MustardSeed

Honestly because I’m done being polite. Until you with others start requiring your team to change as loudly as you try to disqualify (me) with argument, nothing will change. Men don’t often listen to women as much as they will listen to other men and Smac we need you to defend us, not fight every line we write as though it is a sport. For you it looks to be a game. For us it’s daily concern.

Apparently participating does not equal listening. Instead, being of a victim mentality and finding apparent joy in argument seems to be the order of the day. im not worried that you are, or will turn into, a rapist. But since you are male, and I am female, I will always have a watchful eye on precarious situations with you and every other male. Sorry if that upsets you. But not really because I didn’t cause that need for awareness. thanks to those who try to get it. Also, Anxiety disorder is a mental health diagnosis with a code and everything. Awareness is not mental disorder. It’s life.

Anxiety disorders? Ok. ✅

Is that what that means?

I really dislike this type of apology. It’s meaningless. Without self reflection and understanding why, the attitude still remains. Does he not recognize that these comments were rooted in attitude? Sheesh this makes us all look so bad.

"The single strongest predictor of whether a young person stays active in the Church is feeling God’s presence in daily life." (warning: the following is just me getting some thoughts out. I think if I had not changed my view, I might have left the church a while ago.) This is a major issue for me in my life journey. I agree with the statement and the necessity of feeling God every day. The way I took the teachings of the church through most of my life was basically a vending machine model. When I put my quarter in and didn’t get the candy bar, it shook my faith. If I could start over as a young women leader which I did for decades, or even as a parent, I would teach not to pray for a specific outcome, but rather to pray for God‘s companionship through all outcomes. I don’t believe in crediting God for good things that happen anymore than I believe in blaming God for bad things that happen. Things happen - end of story IMO- If I believe otherwise, I feel much more alienated from God. I have learned instead to trust God’s program for the universe and eternities, let life be what it is, and worship God through service to others and daily gratitude attitude. Though I don’t believe God sent a check in the mail, I believe that he is the source of all things, generous and good. So I can be grateful without putting that kind of pressure on my relationship with Him any more I do think that in our church, we allow a type of speculation that is really not rooted in doctrine- that when good things happen, it’s because God has intervened (We share the speculation with general Christianity- ) Even yesterday in sacrament meeting, somebody stood up and talked about how he knows when he goes hunting that when it’s the Lord’s will, God will send him an elk that he can shoot. My music partner always used to say things like “ hey it’s a good thing we missed our flight because probably something bad was gonna happen on that airplane, thank God we were late to the airport” - Drove me absolutely nuts. How about taking responsibility for sleeping in and being late for your flight? Lol 😬 now I’m rambling. Thanks for indulging.

Ok.

I wasn’t there, I don’t know exactly what was said and so take this feedback with a grain of salt. There are multiple ways that you could’ve created space adjacent to your teaching partners ideology that would have been acceptable to most. Your anger is rooted in your parents rejection of you, and that’s totally valid. But it’s also blinding you to some opportunities you apparently have had to make a difference legitimately for young men and probably other areas, (audience here on this site for example- )your bitterness comes across in a way that doesn’t invite self reflection from anyone but rather creates defensiveness and guarding. I would’ve asked for you to be released myself. And I have no issues with young men not serving missions. But I do take issue with is people personal agendas particularly those rooted in unresolved wounding bleeding out in any way when in a position of leadership.

I’m glad they changed it. it annoys me when people claim I’m not Christian, that I don’t believe in real Jesus Christ. At the same time, I trust that people who get worked up about my claim to Christianity are coming from a place that I don’t yet understand. I’ve had plenty of friends have left the church who have stated that Mormons don’t get it. I’ve been a Mormon all of my life so it’s all I know. I trust that there’s a perspective outside of me that feels as right as mine does to me. Regarding Missionaries, absolutely back in the day, 30 years ago, it was very shameful to not serve and even worse to come home early. Change in Utah occurs slowly, but outside the bubble we don’t bat an eye any more when kids have not served a mission. The 80s and 90s were rough with shame.

My attacker told the judge his intention was to rape me, murder me and leave me in the river. I’m wondering if there’s a misunderstanding here - personally, I don’t have concerns that every man has latent within him a quiet rapist who could potentially surface. Rather what I’m saying is that without any reassurance of safety, I have to protect myself from every man via being on alert because I could get seriously hurt. I have less power than most men and I can’t discern my level of safety without more information, and That Takes Time. Even then, sometimes, that’s not enough. “Every man is a potential rapist” can be interpreted both ways. I certainly don’t mean the first. (maybe the first has some elements of truth in that we are all capable of evil but in my mind that’s beyond the scope of this conversation and can definitely see how upsetting that could be to hear, more so than the second .)

Also I’d like to mention, that I’ve noticed through the years participating on this site that often when the conversation turns to women’s issues, a lot of men have disappeared in the conversation. I’ve noticed, though on this many men showing up advocating for women’s experience and wanting things to be better for us. I want you to know that I notice and that it is very meaningful to me. Thank you. It matters.

I am very grateful tonight. My husband and I have not had an easy road but the last few years have been worth all the work in our marriage. We got to chatting tonight over dinner and I shared with him that I had been involved in this conversation online. I told him, which I’ve told him before, that I moved through the world a quiet, high alert state of mind. He stopped me immediately and said “ oh- I am so sorry that you have to do that.” And this is exactly why I feel safe with him. ❤️

I edited a few things in my previous post fyi.

Fair enough, and I do think that typically in a regular conversation, this is a language that I would use. But to be honest, when I’m walking down the street and nobody else is around, and a man I don’t know is walking up behind me, the first thing I think is “ protect yourself from rape”. Also, when I am walking out to my car in a dark parking lot, and there are not many people around, I’m looking out for men. Any men. Also, under certain circumstances, I’m hyper aware of just about any man I know when I am alone with them. Not my biological brothers, not my husband, not my sons. But literally, everybody else. I’m not screaming in my head, “he’s a rapist!” But rather my awareness is heightened. There’s only one reason that I am that way and that is because of potential. It’s a sad reality but I’m very used to it. I can see how that would be jarring for any man to read or hear- so I rarely say it out loud. EDITING TO SAY: I rarely say it out loud not because it doesn’t need to be said, but because it’s unpleasant to deal with the aftermath of saying it out loud. It would be nice to say it out loud and be met with curiosity, not the battle cry “Nonsense”.

What else can men do? Heres one to add to your list: lean into sensitivity, as opposed to leaning in to argument about how safe women “should” feel. (Which feels emotionally unsafe, btw)