Jump to content

The Time Is Near


Stargazer

Recommended Posts

I'm at a point now when my dear one, my wife, is nearing the point of departure.  I predicted this, glumly, four years ago, and now four years have gone by and the time is near.

 

Back during April 2015 General Conference I took her to the hospital with a bad fever, and they checked her out thoroughly and the verdict was: 6 months.  Her cancer had spread to the point where the medical people didn't think there was anything they could do that would do any good, and if they did, it would make her final time more painful and would possibly shorten her time.  She decided that she wouldn't fight it further, and so we started doing hospice care at home.

 

Shortly after we had our diagnosis most of the kids made the pilgrimage to visit her, some for the last time, and we had a good old time.  Lots of nice pictures and visitation.

 

Well, she has grown weaker and the pain has grown.  She on some strong pain meds now, hardly eats, and sleeps most of the time.  I've stopped going to work and am on FMLA leave full time now.  Her hospice nurse thinks she might last a couple more weeks, but I don't know whether to hope she goes quickly or holds out for more.  She is not having any fun whatsoever.  I watch over her and keep her as comfortable as I can, but I can't do much. 

 

This is one miserable experience.  And I can't complain because I'm not the one suffering.  And I can't fix it.  That's what I've been good at during our entire life together, fixing things.  But I can't fix this. 

 

We've just "celebrated" our 35th wedding anniversary.  I've blogged about this here.  And I've started working on her biography for my personal web page.  We've already planned out her funeral service, together, so there's not a lot to do in that regard. 

 

I'm spending a bit of time here because I can't sleep and reading and posting distracts me from the current events, when she's between meds and is sleeping.

 

Thanks guys for helping me get through this with your insightful and even your not-so-insightful posts in the various forums and topics.

Link to comment

I'm at a point now when my dear one, my wife, is nearing the point of departure.  I predicted this, glumly, four years ago, and now four years have gone by and the time is near.

 

Back during April 2015 General Conference I took her to the hospital with a bad fever, and they checked her out thoroughly and the verdict was: 6 months.  Her cancer had spread to the point where the medical people didn't think there was anything they could do that would do any good, and if they did, it would make her final time more painful and would possibly shorten her time.  She decided that she wouldn't fight it further, and so we started doing hospice care at home.

 

Shortly after we had our diagnosis most of the kids made the pilgrimage to visit her, some for the last time, and we had a good old time.  Lots of nice pictures and visitation.

 

Well, she has grown weaker and the pain has grown.  She on some strong pain meds now, hardly eats, and sleeps most of the time.  I've stopped going to work and am on FMLA leave full time now.  Her hospice nurse thinks she might last a couple more weeks, but I don't know whether to hope she goes quickly or holds out for more.  She is not having any fun whatsoever.  I watch over her and keep her as comfortable as I can, but I can't do much. 

 

This is one miserable experience.  And I can't complain because I'm not the one suffering.  And I can't fix it.  That's what I've been good at during our entire life together, fixing things.  But I can't fix this. 

 

We've just "celebrated" our 35th wedding anniversary.  I've blogged about this here.  And I've started working on her biography for my personal web page.  We've already planned out her funeral service, together, so there's not a lot to do in that regard. 

 

I'm spending a bit of time here because I can't sleep and reading and posting distracts me from the current events, when she's between meds and is sleeping.

 

Thanks guys for helping me get through this with your insightful and even your not-so-insightful posts in the various forums and topics.

 

It is really frustrating when you can't fix it.  As I posted I went through this a year ago so I know where you are.  It is so surreal to wait for a loved one to die and you can do nothing.  God bless you with comfort and peace.

Link to comment

I am so sorry you are all going through this.  I know the usually things we say when we hear about other people's sufferings - that there's a plan, that there's a reason, etc...  But they don't seem to cover the full scope of what someone goes through when this sort of thing happens.

 

I wish you and your wife the best of courage and faith to not be overwhelmed by the massive influx of emotions and the weight it will undoubtedly bear down on you.  May He who bore all share your burdens and make them light.

 

God bless the both of you.

Edited by Mars
Link to comment

Words, of course, are inadequate.  I'm sorry you're going through this.  While any comparison between our respective trials is inapt (and, in any event, even two people going through, theoretically, the exact same trial would react differently to it based on differing perspectives, temperaments, other life experiences, and so on) one thing have learned in my relatively young life is that it wouldn't be called "enduring to the end" if there were nothing to endure.

 

May God give you "peace that passeth all understanding" in this difficult time. :)

Link to comment

Stargazer, dear spiritual brother...

I add my voice and thoughts to those expressed here... this does make me weep and you and your dear wife are in my prayers this morning and often.   I know you are a comfort and a strength to your wife at this time... and we stand beside you spiritually to help buoy you up...

May peace and comfort be with you both, as you trust in the Savior...

 

GG

Link to comment

I'm so sorry your wife's life has to be cut short Stargazer. I hope for an eternal life where she moves on and has some things to do until you get there. I hope it's true that their day is like a year for us. Or something like that.

I have some advice, but you've probably done this already, so apologize if so. My FIL passed away over a week ago. He was on hospice at home for over 5 months. During that time I had my husband tape record him while asking questions out of the book that provides the questions. Helps move the interview (?) along. The other night my husband and I listened, it was about 2 hours long. He remembered many things about his past and commented on many things in life. It was good to hear his voice again, and hear things he'd never really told anyone that we know of, he's definitely the strong silent type!

It was a book similar to this that helped with questions.

http://www.amazon.com/Memories-My-Grandchild-Keepsake-Grandparents/dp/144130262X#

Link to comment

Stargazer...may the love of God enfold you. I think that if my wife were to pass before me that most of my soul would rise with her's. You will be in my prayers and others here as well. I wish I could choose the words that could and would help...but I can't, so I won't. Just be believing in the words of comfort of our God.

Bill Lee

Your brother

Link to comment

My heart is breaking for you.  Your family is in my prayers. 

Link to comment

Ugh. That is really tough. So sorry she, you and your family are going through this.

I've always felt my husband had the tougher job, watching me go through the things I have been through. When you love someone, as you love your wife, and you can't fix it then there is suffering for you as well. I wish I could fix it for you.

*hugs and prayers*

Link to comment

I'm so sorry your wife's life has to be cut short Stargazer. I hope for an eternal life where she moves on and has some things to do until you get there. I hope it's true that their day is like a year for us. Or something like that.

I have some advice, but you've probably done this already, so apologize if so. My FIL passed away over a week ago. He was on hospice at home for over 5 months. During that time I had my husband tape record him while asking questions out of the book that provides the questions. Helps move the interview (?) along. The other night my husband and I listened, it was about 2 hours long. He remembered many things about his past and commented on many things in life. It was good to hear his voice again, and hear things he'd never really told anyone that we know of, he's definitely the strong silent type!

It was a book similar to this that helped with questions.

http://www.amazon.com/Memories-My-Grandchild-Keepsake-Grandparents/dp/144130262X#

Oh, that's a nice little book, Tacenda! Thanks for the suggestion, and I have just ordered it from Amazon, 2-day shipping. Perhaps I can use it in the time she has left. I don't know if she's going to be able to respond well this late in the game, but I can give it a shot.

I did anticipate some of this several years ago and conducted an interview with her about her early life. It's about two hours of questions and answers, on audio.

Edited by Stargazer
Link to comment

Stargazer...may the love of God enfold you. I think that if my wife were to pass before me that most of my soul would rise with her's. You will be in my prayers and others here as well. I wish I could choose the words that could and would help...but I can't, so I won't. Just be believing in the words of comfort of our God.

Bill Lee

Your brother

I was commenting to the RS president who visited today that it was like my life was ending with my wife's life. What comes after? It's the Unknown Country, because despite the fact that she is a bit older than I, I was expecting to go first, and now where's my expectations? No time to worry about that particular thing, but I anticipate a good deal of confusion when it comes to it.

I keep telling her that she needs to get some rest now, because when she gets to the other side she is going to have no time to sleep. All the ancestors who will be there to welcome her, and thank her for getting their work done in the temple.

Link to comment

I was commenting to the RS president who visited today that it was like my life was ending with my wife's life. What comes after? It's the Unknown Country, because despite the fact that she is a bit older than I, I was expecting to go first, and now where's my expectations? No time to worry about that particular thing, but I anticipate a good deal of confusion when it comes to it.I keep telling her that she needs to get some rest now, because when she gets to the other side she is going to have no time to sleep. All the ancestors who will be there to welcome her, and thank her for getting their work done in the temple.

Throughout my life, I have prided myself in always knowing what to say. I could speak or put my words and thoughts into poetry and help others with ease, or so I though. When it comes to loosing a wife, husband or child, I am finding now that I am speechless. Just know that your friends here are there stand ready to talk, pray or laugh some day again in the future...in short you are loved. I believe with all my heart that Angels and loved ones of the path stand ready the Balm of Giliead (hope I spell this right) to give you strength throughout this adversity. Know again that you are loved.

Bill Lee

Link to comment

It has been very hard for Mom since Dad died last December.  She keeps having moments where she says "I don't know who I am" or "what is my purpose now?".

 

They almost made it to 65 years together.

 

There is a real sense of becoming one flesh I think when the feeling of being apart is almost too much to bear.  I was reading a book where the author was commenting on how a couple she knew who were getting older and both having serious health issues both expressed the desire to be the one who had to stay a little longer because they didn't want the other to have to go through the pain of separation.  She saw that as quite the ultimate sign of their love for each other.  It is a real burden to take on.  The hope of seeing one's loved one again seems to me to be the best blessing we can be given and you have that already.  :)

Link to comment

My heart, thoughts, and prayers are with you, my brother. I know that all will be made right and well in the eternal plan of the Eternal God; you and your wife can be together in glorious and never-ending happiness. Peace be with you, your wife, and your children.

Link to comment

Oh, that's a nice little book, Tacenda! Thanks for the suggestion, and I have just ordered it from Amazon, 2-day shipping. Perhaps I can use it in the time she has left. I don't know if she's going to be able to respond well this late in the game, but I can give it a shot.

I did anticipate some of this several years ago and conducted an interview with her about her early life. It's about two hours of questions and answers, on audio.

Oh good, hope it goes well. Prayers for you and your family. She sure sounds very loved. ETA: I failed to see her biography before now. She's so pretty!! I finally have some time to read it!! Edited by Tacenda
Link to comment

Was hoping for a second coming thread. This is much sadder. :sad:

 

Yes, I would have preferred posting a second coming thread!  The fact is, Christ has already taken away the sting of death and the victory of the grave has been turned to our victory over the grave.  She goes to a place of no suffering, and will come forth from there gloriously resurrected.  I envy her in that regard!  She gets to go while I have to stay.

 

But I will follow in due course, and in the end we will be together forever! 

Edited by Stargazer
Link to comment

Throughout my life, I have prided myself in always knowing what to say. I could speak or put my words and thoughts into poetry and help others with ease, or so I though. When it comes to loosing a wife, husband or child, I am finding now that I am speechless. Just know that your friends here are there stand ready to talk, pray or laugh some day again in the future...in short you are loved. I believe with all my heart that Angels and loved ones of the path stand ready the Balm of Giliead (hope I spell this right) to give you strength throughout this adversity. Know again that you are loved.

Bill Lee

 

Well, that's the reason I posted this here.  I feel a great deal of helplessness in these last weeks, and I need the prayers of those who care.  I have great regard for all of those here, including some with whom I have had somewhat sharper conversations over time, and I hope that the strong prayers of those here whom I have grown to care for over the years will help me bridge this gap.

 

It's not about defeat, I keep telling myself, but about the victory of her enduring faithful to the end. 

 

But it's going to be somewhat empty around our home for a few years.

Link to comment
  • 3 weeks later...
  • 4 weeks later...
Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
×
×
  • Create New...