BYU Study on Pornography: "It’s not porn use, but rather the belief in porn addiction and the conflict with religion, which predict porn-related problems."

[Bernard Gui]

7 hours ago, pogi said:

 "Pathologizing" or diagnosing addiction is the first step in recovery.  Example: Hi my name is ____ and I am an addict.  Contrary to what you might believe, diagnosing addiction can relieve some of the tremendous shame that is felt.  "You mean I am not just an immoral pervert that has terrible self-control?!"  "You mean this is not just a lust problem, but a brain chemistry/physiology problem?!"  "You mean in some ways I a victim of addiction and need support, help, and non-judgment."

Denial about addiction is very common.  It is only through accepting the reality of our addiction that we can receive the help that we need.

 

 

It would be great if people paid attention to what you are saying. Here's your chance, folks. A brother who is brave enough to be open about what he has experienced.....far more valuable than anything else that can be said. Rather than talk about it, listen to what one who has experienced it says.

Best wishes, Pogi. God bless.

Edited May 2, 2017 by Bernard Gui

[Bernard Gui]

The dogged resistance by some here to recognizing the problems caused by porn use and the insistence in down-playing its evil nature is puzzling. 

Quote

Question: What Are the Official Criteria For Addiction?

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, (Fourth Edition) Text Revision, which is the current official text on which diagnoses are based, and contains the criteria for addiction and other mental health problems. However, the DSM does not define addiction specifically. Rather, problems which fall under the umbrella of addiction are dispersed throughout the manual.

The criteria for addiction to alcohol and drugs are typically diagnosed using the criteria for substance dependence. There are seven criteria for substance dependence. To be diagnosed, the person would have to have at least three of the criteria within the same year.

The first two criteria, tolerance, and withdrawal, are central to “physiological dependence” on a drug. A person can be diagnosed with substance dependence either with or without the “physiological dependence,” although a person is at greater risk of medical problems and relapse if he does not have “physiological dependence.”

The seven criteria for substance dependence are:

(1) Tolerance, as defined by either of the following:

(a) A need for markedly increased amounts of the substance to achieve intoxication or desired effect.

(b) Markedly diminished effect with continued use of the same amount of the substance.

(2) Withdrawal, as manifested by either of the following: (a) The characteristic withdrawal syndrome for the substance (refer to Criteria A or B of the criteria sets for Withdrawal from specific substances). (b) The same (or a closely related) substance is taken to relieve or avoid withdrawal symptoms.

(3) The substance is often taken in larger amounts or over a longer period than was intended.

(4) There is a persistent desire or unsuccessful efforts to cut down or control substance use.

(5) A great deal of time is spent in activities necessary to obtain the substance (such as visiting multiple doctors or driving long distances), use the substance (such as chain smoking) or recover from its effects.

(6) Important social, occupational, or recreational activities are given up or reduced because of substance use.

(7) The substance use is continued despite knowledge of having a persistent or recurrent physical or psychological problem that is likely to have been caused or exacerbated by the substance.

_Source:

Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Text Revision, Fourth Edition, (Copyright 2000). American Psychiatric Association.

This is, of course, for substance addiction. Is it not possible, however, that someone who uses porn and exhibits at least three of these criteria in a year could, maybe, perhaps, possibly be considered addicted? Like this....

 

The seven criteria for porn dependence are:

(1) Tolerance, as defined by either of the following:

(a) A need for markedly increased amounts or more hard-core content of porn to achieve desired effect.

(b) Markedly diminished effect with continued use of the same amount or content.

(2) Withdrawal, as manifested by either of the following: (a) The characteristic withdrawal syndrome for porn (refer to Criteria A or B of the criteria sets for Withdrawal from porn). (b) The same (or a related) porn is taken to relieve or avoid withdrawal symptoms.

(3) Porn is often used in larger amounts (or has more hard-core content) or is used over a longer period than was intended.

(4) There is a persistent desire or unsuccessful efforts to cut down or porn use.

(5) A great deal of time is spent in activities necessary to obtain the porn (such as visiting multiple web sites or driving long distances to get hard copies), to use the porn,  or to recover from its effects.

(6) Important family, marital, social, occupational, or recreational activities are given up or reduced because of porn use.

(7) The porn use is continued despite knowledge of having a persistent or recurrent physical or psychological problem that is likely to have been caused or exacerbated by the use, or despite loss of income, employment, spouse, or family.

 

[Calm]

16 hours ago, HappyJackWagon said:

This is kind of a standard accusation family and loved ones of addicts will throw at an addict. "If you loved me you would stop."

Isn't the reverse just as likely to occur, the individual will throw at his family and loved ones "If you loved me, you would stop telling me to stop"? Or some such variation?

Edited May 2, 2017 by Calm

[Tsuzuki]

26 minutes ago, Calm said:

Isn't the reverse just as likely to occur, the individual will throw at his family and loved ones "If you loved me, you would stop telling me to stop"? Or some such variation?

This is a relationship incompatibility issue, not a porn issue, and it's why you should only date people with whom you share core values.

[MormonVideoGame]

5 hours ago, juliann said:

Google sex trafficking and porn. Enjoy.

Google depression and Mormonism. 

There is a lot of propaganda out-there, you need to give me serious studies or some stats, fbi or something.

[Tsuzuki]

In my social circles, half of the porn consumers are women, and some of them are producers. They are not exploiting themselves. Some of my friends of both sexes make it as a hobby.

[BlueDreams]

7 hours ago, Darren10 said:

Open is very much a drug. It's extremely addicting. Just tonight I was conversing with one of my Uber riders about drug addiction. He spoke of his alcoholism and drug addictions with his friends. I spoke of my friends doing drugs and drinking but in particular a cousin of mine who became a cocaine addict. My rider and I agreed that in many instances, once addicted, you cannot even tease yourself by being around the former substance or even the people who still do it without the real risk of becoming drug dependent again.  We agreed that it is best to completely sever oneself from the former addiction and move on. In his case it was his his fiancé coming into his life and sobering him up and keeping him that way. 

How is porn addiction any different?

Porn is a form of sexual expression (however unhealthy) you shouldn't cut yourself off from your sexuality. And yes, I've seen that happen or people become afraid of their sexuality because of trying to remove the porn. In essence, it replaces one disorder with another. Porn addiction IMO is closer to having a binge eating disorder. You don't just stop eating or you get anorexia. Instead you teach the person a healthier form of sexuality and sexual expression. 

i could go on, but it's temple time.

with luv,

BD

[california boy]

6 hours ago, Bernard Gui said:

How about many hours in the day? Persisting in the face of loss of family, job, children, self-respect, faith? This is what an addict does. You are setting up a straw man. A dangerous one, at that.

Wow I had no idea so many Mormons were so addicted to porn that they were loosing their family, jobs, children, self-respect and  faith.  No wonder there have been so many talks about this subject.  It sounds like it has reached epic proportions in the Mormon church.  I personally know no person who has even come close to this kind of porn addictions. Is this kind of addiction a Utah thing?  I have heard several references to Utah being among the top states in the country to view porn.

[HappyJackWagon]

8 hours ago, MormonVideoGame said:

Abuse and exploitation happens everywhere and all the time. Just go to your local gas station around 2:00 am and ask the employee. Please give us real data that proves abuse is more prevalent in the porn industry than everywhere else. Please don't cherry-pick. 

If you would like to do a google search I'm sure you'll find some good information about the exploitation of sx workers in the p0rn industry. I never claimed what you are stating but I honestly can't understand the purpose of your defense of the industry. Are you just trying to pick a fight or are you truly trying to defend the industry? If so, why?

-Next time, before getting worked up, try reading for comprehension of what was actually said  

[Tsuzuki]

31 minutes ago, HappyJackWagon said:

I never claimed what you are stating but I honestly can't understand the purpose of your defense of the industry. Are you just trying to pick a fight or are you truly trying to defend the industry? If so, why?

I'll defend the industry. I have friends who work in it. They find it rewarding and it helps them feed their families.

[Gray]

17 hours ago, pogi said:

 "Pathologizing" or diagnosing addiction is the first step in recovery.  Example: Hi my name is ____ and I am an addict.  Contrary to what you might believe, diagnosing addiction can relieve some of the tremendous shame that is felt.  "You mean I am not just an immoral pervert that has terrible self-control?!"  "You mean this is not just a lust problem, but a brain chemistry/physiology problem?!"  "You mean in some ways I a victim of addiction and need support, help, and non-judgment."

Denial about addiction is very common.  It is only through accepting the reality of our addiction that we can receive the help that we need.

 

 

It sounds like calling it an addiction is what is actually causing the problem here, over and above the actual porn use. 

Edited May 2, 2017 by Gray

[stemelbow]

2 minutes ago, Gray said:

It sounds like calling it an addiction is what is actually causing the problem here, over and about the actual porn use. 

I have a friend who is an alcoholic.  He is most often in denial though.  He goes through stages where he's not in denial.  he's even gone for treatment.  I'd say for the most part, he seems most happy when he's in denial.  when he's not he's miserable and suicidal.  I think life feels easier and works better for him when he's just happily (ok that's overstating it) drinking each night. 

I wonder if this says something about the study itself, though.  If those who are denying it is a problem (or in the studies case and addiction) have easier relationships (less relationship anxiety), then is the best conclusion we should make people realize it's not as big a problem as they think it is because those who think it's a big problem really have heavy relationship anxiety?  I really can't get around this topic or can't get a good grasp of it.  I agree and I think the Church does now, anyway, that to call something an addiction when clinically it is not can cause more problems.  But to say things like "we need to treat the shame and not the porn" it feels like we are moving away from the simple step of not calling it an addiction and saying the problem is not what the problem is. 

[Rain]

2 hours ago, california boy said:

Wow I had no idea so many Mormons were so addicted to porn that they were loosing their family, jobs, children, self-respect and  faith.  No wonder there have been so many talks about this subject.  It sounds like it has reached epic proportions in the Mormon church.  I personally know no person who has even come close to this kind of porn addictions. Is this kind of addiction a Utah thing?  I have heard several references to Utah being among the top states in the country to view porn.

I had a close family member, from the TN/MS states that did go through this.  Few know the background of loss of family,  job etc.  It wasn't like the reasons were shouted from the rooftops.  

[Gray]

58 minutes ago, stemelbow said:

I have a friend who is an alcoholic.  He is most often in denial though.  He goes through stages where he's not in denial.  he's even gone for treatment.  I'd say for the most part, he seems most happy when he's in denial.  when he's not he's miserable and suicidal.  I think life feels easier and works better for him when he's just happily (ok that's overstating it) drinking each night. 

I wonder if this says something about the study itself, though.  If those who are denying it is a problem (or in the studies case and addiction) have easier relationships (less relationship anxiety), then is the best conclusion we should make people realize it's not as big a problem as they think it is because those who think it's a big problem really have heavy relationship anxiety?  I really can't get around this topic or can't get a good grasp of it.  I agree and I think the Church does now, anyway, that to call something an addiction when clinically it is not can cause more problems.  But to say things like "we need to treat the shame and not the porn" it feels like we are moving away from the simple step of not calling it an addiction and saying the problem is not what the problem is. 

Maybe, but actual clinical addition to pron is rare. We seem to categorize just about any use as some kind of addiction in Mormon culture. 

I have a tough time staying away from sweets. If I started calling it addiction and started heaping shame on myself about it, I might turn to a secret candy stash to deal with the emotional turmoil. It might even become an actual honest to goodness addiction, instead of a bad habit. 

[bsjkki]

3 hours ago, california boy said:

Wow I had no idea so many Mormons were so addicted to porn that they were loosing their family, jobs, children, self-respect and  faith.  No wonder there have been so many talks about this subject.  It sounds like it has reached epic proportions in the Mormon church.  I personally know no person who has even come close to this kind of porn addictions. Is this kind of addiction a Utah thing?  I have heard several references to Utah being among the top states in the country to view porn.

I know Mormons who have suffered from porn-to the point of it turning into a sex addiction and unfaithful affairs. The miracle is they both repented, their wives stood by them and their families are intact and they were able to return to full membership. That is the true power when people seek help and repent. The churches 12 step program was instrumental in this recovery.

[pogi]

40 minutes ago, Gray said:

It sounds like calling it an addiction is what is actually causing the problem here, over and about the actual porn use. 

No, it is not calling it an addiction that is the problem, it is the stigma and misunderstanding of the nature of P addiction that is the problem.  An improper understanding of P addiction can exacerbate the shame leading to exacerbated relationship anxiety. That is why I am so vocal about my recovery in P addiction, I want to destroy the stigma and the shame of it.  It is not what most people think it is.  What people need to understand is that P addiction typically is not about sex or P at all, and it is not at all about lack of self-control.  I will explain below. I want addicts to understand what they are going through and why (most have no clue), and I want spouses of addicts to understand that this is NOT about them; it is not their fault, and even though it may feel like your spouse is being unfaithful, it is not like that at all. 

Understanding the nature of this addiction will save marriages.  It NEEDS to be better understood. 

52 minutes ago, stemelbow said:

But to say things like "we need to treat the shame and not the porn" it feels like we are moving away from the simple step of not calling it an addiction and saying the problem is not what the problem is. 

That is just it...the perceived problem is not really what the problem is at all.  It is not about P, it is not about sex, it is not about lust...those are just symptoms of the disease or core issues.   This is just a manifestation of a different problem. 

I am going to get real with you guys here.  Please forgive me, but it needs to be understood.  I am speaking from personal experience, but I am not alone in my experience.  It seems to be a common theme at support groups that I attend. For a better understanding, read Healing the Shame that Binds You, by John Bradshaw. 

Let me tell you guys what relationship anxiety is all about for those of you who don't understand it.  Relationship anxiety is frequently a core issue with P addicts (it was with me).  Relationship anxiety is the egg which comes before the chicken of P addiction.  It is the result of toxic shame.  Toxic shame is the yolk of the egg.  It is the conscious or deep subconscious belief that one is unlovable or unacceptable.  It is the belief that if people discovered your true nature...your true self...people would reject you.  So, addicts of all kinds create "false selves".  They wear faces.  They portray themselves to the world in a way that they believe is more acceptable, or hide from the world and relationships all together.  By so doing, their relationships with others are not genuine because they are hidden behind masks, so as to not be discovered for who they really are. This leads to emotional isolation and loneliness.  Even though they may have many friends or are married, they often feel utterly alone, like no one knows or accepts them for who they really are - because who they really are is hidden.  It is terribly lonely. 

At our core as humans, I think there is a fundamental desire to feel accepted by others.  Addicts, not just P addicts, suffer from self-induced isolation.  This lack of genuine intimacy in their lives leads to pain.  The person then has two options, they can come out of isolation and learn true intimacy (a terrifying prospect), or they can take the easy route and numb the pain.  How we choose to emotionally numb is how the addiction manifests.  P use is simply a pseudo intimacy which numbs and counterfeits for genuine intimacy.  

What we are seeing in this study, I think, is ta spiraling loop of toxic shame, due to misunderstanding of addiction.  The church needs to better explain the nature of this addiction to both the addict and the spouse who are suffering.  A proper understanding can go a long way to begin the healing process rather than exacerbate relationship anxiety. 

[Pete Ahlstrom]

13 minutes ago, pogi said:

No, it is not calling it an addiction that is the problem, it is the stigma and misunderstanding of the nature of P addiction that is the problem.  An improper understanding of P addiction can exacerbate the shame leading to exacerbated relationship anxiety. That is why I am so vocal about my recovery in P addiction, I want to destroy the stigma and the shame of it.  It is not what most people think it is.  What people need to understand is that P addiction typically is not about sex or P at all, and it is not at all about lack of self-control.  I will explain below. I want addicts to understand what they are going through and why (most have no clue), and I want spouses of addicts to understand that this is NOT about them; it is not their fault, and even though it may feel like your spouse is being unfaithful, it is not like that at all. 

Understanding the nature of this addiction will save marriages.  It NEEDS to be better understood. 

That is just it...the perceived problem is not really what the problem is at all.  It is not about P, it is not about sex, it is not about lust...those are just symptoms of the disease or core issues.   This is just a manifestation of a different problem. 

I am going to get real with you guys here.  Please forgive me, but it needs to be understood.  I am speaking from personal experience, but I am not alone in my experience.  It seems to be a common theme at support groups that I attend. For a better understanding, read Healing the Shame that Binds You, by John Bradshaw. 

Let me tell you guys what relationship anxiety is all about for those of you who don't understand it.  Relationship anxiety is frequently a core issue with P addicts (it was with me).  Relationship anxiety is the egg which comes before the chicken of P addiction.  It is the result of toxic shame.  Toxic shame is the yolk of the egg.  It is the conscious or deep subconscious belief that one is unlovable or unacceptable.  It is the belief that if people discovered your true nature...your true self...people would reject you.  So, addicts of all kinds create "false selves".  They wear faces.  They portray themselves to the world in a way that they believe is more acceptable, or hide from the world and relationships all together.  By so doing, their relationships with others are not genuine because they are hidden behind masks, so as to not be discovered for who they really are. This leads to emotional isolation and loneliness.  Even though they may have many friends or are married, they often feel utterly alone, like no one knows or accepts them for who they really are - because who they really are is hidden.  It is terribly lonely. 

At our core as humans, I think there is a fundamental desire to feel accepted by others.  Addicts, not just P addicts, suffer from self-induced isolation.  This lack of genuine intimacy in their lives leads to pain.  The person then has two options, they can come out of isolation and learn true intimacy (a terrifying prospect), or they can take the easy route and numb the pain.  How we choose to emotionally numb is how the addiction manifests.  P use is simply a pseudo intimacy which numbs and counterfeits for genuine intimacy.  

What we are seeing in this study, I think, is ta spiraling loop of toxic shame, due to misunderstanding of addiction.  The church needs to better explain the nature of this addiction to both the addict and the spouse who are suffering.  A proper understanding can go a long way to begin the healing process rather than exacerbate relationship anxiety. 

Do you think relationship anxiety would still manifest itself if pornography were somehow inaccessible?  In other words, pornography shouldn't be the focus, but relationship anxiety should?  Do you think this is a global diagnosis, that of relationship anxiety, or is it yours and some other individuals that have this problem and others view pornography for other reasons?

[pogi]

5 minutes ago, Pete Ahlstrom said:

Do you think relationship anxiety would still manifest itself if pornography were somehow inaccessible?  In other words, pornography shouldn't be the focus, but relationship anxiety should?  Do you think this is a global diagnosis, that of relationship anxiety, or is it yours and some other individuals that have this problem and others view pornography for other reasons?

Good questions. Yes, if P was inaccessible, relationship anxiety would still exist.  As Bluedreams correctly stated, you can't just get rid of the P.  Doing so without addressing the core issues will simply cause new/different manifestations of the same problem.  

You are also correct that P should not be the main focus.  That would be equivalent to treating/reducing leg edema without addressing the congestive heart failure which is causing the edema.  In other words, sobriety should not be the goal, recovery should be the ultimate goal.  There is a BIG difference. 

John Bradshaw, author of Healing the Shame that Binds You, does believe that toxic shame is at the core of all addiction.  I think that I agree with him from my extensive experience with addicts.  It can manifest itself in many, many different ways.  You would never suspect toxic shame in some people because they can present as super-human, over achievers; the center of attention, the prom queens or captain of the football team, the straight A students, the business super-stars, the perfectionists, the popular kids.  These people often do not appear to have any form of relationship anxiety whatsoever, and they might not even recognize it in themselves because they are comfortable in the mask they are wearing and can act the part without anxiety - but inside they will feel alone, even surrounded by friends.  People can isolate in plain site.  What is anxiety inducing is revealing the true-self, removing the mask of the perfect kid, and forming genuine relationships based on true emotional intimacy.  

I don't suspect that everyone who looks at P, even on a regular basis, is an "addict", some people view it for other reasons too. 

[stemelbow]

3 hours ago, Gray said:

Maybe, but actual clinical addition to pron is rare. We seem to categorize just about any use as some kind of addiction in Mormon culture. 

Mormon's just took that from the evangelical culture it seems to me.  And I think the Church is trying to get away from that. 

3 hours ago, Gray said:

I have a tough time staying away from sweets. If I started calling it addiction and started heaping shame on myself about it, I might turn to a secret candy stash to deal with the emotional turmoil. It might even become an actual honest to goodness addiction, instead of a bad habit. 

I gotcha (didn't have to hit so close to home).  But eating candy doesn't seem nearly as detrimental as porn.  Maybe my denial there keeps me happy. 

[stemelbow]

4 hours ago, Tsuzuki said:

I'll defend the industry. I have friends who work in it. They find it rewarding and it helps them feed their families.

So if these friends are working in an industry that hurts others, its ok because the feel rewarded (somehow) and it feeds their family? 

I mean call me naïve, I guess.  But I don't see any good in it. 

[pogi]

3 hours ago, Gray said:

Maybe, but actual clinical addition to pron is rare. We seem to categorize just about any use as some kind of addiction in Mormon culture. 

I have a tough time staying away from sweets. If I started calling it addiction and started heaping shame on myself about it, I might turn to a secret candy stash to deal with the emotional turmoil. It might even become an actual honest to goodness addiction, instead of a bad habit. 

The healthier way to live is to educate ourselves about addiction instead of avoiding the diagnosis all together in order to avoid the stigma and "shame" of it. 

Sugar addiction is a real thing my friend   

If you are addicted (not saying you are), it is best to acknowledge the addiction and seek help - diabetes is a terrible, terrible thing!

The trick is to NOT to heap shame upon yourself.  That is not necessary, it is not helpful, and it makes things much, much worse!  You seem to be equating admitting that you are an addict with heaping shame on yourself.  It doesn't need to be that way (though it frequently is).  A proper understanding of addiction removes the shame of it.  

 

[thesometimesaint]

Pogi:

Thank you.

[rongo]

My issue with the ARP approach (in practice, not in theory or in the materials. The materials in theory and in writing preach full recovery and healing through the atonement) is that in practice, the message is "you will always be an addict and will always need the support of mentors or the group." And any attempt by individuals or priesthood leaders to work towards not needing the training wheels at some point are met with outrage (naive, delusional, ignorant, etc.). 

I firmly believe that it is indeed possible, through the atonement and through our own will and agency, to be free of the scourge of sexual sin. It is not easy, and won't happen overnight, but I believe that it can happen --- and should be the goal.

I remember reading this article many years ago in the DN, where the two camps argue over this. The counselor/therapists are apoplectic at the knuckle-dragging, delusional approach that people can actually quit without needing training wheels for life. 

http://www.deseretnews.com/article/520033358/Just-quit-already-addiction-lecturer-says.html

[cinepro]

15 hours ago, Bernard Gui said:

How about many hours in the day? Persisting in the face of loss of family, job, children, self-respect, faith? This is what an addict does. You are setting up a straw man. A dangerous one, at that.

I think this is where my understanding of the issue gets cloudy.

But I can understand it to a certain point.  Early in my marriage, I really enjoyed playing the video game "Starcraft".  There was a period of time where I played it too much.  I stayed up too late, and had a hard time getting up for work.  I didn't lose my job, but I would take a nap at lunch.  There were times I should have been spending time with my wife and kid(s), but I played video games instead.

My wife complained a little, and eventually I just quit.  Almost cold turkey.  Once or twice a year, I would go to a family gathering where my brothers, nephews, and other family members would all bring laptops and we'd have 8 people playing.  I'd play for the weekend, and then stop once I got home.  Eventually my son was old enough to play, and I taught him.  We'd play together, but not more than we might play any regular game.  "Starcraft 2" came out and I bought it and played it for a few weeks, and then occasionally with my son after that.  But I never stayed up late or was late to a meal.  I haven't played it for months (probably more than a year at this point).  But I'm going to a family reunion in July and already got the email saying "Bring your laptop and Starcraft 2!"

So, was I "addicted"?  I don't know.  Maybe by some definitions I was.  Either way, thank goodness I was able to stop.

Now, take that story and imagine that instead of Starcraft, I was looking at pictures of naked women.  Suppose my wife knew, and while she wasn't thrilled, she wouldn't leave me for it.  Is that a worse addiction than video games?

That's what I don't understand.  How are people losing their families, jobs and children because they look at pornography (the study addresses why they are losing their self-respect and faith)?  I've owned a business for 15 years and had hundreds and hundreds of employees pass through, and I've never fired anyone for "pornography addiction".  I did fire someone because they sent a link to a "funny" pornographic video to another employee and accidentally copied me on it, but I think he just thought it was a funny video; I don't think he was addicted (I was looking to lose a few employees at the time and he just gave me an easy excuse).

 

 

 

 

[Pete Ahlstrom]

2 hours ago, pogi said:

Good questions. Yes, if P was inaccessible, relationship anxiety would still exist.  As Bluedreams correctly stated, you can't just get rid of the P.  Doing so without addressing the core issues will simply cause new/different manifestations of the same problem.  

You are also correct that P should not be the main focus.  That would be equivalent to treating/reducing leg edema without addressing the congestive heart failure which is causing the edema.  In other words, sobriety should not be the goal, recovery should be the ultimate goal.  There is a BIG difference. 

John Bradshaw, author of Healing the Shame that Binds You, does believe that toxic shame is at the core of all addiction.  I think that I agree with him from my extensive experience with addicts.  It can manifest itself in many, many different ways.  You would never suspect toxic shame in some people because they can present as super-human, over achievers; the center of attention, the prom queens or captain of the football team, the straight A students, the business super-stars, the perfectionists, the popular kids.  These people often do not appear to have any form of relationship anxiety whatsoever, and they might not even recognize it in themselves because they are comfortable in the mask they are wearing and can act the part without anxiety - but inside they will feel alone, even surrounded by friends.  People can isolate in plain site.  What is anxiety inducing is revealing the true-self, removing the mask of the perfect kid, and forming genuine relationships based on true emotional intimacy.  

I don't suspect that everyone who looks at P, even on a regular basis, is an "addict", some people view it for other reasons too. 

Thank you for sharing.