Marrying A Reurned Missionary

[Calm]

I think it would be better to teach YW to desire a man who is worthy to go on a mission to avoid setting the standard to exclude many good souls who though no fault of their own (converted as an adult for example) were not able to go or those who spiritually matured late but wonderfully.

[seed]

Does this policy mean that young single men that are already started into a profession,  and of good character should avoid becoming members because they will be discriminated against for relationships and marriage ?

 

I was humming and chuckling as I was writing this.

[rpn]

Yes I did plan to marry an RM.  When I got old enough to actually BE marrying, I could plainly see that there were RM's that might make good spouses, and there were RM's that were completely NOT marriage material.   But yes, I would want an explanation of how a young man determined himself to be the exception to a mission, and what was different now if anything about whatever prompted that decision.

 

I'm thinking that RM's that went because they thought no one would marry them if they didn't, are far more likely to be in the not marriage material RM category.

[The Nehor]

I think there are a lot more YW in the church who are going to get married than there are YM who are going to be returned missionaries.  If every YW is taught/trained from an early age that she should "settle for no less" than a returned missionary, then there will be not a small number of issues to address.

Considering there are roughly an equal number of YM not going on missions and YW not growing up to heed the counsel the problem will take care of itself.

[cinepro]

I'm not a single LDS woman, but I would hope that the logical answer is "I hope to marry a returned missionary, but I recognize each situation is different and if he isn't a returned missionary it will be because of the circumstances under which he didn't serve."

 

In other words, I can understand why it would be generally desirable for an LDS woman to marry a returned missionary, but it's also important to acknowledge the exceptions to the rule.

[katherine the great]

I was committed to marrying a returned missionary because of the words of President Kimball.  I also felt that young men who didn't go on a mission should not be allowed to be married in the temple because they disobeyed the prophet.      I think a bit differently now...

[Bikeemikey]

Reurned? Is this a thread about temple sealings for missionaries who are dearly departed and cremated?

Why change their urn?

Surely reurned is better than un-urned?

[thatjimguy]

I feel the whole thing about women being socially influenced not to marry unless a man returns from a mission devalues the entire "being on a mission" thing. If LDS women truly will not consider men that do not go on missions, is it any wonder that men would go?

 

I just dont like the idea that missionaries would spend two years of thier life going out into the world trying to convince people about something they do not really believe in for some social benefit (parents, avoid social scorn...etc) As a convert, I do not like second guessing the motivation of the missionaries.

 

I've known enough returned missionaries that do not life the lifestyle that I asked myself "You spent two years telling people to follow a gospel you have no intention of trying (note the word trying) to follow yourself?"

[Kenngo1969]

Reurned? Is this a thread about temple sealings for missionaries who are dearly departed and cremated?

Why change their urn?

Surely reurned is better than un-urned?

 

You're a day late and a dollar short with the "reurned" joke, there, Bud!

 

... P.P.S.:  How does one reurn from a mission?  Is one cremated upon one's return, whereupon one's ashes are placed into an urn, after which the ashes then are removed from the urn, then replaced in it?   (Sorry; couldn't resist!  Back to your regularly-scheduled, on-topic programming!)

[VideoGameJunkie]

I had to come home after 1 week in the MTC for health reasons. I'm temple endowed and everything, but I don't feel like a RM and that's probably why I'm a single 28 year old.

[Tacenda]

I had to come home after 1 week in the MTC for health reasons. I'm temple endowed and everything, but I don't feel like a RM and that's probably why I'm a single 28 year old.

Nah, maybe you are doing the same thing you think is happening to you, think about it.

[Bikeemikey]

You're a day late and a dollar short with the "reurned" joke, there, Bud!

That will teach me for not reading the preceding posts.

[Sleeper Cell]

I had to come home after 1 week in the MTC for health reasons. I'm temple endowed and everything, but I don't feel like a RM and that's probably why I'm a single 28 year old.

 

Perhaps it has something to do with your screen name.  

 

Seriously, to say that you are not an RM is like saying that a soldier wounded on the first day of deployment is not a veteran.  Your are an RM.  Period.  Thank you for your service.  

[rpn]

 

I had to come home after 1 week in the MTC for health reasons. I'm temple endowed and everything, but I don't feel like a RM and that's probably why I'm a single 28 year old.

 

If you were honorably released, then you served the mission required of you.  Yes, you may have missed out on learning the work ethic that is often solidified during a mission.   And yes, you may have missed out on the way a mission can teach you to listen to the spirit and can teach you to wholehearted serve.   But all of that you can work on yourself if you begin to focus on your progress and leave your regrets behind. 

 

A prospective partner is going to what to know how you've spent your time during those two years you couldn't serve, and from this moment on.   If you don't like who you are, if you don't believe in who you are ---- change what you are doing so you do.

Edited April 27, 2014 by rpn

[Stargazer]

 

Perhaps it has something to do with your screen name.  

 

Seriously, to say that you are not an RM is like saying that a soldier wounded on the first day of deployment is not a veteran.  Your are an RM.  Period.  Thank you for your service.  

 

 

I will endorse Sleeper's statement.  Absolutely correct.

 

In separate cases, two of my ward's young men went on missions, but both returned after three to six months because of health issues.  They are RMs, too.

[Palerider]

I served a mission because I wanted to spread the Gospel of Christ.

 

Having done so, I met just enough missionaries who fell into the "doofus" column to know that the "RM" stamp of approval was no guarantee of "quality".

 

I think men and women should marry individuals of integrity who they feel they can work with, not a label.

[Bikeemikey]

I think men and women should marry individuals of integrity who they feel they can work with, not a label.

But, if they do marry a label I would suggest they go with RM only if Prada and Nike reject them first.

[BCSpace]

It's absolutely imperative that the Church foster a marry an RM/member mindset. For one, RM men typically are the most active/believing/willing/capable to serve men in the Church.

 

In addition, the continued activity/membership and conversion rates for those marrying outside the Church are dismal.  With a 50% activity rate, what happens when the inactive marry the inactive?  In all the above cases, virtually none of the children grow up active or believing and are pruned from the vineyard.

 

There's a reason why the Church meets together oft.  It's the same reason why we must have this type of marriage mindset, and that is to protect each other from stumbling blocks.  A person can have the greatest testimony in the world, but more often than not, if he's alone, he will eventually be ground down.

 

While love is important in a marriage, it is not the reason for marriage.  There is love aplenty without marriage.  What you are doing is selecting a mate who will best be able to co-operate with you in raising a family.  Sounds cynical and mechanical on the surface, but when you think about it, that's how God evolved us.  What the Church does is help us add the spiritual selection to the natural.

Edited April 28, 2014 by BCSpace

[Tacenda]

BCSpace, I get what you're saying, and actually agree that the church has that in mind.

For an aside, the recent statistic that the added force of missionaries since the lowered age requirement, has only netted a 4% increase in baptisms, doesn't really matter because now we have several thousand more missionaries that will likely be cemented or graphted, into the church.

But have to say, that we're not the only religion that believes in families, even large ones. Which has sure taken a turn, we are having fewer children now. Most likely because leaders have backed away from urging couples to have as many as they can, as long as it doesn't hurt the mother's health.

[Duncan]

BCSpace, I get what you're saying, and actually agree that the church has that in mind.

For an aside, the recent statistic that the added force of missionaries since the lowered age requirement, has only netted a 4% increase in baptisms, doesn't really matter because now we have several thousand more missionaries that will likely be cemented or graphted, into the church.

But have to say, that we're not the only religion that believes in families, even large ones. Which has sure taken a turn, we are having fewer children now. Most likely because leaders have backed away from urging couples to have as many as they can, as long as it doesn't hurt the mother's health.

 

 

well, I wonder if you serve a mission now and baptize no one, feel like a gigantic failure and I wonder if you'll be active when you go home. We have an elder here who's been out 18 months, a bit of a drip, but decent and he hasn't baptized anyone. In our ward we've had 6 missionaries go home early since July, a sister is going home this week, and I just feel for them. The first elder  that went home left his garments here (in his apartment that is) and he isn't active, which is too bad.

[ERMD]

 For one, RM men typically are the most active/believing/willing/capable to serve men in the Church.

 

 

It's about 50/50 where I live.  In our ward, some of the least reliable are RMs, and some of the most reliable are not, and the converse is true as well.   My two counselors are RMs, my Exec Sec and Ward Clerk are not.  The EQP is, the HPGL is not.   There are a few brethren for whom we regularly beat our heads against the wall trying to find a calling in which they will serve.  They are RMs and married.  They come to church, but beyond that will do basically nothing.  Their wives carry the load, and they seem more than happy to let them do it.

 

I am certainly not "anti-missionary".  Every Priests' quorum meeting, we are stressing the importance of preparing for and serving a mission, and fulfilling that obligation 100%.   I see my mission service as the taking off point for the rest of my life.  Mission service is however,  far from a guarantee (or I'm not even sure that it improves the odds) of a successful temple marriage.  I wonder if there are stats somewhere for that?

 

Interestingly, I remember being told by a CES Coordinator (biased I'm sure, and I don't know his source) that the greatest predictor for being married in the temple is being a 4-year Seminary graduate.

 

 

ETA:  I obviously messed up using the quote thingy.

Edited April 28, 2014 by ERMD

[Tacenda]

well, I wonder if you serve a mission now and baptize no one, feel like a gigantic failure and I wonder if you'll be active when you go home. We have an elder here who's been out 18 months, a bit of a drip, but decent and he hasn't baptized anyone. In our ward we've had 6 missionaries go home early since July, a sister is going home this week, and I just feel for them. The first elder  that went home left his garments here (in his apartment that is) and he isn't active, which is too bad.

Well, that's a true fact.  Many go home and later are inactive, I don't know if it's because they felt like failures, not that that is what you're saying.  I see it happening all the time.  But hey think, what are the percentages?  I'll bet we don't have those yet or we do.  But it's still significant, the numbers going out.  It's the "in" thing right now, to go on missions, atleast in my world.  I can't think of one missionary that came home early in the last several years in my ward, I just hear/read it happening elsewhere.  I think it's as traumatic to come home early as it is to stay when you don't want to, or more so. 

 

Duncan, sorry you're still having problems with the missionaries.  Is there an environmental issue?  Are the missionaries coming from totally different climates?  Lame I'm blaming it on the climate, huh?  Is it the early age that is the problem?  Darn, wish I had some advice.  But of course I'm not the best source.    

[ERMD]

We have had 3 missionaries come home early in the past 3 years.  1 for health reasons, the other 2 were sent home for unresolved/continuing issues.

[Kenngo1969]

I served a mission because I wanted to spread the Gospel of Christ.

 

Having done so, I met just enough missionaries who fell into the "doofus" column to know that the "RM" stamp of approval was no guarantee of "quality".

 

I think men and women should marry individuals of integrity who they feel they can work with, not a label.

True enough.  Thank God we're not the same people we were between the ages of 19-21.

[Kenngo1969]

We have had 3 missionaries come home early in the past 3 years.  1 for health reasons, the other 2 were sent home for unresolved/continuing issues.

While one wishes that missionaries would completely resolve issues before being sent out into the field, in the case of the latter, thank God for the Atonement.