MustardSeed

I think this deserves a thoughtful response

I think it’s good to create environments that foster sharing new ideas and opposing positions. I’m often engaged in these conversations with my husband who is right, while I’m more left than center. We seem to be able to say often enough, things like “that makes sense” and “that’s fair” and eliminate the need to assert opinions in a way that belittles the other. We’ve learned and grown from these conversations.

I’ve long suspected that argument is a sport you enjoy.

Ps just kidding. Conflict of interest and all that jazz.

The role of the therapist is not to moralize. After all, who decides what is moral? I suspect you would not like the results of that type of therapy. The role of the therapist is to create safety for the client to discover the defenses they have created (the lies they tell themselves, the lies they tell others etc) and undo them so that they can live more honest authentic fulfilling lives with more meaningful connections to others. A skilled therapist will not advise, preach, shame or punish. That is not even therapy anyway. That’s life coaching /church/ society/parenting etc. what I’m describing is not the same thing as heralding that “everything goes.” This is a common and tired cartoon version of what people imagine therapy is. You should come see me. I’ll charge you double but it would be very effective lol

Secret monogamy indicates dishonesty and betrayal. The result of such actions is going to have negative implications for the partners spouse. This could be rooted in one or several of many disordered thinking or personality disorder or manic episodes. Or it could be circumstantial. As a therapist I will help determine the root source of the willingness to abuse one’s partner thus. And yes, if Joseph smith engaged in secret non non monogamy, it’s impossible for me to justify that by suggesting god prescribed it. What a horrific thing to put on God, that he would allow one of the most hurtful things to happen to Emma for the purpose of, what - growing the church? No. If church is legitimate it’s going to stand on its own.

Deleted, sounds defensive I.

I think secretly breaking a marriage vow is one of the most cruel things people can do- and the levels people will go to to justify it (and yes, I have heard people say that they believe God sent them their lover) is inane. I think on a cellular level people understand how fundamentally wrong it is to break a marriage vow of monogamy, and they know how painful it would be if their partner were to discover it so in order to rectify the cognitive dissonance, they have to come up with some very good reasons. And I’ve heard a lot of of them. Hard to argue with “ God told me to”

Power and possession in general. You know, the kind of power that Satan wanted . That humans crave and can’t seem to get enough of. We all have a relationship with power even you. It’s like food, we can’t do without it. But some of us allow those cravings to get away with us. Polygamy is very much about power. Isn’t that obvious to you? Look at evidence of that in modern day polygamy. Is it not obvious to you that women have very little power in polygamous relationships? Collecting women is about possession and the power that men feel when they accumulate.

Polygamy, imo, may have been less about lust and desire and more about power and possession .

the following is entirely my opinion. I personally do not believe in divinely mandated or authorized polygamy or anything else that stands to decimate another persons peace, security, loyalty, and joy. I believe polygamy, infidelity, and cheating are all 100 % human behaviors originally born from debasing womens value, and elevating the position of power for men. anyone who breaks another’s trust in such a way will pay heavily at some point for such atrocities, I can only hope. taking a little bit further, I believe that in the earliest of times, women’s ability to give birth was probably a mystery to men (not knowing how the baby got there to begin with) and that women were held in great esteem. Once men figured out how to make women property, which is of course what polygamy is, men finally leveled the playing ground but over did it. We’ve never found our way back. I think it’s very convenient to put such a heinous practice on God rather than to take personal accountability for our own human tendencies. The bible is men’s stories written with influence of God but not hand written by God. It has justified to a lot of evil people a lot of evil behaviors.

What do you mean by this

You ask the therapist those questions before you start.

Psychologytoday.com lists a photo, years in practice, degree type, a blurb so you can determine some personality stuff etc., price, insurance options, specialties etc. I love the photo option. Helps to narrow things significantly for me. Here are some other considerations: psychologist, marriage and family therapy, social worker, and licensed counselors are all equally qualified to be a therapist. none can prescribe meds. Only a PSYCHIATRIST can. Interesting how many people get that mixed up with psychologist. life coaches do not need any qualifications. I do not recommend unless they come highly recommended and you do not need Actual therapy and you just need an advisor.

I don’t know about outside US I’m afraid, but my top favorite way of finding a therapist is getting a referral from a friend who knows you and what would work for you. Next, I like psychologytoday.com- good Directory with a lot of information about each therapist to give you an initial impression. Always use a licensed provider.

I’d caution anyone against rooting an extreme belief like “having less than 3 kids is akin to MURDER “ in some guys opinion, especially so long ago. Let’s allow some room for common sense.

We have worked hard to overcome the stigma of seeing a therapist. Still working hard. There are so many people, imo, who would absolutely benefit from sitting with skilled licensed therapist who could help them become self aware. We ALL (no exceptions) develop defense mechanisms as the way of surviving childhood! As adults, those defense mechanism no longer serve us. They get in the way of relationships and connecting- you know, Gods first and second commandments! Yet still, there is a belief stereotypically for many men, but also women, and strongly anecdotally, for LDS folks, to be afraid of seeing a therapist for fear that a therapist will talk them out of their religion. It’s an absolute travesty. The idea that there is a movement for therapy to encourage folks to engage in debauterous behavior is as harmful, even more so imo, as claiming “newsflash-,lawyers support murder” because they defend such accused. Qualified licensed regulated therapists have helped people stay alive for goodness sake. They have saved families. They have helped people feel worthy to exist. They have helped me, and I have helped hundreds . If you’re considering seeing one, DO it.

This thread is insulting to my profession.

If anyone is terribly worked up about this, take heart from an actual therapist who is well connected. No one I know is pushing for hedonism. Thanks.

I’m a therapist and would like information on what percentage of therapists adhere to this type of therapy before any claims that this is a trend at all. I don’t believe that is true.

Sorry- I should have explained it. Usually I can download and post but it didn’t let me- A man reviewing another account that where a female hairdresser shared that it’s not uncommon for men to pleasure themselves under the stylist cape during services. The comment section was rampant with similar experiences, and the man telling the story was basically saying in a genuinely befuddled and sad way, “we are broken and we have to fix this” . Apparently it’s a common enough practice that some cosmo schools warn their students of the behavior.

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZP8G7243g/

Maybe knowledge will.

Surely you knew he’d provide it

I do believe that was his point