Is Eternal Marriage A Promise Or A Threat?

[mormonnewb]

I was recently talking to a friend about the church and the promise of being sealed to one's spouse for time and eternity. My friend looked at me puzzled and asked, "Are you trying to talk in or OUT of the church?" Having met his wife on several occasions, I could immediately see his point and we both laughed.

He then seriously asked me, "Have you Mormons really thought out this eternal marriage thing? Are you that deliriously happy in your earthly marriage that you want to re-up for an ETERNITY? And even if so, how do you know that you wouldn't be even happier with one of the 100 BILLION people who have lived on this earth before, not mention the billions who might come after?"

As a recent convert, I didn't have good answers to any of these questions. I had never even thought of them before. Why would I? I happen to be married to a woman who possesses incomparable beauty, infinite understanding and most importantly, access to this board ("Hey, Baby!").

And while you might be able to say the same about your spouse, that isn't the case for most people. In many societies, half of all marriages in end failure; and the other half in end divorce. And while we can quibble about percentages, a substantial number of prospective members will be in less than ideal marriages. From their standpoint, eternal marriage will sound much more like a threat than a curse.

What is it that they need to know to be able to understand what a blessing this can be?

[thesometimesaint]

While love is important I think it is more important to like, as a person, your spouse.

 

Statistically there are about 10 people who you could marry and be very happy with. Unfortunately they are scattered all over the world. So we do the best we can, and trust God knows what he is doing, and that he will make it all right in the eternities.

[cdowis]

I think we will see things very differently in the next life.

[Buzzard]

On my mission, there was an active family in the branch whose wife would not go and get sealed to the husband because (and I quote) "He's OK for this life, but there is no way I am staying married to him for eternity". Okayyyy.

My POV is that unless you get to the point in this life or the next where you would qualify for exaltation, it's a moot point anyway. And if your spouse is the kind of person who is good enough to live with God in his kingdom forever, those niggling little bad habits won't seem so bad. Not to mention that you have also reached this level as well. 

Finally, we don't have one thing yet that God has in abundance. Perspective. He sees everything from a much higher plane. Plus his spouse doesn't blow the budget eating out with her girlfriends. Nor him on a new chain saw. That's gotta help.

[Tacenda]

Maybe off topic, but I've always wondered if we take advantage of our spouses in this life, thinking we have an eternity to get it right.  We don't work as hard at our marriage, or we take for granted our marriage.  And the atheist might do a better job at making the moments count in their marriages. 

[pogi]

I had to laugh at the topic as just earlier today I was visiting a couple of patients who are in their late eighties and are completely annoyed with each other all of the time it seems.  She does have some dementia which would be understandably difficult to be patient with.

 

I am convinced that as long as there is no form of physical, emotional, or other kinds of abuse in a marriage, we can learn to be happy with anybody.  There is hope in the principle of eternal progression, but as Tacenda reminds us, eternity starts now and we should not forget that.  If we are graced with the opportunity to participate in eternal marriage ,it is important to remember that we will be like God on every level.  How could you not be happy with someone who is like God? 

Edited December 26, 2013 by pogi

[Ahab]

I was recently talking to a friend about the church and the promise of being sealed to one's spouse for time and eternity. My friend looked at me puzzled and asked, "Are you trying to talk in or OUT of the church?" Having met his wife on several occasions, I could immediately see his point and we both laughed.

He then seriously asked me, "Have you Mormons really thought out this eternal marriage thing? Are you that deliriously happy in your earthly marriage that you want to re-up for an ETERNITY? And even if so, how do you know that you wouldn't be even happier with one of the 100 BILLION people who have lived on this earth before, not mention the billions who might come after?"

As a recent convert, I didn't have good answers to any of these questions. I had never even thought of them before. Why would I? I happen to be married to a woman who possesses incomparable beauty, infinite understanding and most importantly, access to this board ("Hey, Baby!").

And while you might be able to say the same about your spouse, that isn't the case for most people. In many societies, half of all marriages in end failure; and the other half in end divorce. And while we can quibble about percentages, a substantial number of prospective members will be in less than ideal marriages. From their standpoint, eternal marriage will sound much more like a threat than a curse.

What is it that they need to know to be able to understand what a blessing this can be?

Serious answer:  That the person you pick as your eternal companion should be someone you would want to spend eternity with as you both become perfected.

 

I also think it helps to realize that you'll both be able to get a few nips and tucks with your resurrected bodies, as well as being in tip top physical condition.  We can do a lot of things now with modern surgery and physical exercise so I don't see why we wouldn't be able to do things like that with your bodies later, as well, and probably with better techniques.  But that's just the wrappings, and what's most important is the personal spirit in the body.

[pogi]

Maybe off topic, but I've always wondered if we take advantage of our spouses in this life, thinking we have an eternity to get it right.  We don't work as hard at our marriage, or we take for granted our marriage.  And the atheist might do a better job at making the moments count in their marriages. 

 

I think there is a lot of truth and wisdom in this thought, however, I don't believe that atheists are any better at their marriages.  They are just as guilty at taking their marriages for granted, they are just as guilty of selfishness, pride, and enmity in marriage.

[cdowis]

Here is my understanding =

The Lord will not have a woman to live eternally with someone she does not want.

 

Now the implications -- a woman can get out of a sealed relationship on the other side.  This promise does not pertain to a man, the priesthood holder.  (But he is able to have multiple spouses.)

 

I do not have a reference on this, just my understand of the principle.

[Duncan]

I think we all know that just because someone one was married in the Temple doesn't mean they'll be sealed in the next life. I am quite sure we all know disastrous but stay together marriages that they were married in the Temple. I can't imagine God saying to a couple that were miserable in this life that they'll be stuck together for ever in the next.

Edited December 26, 2013 by Duncan

[thesometimesaint]

Women don't have to answer when their husbands call, and men don't have to call their wives. It is all voluntary. Many are called, but few are chosen.

[Stone holm]

You hear kids joke about whether Eternal Families would be like an eternal sentence without parole -- although most are joking, there is a kernal of truth in that joke,  I don't know exactly how many active Mormons I know who cannot stand their siblings, don't get along that well with their children, and hold grudges against their parents -- and then stand up there and promote Temple work.  I kind of just sigh and shake my head.

[Ahab]

You hear kids joke about whether Eternal Families would be like an eternal sentence without parole -- although most are joking, there is a kernal of truth in that joke,  I don't know exactly how many active Mormons I know who cannot stand their siblings, don't get along that well with their children, and hold grudges against their parents -- and then stand up there and promote Temple work.  I kind of just sigh and shake my head.

Even people with poor relations with their relatives not wnating to give up their family connections???

 

That sounds very encouraging, to me.

[thesometimesaint]

You hear kids joke about whether Eternal Families would be like an eternal sentence without parole -- although most are joking, there is a kernal of truth in that joke,  I don't know exactly how many active Mormons I know who cannot stand their siblings, don't get along that well with their children, and hold grudges against their parents -- and then stand up there and promote Temple work.  I kind of just sigh and shake my head.

 

 “I love mankind ... it's people I can't stand!!”

― Charles M. Schulz, The Complete Peanuts, Vol. 5: 1959-1960

[Garden Girl]

I think we will see things very differently in the next life.

 

I agree with this... and as Buzzard stated... we will have a different perspective beyond the veil... we will have learned and know things and thus view things from an eternal perspective, and in a state of being that is more like Heavenly Father... all of the pettiness of this life will seem unimportant and even irrelevant as we progress and will be companions and partners at a different level than we experience here... there is nothing in the CK that will not be right...

 

GG

[Stone holm]

Even people with poor relations with their relatives not wnating to give up their family connections???

 

That sounds very encouraging, to me.

 

Uhm, no its more like cognitive dissonance, on one hand they are preaching the wonders of eternal families, and on the other want absolutely nothing to do with their siblings -- it is normally coupled with a belief that the siblings aren't going to make it to the Celestial Kingdom so they really don't have to worry about it -- course they tend to forget about the beam in the eye thing.

[CV75]

What is it that they need to know to be able to understand what a blessing this can be?

I think they need to know faith in Christ and then work it out from there.

[Ahab]

Uhm, no its more like cognitive dissonance, on one hand they are preaching the wonders of eternal families, and on the other want absolutely nothing to do with their siblings -- it is normally coupled with a belief that the siblings aren't going to make it to the Celestial Kingdom so they really don't have to worry about it -- course they tend to forget about the beam in the eye thing.

I think it means it's not that they want "nothing to do with" their siblings.  Just that they don't want to spend very much time with them, maybe like I don't want to spend very much time with some of my brothers and sisters, either.  I mean, as it is now, I only have so much time on this Earth, and I'd rather spend my time with the people I want to be with the most.  And we're all brothers and sisters, you know, in our one big eternal famliy.

[thesometimesaint]

Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time. Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals; and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass. Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul. With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.".

“

”

Max Ehrmann, "Desiderata".[

[CA Steve]

I agree with this... and as Buzzard stated... we will have a different perspective beyond the veil... we will have learned and know things and thus view things from an eternal perspective, and in a state of being that is more like Heavenly Father... all of the pettiness of this life will seem unimportant and even irrelevant as we progress and will be companions and partners at a different level than we experience here... there is nothing in the CK that will not be right...

 

GG

I cannot imagine an enjoyable existence in which all things will be "right". That sounds like playing a game knowing beforehand the outcome.

 

I believe that it is our differences as much as that which we share in common, that make a relationship. An eternal perfect companion sound to me like eternal boredom.

 

I am also curious how important our relationships we make here in this life will be after billions and billions of years of creating our own spiritual children.

[thesometimesaint]

I cannot imagine an enjoyable existence in which all things will be "right". That sounds like playing a game knowing beforehand the outcome.

 

I believe that it is our differences as much as that which we share in common, that make a relationship. An eternal perfect companion sound to me like eternal boredom.

 

I am also curious how important our relationships we make here in this life will be after billions and billions of years of creating our own spiritual children.

 

We ail always be our own person. and no two people are exactly alike. Each of us brings to marriage our life experiences, and each marriage is shaped by our shared experiences. I've been married 41 years going on eternity now. I've learned to change the things I can, don't worry about the things I can't. I pray for wisdom to know the difference.

[Ahab]

I cannot imagine an enjoyable existence in which all things will be "right". That sounds like playing a game knowing beforehand the outcome.

Edited December 26, 2013 by Ahab

[CA Steve]

There will always be both right and wrong, and both my wife and I want to get to the point where both of us are always right, all of the time. That only happens sometimes for us now, while at other times only one of us is right and the other one is wrong, and sometimes both of us have been wrong, but what could be better than for both of us to always be right? It's at least a good goal for both of us to strive for.

 

 

 

So apparently part of the right mix for you and your spouse is to always have something you can argue about.  Personally I like it better when both my wife and I agree on an issue, but to each their own, I suppose.  Argue as much as you want.

 

 

 

I think the most important relationships will always be those we have with our own spouses, since our children will at some point leave their parents to cling to their own spouses.   That's what our Father said in the beginning about Adam and Eve, you know.  For that cause would a man leave his Father and Mother and cling to his own wife.  I'm sure we'll continue to visit our own children on some occasions, though.

I find it sad that you view differences as "something to argue about".

[mfbukowski]

When I was a bishop and someone asked me this, I would draw a triangle with the word "God" at the top, and the names of the couple at the bottom corners.

 

Then I would draw a line from the bottom toward the top and say "As you get closer to God, you get closer to each other".

 

It was pretty effective usually.

 

Hopefully if our relationship is based on Christ and we are working on being perfected, that includes our relationships as well.

 

We are not here to find the right person, we are here to BECOME right people.

Edited December 26, 2013 by mfbukowski

[thesometimesaint]

Yah, but the making up part is fun.

 

Ps; http://www.democraticunderground.com/10024231260

Edited December 26, 2013 by thesometimesaint