Gender Gap Widens In The Church

[cinepro]

This is a mainstream-Christian book, but it may have some applicability to the phenomenon being discussed:

[Calm]

Your attitude worries me, but to each their own.

Maybe you should let us know what ward you are in, so all the single people over 30 will know not to come...

He specifically said that he was not talking about all over 30, but just a few...those that acted inappropriately by hitting on the 18 to 19 year old young ladies to the point that it drove these ladies to stop coming. Are you saying that such behaviour should be ignored or simply the few that acted in such a way should be excused for some reason?

[Duncan]

This is a mainstream-Christian book, but it may have some applicability to the phenomenon being discussed:

the stats in this are kind of scary or interesting depending on your worldview

[silvermoon383]

Maybe the Church has trouble keeping the guys after 30 because it becomes nothing but "why aren't you married yet?" while the women get coddled and told "it'll be ok, there's a man out there for you."

[The Nehor]

Your attitude worries me, but to each their own.

Maybe you should let us know what ward you are in, so all the single people over 30 will know not to come...

They can't come. It was a YSA ward.

[Sky]

He specifically said that he was not talking about all over 30, but just a few...those that acted inappropriately by hitting on the 18 to 19 year old young ladies to the point that it drove these ladies to stop coming. Are you saying that such behaviour should be ignored or simply the few that acted in such a way should be excused for some reason?

It came across to me that The Nehor was judging singles in general too harshly. If somebody acting inappropriately needs to be corrected, then fine with me. But seeing somebody as a burden or wanting to “disinvite” them from a ward is uncalled for and un-Christ like, in my opinion. And I was single not very long ago, so I know all too well the pressures that single people face in the church. Believe me when I tell you that it is not easy for them. It seems to me like we ought to encourage them to stay close to the gospel instead of making it that much easier for them to drift away.

[Sky]

They can't come. It was a YSA ward.

I guess there is a reason why the Church tells single people that once they hit age 31, they need to start attending a family ward.

My understanding is that the age range for singles wards has always been 18-30.

[BCSpace]

Solutions? Future implications?

Seems like an ideal excuse to reinstate Polygamy...

It is one of few realistic options IF one thinks the gap is a problem. The other ones being more missionary and activation work and/or more emphasis on keeping the law of chastity for older and never married singles.

[Calm]

If somebody acting inappropriately needs to be corrected, then fine with me. But seeing somebody as a burden or wanting to “disinvite” them from a ward is uncalled for and un-Christ like, in my opinion.

And if someone acts like a stalker and does not take correction? While I have not been in this position, I have had some friends who were practically fearful of going to church because of single men who wouldn't leave them alone. It wasn't just about social awkwardness, it can get to a point where a young woman fears for her safety.

At that point, if the man refuses to accept correction and it is not practical to give him a constant escort at church, I think "disinviting him" is appropriate and would be grateful to know that my church leaders were concerned enough for my and other sisters' safety and comfort to do so.

This would of course be a rare circumstances and all effort should be put into trying to find another option, but if he refuses to change his behaviour and such behaviour is threatening, than I think it Christlike to protect the women of the ward by not allowing him to interact with them and if necessary "disinvite".

[BCSpace]

I guess there is a reason why the Church tells single people that once they hit age 31, they need to start attending a family ward.

My understanding is that the age range for singles wards has always been 18-30.

Our region just finished a survey of older singles regarding activities they like, don't like, or would like to see happen. Most of such singles in our Stake are elderly and by and large, preferred nothing at all or for activities to be earlier in the day. Of those who still seem to be of marriageable age, most do not seem interested at all because they are too busy with life.

Of course there is a lot of inactivity in this area. The elderly not by choice because they often just have a hard time getting out, those of marriageable age because of the difficulty of raising a family alone (dictating the need for marriage) or unbelief because of unfulfilled expectations. Other than rides and sacrament in the homes for the elderly, I don't have a ready solution and I think it could be tough for the Church to come up with a ready solution. The new YA wards seem to be working out great. I can see how wards for over 31 and single could be problematic but maybe that's the way to go too.

Always hard for me because my belief and testimony are neither founded or tested by sociality or social condition.

[Mark Beesley]

Makes this scripture seem rather appropriate:

I was 43 before I found my eternal companion and I did not and would not marry out of the Church. In my area there was a shortage of worthy LDS women so I think it varies from area to area and from generation to generation.

I think the scripture in Isaiah is figurative, and actually refers to churches in the last days who want be called by Christ's name without actually adopting His doctrines (bread) and ordinances (apparel).

Edited January 9, 2012 by Mark Beesley

[Kenngo1969]

That's a very impressive demonstration of faith and perseverance IMHO. But I think you would be in the minority of men able and willing to pull off such a feat.

Your cynicism is so ... encouraging!

Edited January 9, 2012 by Kenngo1969

[Kenngo1969]

And if someone acts like a stalker and does not take correction? While I have not been in this position, I have had some friends who were practically fearful of going to church because of single men who wouldn't leave them alone. It wasn't just about social awkwardness, it can get to a point where a young woman fears for her safety.

At that point, if the man refuses to accept correction and it is not practical to give him a constant escort at church, I think "disinviting him" is appropriate and would be grateful to know that my church leaders were concerned enough for my and other sisters' safety and comfort to do so.

This would of course be a rare circumstances and all effort should be put into trying to find another option, but if he refuses to change his behaviour and such behaviour is threatening, than I think it Christlike to protect the women of the ward by not allowing him to interact with them and if necessary "disinvite".

Ugh! I hope nobody's ever mistaken me for one of those guys! (Of course, I have the opposite problem: chances are very good that even if she were eligible and I were interested, she would die blissfully unaware that I ever (however fleetingly) considered making her the subject of my attention. )

Edited January 9, 2012 by Kenngo1969

[Jaybear]

It is one of few realistic options IF one thinks the gap is a problem. The other ones being more missionary and activation work and/or more emphasis on keeping the law of chastity for older and never married singles.

As long as there are singe men in the ward, wouldn't it make more sense for God to call them to marrriage, before calling a married man to take on a second bride?

[Sky]

As long as there are singe men in the ward, wouldn't it make more sense for God to call them to marrriage, before calling a married man to take on a second bride?

I think there is plenty of young single men being encouraged or called to marriage in the Church.

[BCSpace]

It is one of few realistic options IF one thinks the gap is a problem. The other ones being more missionary and activation work and/or more emphasis on keeping the law of chastity for older and never married singles.

As long as there are singe men in the ward, wouldn't it make more sense for God to call them to marrriage, before calling a married man to take on a second bride?

Yes but......

The gender gap mentioned implies a 100% success rate in that area cannot fill the gap by a long shot. In addition, many of these men are not worthy for marriage (temple) hence the gap in the first place. Active unmarried women get also tend to get pickier when they get older. Also, there is often a reason why unmarried men and women are that way in the first place that makes them unattractive to the opposite sex. It's a vicious cycle.

Perhaps Seinfeld was right when he said 95% of the world is undatable and that alcohol is what brings people together. Doubly tough for Mormons because we have no alcohol.

[Peppermint Patty]

And (please forgive my cynicism here) some will "have" to marry outside the faith because they look beyond the mark.

P.S.: And I know that because I'm one of the ones they look past as they do that.

Kenngo,

Please don't get discouraged and don't give up. One of my best friends just became engaged and she is 36 years old.

The Church needs you, and other single men to stick with it. Now more than ever, you guys have a great responsibility and obligation to the single women. You will eventually find someone. I promise.

[Peppermint Patty]

It has always seemed somewhat this way to me. The odds do seem to favor the men, when it comes to finding a companion firm in the faith.

I think you are right about the odds favoring the men when it comes to finding a companion. I am just a little concerned that the gender gap seems to be widening. I would feel really sad if in the next 20 years, 7 out of 10 LDS are women. These women would have to choose to marry outside the Church or just not marry at all. There has to be a solution.

[Calm]

There has to be a solution.

Unfortunately there are somethings in life that don't have solutions and must simply be endured.

[Nominee]

Maybe the Church has trouble keeping the guys after 30 because it becomes nothing but "why aren't you married yet?" while the women get coddled and told "it'll be ok, there's a man out there for you."

I think that is just because typically it is the man that is proposing to the woman and the woman who is waiting for the man to propose ~typically.

[Nominee]

I think you are right about the odds favoring the men when it comes to finding a companion. I am just a little concerned that the gender gap seems to be widening. I would feel really sad if in the next 20 years, 7 out of 10 LDS are women. These women would have to choose to marry outside the Church or just not marry at all. There has to be a solution.

I am 39, single and will absolutely never marry any man that cannot go to the temple with me. I know for a fact that my Heavenly Father wants no less for me than to be sealed for eternity to my husband and our family. He expects no less. If I do not meet my husband in this life I will meet him after this life. I live righteously and worthily and I have complete faith in the love my Heavenly Father has for me and the promises he has made. I know that my needs and desires will be met because I will always do my very best to make God's interests my own. God is a better judge of character than I am. There is zero possibility for me to have less than a temple marriage because I choose what is right for me. And I will be married someday because eternity is a long time given to meet the right guy. I want to live in the Celestial kingdom, I want to live with my Father. I wouldn't settle for less and I wouldn't advise my daughter to either. Mortality is minuscule.

[Peppermint Patty]

I am 39, single and will absolutely never marry any man that cannot go to the temple with me. I know for a fact that my Heavenly Father wants no less for me than to be sealed for eternity to my husband and our family. He expects no less. If I do not meet my husband in this life I will meet him after this life. I live righteously and worthily and I have complete faith in the love my Heavenly Father has for me and the promises he has made. I know that my needs and desires will be met because I will always do my very best to make God's interests my own. God is a better judge of character than I am. There is zero possibility for me to have less than a temple marriage because I choose what is right for me. And I will be married someday because eternity is a long time given to meet the right guy. I want to live in the Celestial kingdom, I want to live with my Father. I wouldn't settle for less and I wouldn't advise my daughter to either. Mortality is minuscule.

+1, and thank you very much.

[TAO]

I am 39, single and will absolutely never marry any man that cannot go to the temple with me. I know for a fact that my Heavenly Father wants no less for me than to be sealed for eternity to my husband and our family. He expects no less. If I do not meet my husband in this life I will meet him after this life. I live righteously and worthily and I have complete faith in the love my Heavenly Father has for me and the promises he has made. I know that my needs and desires will be met because I will always do my very best to make God's interests my own. God is a better judge of character than I am. There is zero possibility for me to have less than a temple marriage because I choose what is right for me. And I will be married someday because eternity is a long time given to meet the right guy. I want to live in the Celestial kingdom, I want to live with my Father. I wouldn't settle for less and I wouldn't advise my daughter to either. Mortality is minuscule.

That was just... epic!

[The Nehor]

It came across to me that The Nehor was judging singles in general too harshly. If somebody acting inappropriately needs to be corrected, then fine with me. But seeing somebody as a burden or wanting to “disinvite” them from a ward is uncalled for and un-Christ like, in my opinion. And I was single not very long ago, so I know all too well the pressures that single people face in the church. Believe me when I tell you that it is not easy for them. It seems to me like we ought to encourage them to stay close to the gospel instead of making it that much easier for them to drift away.

As a still-single person I feel their pain.

[selek1]

A recent study showed that approximately 60 percent of Utah Mormons are women, up from 52.5 percent two decades ago. http://www.sltrib.co...mormon.html.csp

I wouldn’t be surprised if the gender gap is even more pronounced in other parts of the world. For example, I served a mission in Sendai, Japan in the 90’s and in every ward or branch I served in, the women outnumbered the men by significant numbers.

As a mother of three daughters, this concerns me a little. It appears that many LDS women will now have to marry outside their faith or choose not to marry.

Solutions? Future implications?

To be perfectly blunt, this particular study is being pushed by the second most virulently anti-Mormon rag in the Intermountain West, and by a "reporter" who's anti-Mormon bias is the stuff of legend.

Even then, the paper makes the reluctant admission that the numbers don't necessarily support the spin that Stack and the Strib are trying to peddle.

As the father of four daughters, I don't have any fear that my girls will be unable to find worthy husbands and priesthood holders when the time comes.

This piece, in my opinion, is nothing more than wishful thinking on the part of enemies of the Church, and nothing to become alarmed about.

For those who are deeply, truly alarmed over this article, I recommend the following link, though I must also offer a warning about language ahead of time.