MustardSeed

My mom is incredible. 🥰 also look at this cute sugar loaf- it’s got no acid, only sweetness. Like my mama.

Recent events have me motivated to host dinner parties again . I used to entertain a lot til we got dogs and the smell of my house deterred invitation, I’m afraid. So I got out of practice. I think I’d like to start with my neighbors. I’ve only been in the neighborhood for two years. It’s a very old neighborhood and I think people are sort of in a comfort zone, socially. But I am thinking I would like to shake it up a little bit. I’m really nervous about it! But I’m holding myself accountable here. Wish me luck!

All of the gospel of Jesus applies to everybody. I observe that my aunt is fat. It is not my job to call her out publicly. If I’m concerned about my fat aunt, I would share with her how her fatness affects me and I would do so privately without shaming her. Shaming her would only cause her to eat more. I would say this analogy applies nicely here. Your way of confrontation in the style of biblical prophets to the wicked does not land well. If you could find a way to convey your thoughts in a loving Christlike way, your actual genuine concern for my well-being might actually have an influence.

Your judgement and assumptions cause no good thing.

Basics are easy when we love as He loved. We certainly have racked up a while bunch of extra rules on top of the basics.

The Saviors love is the example.

Great advice for all

I’m going to share some thoughts that have roots in the recent episode of a podcast I don’t like so I won’t promote it😎. But my takeaway from this episode combined with events of last evening have me thinking. I grew up in the church, and the church was all encompassing in our family. All our friends and activities were Mormon. All our rules were Mormon. All our goals were Mormon. That and music were defining. Goodness was determined in my mind by rules that were followed. And there are a LOT of Mormon rules. Each prophet comes in with a new set of rules, as does the stake president, bishop, and young women’s leader. My goodness in youth depended upon no sex, no substances, earning the medallion, not getting extra piercings, not wearing short skirts or bikinis, obeying my parents, attending ALL the activities, and service. Journaling and praying daily. Dating ONLY temple worthy boys. Following those rules made me good. And I was very very good. (Sorry this is long) This week I am on a trip in Hawaii. I have my mom with us, and so there’s lots of talk time. She is the most Mormon mom I know, infused with kindness and innocence- anyway she shared a few days ago that’s she’d been reading a talk online by Elder Bednar and could not understand the hate for him in the comments. I tried to explain but she wasn’t having it. Then she asked why in the world people would ever leave the church. I tried to explain but she can’t fathom any reason except “sin”. She wasn’t arguing with me, she was just honestly confused. I have also discovered something- she is extremely nervous and breaking rules is very upsetting to her. She walks every morning and has only walked the busy road because the neighborhoods have “private drive” signs. I’ve tried to get her comfortable with the idea of walking the neighborhoods but that’s a no go. So I learned as a kid that RULES RULE! Perfect religion for my family- Mormonism! Judaism! Let’s go with the former. ok now let’s talk about what happened last night. My son lives here in Kauai. He has for 5 years. He has been through some very challenging personal things and has been really stretched beyond. His growth though has been astronomical- I’m bursting with pride as I watch him become just a phenomenal human. Not religious, but deeply spiritual . True to himself. It’s a really astonishing path he is on. so last night, he invited me, mom and my husband to join him for a dinner party with friends. The home was on the beach near Tunnels beach. It was very very large and super high end. What was interesting was what was inside - The two women who are married to each other have gathered people on the island with “beautiful spirits and significant need” to LIVE there with them, “for healing purposes”. A middle aged man who is mid breakdown following his wife of 30 years leaving. A disabled woman, an elderly woman, and a lady trying to find her purpose. They find these folks and bring them in within moments of meeting them. in addition, one of the homeowners gives free massage sessions to the local Hawaiians who live there near Tunnels to give back to the locals whose ancestors have lived there for centuries. We sat around a large table with people of all races, backgrounds, sexualities and levels of wellness and held hands while dinner was blessed and celebrated. Conversation was lively! We went around the table and shared our favorite thing of the week, we all laughed AND we all cried (my husband shared a tender thought and he cried so we all cried) - we finished the night with the blood moon viewing on the massive deck overlooking the sea. I have seldom had such an incredible evening. My mom’s mind was simply blown. The love that was felt in that home was greater than I can express to you here. Christ loved. He gave everything away. He rested. He worked through love. He exuded love and life. He would have LOVED that evening. I say He WAS there last night. No one was examining each other for garment lines, earring holes, comparing notes, etc. Ive never seen my son so happy. I can die today knowing he is in good hands-and I trust he understands better now than ever the purpose of life. The rules look very small to me now. In comparison to love and connection, I got lost along the way. I’d like to find my way back, but I am deep in the woods of rules. I understand why some people have to burn down the woods to clear the way- I think I’m too far beyond to burn it down but I do mourn being lost for so long. So much time wasted in the weeds. I can easily blame the church, the culture etc but at this point, it’s on me to change.

Kauai-

Welllll just don’t ask the stake presidency counselor visiting in RS to please add some comments on grace to balance out the entire Sunday focus of the day on works. I can tell you you’ll be surrounded by hens after class thinking you have gone off the deep end. 😅🤪🤪🤪

It’s so sad that my experience has little memory of this message prior to 2015.

Why do you think the author states that the study indicates an outcome that might surprise people? TBH sometimes I feel gaslit with this topic .

Random thoughts- I personally think of perfectionism in two ways. One, clinically, the way it is studied here. Two, the pursuit of excellence as manifested by high achievement, often triggering a competitive environment for others bred to pursue excellence. Im affected by both. My family celebrates achievement. That is the same as love to me. Also, shame in failure is to be avoided. I think the avoidance of shame via perfectionism is similar to the clinical understanding of narcissism- the intolerance of one’s own flaws.

Excellent - I look forward to reading all these article articles. I appreciate that this introductory article was very clear about the definition of perfectionism that they were pursuing: how we feel about ourselves when we don’t meet our standards or when we make mistakes. Following Brene Browns research, perfectionism is more of a defense mechanism to avoid shame than it is an evidence of high achievement.

I know especially for people of my age and older, the concept of transitioning can be extremely upsetting. I will admit that I have two huge anxieties for my grandchildren, and this is one. At the same time, I am trying my best to never do harm. Perhaps I do harm by admitting my fear, in that I perpetuate the problem of unacceptance? I admit I have work to do. I am deeply flawed. But I can say when my children were babies, I was sure we would face LGBTQ issues, and I told my very southern husband we would love our kids “no matter what” . He got on board and it has paid off- our kids have all made choices outside the lines we drew and we have strong relationships with all of them. I trust I’ll weather all my fears in this life (Except my worst fear. I’ll not tempt fate and I’ll keep that to myself) It would be nice to have a place to process our discomforts without being accused of bigotry and racism. Maybe I’m a bigot and a racist but the accusations will only force a digging in to protect myself.

I mean, we do provide good material to work with 😩😂

I say don’t shoot the messenger. This story sells advertising and I think we’re all just lucky that this woman didn’t kill somebody before she was shut down.

I’ve been thinking a lot about how you might respond and I gotta say I didn’t expect this- to which I say well done. 😏

It would be interesting to study. Also though there is no accounting for personality of leadership and teaching.

I think results would vary based on decade. It’s a different church than the one I grew up in, ime.

Just woefully aware how flawed I am, but always after the fact 🤪

Today’s Come Follow me lesson is a reminder to me of the power of persuasion when 1. led by the spirit combined with 3. real love. I’m reminded that acting more intelligent or berating and judging does little change another person. Sigh. But it’s so fun to argue and to see myself as more correct than you. 🧐 why is that?! Why, when we love God, and many of us gather here because of that shared devotion, do we glee in correcting each other and in winning an argument? I felt such satisfaction in an action I noticed on the board this am - and then I prepped the lesson. I am so far from the mark.

Last Breath. Very well rated, good movie. Although I had to get up and walk around, I’m claustrophobic AND afraid of the ocean. The movie is about one of the most dangerous jobs in the world, and it is a true story. It’s about divers who attempt to repair pipeline at the bottom of the sea. It goes poorly.

I’m not sure who you think you are, but I’m done here. I owe you nothing, obviously.