Rivers Posted April 24, 2015 Posted April 24, 2015 So my wife is a counselor in the YW. The ward has one young women that attends church while several more attend the weekly activities. The one church-going girl has been upset that her needs are not being met since religious themes aren't heavily stressed at activities. Accomodating the needs of one would alienate the majority in this situation. It is quite the conundrum. Now we have this girl's family complaining. We got some drama going on. Any thoughts?
Calm Posted April 24, 2015 Posted April 24, 2015 (edited) Shouldn't the girl be helping to plan the activities? What would meet her needs?Perhaps additional attention outside of activities so she gets support where she feels she needs it, but it doesn't alienate the others.Given the need to have two leaders involved, that can be a problem...are there girls of other ages she could do additional a tivities with? Edited April 24, 2015 by calmoriah 2
rpn Posted April 24, 2015 Posted April 24, 2015 The class presidencies are supposed to act like a council (meaning unanimous) to decide what supports and helps the YW, work on skills, their personal progress, family relationships. Some YW grow up in homes where it isn't good unless it is churchy (and I don't mean this necessarily in the best sense of the word, since it sometimes results in being judgmental, instead of meeting members exactly where they are and trying to lift them, which is the best sense of how the Savior did things). Others grow up thinking they are supposed to be entertained at church, and being "fun" is the object and design of youth activities. So when the groups of three girls prayerfully work this out to something they can agree with, that often gets a balance. When the adults start or keep planning the activities, instead of the girls (some of whom presumably are in the don't come on sunday group), it is much easier for the girls and their parents to take potshots. The adults are only supposed to train and support the girls who have been set apart to lead. It is so much easier to tell unhappy girls to work it out (and help them do so), and their parents that if they don't like it, they might pray more for the girl leaders to figure this out, since that is just what the leaders are doing. 2
ERayR Posted April 25, 2015 Posted April 25, 2015 The class presidencies are supposed to act like a council (meaning unanimous) to decide what supports and helps the YW, work on skills, their personal progress, family relationships. Some YW grow up in homes where it isn't good unless it is churchy (and I don't mean this necessarily in the best sense of the word, since it sometimes results in being judgmental, instead of meeting members exactly where they are and trying to lift them, which is the best sense of how the Savior did things). Others grow up thinking they are supposed to be entertained at church, and being "fun" is the object and design of youth activities. So when the groups of three girls prayerfully work this out to something they can agree with, that often gets a balance. When the adults start or keep planning the activities, instead of the girls (some of whom presumably are in the don't come on sunday group), it is much easier for the girls and their parents to take potshots. The adults are only supposed to train and support the girls who have been set apart to lead. It is so much easier to tell unhappy girls to work it out (and help them do so), and their parents that if they don't like it, they might pray more for the girl leaders to figure this out, since that is just what the leaders are doing. Sounds like a topic for Ward Council meeting. 1
Rivers Posted April 25, 2015 Author Posted April 25, 2015 Sounds like a topic for Ward Council meeting.It was actually brought up in ward council by a family member of the the girl in question. I'm told that this particular family is known for being a little stuck up.
Traela Posted April 25, 2015 Posted April 25, 2015 On the surface at least, it sounds what has sometimes passed for Young Men activities, in which the boys pretty much just play basketball. The rational is that it will attract the less actives/non-members, meanwhile the boys who actually are active and perhaps not athletic feel less valued.Perhaps all the girls need to work together to find things that appeal to all. Meanwhile, the active girl may have to be a bit more creative in fitting activities into the YW values.
diamondintherough Posted April 25, 2015 Posted April 25, 2015 Compromise. One or two activities per month more religious themed and one or two less so or have activities that appeal to the 'not coming Sunday' crowd and tie it in to a value/scripture/principle at the end to cover the other girl. If I think of examples, I'll pop back in. 1
Avatar4321 Posted April 25, 2015 Posted April 25, 2015 Until there is a clear picture what needs aren't being met how can any of us give advice? 3
BookofMormonLuvr Posted April 25, 2015 Posted April 25, 2015 Wait, so your Ward has exactly ONE active young woman?
Rivers Posted April 25, 2015 Author Posted April 25, 2015 Wait, so your Ward has exactly ONE active young woman?Yes. That is correct. Our ward has a very low activity rate.
Rivers Posted April 25, 2015 Author Posted April 25, 2015 (edited) Until there is a clear picture what needs aren't being met how can any of us give advice?She is the only girl that attends church so she is more interested spiritual and religious stuff than the others. Edited April 25, 2015 by Rivers
Popular Post sheilauk Posted April 26, 2015 Popular Post Posted April 26, 2015 Someone should remind her not to be selfish. And the other girls can be selfish? I don't think she is being selfish because sometimes, we need to do things for ourselves as well. The YW presidency need to find a path between the two extremes. If the young woman who attends Church wants to complete her personal progress program, she needs help from the YW presidency to do so and there should be activities arranged on during the week to help her. And, why not do some activities that teach the non active YW the value of service and the benefits of full Church membership. Aren't we supposed to help bring inactive members back? I don't think its fair to concentrate on the majority to the exclusion of the one individual - she may also be driven to inactivity including not attending the weekly activities. It won't be easy, but I think a way can be found to accommodate everyone if everyone is helped to understand that no one should be excluded and that no one will get everything they want all the time which may also be a good learning opportunity for all the YW. 5
changed Posted April 27, 2015 Posted April 27, 2015 Perhaps she can join more relief society activities? 1
MorningStar Posted April 27, 2015 Posted April 27, 2015 Maybe they can have a mini devotional at each activity and then do something fun? 2
Garden Girl Posted April 27, 2015 Posted April 27, 2015 Maybe they can have a mini devotional at each activity and then do something fun? This is the Church youth activity... supposedly to help young women navigate these years of so many secular distractions and activities by providing a balance. And helping young women realize their spiritual potential as well as "fun" activities. GG
jana at jade house Posted April 27, 2015 Posted April 27, 2015 well, I can tell you what will happen. The girlie who is good as gold and wants to fulfil her YW requirements and even get her extra bees, and is there for everything including Sunday meetings, and dresses well, and gets good grades, and doesn't display ninny behaviour in front of the missionaries, nor is over eager to date, for the sake of dating, is going to feel marginalized and unheard. Her church experience is going to become a hair suit. When she finally is gone from home, she will stop going to church because she was never helped to feel part of the community. Because she was living the Gospel, no one worried over her and looked at her needs. But living the gospel was pure misery. Without the Gospel she sees no difference in her life and is happy. I know this girlie; she is my Sweetpea. Her YW leaders stifled every attempt she made; to the point that she felt she was wrong because she was doing all the right things, including 5 years of at home Seminary every day at 6 am. Am I miffed at her leadership? You bet I am. And this is the edited polite version of the story. You should hear what I have to say about the job the YM leaders did for my now atheist Boy. I did my part. In spades. The institution let all of us down.
Tacenda Posted April 27, 2015 Posted April 27, 2015 Jana it does seem they are cowtowing (sp?) to the inactive girls, lame.
rodheadlee Posted April 27, 2015 Posted April 27, 2015 And the other girls can be selfish? I don't think she is being selfish because sometimes, we need to do things for ourselves as well. The YW presidency need to find a path between the two extremes. If the young woman who attends Church wants to complete her personal progress program, she needs help from the YW presidency to do so and there should be activities arranged on during the week to help her. And, why not do some activities that teach the non active YW the value of service and the benefits of full Church membership. Aren't we supposed to help bring inactive members back? I don't think its fair to concentrate on the majority to the exclusion of the one individual - she may also be driven to inactivity including not attending the weekly activities. It won't be easy, but I think a way can be found to accommodate everyone if everyone is helped to understand that no one should be excluded and that no one will get everything they want all the time which may also be a good learning opportunity for all the YW.Evidently I misunderstand the situation . I always agree with your post so I'll go remove the beam from my eye. I know absolutely zero about YW.
BookofMormonLuvr Posted April 28, 2015 Posted April 28, 2015 Seems the perfect opportunity to teach her how to serve and be a leader. Ask her how she would involve the other girls, and make the activities both "fun" and gospel centered.
Deborah Posted April 28, 2015 Posted April 28, 2015 This sounds like an opportunity to bring the active girl in and talk about using the activities as missionary tools and getting ideas from her on how to do this. Having said this I am kind of worried about someone who is so straight she doesn't see the opportunity in reaching out to others rather than meeting what she says are her needs. Even the most spiritual girls I've worked with would rather have activities during the week than another SS lesson. 2
MorningStar Posted April 28, 2015 Posted April 28, 2015 Yes, I was thinking that class on Sundays was for spiritual things and that activities can be spiritual too, but it was more for fellowshipping or working on projects ,service, etc. They can work on personal progress without alienating the less active girls.
bluebell Posted April 28, 2015 Posted April 28, 2015 For the purpose of our discussion here, it would help if we knew what spiritual needs the YW felt weren't being met. It's hard to have an opinion or ideas, knowing so little of the story.
sheilauk Posted April 28, 2015 Posted April 28, 2015 Evidently I misunderstand the situation . I always agree with your post so I'll go remove the beam from my eye. I know absolutely zero about YW.Did I sound harsh? Sorry Rodheadlee, I didn't mean to offend, just disagree. I was probably tired and didn't re read my post. I'm sure that there's no beam in your eye and didn't mean to imply it either.
Rivers Posted April 30, 2015 Author Posted April 30, 2015 This sounds like an opportunity to bring the active girl in and talk about using the activities as missionary tools and getting ideas from her on how to do this. Having said this I am kind of worried about someone who is so straight she doesn't see the opportunity in reaching out to others rather than meeting what she says are her needs. Even the most spiritual girls I've worked with would rather have activities during the week than another SS lesson.Very good points. The gospel is supposed to be about serving others right?
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