Calm Posted August 13, 2021 Posted August 13, 2021 1 hour ago, Canadiandude said: I feel like there’s something kinda sacred about anger that while raw, can be pretty empowering. I think one needs to be careful with anger for that reason, the sense of power that may come with it could be quite attractive, not actually addicting perhaps, but one might learn to seek it out for that rush.
Chum Posted August 13, 2021 Posted August 13, 2021 13 hours ago, Calm said: Fear and helplessness…do you see those as different or pretty much the same? I've often experienced one without the other.
Tacenda Posted August 13, 2021 Posted August 13, 2021 (edited) 20 hours ago, bOObOO said: Consent does make a big difference. Children are supposed to submit to their parents as those who are in authority over them, and we are and will always remain children of our parents as long as we are sealed to them. Trauma is a result of things not going as they should, not from discipline. My Dad showed his love to me both before and after he spanked me when I was a child. Looking back now, I have nothing but fond memories of all of his efforts to discipline me. I have a sister/brother in-law that while their children were growing up said they would punish with a belt and do it w/o anger etc. But that almost feels sadist to me, except they didn't get pleasure. Either way, I don't believe in this. I did get a side boot kick from my dad to my room on occasion when younger, or a slap once for disrespecting my mom, but don't think it really helped at all. I think the shame in doing wrong is punishment enough, and if my parents showed disappointment that alone would shape me up, not them using corporal punishment. That would put a wedge I believe. It wouldn't help me feel as guilty if they used physical force or do something nearly or more worse than the behavior I did. Edited August 13, 2021 by Tacenda
bOObOO Posted August 13, 2021 Posted August 13, 2021 1 minute ago, Tacenda said: I have a sister/brother in-law that while their children were growing up they punish with a belt and do it w/o anger etc. But that almost feels sadist to me, except they didn't get pleasure. Either way, I don't believe in this. I did get a side boot kick to my room on occasion when younger, or a slap once for disrespecting my mom, but don't think it really helped at all. I think the shame in doing wrong is punishment enough, and if my parents showed disappointment that alone would shape me up, not them using corporal punishment. That would put a wedge I believe. It wouldn't help me feel as guilty if they used physical force or do something nearly or more worse than the behavior I did. My Dad didn't enjoy spanking me, either, just as I also did not enjoy it, but he explained why he did it and it was basically this: As his son, and with him as my Dad, I was expected to be submissive to him and his will. That was the nature of our relationship. He was the Dad and I was his child, his son, and as such I was to be subservient to him and his will. We were not equals. I was not to be the one to tell him what to do, and him do it. He was the one in charge, as the Dad. And I was also expected to be subservient and submissive to my Mom's will, too. If I ever forgot that, he was there to help remind me. And one particular act of submission I was expected to accept was that I would be spanked if I became too rebellious. That was how I was supposed to show him that I was willing to be submissive to him. I was to assume the position of the one who got spanked and he would position himself as the one to spank me. It was painful, but not horribly painful. Many times I saw my Dad cry while he spanked me, and it seemed to hurt him to do that more than it hurt me to be spanked. He didn't cause any bruises, or leave any marks from his belt. It was more a demonstration of submission than a time to inflict physical pain. So to the people who say a spanking is never appropriate, or necessary, I'll say I think you should give the issue some more thought. A spanking can be a wonderful thing, an expression of love and devotion that promotes a better bond between a parent and child.
Chum Posted August 13, 2021 Posted August 13, 2021 11 minutes ago, bOObOO said: My Dad didn't enjoy spanking me, either, just as I also did not enjoy it, but he explained why he did it Not enjoying inflicting trauma doesn't prevent trauma. Nor does blathering on about it. They may help obfuscate a child's ability to perceive their trauma - setting the stage to pass love-justified-harm onto yet another generation. 1
bOObOO Posted August 13, 2021 Posted August 13, 2021 2 minutes ago, Chum said: Not enjoying inflicting trauma doesn't prevent trauma. Nor does blathering on about it. They may help obfuscate a child's ability to perceive their trauma - setting the stage to pass love-justified-harm onto yet another generation. I'll put it this way: If I had been your child, as rebellious as I was while I was growing up, I probably would have appreciated it if you had never spanked me. But then I probably would not have turned out to be the same me that I am today. And I do like me.
Chum Posted August 13, 2021 Posted August 13, 2021 2 minutes ago, bOObOO said: If I had been your child, as rebellious as I was while I was growing up, I probably would have appreciated it if you had never spanked me. I doubt it because it wouldn't have come up. I leaned that rebellion typically arises when ambition has been stupidly (or neglectfully) constrained instead of channeled. I'd of focused on you until we found an outlet that worked for you. Here's the lesson that hitters don't get. Life provides 5 Bazillion % of the smackdowns anyone could possibly ever need and our useful hard lessons naturally follow risk taking. Given this reality, hitting kids is inexplicably pointless.
bOObOO Posted August 13, 2021 Posted August 13, 2021 4 minutes ago, Chum said: I doubt it because it wouldn't have come up. I leaned that rebellion typically arises when ambition has been stupidly (or neglectfully) constrained instead of channeled. I'd of focused on you until we found an outlet that worked for you. Here's the lesson that hitters don't get. Life provides 5 Bazillion % of the smackdowns anyone could possibly ever need and our useful hard lessons naturally follow risk taking. Given this reality, hitting kids is inexplicably pointless. Sounds to me like you allow and would allow your children to do whatever they wanted to do, and then learn whatever they learned from those lessons. My Dad allowed me to be free to some extent but he also helped me by setting clear boundaries that if I chose to cross would result in a form of punishment that helped me to learn to be submissive to him and his will. If I had crossed any boundaries with you, if you set any, what would you have done then? I could easily ignore your words if I chose to ignore you. Would you have tried to confine me to my room, or your house? I could easily walk away. I don't think you have any idea of how rebellious I was. And you are wrong to say my Dad hit me. He spanked me, and not very hard. I would have never allowed him to hit me.
Chum Posted August 13, 2021 Posted August 13, 2021 (edited) 17 minutes ago, bOObOO said: Sounds to me like you allow and would allow your children to do whatever they wanted to do It sounds like that to you because those are your words, not mine. It's a dark place where neglect is the ready alt to hitting kids. Edited August 13, 2021 by Chum
bOObOO Posted August 13, 2021 Posted August 13, 2021 (edited) 7 minutes ago, Chum said: It sounds like that to you because those are your words, not mine. In healthy minds, neglect isn't the ready alt to hitting kids. I asked you a question which you didn't answer. What would you have done other than use your words or a form of confinement? I would probably have neglected to consider your words or confine myself to your house. How would you have tried to teach me to be submissive to you or your will, or would you just not even have tried? Edited August 13, 2021 by bOObOO
Metis_LDS Posted August 13, 2021 Author Posted August 13, 2021 4 minutes ago, bOObOO said: I asked you a question which you didn't answer. What would you have done other than use your words or a form of confinement? I would probably have neglected to consider your words or confine myself to your house. How would you have tried to teach me to be submissive to you or your will, or would you just not even have tried? This is my thread and it is not about parenting, SO please Stop!!!
Chum Posted August 13, 2021 Posted August 13, 2021 3 minutes ago, bOObOO said: I asked you a question which you didn't answer. That's fair. 4 minutes ago, bOObOO said: What would you have done other than use your words or a form of confinement? I would have exhausted you. How depends on what works for you - whatever it is that you're mostly likely to bite into and take off on your own.
Chum Posted August 13, 2021 Posted August 13, 2021 Just now, Metis_LDS said: This is my thread and it is not about parenting, SO please Stop!!! Yes dad. Please don't hit us.
Metis_LDS Posted August 13, 2021 Author Posted August 13, 2021 Please see my response to booboo. This is my thread enough with parenting Please!
Chum Posted August 13, 2021 Posted August 13, 2021 6 minutes ago, Metis_LDS said: [NO PARENTING IN MY ANGER THREAD] okay
bOObOO Posted August 13, 2021 Posted August 13, 2021 35 minutes ago, Metis_LDS said: This is my thread and it is not about parenting, SO please Stop!!! okay. my apologies. it was mostly Chum's fault because he goaded me into responding to him. i hope we didn't make you angry. you kinda seemed angry. i hope you are not angry, or at least not angry with no anger management. 1
The Nehor Posted August 13, 2021 Posted August 13, 2021 3 minutes ago, bOObOO said: okay. my apologies. it was mostly Chum's fault because he goaded me into responding to him. i hope we didn't make you angry. you kinda seemed angry. i hope you are not angry, or at least not angry with no anger management.
rodheadlee Posted August 13, 2021 Posted August 13, 2021 I'm so angry I could spit. I need some serious anger management.
bOObOO Posted August 13, 2021 Posted August 13, 2021 2 minutes ago, The Nehor said: oh, lookie. You are so cute when you're angry!!! I think i would have fun managing your anger.
bOObOO Posted August 13, 2021 Posted August 13, 2021 2 minutes ago, rodheadlee said: I'm so angry I could spit. I need some serious anger management. 4pm tomorrow, my house. be here. or prepare yourself to be spanked
rodheadlee Posted August 13, 2021 Posted August 13, 2021 Just now, bOObOO said: 4pm tomorrow, my house. be here. or prepare yourself to be spanked Promises, promises.
Metis_LDS Posted August 13, 2021 Author Posted August 13, 2021 3 minutes ago, rodheadlee said: I'm so angry I could spit. I need some serious anger management. I hope you are coping. I always remember how kind you were giving me points. I read about you losing a loved one and hiding in the bottom of a boat in Mexico? 1
bOObOO Posted August 13, 2021 Posted August 13, 2021 1 minute ago, rodheadlee said: Promises, promises. good. I'm glad you could tell i was joking. you will have to find your own form of anger management. I recommend you let our Lord help you. he always helps me with all of my problems. 1
Canadiandude Posted August 13, 2021 Posted August 13, 2021 14 hours ago, Calm said: I think one needs to be careful with anger for that reason, the sense of power that may come with it could be quite attractive, not actually addicting perhaps, but one might learn to seek it out for that rush. That’s a fair point actually. Anger has its purpose but it can’t be the only thing that sustains a person. Otherwise one starts resembling ‘The Hound’ from Game of Thrones, and more realistic, (supposedly) well-intentioned extremists.
rodheadlee Posted August 13, 2021 Posted August 13, 2021 40 minutes ago, Metis_LDS said: I hope you are coping. I always remember how kind you were giving me points. I read about you losing a loved one and hiding in the bottom of a boat in Mexico? Right now it's all about political power and energy policy, immigration policy, economic policy. I really have to stop listening to NPR on the way to work.
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