Anger no management

[Metis_LDS]

I think a thread about anger might be useful right now.  I have had much experience with anger when growing up and was taught on how to be angry by example.  Now that I am in my sixties I find that slow burning anger takes too much energy.  I can still do bursts of anger.  So here are some ideas for you all to write on (they are sincere).

1.  Without a dictionary explain anger.
2. Do you feel in control when angry or is the opposite or a combination?
3.  Have you ever wondered "Why did I get so angry about that"?

4.  At some point do most persons who believe in God get angry at him?

 

Edited August 11, 2021 by Metis_LDS
grammar

[Tacenda]

1. Usually always emotional, but there are exceptions.

2. Sometimes completely uncontrollable with my words, and regret it later.

3. I usually get angry when there are certain phrases used purposefully to set me off.

4. A little, but think God can't control everything, even finding lost keys, if he did, I'd be disappointed or angry if he helps with such a little thing vs. the big things.

[Chum]

5 hours ago, Metis_LDS said:

I think a thread about anger might be useful right now.  I have had much experience with anger when growing up and was taught on how to be angry by example.  Now that I am in my sixties I find that slow burning anger takes too much energy.  I can still do bursts of anger.  So here are some ideas for you all to write on (they are sincere).

1.  Without a dictionary explain anger.
2. Do you feel in control when angry or is the opposite or a combination?
3.  Have you ever wondered "Why did I get so angry about that"?

4.  At some point do most persons who believe in God get angry at him?

 

1. Strong negative feeling, often of resentment and/or disdain, focused on an event or person

2. I feel a lack of self-control, along with a compulsion to control others

3. Ever? Yes. However, I tend (now) to know why and it suggests I should self-correct.

4. Sure. Often reasonably so - noting here that anger exists wholly in our headspace, along w/ the reasons for it

[LoudmouthMormon]

Here are the two things that have helped me the most:

First, Brigham Young was more than a prophet of the Lord, he was also a bro who gets it.   https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/manual/teachings-brigham-young/chapter-28?lang=eng

Quote

We can control our passions and emotions.

You have been taught the standard of right. Now subdue your rebellious passions, dismiss everything that you know or consider to be wrong, and embrace that which is better.  In this probation, we have evil to contend with, and we must overcome it in ourselves, or we never shall overcome it anywhere else. A righteous person will never be discouraged, but will constantly contend against his evil passions, and against evil in his family and neighborhood. 

Many men will say they have a violent temper, and try to excuse themselves for actions of which they are ashamed. I will say, there is not a man in this house who has a more indomitable and unyielding temper than myself. But there is not a man in the world who cannot overcome his passion, if he will struggle earnestly to do so. If you find passion coming on you, go off to some place where you cannot be heard; let none of your family see you or hear you, while it is upon you, but struggle till it leaves you; and pray for strength to overcome. As I have said many times to the Elders, pray in your families; and if, when the time for prayer comes, you have not the spirit of prayer upon you, and your knees are unwilling to bow, say to them, “Knees, get down there”; make them bend, and remain there until you obtain the Spirit of the Lord. If the spirit yields to the body, it becomes corrupt; but if the body yields to the spirit it becomes pure and holy.

 

 

Second, good old fashioned caring too much about what others think about me:

 

 

I don't wanna be that guy in the green shirt.  And the stupid irrational fear that I'll look like him and people will laugh at me, has always been stronger than the stupid irrational anger.  That's me - friggin' Chuck Norris ninja with ice in his veins on the outside, emotionally turbulent inside.

[LoudmouthMormon]

After mastering my anger, I was then able to move on to the good questions. 

1.  Without a dictionary explain anger.
One of many emotions which spring from a core belief, in reaction to something that threatens that core belief

2. Do you feel in control when angry or is the opposite or a combination?
It's a range.  At one end, I'm miffed.  Ticked off.  Not happy.  At the other end, the next morning my wife wants to talk about what I said the night before, and I honestly don't even remember saying that stuff.

3.  Have you ever wondered "Why did I get so angry about that"?
Yes.  It took a little counseling, a lot of reading and introspection, even some group support classes before I finally understood the sources of my wonky emotions.

4.  At some point do most persons who believe in God get angry at him?
I know many do.  I don't know how many.  I don't think I ever have.  I don't judge folks who do.

 

Edited August 11, 2021 by LoudmouthMormon

[CV75]

6 hours ago, Metis_LDS said:

I think a thread about anger might be useful right now.  I have had much experience with anger when growing up and was taught on how to be angry by example.  Now that I am in my sixties I find that slow burning anger takes too much energy.  I can still do bursts of anger.  So here are some ideas for you all to write on (they are sincere).

1.  Without a dictionary explain anger.
2. Do you feel in control when angry or is the opposite or a combination?
3.  Have you ever wondered "Why did I get so angry about that"?

4.  At some point do most persons who believe in God get angry at him?

 

Interesting topic.

1. Emotionally-fueled aggression, condemnation and punishment.

2. When I feel it, I recognize it, verbalize it, and try to either use it well or diffuse it post-haste by remembering the Savior. That said, it is a rare occurrence (I think!).

3. Sometimes; I usually just move on.

4. I have never been angry at God, but I suppose a believer could have that sorrow experience.

 

[Chum]

8 minutes ago, LoudmouthMormon said:

We can control our passions and emotions.

I can't. I can preempt, wait out or sometimes separate from strong emotions but I absolutely can not control them.

[Chum]

sidebar: I have learned that reasonableness is a skill that can be developed. One thing it can help mitigate is anger.

[LoudmouthMormon]

49 minutes ago, Chum said:

I can't. I can preempt, wait out or sometimes separate from strong emotions but I absolutely can not control them.

I see emotions like a centrifuge.  And not like one of those dinky little medical centrifuges that we use to separate blood samples into it's component parts.  But like one of those 20 ton uranium enrichment centrifuges that are as big as a building, used to separate uranium from tons of rock.  Follow the analogy with me:

These massive centrifuges require a power source to begin spinning.  Emotions require a trigger, and fuel.   You can see your emotions rising, and disconnect the power source.  But once that thing is spinning, once the emotion is ramped up, you can't stop it from spinning.  Your only choices are to feed it power to make it stronger, or disconnect the power source, so it can slowly spin down over time.   You can see power sources coming and avoid them. 

Either way, you need to figure out what to do with yourself while it's spinning.  That part is what Brigham Young means by "control".

Learning what ramps you up, and why, is critical to keeping yourself from getting overly worked up in the first place.  It won't always work, which is when it's time for that reasonableness stuff you mentioned.

Edited August 11, 2021 by LoudmouthMormon

[bOObOO]

10 hours ago, Metis_LDS said:

1.  Without a dictionary explain anger.

A loss of self-control of one's own thoughts and feelings.

10 hours ago, Metis_LDS said:

2. Do you feel in control when angry or is the opposite or a combination?

I don't know that I've ever been angry.  I know I have been frustrated on many occasions, and sometimes bewildered, but I don't know that I've ever been angry as people have explained anger to me.  Sounds like a loss of total self-control and restraint.

10 hours ago, Metis_LDS said:

3.  Have you ever wondered "Why did I get so angry about that"?

I have wondered why other people have become angry, especially when they are angry at me.  I understand that people don't always see things the same way but I do wonder why people seem to get angry at what other people think or do.

 

10 hours ago, Metis_LDS said:

4.  At some point do most persons who believe in God get angry at him?

I don't recall ever being angry with God, and I can't conceive of any good reason for anyone to be angry at him.

Edited August 11, 2021 by bOObOO

[smac97]

9 hours ago, Metis_LDS said:

I think a thread about anger might be useful right now.  I have had much experience with anger when growing up and was taught on how to be angry by example.  Now that I am in my sixties I find that slow burning anger takes too much energy.  I can still do bursts of anger.  So here are some ideas for you all to write on (they are sincere).

1.  Without a dictionary explain anger.
2. Do you feel in control when angry or is the opposite or a combination?
3.  Have you ever wondered "Why did I get so angry about that"?
4.  At some point do most persons who believe in God get angry at him?

A good article: A Scriptural Comparison Concerning Anger: 3 Nephi 12:22 and Matthew 5:22

[MustardSeed]

1.I think of anger as an indication that I perceive I'm being treated poorly.  I also see it as a way of creating an illusion of power when I feel powerless over my more uncomfortable emotions such as fear or loss. 

 

2.I often feel very "out of control "AFTER I've demonstrated anger

3. Yes I have asked myself why I am "so" angry about something but mostly because someone else has asked me first.  My level of anger always feels justified to me in the moment. 

4.  I think most people who have lived a full life full of ups and downs have had to dance with anger with God. 

Edited August 11, 2021 by MustardSeed

[The Nehor]

5 hours ago, LoudmouthMormon said:

Second, good old fashioned caring too much about what others think about me:

 

The easiest way to defeat someone is to make them angry. Then they are clay in your hands.

Assuming you can block or dodge the fists of course.

[bOObOO]

5 hours ago, LoudmouthMormon said:

 

 

That's called pushing someone's button, but the person turning someone else on in "Anger" mode isn't really in control of the person they anger, and the person who is angry isn't in full control of himself (or herself) either.  

And while a child may have a smile on his face when he makes someone else angry, the odds are not good that that smile will stay on that child's face as the angry man sees who pushed his button.  I see a smack coming.  And that child crying.

[mfbukowski]

12 hours ago, Metis_LDS said:

I think a thread about anger might be useful right now.  I have had much experience with anger when growing up and was taught on how to be angry by example.  Now that I am in my sixties I find that slow burning anger takes too much energy.  I can still do bursts of anger.  So here are some ideas for you all to write on (they are sincere).

1.  Without a dictionary explain anger.
2. Do you feel in control when angry or is the opposite or a combination?
3.  Have you ever wondered "Why did I get so angry about that"?

4.  At some point do most persons who believe in God get angry at him?

 

1- love is unification and anger is separation  

2- out of control.  "Combination"? don't understand.   with anger - the separator- there can be no "combinations"

3-no.  I know why I got angry and it is always something stupid

4-  I never have.  It's not his fault I am stupid. 

 

[Tacenda]

Isn't it interesting how we take our worst out on our loved ones? My husband has seen me misbehave with anger more than any other souls besides my parents or siblings. 

This week I've watched my  granddaughter more days than usual because her daycare closed for the week. And I've seen it played out with her today. She's usually on her best behavior but today since she saw me more this week than the usual once a week she's showing her real self, lol. It's been so shocking to see her personality change up like it has. She usually saves it for her mommy when she's being picked up. But I of course love her to pieces. She usually takes a nap so her being tired is a big reason. Now, finally, she's asleep. 

[The Nehor]

4 hours ago, mfbukowski said:

4-  I never have.  It's not his fault I am stupid. 

Well played.

[bsjkki]

I get angry but I also have complete emotional responses to things that make  me feel like I’m not in control. 
 

I think controlling emotions is a difficult thing. Usually the tears come first and then the anger. But, I have experienced being angry very inappropriately as a defense mechanism against being incredibly hurt/scare/terrified and not equipped to deal with the events unfolding in my life. 
 

 

Edited August 12, 2021 by bsjkki

[LoudmouthMormon]

17 hours ago, bOObOO said:

That's called pushing someone's button, but the person turning someone else on in "Anger" mode isn't really in control of the person they anger, and the person who is angry isn't in full control of himself (or herself) either.  

And while a child may have a smile on his face when he makes someone else angry, the odds are not good that that smile will stay on that child's face as the angry man sees who pushed his button.  I see a smack coming.  And that child crying.

I see the thing more symbolically.  If I am the guy losing his cool, there is a button being pushed somewhere.  Rarely is there a button pusher of malicious intent involved.  Most often, someone does or says something that pokes a 'tender spot' in our emotional selves.  A core belief is threatened or attacked.  Sometimes we don't even recognize what the core belief is, or what the threat or attack is.

Example: You're driving in a car, and turn a corner.  In your rear-view mirror, you notice a fast car coming seemingly out of nowhere, have to brake so hard the tires screech, to avoid hitting you.  You are immediately embarrassed and apologetic.  The car swerves around you, and when the driver gets along side you, you see he has rolled down his window so he can stick his middle finger out at you.  He yells "Hey d*ps$@t! Pay attention before you [beep]ing kill someone!"  Your embarrassment turns either into fear or white hot anger.

The core belief that is attacked: You are a good person and a reasonably safe driver.   The attack, is the accusation that you are a clueless threat to public safety.  The loud angry guy doesn't even really have malicious intent, you just inadvertently pushed his button by pulling out in front of him and almost causing an accident.  

From my teens to early '30's, the most white hot seething I ever got, was while driving.  The solution I eventually discovered, was to build a tiny little buffer in my brain that allowed me to see things as the other driver, before forming my emotional response.  Nowadays, I'm able to pretty quickly say things like "Yeesh - if I was that guy, I'd be mad at me too."  I make a mental note to be more careful.  This is instead of moving to white hot anger.  And if it's a good day, I'm still able to feel a little apologetic.

 

We are humans, and whether we're wonderfully built by a creator, or a product of millions of years of evolution, or both, we have a fight-or-flight response.  Here - this is what happens: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amygdala_hijack

Edited August 12, 2021 by LoudmouthMormon

[The Nehor]

17 hours ago, bOObOO said:

That's called pushing someone's button, but the person turning someone else on in "Anger" mode isn't really in control of the person they anger, and the person who is angry isn't in full control of himself (or herself) either.  

And while a child may have a smile on his face when he makes someone else angry, the odds are not good that that smile will stay on that child's face as the angry man sees who pushed his button.  I see a smack coming.  And that child crying.

The true master deceiver doesn’t direct the anger at himself. He directs the person at someone else.

Please don’t smack children.

[Canadiandude]

18 hours ago, mfbukowski said:

1- love is unification and anger is separation  

2- out of control.  "Combination"? don't understand.   with anger - the separator- there can be no "combinations"

3-no.  I know why I got angry and it is always something stupid

4-  I never have.  It's not his fault I am stupid. 

 

I respectfully disagree.

I’m new here admittedly and a long-time lurker but I strangely find that I feel more connected with the wider system, and with others, while in the depths of passion- be it rage, love, fear, joy.

I realize that I’ve been taught that contention is of the devil, yet I find that so long as I contain its worst aspects, there can be great joy felt and reciprocated in worthy conflict: where opponents meet to feel the world and each other in all of their ‘giveness’.

 

There are limits to this of course, and passions can blind us from recognizing personal and idea-based errors, but these can be learned from and anger moderated as we own and embrace a degree of inner and external conflict.

 

 

 

[Metis_LDS]

14 minutes ago, Canadiandude said:

I’m new here admittedly and a long-time lurker but I strangely find that I feel more connected with the wider system, and with others, while in the depths of passion- be it rage, love, fear, joy.

Yes on the above I agree.  Now I am half French Canadian and maybe that might have some influence on it.

[bOObOO]

1 hour ago, The Nehor said:

The true master deceiver doesn’t direct the anger at himself. He directs the person at someone else.

Please don’t smack children.

Spare the rod, spoil the child.  I think a good smacking can do wonders to discipline a child, even without using a rod.

[Canadiandude]

1 minute ago, Metis_LDS said:

Yes on the above I agree.  Now I am half French Canadian and maybe that might have some influence on it.

I don’t know how to ‘like’ as of yet but I totally concur! 

It’s one thing to watch and listen to a thunderstorm.

Totally something else to answer it in challenge!!

 

We were made to wrestle gods. 

[Canadiandude]

9 minutes ago, bOObOO said:

Spare the rod, spoil the child.  I think a good smacking can do wonders to discipline a child, even without using a rod.

I’m sure that there are other interpretations of what this Proverbs reference actually means.

 

I agree that physical discipline is sometimes necessary but I usually find that its strongest proponents tend to also be the ones that cannot tell the difference between doling out temporary discomfort and long-standing emotional and physical abuse.

 

Reciprocity is real and one shouldn’t be surprised if some of the former students of this ‘school of hard-knocks’ return to dole out some fire of their own.

Eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth.

You might not be up for that. It leaves deep and abiding scars on society should people come to the conclusion that ‘might makes right’.