jkwilliams Posted May 12, 2022 Posted May 12, 2022 3 minutes ago, JLHPROF said: Go right ahead. I have no doubt that there are evil spirits, Christ certainly said there were. That's not just LDS, but basic Christianity. "The very day we entered that house it was filled with evil spirits, who sought to destroy us. We felt their power day after day. They did not particularly injure us at that time, but we knew they were with us. The incident that I am going to refer to now occurred after Brother Kimball had returned to Manchester. Brother George A. Smith and myself were left there. We sat up one night till about 11 o'clock, talking about the Gospel of Christ, and then went to bed. The room in which we slept was small; there was about three and a half feet between our cots. Those spirits were gathered together in that room and sought to destroy us. They fell upon us with the determination to take our lives. The distress, the suffering and the horror that rested upon me I never experienced neither before nor since. While in this condition a spirit said to me, "Pray to the Lord." Well, a man in that kind of warfare, when he is choking almost to death, is in a peculiar position to pray. Nevertheless I went to praying with all the power I had. I knew we would die unless God opened some door for our deliverance, because we were being choked to death, and I prayed the Lord, in the name of Jesus Christ, to preserve our lives. While I was praying, the door opened and three messengers entered, and the room was filled with light equal to the blazing light of the sun at mid-day. Those messengers were all dressed in the robes of immortal beings. Who they were I know not. They laid hands upon me and my companion, and rebuked those evil powers, and we were saved. From that hour to this day, not only our lives were saved, but those powers were rebuked by the angels of God so that no Elder since has been tormented with them in London." Collected Discourses, Vol.5, Wilford Woodruff, October 5, 1896 "I had been sleeping on the back of the bed. I immediately arose, slipped off at the foot of the bed, and passed around to where he [Elder Russell] was. Elder Hyde threw his feet out, and sat up in the bed, and we laid hands on him, I being mouth, and prayed that the Lord would have mercy on him, and rebuke the devil. While thus engaged, I was struck with great force by some invisible power, and fell senseless on the floor. The first thing I recollected was being supported by Elders Hyde and Richards who were praying for me, Elder Richards having followed Russell up to my room. Elders Hyde and Richards then assisted me to get on the bed, but my agony was so great I could not endure it, and I arose, bowed my knees and prayed. "I then arose and sat up on the bed, when a vision was opened to our minds, and we could distinctly see the evil spirits, who foamed and gnashed their teeth at us. We gazed upon them about an hour and a half (by Willard's watch). We were not looking towards the window, but towards the wall. Space appeared before us, and we saw the devils coming in legions, with their leaders, who came within a few feet of us. They came towards us like armies rushing to battle. They appeared to be men of full stature, possessing every form and feature of men in the flesh, who were angry and desperate; and I shall never forget the vindictive malignity depicted on their countenances as they looked me in the eye; and any attempt to paint the scene which then presented itself or portray their malice and enmity, would be vain. I perspired exceedingly, my clothes becoming as wet as if I had been taken out of the river. I felt excessive pain, and was in the greatest distress for some time. I cannot even look back on the scene without feelings of horror; yet by it I learned the power of the adversary, his enmity against the servants of God, and got some understanding of the invisible world. We distinctly heard these spirits talk and express their wrath and hellish designs against us. However, the Lord delivered us from them, and blessed us exceedingly that day." Life of Heber C. Kimball," pp. 131-132. Night terrors do tend to happen at night, especially in the transition between being awake and asleep.
The Nehor Posted May 12, 2022 Posted May 12, 2022 6 minutes ago, JLHPROF said: Go right ahead. I have no doubt that there are evil spirits, Christ certainly said there were. That's not just LDS, but basic Christianity. "The very day we entered that house it was filled with evil spirits, who sought to destroy us. We felt their power day after day. They did not particularly injure us at that time, but we knew they were with us. The incident that I am going to refer to now occurred after Brother Kimball had returned to Manchester. Brother George A. Smith and myself were left there. We sat up one night till about 11 o'clock, talking about the Gospel of Christ, and then went to bed. The room in which we slept was small; there was about three and a half feet between our cots. Those spirits were gathered together in that room and sought to destroy us. They fell upon us with the determination to take our lives. The distress, the suffering and the horror that rested upon me I never experienced neither before nor since. While in this condition a spirit said to me, "Pray to the Lord." Well, a man in that kind of warfare, when he is choking almost to death, is in a peculiar position to pray. Nevertheless I went to praying with all the power I had. I knew we would die unless God opened some door for our deliverance, because we were being choked to death, and I prayed the Lord, in the name of Jesus Christ, to preserve our lives. While I was praying, the door opened and three messengers entered, and the room was filled with light equal to the blazing light of the sun at mid-day. Those messengers were all dressed in the robes of immortal beings. Who they were I know not. They laid hands upon me and my companion, and rebuked those evil powers, and we were saved. From that hour to this day, not only our lives were saved, but those powers were rebuked by the angels of God so that no Elder since has been tormented with them in London." Collected Discourses, Vol.5, Wilford Woodruff, October 5, 1896 "I had been sleeping on the back of the bed. I immediately arose, slipped off at the foot of the bed, and passed around to where he [Elder Russell] was. Elder Hyde threw his feet out, and sat up in the bed, and we laid hands on him, I being mouth, and prayed that the Lord would have mercy on him, and rebuke the devil. While thus engaged, I was struck with great force by some invisible power, and fell senseless on the floor. The first thing I recollected was being supported by Elders Hyde and Richards who were praying for me, Elder Richards having followed Russell up to my room. Elders Hyde and Richards then assisted me to get on the bed, but my agony was so great I could not endure it, and I arose, bowed my knees and prayed. "I then arose and sat up on the bed, when a vision was opened to our minds, and we could distinctly see the evil spirits, who foamed and gnashed their teeth at us. We gazed upon them about an hour and a half (by Willard's watch). We were not looking towards the window, but towards the wall. Space appeared before us, and we saw the devils coming in legions, with their leaders, who came within a few feet of us. They came towards us like armies rushing to battle. They appeared to be men of full stature, possessing every form and feature of men in the flesh, who were angry and desperate; and I shall never forget the vindictive malignity depicted on their countenances as they looked me in the eye; and any attempt to paint the scene which then presented itself or portray their malice and enmity, would be vain. I perspired exceedingly, my clothes becoming as wet as if I had been taken out of the river. I felt excessive pain, and was in the greatest distress for some time. I cannot even look back on the scene without feelings of horror; yet by it I learned the power of the adversary, his enmity against the servants of God, and got some understanding of the invisible world. We distinctly heard these spirits talk and express their wrath and hellish designs against us. However, the Lord delivered us from them, and blessed us exceedingly that day." Life of Heber C. Kimball," pp. 131-132. Part of our annual Mission tour was to go see the building where this vision occurred. When I was there it was a solicitor’s office (lawyer). *Insert favorite lawyer joke here* 1
The Nehor Posted May 12, 2022 Posted May 12, 2022 7 hours ago, jkwilliams said: How does one diagnose a spiritual illness? It’s like attributing night terrors to demonic possession. It puts a label on something but is useless as a means of actually helping the person. I’ve only done an exorcism twice unless you count a sort of self-exorcism. One I did with a friend to humor someone I am convinced was very deluded (she interrupted the blessing to tell us we hadn’t ‘cast out the demons’ yet). The other I am pretty sure was real. The best description of the feeling I have come up with is “intense second-hand fear and hate”. I wasn’t afraid but I could feel something else’s fear. I don’t know. Just weird. 2
jkwilliams Posted May 12, 2022 Posted May 12, 2022 Just now, The Nehor said: I’ve only done an exorcism twice unless you count a sort of self-exorcism. One I did with a friend to humor someone I am convinced was very deluded (she interrupted the blessing to tell us we hadn’t ‘cast out the demons’ yet). The other I am pretty sure was real. The best description of the feeling I have come up with is “intense second-hand fear and hate”. I wasn’t afraid but I could feel something else’s fear. I don’t know. Just weird. My companion and I cast a devil out of a house once on my mission. I don’t know how real it was, but the family said it helped.
JLHPROF Posted May 12, 2022 Posted May 12, 2022 6 minutes ago, The Nehor said: Part of our annual Mission tour was to go see the building where this vision occurred. When I was there it was a solicitor’s office (lawyer). *Insert favorite lawyer joke here* I joked with my wife once about a house for sale we knew had a troubled family past. I said we'd have to dedicate it at least three times if we bought it. The existence of good and evil spirits are absolutely part of our religion. 1
Calm Posted May 12, 2022 Posted May 12, 2022 3 hours ago, Kenngo1969 said: Don't we all? I’ve known a few who have total distrust of doctors and would only see them in extreme or ‘mechanical’ injuries, such as a broken leg because there is no other option and others who are only positive, but mildly. They’ve needed doctors for easy pregnancies or maybe a broken limb or removing a bit of skin cancer from too much sun in their youth and easy diagnosis and treatment means doctors are a comfortable, but forgettable part of their lives. Generally speaking, my experience has been if someone has or had significant health issues, they have typically been misdiagnosed or neglected or medication was not followed through on to see if worked or there was something better, leading to bigger issues at least to some extent….so speaking generally for those who truly need doctors, yeah, we all have a sorta like/hate relationship. Monday I see a pain clinic doctor for the first time. My daughter has been going there for about 6 months. No major breakthrough yet, but they keep working at it and it is a team approach and all three of her specialists are great with her. Given her hope and she is trying to do more. So maybe there is a chance my attitude with shift a little more positive in the near future. Send positive thoughts my way Monday afternoon. 2
Amulek Posted May 12, 2022 Posted May 12, 2022 1 hour ago, The Nehor said: *Insert favorite lawyer joke here* Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline? A: You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
Kenngo1969 Posted May 12, 2022 Posted May 12, 2022 2 hours ago, The Nehor said: Part of our annual Mission tour was to go see the building where this vision occurred. When I was there it was a solicitor’s office (lawyer). *Insert favorite lawyer joke here* How do you tell the difference between a dead dog and a dead lawyer in the middle of the road? There are skid marks in front of the dog. 1
smac97 Posted May 12, 2022 Author Posted May 12, 2022 1 hour ago, Amulek said: Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline? A: You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline. Q. What do you call 1,000 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A. "A good start." --- Q. What is the difference between "lawyer" roadkill and regular roadkill? A. There are usually skidmarks in front of the regular roadkill. Thanks, -Smac 3
Kenngo1969 Posted May 13, 2022 Posted May 13, 2022 I've told this one before here, but, what the heck? An engineer dies and goes to the Pearly Gates. Saint Peter, being the conscientious steward that he is, checks his clipboard to make sure the engineer's name is on it before admitting him into Heaven, but ... What's that, you say? The engineer's name isn't on the list? How can that be? Well, Saint Peter is sure that this must be a mistake, so he double checks. Alas, no engineer. He can't believe it. He triple checks. Nope. The engineer's name isn't on his list. Apologetically, Saint Peter explains to the engineer that as much as he would like to admit him into Heaven, well, rules are rules ... If they're not on the list, they don't get in. And Saint Peter certainly doesn't want to incur the wrath of The Big Guy.* Amazingly, the engineer is rather philosophical about the whole thing: He says he spent a lifetime working with the laws of physics, and he understands all about rules being rules. So, the engineer goes to the other place. The engineer looks around and takes keen note of the substandard conditions in hell. And, as good engineers are wont to do, immediately, the engineer starts plotting how he's going to improve these substandard conditions. Before you know it, hell has flush toilets, elevators, escalators ... even air conditioning! Every once in awhile, God likes to call Satan, if for no other reason than to gloat about how much better things are in Heaven than they are in hell. "So, Satan," God sneers, "how are things in hell these days?" "Actually," Satan answers, "things are looking up down here, God." "Oh, they are, are they?" says God, surprised. "Why is that?" "Yeah," Satan says, "ever since the engineer got here, they've been looking better and better all the time. Why, we've got elevators, escalators, flush toilets, and even air conditioning." "Oh, you've got an engineer down there, do you, Satan? Well, that's got to be a mistake. You're going to have to send him back to us." Satan is incredulous. "Send him back? Are you kidding? If I do that, I'll have a real mutiny on my hands. Nope. Sorry, God. No can do." "Oh, come on, Satan. I'm serious. No fooling around. You're going to have to send him back to us right now." Satan realizes he's got God right where he wants him now, as he has reduced the Lord of the Universe to begging. "Oh, yeah," Satan says. "What're ya gonna do to me if I don't?" "Oh, if you don't send him back, I'm afraid I'm just going to have to sue you." "Oh, yeah?" Satan asks, even more defiant. Then, with a derisive snort, he asks, "Where're ya gonna find a good lawyer!" _________________________ *And no, The Big Guy isn't Joe Biden. * * * A lady I work with at one of the organizations where I volunteer (Thank God for volunteer work! If it weren't for that, I'd be completely useless! ) is an attorney, and her husband is an engineer. That joke was a real hit in their family. 1
Amulek Posted May 13, 2022 Posted May 13, 2022 14 hours ago, smac97 said: Q. What do you call 1,000 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A. "A good start." A group of terrorists burst into the conference room at the hotel where the ABA was holding its annual convention, and hundreds of lawyers were taken as hostages. The terrorist leader announced that unless their demands were met, they would begin releasing one lawyer every hour. 3
Amulek Posted May 13, 2022 Posted May 13, 2022 7 hours ago, sunstoned said: What did the lawyer name his daughter? Sue. The word "oxymoron" is from a combination of Greek words for "sharp" and "dull," and it is used to describe a phrase that has an internal conflict or contradiction, such as "military intelligence" or "postal service." The legal profession has its share of the usual two-word oxymorons, such as "legal ethics" and "Justice Rehnquist," but is unique in also providing us with the only one-word oxymoron: brief. 2
Amulek Posted May 13, 2022 Posted May 13, 2022 8 hours ago, Kenngo1969 said: I've told this one before here, but, what the heck? That's a good one. I think you'll like this as well: A New Orleans lawyer sought an FHA loan for a client. He was told the loan would be granted if he could prove satisfactory title to a parcel of property being offered as collateral. The title to the property dated back to 1803, which took the lawyer three months to track down. After sending the information to the FHA, he received the following reply: Upon review of your letter adjoining your client's loan application, we note that the request is supported by an Abstract of Title. While we compliment the able manner in which you have prepared and presented the application, we must point out that you have only cleared title to the proposed collateral back to 1803. Before final approval can be accorded, it will be necessary to clear the title back to its origin. The lawyer responded as follows: Your letter regarding title in Case No. 146279 has been received. I note that you wish to have title extended further than the 194 years covered by the present application. I was unaware that any educated person in this country, particularly those working with real property titles, would not know that Louisiana was purchased by the United States from France in 1803, the year of origin identified in our Abstract of Title. For your edification, I should explain that title to the land in question was acquired by the United States by purchase from France, which had acquired it by right of conquest from Spain. Title to the land had come to Spain by right of discovery made in the year 1492 by a sea captain named Christopher Columbus, who had been granted the privilege of seeking a new route to India by the then reigning monarch of Spain, Queen Isabella. The good queen, being a pious woman and careful about titles, had taken the precaution of securing the blessing of the Pope before she sold her jewels to fund Columbus' expedition. The Pope is the emissary of Jesus Christ, the Son of God. And God created Louisiana. Now, may we have our dang loan? 3
Popular Post MiserereNobis Posted May 13, 2022 Popular Post Posted May 13, 2022 21 hours ago, ttribe said: Will one of these spirits turn me into a newt? Don't worry, you'll get better. 5
Tacenda Posted May 17, 2022 Posted May 17, 2022 Very touching watching David Archuletta, I was a fan when he sang on American Idol. He mentions coming out at 30 and how for years he tried to pray the LGBTQ away. And his singing at the end was poetical.
Hamba Tuhan Posted May 17, 2022 Posted May 17, 2022 (edited) 26 minutes ago, Tacenda said: He mentions coming out at 30 and how for years he tried to pray the LGBTQ away. Paul on the same broad subject: Quote 7 And lest I should be exalted above measure through the abundance of the revelations, there was given to me a thorn in the flesh, the messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I should be exalted above measure. 8 For this thing I besought the Lord thrice, that it might depart from me. 9 And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. I don't know a single member not in such a situation, including myself. It is the essence of genuine discipleship. Edited May 17, 2022 by Hamba Tuhan 3
Bernard Gui Posted May 17, 2022 Posted May 17, 2022 A man walked into a pawn shop. A stuffed rat in a wooden box attracted his attention so he asked the proprietor, “How much for the stuffed rat?” “Five dollars, but if you buy it you can’t return it,” replied the clerk. “OK. I’ll take it,” said the man. As he walked out of the shop with his prize, he noticed a rat outside in the gutter. The rat started to follow him. As he walked down the sidewalk more rats came out of alleys and sewer grates. He began to run. Soon hundreds of rats were following him. At last he came to a bridge whereupon he threw the stuffed rat into the river. All the rats jumped into the river and were drowned. The man went back to the pawn shop. “About that stuffed rat…,” he began, but the clerk interrupted. “ I told you that you couldn’t return it.” “Oh you misunderstand,” he said. “Do you have any stuffed lawyers?” 3
The Nehor Posted May 19, 2022 Posted May 19, 2022 On 5/16/2022 at 9:58 PM, Hamba Tuhan said: Paul on the same broad subject: I don't know a single member not in such a situation, including myself. It is the essence of genuine discipleship. The urge to gamble is just like being gay. You just learn through diligent discipleship to tell your brain “no” when the urge hits and go home to your wife and children and bask in the blessings of the gospel and your eternal family. 3
Hamba Tuhan Posted May 19, 2022 Posted May 19, 2022 1 hour ago, The Nehor said: ... go home to your wife and children and bask in the blessings of the gospel and your eternal family. An option not available to the majority of adult Church members globally, including you and me. I wonder how we do it ... 1
The Nehor Posted May 19, 2022 Posted May 19, 2022 1 hour ago, Hamba Tuhan said: An option not available to the majority of adult Church members globally, including you and me. I wonder how we do it ... In my case very poorly. 1
Popular Post Hamba Tuhan Posted May 19, 2022 Popular Post Posted May 19, 2022 (edited) 50 minutes ago, The Nehor said: In my case very poorly. Same! As one of my undergraduate lecturers repeatedly said, true civilisation is what survives when external supports (like culture, tradition, and prosperity) break down. Similarly, genuine discipleship is found and developed whenever taking up one's cross is not a natural or comfortable fit. Personally, I'm just grateful for the protection of covenants and, in light of all my violations of covenants, repentance! Like the debtor in Luke 7:42, I have been blessed by the Lord with abundant opportunities to love Him more and more. Edited May 19, 2022 by Hamba Tuhan 6
The Nehor Posted May 19, 2022 Posted May 19, 2022 1 hour ago, Hamba Tuhan said: Same! As one of my undergraduate lecturers repeatedly said, true civilisation is what survives when external supports (like culture, tradition, and prosperity) break down. Similarly, genuine discipleship is found and developed whenever taking up one's cross is not a natural or comfortable fit. Personally, I'm just grateful for the protection of covenants and, in light of all my violations of covenants, repentance! Like the debtor in Luke 7:42, I have been blessed by the Lord with abundant opportunities to love Him more and more. Then I was never civilized.
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