ZelphtheGreat Posted August 26, 2013 Posted August 26, 2013 One problem is that the interviewee is often in the room with someone they do not trust. Just because he is the Bishop does not mean all the kids trust him. After all, before being called as Bishop most of these men never had any interaction with the youth or, in most cases, with many of the Ward members. Then, the call and all of a sudden they are to become your best buddies filled with concern about your soul. Much like home teaching. Assigned best friends. It does not really work that way. Many of us have seen this happen over and over. One who has nothing to do with you and no contact is called to a leadership position and suddenly they want to be your friend and are concerned about your eternal welfare. When they are released from the calling all the pretense of caring is dropped. No more visits, no actual friendship, nothing. They move on to the next new 'best friends' to be caring and concerned about. It is a toxic situation in too many instances tho benign in most. Too many of our youth are asked pointed questions of a sexual nature when they know nothing of what is asked. It has the effect of bringing up topics the kids are not ready for and not mature enough to handle. It highlights sexual behavior that the kid now goes home or to their buddies and start investigating. The consequences are the opposite of what the Bishop was trying to do.
Bernard Gui Posted August 26, 2013 Posted August 26, 2013 12 Step programs - Step 4 Truth, Step 5 Confession.
Danzo Posted August 26, 2013 Posted August 26, 2013 Thanks BD... I read it too quickly and thought that he touched her while explaining... well that is better, but I find it even more troubling that she was so traumitized by something that was verbal... and I agree, that was inappropriate also... she still should have told her parents because he needed to be stopped from such detailed questions/explanations. GG+Why is defining something inappropriate?
ERMD Posted August 26, 2013 Posted August 26, 2013 One problem is that the interviewee is often in the room with someone they do not trust. Just because he is the Bishop does not mean all the kids trust him. After all, before being called as Bishop most of these men never had any interaction with the youth or, in most cases, with many of the Ward members. Then, the call and all of a sudden they are to become your best buddies filled with concern about your soul. Much like home teaching. Assigned best friends. It does not really work that way. Many of us have seen this happen over and over. One who has nothing to do with you and no contact is called to a leadership position and suddenly they want to be your friend and are concerned about your eternal welfare. When they are released from the calling all the pretense of caring is dropped. No more visits, no actual friendship, nothing. They move on to the next new 'best friends' to be caring and concerned about. It is a toxic situation in too many instances tho benign in most. Too many of our youth are asked pointed questions of a sexual nature when they know nothing of what is asked. It has the effect of bringing up topics the kids are not ready for and not mature enough to handle. It highlights sexual behavior that the kid now goes home or to their buddies and start investigating. The consequences are the opposite of what the Bishop was trying to do.This experience is far from mine. I remain close friends with my 3 previous bishops, going back to 1995. I home teach one of them. I taught seminary prior to being called as bishop over 3 years ago. I had then and maintain now a very close bond with the youth. I had them over to my home for movie parties (Dark Knight and edited Monty Python) when I was their seminary teacher and have them over now for firesides, pool parties, etc. It is not uncommon for kids approach me with questions and issues. No feigned friendship here. 3
Calm Posted August 26, 2013 Posted August 26, 2013 (edited) The only bishop I was not a good friend of in the past 30 years was a bishop of a ward we just moved into and due to my health I never really got to know him for the short time he was our bishop. All the rest (about 7 all told) were good friends, either before they were leaders or once they were bishop and then following continued to be (until we moved away in some cases). My kids have had good relations with most of them as well. We have gone over for movies to the home of our current one and their kid watches our dog refusing to take money (we are going to slip her a gift card to something so she can't refuse it as easily) and he is going to help with the sprinkler system because he put himself through college doing those even though he is now a research professor. A former bishop made a habit of hiring anyone wanting to earn money for a mission as well as doing missionary laundry/dry cleaning for free and in doing so, became the long lasting mentor of many a young man (and a not a few young women as well). Edited August 26, 2013 by calmoriah 2
VideoGameJunkie Posted September 6, 2015 Posted September 6, 2015 http://www.the-exponent.com/where-is-the-outrage/comment-page-1/#comments That's an article about young women being asked inappropriate questions that go off book by Bishops and many comments have shared their examples of abuse by Bishop or Stake President.
Five Solas Posted September 6, 2015 Posted September 6, 2015 (edited) This happened to my youngest sister when she was a teenager--she went inactive immediately following an interview with her bishop. He probed her with questions of, shall we say, a highly personal (and IMO, inappropriate) nature. Interestingly, the oldest of my sisters, who is devout LDS, isn't concerned with a word of it. To her, the youngest's claim made public (at least within the family) simply proves her unworthiness. In a Forrest Gump-like way, unworthy is as unworthy does... Reunions are feats of self-control. --Erik Edited September 6, 2015 by Five Solas
Thinking Posted September 6, 2015 Posted September 6, 2015 Having never been a bishop I can't speak to the type of training that a bishop receives about conducting such interviews. I wonder if there are any bishops who could enlighten us about that?
Alan Posted September 6, 2015 Posted September 6, 2015 I do think bishops need training in this regard.I have interviewed many youth and some have confessed things to me.However, I have always adopted the approach that I only need to know what is absolutely necessary and no more. I don't think it is appropriate to ask questions of an intimate nature and I don't do it. 2
Duncan Posted September 6, 2015 Posted September 6, 2015 This whole subject reminds me of what President N. Eldon Tanner said in Oct. 1978 GC "One of the General Authorities once interviewed a young man who had gone into the mission home who had made confession of a transgression which disqualified him from missionary service.The General Authority was amazed at the sordid nature of what the young man had done and asked, “Where on earth did you get the idea to do things like this?” He was shocked when the young man answered, “From my bishop.”During a preliminary interview for the young man’s mission, the bishop had said, “Have you ever done this? Have you ever done that?” describing every unworthy and depraved act he could think of. Such things had never before entered the young man’s mind, but they were in his mind now! The adversary put in his way the opportunity and the temptation—and he fell!Brethren, our interviews must be conducted in love, in modesty. Ofttimes things can be corrected if you ask: “Would there be a reason you may feel uncomfortable or perhaps even dishonest to the Lord if you were to sign your own temple recommend?" 1
Russell C McGregor Posted September 7, 2015 Posted September 7, 2015 This happened to my youngest sister when she was a teenager--she went inactive immediately following an interview with her bishop. He probed her with questions of, shall we say, a highly personal (and IMO, inappropriate) nature. Interestingly, the oldest of my sisters, who is devout LDS, isn't concerned with a word of it. To her, the youngest's claim made public (at least within the family) simply proves her unworthiness. In a Forrest Gump-like way, unworthy is as unworthy does... Reunions are feats of self-control. --Erik I wonder if there is any "Mormon atrocity" story anywhere that Erik won't claim as a personal experience? 1
Thinking Posted September 7, 2015 Posted September 7, 2015 I wonder if there is any "Mormon atrocity" story anywhere that Erik won't claim as a personal experience? You found us out. Anytime we critics hear a story we forward it to Erik so he can make it his own on this board. All kidding aside, I'd like to know if you have any evidence that Erik isn't telling the truth. If not, retract your statement and delete your post.
Russell C McGregor Posted September 7, 2015 Posted September 7, 2015 One problem is that the interviewee is often in the room with someone they do not trust. Just because he is the Bishop does not mean all the kids trust him. After all, before being called as Bishop most of these men never had any interaction with the youth or, in most cases, with many of the Ward members. Then, the call and all of a sudden they are to become your best buddies filled with concern about your soul. Really? Most bishops were anti-social, introverted recluses right up to the moment they were called? Who knew? Much like home teaching. Assigned best friends. It does not really work that way. Nor is it expected to. "Assigned best friends?" Is that what you really think it's about? Many of us have seen this happen over and over. One who has nothing to do with you and no contact is called to a leadership position and suddenly they want to be your friend and are concerned about your eternal welfare. When they are released from the calling all the pretense of caring is dropped. No more visits, no actual friendship, nothing. They move on to the next new 'best friends' to be caring and concerned about. It is a toxic situation in too many instances tho benign in most. Too many of our youth are asked pointed questions of a sexual nature when they know nothing of what is asked. It has the effect of bringing up topics the kids are not ready for and not mature enough to handle. It highlights sexual behavior that the kid now goes home or to their buddies and start investigating. The consequences are the opposite of what the Bishop was trying to do. And how many do you think that "too many" really is?
Russell C McGregor Posted September 7, 2015 Posted September 7, 2015 One of the 'Doves and Serpents' comments is so disturbing, along with several others. I keep wondering if I wasn't affected and didn't know it. This sounds eerily reminiscent of the old "repressed/recovered memory" craze. ETA: Very few women are allowed to view the handbooks and policies, that so many men have access to. Don't let anyone tell you you're paranoid. It really is a conspiracy, we really are all in on it, and we really are out to get you.
ttribe Posted September 7, 2015 Posted September 7, 2015 Really? Most bishops were anti-social, introverted recluses right up to the moment they were called? Who knew? Nor is it expected to. "Assigned best friends?" Is that what you really think it's about? And how many do you think that "too many" really is?Why are you responding to a post that is two years old? 1
Russell C McGregor Posted September 7, 2015 Posted September 7, 2015 You found us out. Anytime we critics hear a story we forward it to Erik so he can make it his own on this board. All kidding aside, I'd like to know if you have any evidence that Erik isn't telling the truth. If not, retract your statement and delete your post. I don't think I will. I suggest you go and give your peremptory orders to someone else.
Storm Rider Posted September 7, 2015 Posted September 7, 2015 One problem is that the interviewee is often in the room with someone they do not trust. Just because he is the Bishop does not mean all the kids trust him. After all, before being called as Bishop most of these men never had any interaction with the youth or, in most cases, with many of the Ward members. Then, the call and all of a sudden they are to become your best buddies filled with concern about your soul. Much like home teaching. Assigned best friends. It does not really work that way. Many of us have seen this happen over and over. One who has nothing to do with you and no contact is called to a leadership position and suddenly they want to be your friend and are concerned about your eternal welfare. When they are released from the calling all the pretense of caring is dropped. No more visits, no actual friendship, nothing. They move on to the next new 'best friends' to be caring and concerned about. It is a toxic situation in too many instances tho benign in most. Too many of our youth are asked pointed questions of a sexual nature when they know nothing of what is asked. It has the effect of bringing up topics the kids are not ready for and not mature enough to handle. It highlights sexual behavior that the kid now goes home or to their buddies and start investigating. The consequences are the opposite of what the Bishop was trying to do. I have never thought the role of a Bishop is to be "best buds" or "best friends" with any of the youth or any other member for that matter. A bishop stands as a judge in Israel; the function is to care for the spiritual and temporal well-being of each member of his ward. Trust is a two way street. If someone distrusts others they are going to have a harder time in taking advantage of those who serve in leadership. It has nothing to do with the leader and everything to do with not trusting others. As long as they are distrustful no one will be able to serve them because of the wall they have built around themselves. When they have suffered enough or choose to take down their wall and trust others they will then enjoy the fruits of being served. Until then, regardless of much others may want to serve them, their hearts are closed and no one is allowed to serve them by their own choice.
Jeanne Posted September 7, 2015 Posted September 7, 2015 To me, it is so none of their business, To ask a question and then want the details just does not seem right. so many other ways to share and communicate with the youth,
Garden Girl Posted September 7, 2015 Posted September 7, 2015 (edited) To me, it is so none of their business, To ask a question and then want the details just does not seem right. so many other ways to share and communicate with the youth, Actually, Jeanne, other than not agreeing that it is none of a bishop's business in regard to temple recommends, I tend to agree with you on this... there are ways for bishops, stake pres, to conduct such interviews for temple recommends, including youth recommends without going into specific and probing details... they can ask general questions using general terms which will tell whether unworthy behavior has taken place... they don't have to go into minute details. This applies to both male and female interviews. GG Edited September 7, 2015 by Garden Girl
Tacenda Posted September 7, 2015 Posted September 7, 2015 This sounds eerily reminiscent of the old "repressed/recovered memory" craze.Don't let anyone tell you you're paranoid. It really is a conspiracy, we really are all in on it, and we really are out to get you.This was 2013!
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