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About jkwilliams

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  • Birthday November 9

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  1. I was just confused as to the point of it. I appreciate Juliann clarifying.
  2. So, it's the latter. Fair enough. I remember when I was working at the Church Office Building, and the Gerry Pond business became public. I had worked with him several times, but I honestly didn't know him well enough to have an opinion about him (other than he was kind of unpleasant to me personally). Anyway, the stuff I've read in the last week or so reminds me of a lot of conversations I heard at work about Gerry Pond. The difference, I suppose, is that those conversations were not in public. We're all hypocrites who tend to be more critical of our "enemies" than of our friends. I
  3. I'm still no clearer on the point of this thread. Is it just to say that we shouldn't publicly air out our struggles to make sense of a situation like this (which I would agree with), or is the thread meant to say something more broadly about exmormon critics?
  4. I'm just saying people react differently when it's someone they know and love. It's human nature to have a "double standard" when it comes to dealing with loved ones and strangers. When a public figure dies, we don't feel the same way we do when our sibling or parent or friend dies. Is that hypocritical? After all, someone loved Eddie Van Halen, too. Oddly enough, my active LDS friends who knew and loved Tom are having the same trouble making sense of things. I suppose they are hypocrites as well.
  5. Personally, if I were still writing, I'd hold off on opining until I'd cleared my head (still haven't done that, really). It just seems weird to find hypocrisy in the way people deal with such information about a friend as opposed to how they react to a random church leader they don't know or love.
  6. People are grieving and trying to make sense of learning that the person they thought they knew doesn't exist. I suspect the Vegas shooter's family felt the same way some of these folks do, whereas those of us who didn't know or love him would find it difficult to say something loving about him. A lot of my wife's extended family has suffered from childhood sexual abuse. It used to really bother me that they would say they loved their dad or uncles despite what they had done. It took me a long time to understand that they loved and hated their abusers at the same time. The idea that you learn
  7. Then perhaps you should have been clearer in the headline.
  8. You said you were talking about the post-Mormon community. If you meant “critics,” that’s different.
  9. The funny thing to me is that people think we ex-Mormons form some kind of coherent, identifiable community. We don’t. I do have ex-Mormon friends, as well as LDS friends, but the church is so insignificant in my life that it’s not really what connects me to those friends. Oddly enough, when I said here not too long ago that I just didn’t think much about Mormonism anymore, a few people got offended, saying I was trivializing their beliefs. The only community I feel part of in this rather horrific event is the group of people who thought they were Tom’s friends but didn’t really know him
  10. I understand that people posit a connection with LDS guilt and shame with sexual deviance, as Ms. Park noted. I agree with you that it’s certainly something worth exploring, but I don’t agree with palming off what Tom did as a direct product of his Mormon upbringing. Of course, I haven’t seen anyone making that connection, so I was just responding to Juliann’s saying that’s what she heard. I do think it’s bad form to use this horrible event to score points against exmos.
  11. I have a really hard time connecting pedophilia with an LDS upbringing. It’s nonsense. My father-in-law joined the church in his twenties and had only a passing relationship with Mormonism through his life. His being a serial child molester over decades had nothing to do with the church, just as I’m sure Tom’s predations cannot be laid at the church’s feet. As for the “exmo” reaction, I don’t think a blanket condemnation is justified or fair. Pretty much everyone I know is still processing this, some better than others. It’s too soon to be using this event to beat up the exmos.
  12. I was shocked by the revelation that Tom was a sexual predator. Yes, I considered him a friend, but what I realize now is that I did not know Tom Kimball. I knew a facade, a fantasy that he projected. The real Tom was a predator and master manipulator, not the charming and knowledgeable person I knew. I don’t apologize for not having guessed who he really was. I’m just sad to learn that the Tom I thought I knew never existed.
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