Marrying A Reurned Missionary

[Thinking]

An interesting light-hearted conversation happened at the end of one of my classes today. One of my male students joked that he would like to marry one of my female students. She joked back that she would only marry a returned missionary. He then said that he would serve a mission. She joked back that he can't serve a mission is he's not LDS.

 

All joking aside, I know that many LDS young women make that very commitment and I wonder how it affects the mission decisions of the young men. I also wonder if some young women miss out on quality potential mates because they won't even consider them.

 

Note: I had to add the third choice for both questions because you can't answer just one question.

Edited April 24, 2014 by Thinking

[bluebell]

I did decide as a youth (well, my early 20s) to only marry a return missionary.  I decided that because I was praying one day about what attributes I (personally) needed to look for in the man i was going to marry and being a return missionary was one of the very distinct answers that I received.

[Rain]

Yes, I decided that, but in reality I would have taken it on a case by case basis.  Was the man a convert and older so couldn't go?  Yes would have considered him.  Did he have health problems that kept him home?  Would have considered him, but in all honesty his health would have been something I needed to consider.  Messed up spiritually and not allowed to go, but repented and is currently doing well?  Would have considered him as well.  Just didn't feel it was important enough for him to go and was still young enough to do something about it?  Not likely to consider him for marriage, but probably wouldn't be dating him either because it was important for me to have my husband put God first.

[Mola Ram Suda Ram]

I would have never served a mission had one or the primary reason was because I would be more marketable to the ladies. It just never really crossed my mind. I sorta served for selfish reason. I wanted to better myself and I knew it would help me among other reasons.

 

Another interesting thing was after I had dated and been off the mission for a while I decided I wanted an RM to marry and I did just that.

Edited April 24, 2014 by Mola Ram Suda Ram

[CV75]

I joined the Church in college (where i was the only student member!) and went on a mission after graduating only for the sake of serving a mission. I don't recall having any consideration of its impact on my future eligibility for marriage one way or the other, or if I was even aware that it was a consideration for others.

[Buzzard]

In the inevitable game of "I can top you", I have heard of some LDS girls who swear they will only marry a young man who were Assistant to the President or at least Zone Leaders. Dumb idea, since some of the best missionaries I knew were not called to those leadership positions.

But as a general rule, with of course the type of exceptions Rain discussed, I would sincerely hope my daughter chooses a returned missionary for a husband.

[Duncan]

I served but I honestly don't think I ever thought I would be "marriage material" if I went or not, I went and come what may and love it. 

[Kenngo1969]

I answered "I am male" to the first question, and "No" to the second question, because I figured I would be equally (un?)marketable whether I served a mission or not!

 

P.S.: Because of physical constraints, I would not have been called on a proselyting mission under today's "Raised Bar" standards.  In all humility, however, I am pleased to be able to say I served a full-time proselyting mission, physical challenges notwithstanding.  Having said that, it was not about me, just as it is not about any missionary today who is not eligible for a full-time, proselyting mission under the current standards.  Would I have been disappointed if I had been told I could not serve a conventional mission?  Yes, of course.  I would have gone through a grieving process, gotten over it, and asked how I could best be of service, and I would have been pleased to serve in any capacity in which I was called.  I commend that course to anyone who finds him- or herself in a similar position.

 

P.P.S.:  How does one reurn from a mission?  Is one cremated upon one's return, whereupon one's ashes are placed into an urn, after which the ashes then are removed from the urn, then replaced in it?   (Sorry; couldn't resist!  Back to your regularly-scheduled, on-topic programming!)

Edited April 24, 2014 by Kenngo1969

[Anteojito]

I think a more interesting question/poll would be:

 

"Would you marry someone who was sent home from their mission for non-health related issues?"

[JAHS]

I wasn't thinking about marriage before I went on mission. I had always planned to go so whether or not a woman would marry me if had or had not gone wasn't an issue. While on my mission I had the distinct impression that I wanted to marry an RM based on the positive impression I got of sister missionaries in my mission. So that was what made me consider to marry an RM, which I did.

[Kenngo1969]

I think a more interesting question/poll would be:

 

"Would you marry someone who was sent home from their mission for non-health related issues?"

You, by all means, are welcome to start your own thread.

[Duncan]

I think a more interesting question/poll would be:

 

"Would you marry someone who was sent home from their mission for non-health related issues?"

 

 

we had a sister go home about 2 months ago who is a pathological liar and while nice no, I would not marry someone with that issue.

[Calm]

I didn't really think about requirements ahead of time save for the guy had to be intelligent, educated, clean decent teeth and taller than I was as well physically attractive to me (these were based on dating experiences and guys who expressed interest and my sister making snide comments about them rather than me sitting back and making a list…if I had dated more, the list would probably have kept growing as I found out what I felt comfortable with and what I didn't and as my sister found things to pick at that would then be impossible for me to ignore),  though I have always thought going on a mission would be a good preparation for marriage (having to live with someone 24/7 and making it work) plus there was the usual greater maturity of the returned missionaries I knew in comparison to those who didn't go on one.

 

I only seriously considered marrying one guy and it just so happened he had been a missionary...

 

When I was actually considering marriage and was thinking "okay, why do I want this guy to marry me" it was how he treated his siblings and kids as I knew he would be a great and highly involved father…and he is.  Couldn't imagine a better one….well, he could have been a bit better in the discipline department but I rather my kids never doubted they were loved and wanted than being good at cleaning up after themselves.

Edited April 25, 2014 by calmoriah

[changed]

My husband did not get to go on a mission because of me (I'm a convert)  we'll hopefully go on a mission when we retire!  

[The Nehor]

I think a more interesting question/poll would be:

 

"Would you marry someone who was sent home from their mission for non-health related issues?"

 

Probably not, that usually means mental or emotional issues and as much as I might have empathy I don't really want the full-time caregiver for my children to have any such problems that would disqualify them from a mission. Children are rougher then a mission.

[BCSpace]

For The LDS Women: Did you decide as a youth to only marry a returned missionary?

 

For LDS Men: Did the perception that LDS young women would only marry returned missionaries influence your decision to go on a mission?

 

 

 

Perhaps another good question is should the LDS Church foster this sort of mentality?  I say it should.

[Stargazer]

I see someone already commented on the reurning, so I will not.

 

I didn't grow up in the church.  I joined at age 14, the only member of my family to do so.  I was not exposed to the degree of "imprinting", for lack of a better term, that members born into the Church are exposed to.  Because I believed that I was not cut out to be a missionary, from a personality point of view, I had decided by age 18 that I wasn't going to go on a mission.  I didn't worry about marriage prospects because I was living at that time in the "deep mission field", in England, where hardly any natives went on missions.  

 

My patriarchal blessing caused me to change my mind regarding serving a mission, and I am so very glad that it did.  But marriage prospects had nothing to do with it.

[BookofMormonLuvr]

Never gave the marriage question a thought when I decided to go.

[bluebell]

I see someone already commented on the reurning, so I will not.

 

I didn't grow up in the church.  I joined at age 14, the only member of my family to do so.  I was not exposed to the degree of "imprinting", for lack of a better term, that members born into the Church are exposed to.  Because I believed that I was not cut out to be a missionary, from a personality point of view, I had decided by age 18 that I wasn't going to go on a mission.  I didn't worry about marriage prospects because I was living at that time in the "deep mission field", in England, where hardly any natives went on missions.  

 

My patriarchal blessing caused me to change my mind regarding serving a mission, and I am so very glad that it did.  But marriage prospects had nothing to do with it.

 

Sounds like my hubby.

 

He joined the church when he was 16-the only member in his family-and didn't really ever plan to serve a mission.  Eventually though he realized that that's what God wanted him to do so he went when he was 19 with the help of ward members who paid for him to go.

[Tacenda]

Perhaps another good question is should the LDS Church foster this sort of mentality?  I say it should.

I disagree, a lot of people could be missing out on some wonderful relationships/unions, by skipping over them and accepting someone just because they went on the mission.  It's a false sense of security actually, because the missionary could later become disillusioned and leave the church, whereby the non missionary could become an even more faithful member. 

 

They are just labels, IMO.   

[bluebell]

I disagree, a lot of people could be missing out on some wonderful relationships/unions, by skipping over them and accepting someone just because they went on the mission.  It's a false sense of security actually, because the missionary could later become disillusioned and leave the church, whereby the non missionary could become an even more faithful member. 

 

They are just labels, IMO.   

 

I agree Tacenda.

 

Simply being a RM is no guarantee that the young man or young woman is or will continue to be strong in the faith.  Also, there are a lot of young men who don't serve for legitimate reasons, or who turn themselves around and repent of the sins or sinful attitudes which kept them from going (or who finally gain a testimony of the gospel later in life when they can no longer serve) who would be wonderful husbands.

 

However i do believe that there could be certain issues that would keep someone from serving a mission which would also make that person not good marriage material without big changes.

[ERMD]

I think there are a lot more YW in the church who are going to get married than there are YM who are going to be returned missionaries.  If every YW is taught/trained from an early age that she should "settle for no less" than a returned missionary, then there will be not a small number of issues to address.

[thesometimesaint]

I'm a convert. Joined when I was 20. Vietnam was hot and heavy so a LDS Mission was out of the question

[BlueDreams]

I never gave it a second thought when I was a youth. Frankly I think God was happy that I was willing to believe that me getting married could be a good thing. That took some work on His part. I wasn't a big fan of it....I was one of those girls where they YW in a class once sat and the leader talked about how we all often envisioned the day we would get engaged. I stated that frankly I kinda saw us just sitting on the couch one day and he'd turn and be like "I think we should get married" and I would say "sure, sounds good." And I was the type of girl that the leader just nodded and said she could kinda see that for me. Not exactly a romantic or idealist when it came to love/marriage.

 

 

As an adult I would like that since I went on one and really value my missino experience, but it's not the end-all-be-all. I'd rather have a man who was strong in his faith and applied the Gospel to his life as integral to him. Missions aren't always a guarantee of that. 

 

With luv,

BD

Edited April 25, 2014 by BlueDreams

[BCSpace]

I think there are a lot more YW in the church who are going to get married than there are YM who are going to be returned missionaries.  If every YW is taught/trained from an early age that she should "settle for no less" than a returned missionary, then there will be not a small number of issues to address.

 

 

Strategically, it's a good pressure to have on the YM to serve because they should serve and good for the YW to set their standards high.  Sure, there will always be problems when people fail to realize a highly set goal, but if those goals aren't set, then I see the Church in decline and having much less value or power to save.