won't mind. I am so sorry. May the peace of the Lord help and sustain you.
bluebell Posted April 7, 2015 Posted April 7, 2015 I am so sorry Stargazer. I pray that heaven will be close these next few months to give you strength.
Deborah Posted April 7, 2015 Posted April 7, 2015 So sorry to hear this. May you find peace and comfort with you loved ones and in the power of the Atonement.
jana at jade house Posted April 7, 2015 Posted April 7, 2015 Isn't it fabulous that you KNOW? Isn't it fabulous that everyone can say goodbye? Isn't it fabulous that Lovely Person is making plans to garden? Isn't is fabulous that she is in good spirits and seems to cope with the pain ? What a wonderful example! What wonderful memories you will store up these last weeks, months. I am excited for her. Isn't it awful to think every day might be IT? That every memory might be the last? That even with the fullness of the Gospel it seems unfair, too much, incomprehensible. Even though I have every confidence that I know where Mother is, what she is doing, that she is where she should be, I still get teary eyed over the strangest things....I cannot believe she is gone. Death of a loved one is a two edged sword. You both have my heartfelt sincere wishes for strength and comfort. 1
JLHPROF Posted April 7, 2015 Posted April 7, 2015 My sincere condolences. I pray that the Lord will bless you both with an increased eternal perspective that the brief separation in mortality will not trouble your hearts as it might.
Storm Rider Posted April 7, 2015 Posted April 7, 2015 We each face our mortality at some point. Some of us are granted the foreknowledge that our death is imminent and others are caught unawares of their coming passing. Our love for our mate is eternal. We know that we are eternal beings and that mortality is for but a very short time and our separation through death is an even shorter period. However, we in this world remain mortal and we acknowledge loss with each passing moment. You are a disciple of Christ and know that you are in his care. I love the concept of a mother hen who gathers her chicks under her wings; I often think of the Savior, after having forfeited his life on the cross, still reaching to shield each of us from our sins. The passing of your sweetheart will be painful, but I pray that the joy of knowing it is for a short time will comfort you. May the peace that is found in our Savior fill your heart and home. You both are in my prayers. 1
Kenngo1969 Posted April 7, 2015 Posted April 7, 2015 ... Each time my husband and I visit, usually night time, he has wanted family prayer. And we'll pray over his dinner and often he'll say them. He had a stroke so sometimes he says his words funny, but the prayers always bring the spirit. And as we say goodnight we give him hugs & kisses! He loves it. His attitude is unbelievable. Must be the knowledge the gospel brings. ... Even for those of us who have no speech impediments, so often, our need transcends our ability to ask, anyway. The Lord knows what we mean, and, which is more, hears what only our hearts can say.
MorningStar Posted April 7, 2015 Posted April 7, 2015 My heart is breaking for you. You are in my prayers!
Stargazer Posted April 7, 2015 Author Posted April 7, 2015 I went through the experience not yet a year ago. It is sometimes a surreal experience. I would suggest you contact hospice care, if you haven't already, and get them involved early. They were such a help to me and my family. May you receive help and comfort from God as you find the need for it. Yes, thanks. They were already talking to us at the hospital and we have an appointment for their formal intake day after tomorrow. It's definitely surreal -- I sense the unreality of it already.
Calm Posted April 7, 2015 Posted April 7, 2015 I hate only having the written word when what I really want to do is give someone a big hug. 3
Garden Girl Posted April 7, 2015 Posted April 7, 2015 Yes, thanks. They were already talking to us at the hospital and we have an appointment for their formal intake day after tomorrow. It's definitely surreal -- I sense the unreality of it already. Surely you know that we are standing with you, extending our caring as we send forth our prayers... I am reminded of D&C 81:5 as we try and give comfort that will help lift up your hands that hang down and strengthen your feeble knees as you go through the coming days... GG 2
jwhitlock Posted April 7, 2015 Posted April 7, 2015 Deep peace that surpasses understanding to you. These are the events that prove us; the Lord will be close to you during this time.
Raingirl Posted April 8, 2015 Posted April 8, 2015 My husband died in 2009. I think I understand the unreality of which you speak. Even with all that was experienced, the idea that death would not just be some concept spoken about, but something that will actually happen in the near future.....it just doesn't seem possible that this person who is here with you now, will not always be. I admire your wife's attitude. And faith. My husband suffered with various medical problems (including the amputation of a leg about a year before he died) and he was absolutely terrified of dying. A hospital chaplain (who happened to be an actor turned Catholic priest) once said to him that dying was not the worst thing that could happen to a person. My husband never believed that. I cannot help but think how less frightening his last months would have been had he had the knowledge and testimony of the Gospel. Your wife has a very powerful tool to help her through this time. You do, too. I remember the wife of a colleague speaking at his funeral. In speaking about their marriage, she spoke of "all the joy now for all the pain later". How all of those years of joy were more than worth the pain that came from losing him. You have all that joy. You will have the pain for a time. But you will have all that joy again in the eternities. 3
halconero Posted April 8, 2015 Posted April 8, 2015 There's an understanding of life that is developed with coming into close contact with death. It becomes both fleeting and meaningful at the same time. Old squabbles, fights, and grudges seem petty, and your only desire becomes to drop them, forgive, and reconcile. You come to realize the importance and beauty of the Resurrection, the temple sealing, and family history work. You come to love the Gospel and cherish it even more. That's my experience at least when I briefly passed away back in December due to a sepsis infection...I hope you and your family have peace and joy in the time you have. 4
Avatar4321 Posted April 8, 2015 Posted April 8, 2015 I'm sorry you will be separated. I can't imagine not having my wife around.
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