Exaggeration & Honesty

[Thinking]

This happened at a wedding I attended recently.

During the dinner the DJ was playing background music (Frank Sinatra, Harry Connick Jr., Michael Buble...). My wife's grandmother thought the music was too loud and sent her daughter to ask the DJ to turn the volume down. Her daughter told the DJ that a lot of people were complaining about how loud the music was and asked him to turn it down.

Does the daughter's exaggeration about the number of people who were complaining rise to the level of dishonesty?

What do you think about exaggeration as it relates to honesty?

Edited August 13, 2018 by Thinking

[JAHS]

Any amount of exageration employs some degree of dishonesty. 

[smac97]

24 minutes ago, Thinking said:

This happened at a wedding I attended recently.

During the dinner the DJ was playing background music (Frank Sinatra, Harry Connick Jr., Michael Buble...). My wife's grandmother thought the music was too loud and sent her daughter to ask the DJ to turn the volume down. Her daughter told the DJ that a lot of people were complaining about how loud the music was and asked him to turn it down.

Does the daughter's exaggeration about the number of people who were complaining rise to the level of dishonesty?

What do you think about exaggeration as it relates to honesty?

To exaggerate:

Quote

ex·ag·ger·ate

iɡˈzajəˌrāt/

verb

 

1. represent (something) as being larger, greater, better, or worse than it really is.

   "they were apt to exaggerate any aches and pains"

   synonyms:

   overstate, overemphasize, overestimate, magnify, amplify, aggrandize, inflate;  embellish, embroider, elaborate, overplay, dramatize;  hyperbolize, stretch the truth;  informallay it on thick, make a mountain out of a molehill, blow out of all proportion, blow up, make a big thing of "the conflict was exaggerated by the media" overstated, inflated, magnified, amplified, aggrandized, excessive; hyperbolic, elaborate, overdone, overplayed, overblown, over-dramatized, melodramatic, sensational; informalover the top "an exaggerated account of my exploits"

Synonyms (emphases added):

Quote

Synonyms for exaggerate

verb overstate, embellish

• amplify
• distort
• emphasize
• fabricate
• falsify
• heighten
• inflate
• magnify
• misrepresent
• overdo
• overdraw
• overemphasize
• overestimate
• boast
• boost
• brag
• caricature
• color
• corrupt
• embroider
• enlarge
• exalt
• expand
• fudge
• hike
• hyperbolize
• intensify
• lie
• misquote
• pad
• puff
• pyramid
• romance
• romanticize
• scam
• stretch
• up
• blow out of proportion
• build up
• cook up
• go to extremes
• lay it on thick
• loud talk
• make too much of
• misreport
• pretty up
• put on

Thanks,

-Smac

[Storm Rider]

I see a lot of different shades here. Obviously, an individual that exaggerates is doing so to get some degree of benefit, but not necessarily to cause harm or loss to another. If there is no harm then, imo, there is no foul. 

It is important to teach our children that exaggeration is a distortion of truth and that we should be very careful when we use it. It is not acceptable to exaggerate to aggrandize oneself - this may become an addictive behavior for some people. It feeds into pride, ego, and selfishness. 

Too often we exaggerate when it is not necessary. In this situation, I suspect the young girl exaggerated because she felt she could more easily achieve the objectives of her grandmother by doing so. However, she may have achieved the same ends by saying, "The music is very loud; would it be possible to turn it down a little?"  Who knows? 

We need to teach our children to be aware of their motivations for taking actions.  If we are successful then we will assist them in being more confident, successful individuals. 

[Robert F. Smith]

38 minutes ago, Thinking said:

...............................

What do you think about exaggeration as it relates to honesty?

Sounds normal to me.  Writers often use hyperbole (exaggeration for effect) and other modes of expression to make a point.  There is always a bit of dishonesty in that, including outright white lies.  Children learn how to do it early on.  Pathological liars do it too often, but know that they can get away with it.  In fact, the bigger the lie, the more likely it will be believed.

[Glenn101]

I am waiting for the other shoe to drop.

 

[Josh516]

An interesting point to me is God telling Abraham to lie about his wife and tell people she was his sister. I think the lesser of two evils comes into play quite frequently when it comes to lying. And honestly, exaggeration is usually done subconsciously and not deliberately. I find it hard to call someone dishonest when it comes to that... I'd prefer just "exaggerator," or "crazy" lol

[Thinking]

28 minutes ago, Storm Rider said:

I suspect the young girl exaggerated because she felt she could more easily achieve the objectives of her grandmother by doing so.

My wife's aunt will be very flattered that you called her young.

[Thinking]

11 minutes ago, Glenn101 said:

I am waiting for the other shoe to drop.

?

[JLHPROF]

8 minutes ago, Josh516 said:

An interesting point to me is God telling Abraham to lie about his wife and tell people she was his sister. I think the lesser of two evils comes into play quite frequently when it comes to lying. And honestly, exaggeration is usually done subconsciously and not deliberately. I find it hard to call someone dishonest when it comes to that... I'd prefer just "exaggerator," or "crazy" lol

Abraham actually didn't completely lie.  She was a close relative.  So only an exaggeration.

Which makes those like me who are prone to hyperbole feel a bit better...

[Josh516]

Lol ok maybe I'm not remembering the story properly

[Judd]

56 minutes ago, Thinking said:

My wife's aunt will be very flattered that you called her young.

So you’re actually going to report back to her your results after consulting an online forum or is this implication... a lie?

Edited August 13, 2018 by Judd

[Calm]

I don't have a problem with exaggeration for expressing feelings, anyone who does should avoid teaching kids who live by hyperbole.  Exaggerating to manipulate people, I am not good on that except in extreme, important situations.  I am using at times exaggeration to persuade my mother who has dementia and responds more by gut than brain these days.  Strong emotional appeals work better with her than laying out the facts since she can recognize them, but not really absorb ideas...but great with feelings.

[The Nehor]

Well, that is the craziest thing I have ever read.

 

yep....it is a lie.

[Thinking]

1 hour ago, Judd said:

So you’re actually going to report back to her your results after consulting an online forum or is this implication... a lie?

I should have written would instead of will.

[Meerkat]

4 hours ago, Josh516 said:

And honestly, exaggeration is usually done subconsciously and not deliberately. I find it hard to call someone dishonest when it comes to that... I'd prefer just "exaggerator," or "crazy" lol

This is probably true.  Still, it's one of those things that ought to be weeded out, if possible.  It falls into the category of "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all."  Reason being, we nearly always regret it.  "If you can't say something honest," etc. falls even more into that category. If not minimized, or eliminated, it can affect our character, influence and spirituality, imo.  Some people make a living with hyperbole.  An acquaintence sells pest control in our area by affecting a Southern accent and exaggerating the strength of his product.  It makes a difference in my opinion of him.  I don't feel like I can trust him.  I hope my exaggerations are few.  But if subconscious, I hope to become more aware and exercise restraint.

[SouthernMo]

One of my least-favorite words I sometimes hear is "over-exaggerate."  While thankfully not yet in any dictionary I know of, the idea that the term exists in some lexicons indicates that we have come to terms with a 'normal' level of exaggeration, but do not accept 'over-exaggeration.'

I tend to lean towards the camp that believes that any exaggeration or hyperbole is not helpful.  In the short-term, the tactic can produce some results, but it's frequent use diminishes the credibility of the exaggerator.

I want to be someone who says what they mean, and means what they say.

[Josh516]

Agreed... I almost want to say it's akin to light mindedness and levity.

[CA Steve]

Maybe your grandmother and her daughter were frustrated by an exhausting drive to the wedding. Perhaps they took a wrong turn down a street that looked right because it had multiple new stake houses on it. They might have run into a motorcycle gang who turned out to be long lost relatives and Mormons to boot and were able to give them directions to the right place. All and all they were probably worn out from such a trip and the loud music was too much. That type of experience would certainly justify a slight exaggeration to get the music turned down, wouldn't it?

 

 

[clarkgoble]

12 hours ago, Thinking said:

Does the daughter's exaggeration about the number of people who were complaining rise to the level of dishonesty?

What do you think about exaggeration as it relates to honesty?

Speaking purely linguistically this is really a cultural norm related to speaking. Some regions have higher levels of hyperbole than others. So, for instance, in the near east you tend to have very high levels of hyperbole. In more Germaic regions you have very low levels of hyperbole. This then causes problems when the two cultures interact because the norms and expectations are so different. (How back in the Iraq War, Saddam's "Mother of All Battles" gets interpreted really fits into this issue)

Even in our culture though, while normative having more in common with German culture in this sense, still has a fair bit of variation. In my own family this caused issue. My father, a physics professor, was very careful and precise in how he spoke. To the point he was careful to distinguish what was well established from what was probable. The focus was on accurate descriptions. My mother on the other hand came from a tradition with more hyperbole where the focus was on language as conveying feelings not physical descriptions. Needless to say hilarity often ensued in communication between the two (or miscommunication). Driving directions in particular were always interesting to watch.

I raise this since we're seeing this politically right now. Trump is a very high hyperbole speaker who also tends to emphasize the emotional over the accurate and descriptive. He also blatantly lies, so I'm not excusing that part. However if you just listen to his regular speech you can see part of the issue is that level of hyperbole to convey emotion and feeling.

So the question becomes, is someone with a higher hyperbole level who emphasizes feeling and emotion over accurate description lying? I think we have to be careful assuming that.

[CV75]

12 hours ago, Thinking said:

This happened at a wedding I attended recently.

During the dinner the DJ was playing background music (Frank Sinatra, Harry Connick Jr., Michael Buble...). My wife's grandmother thought the music was too loud and sent her daughter to ask the DJ to turn the volume down. Her daughter told the DJ that a lot of people were complaining about how loud the music was and asked him to turn it down.

Does the daughter's exaggeration about the number of people who were complaining rise to the level of dishonesty?

What do you think about exaggeration as it relates to honesty?

We don't have all the facts and cannot say whether the daughter was exaggerating in the first place. But if only one person complained to her, and spoke only for herself, and she said a lot complained, then yes that would be an exaggeration and dishonest in my opinion. If she interpreted the one person's statement as representation or passing along what a lot of others perceived as well, it that would not be an exaggeration or dishonest.  If she heard the same complaint from others and that was the last straw, then that would not be an exaggeration or dishonest. If the message got garbled along the way (the telephone game), or she assumed or sincerely believed others were complaining as well (for whatever reasons) she may have simply misspoken from a factual or intentional standpoint, which may (or may not) result in an exaggeration of content but is not dishonest in nature.

Edited August 13, 2018 by CV75

[Jeanne]

I lost out on a job years ago because of something kinda like this.  I was asked if I considered myself an honest person...I replied I am honest up and unto point of hurting someone's feelings.  Ugh..

[clarkgoble]

28 minutes ago, Jeanne said:

I lost out on a job years ago because of something kinda like this.  I was asked if I considered myself an honest person...I replied I am honest up and unto point of hurting someone's feelings.  Ugh..

Yup. There are social norms where honestly is not only not expected but actively looked down upon. Honesty is actually a much more complex issue than it first appears. Although I'll confess a strong preference to forthright speaking. But that's just not as common as some think. 

[JAHS]

Saavik:
You lied.

Spock:
I exaggerated.

[pogi]

17 hours ago, Thinking said:

My wife's aunt will be very flattered that you called her young.

I think he was just exaggerating