Duncan Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 In all honesty and to be judge and jury here and I include myself in this group but there are some members of the Church that I would be extremely surprised if they got married. If God knows everything and who will or won't get married here in mortality should he just say to these people, hey this life for a relationship is a wash don't bother dating, save your time, money, effort and wait until the next life. if he doesn't do that then is he cruel in knowing that despite one's best intentions and efforts it won't happen but leading them on thinking it will when he knows it won't? Thoughts?
blackstrap Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 Dating is overrated. Skip the dating and go right to marriage.IIRC that was Hugh Nibley's anecdotal response when asked by some GA as to when he would get married. He said he would go outside and ask the first woman he saw. He meant it. I think the authority backed down though. 2
Duncan Posted January 5, 2013 Author Posted January 5, 2013 Dating is overrated. Skip the dating and go right to marriage.IIRC that was Hugh Nibley's anecdotal response when asked by some GA as to when he would get married. He said he would go outside and ask the first woman he saw. He meant it. I think the authority backed down though.I don't have what it takes to go up to a pretty woman and be like hello I love you won't you tell me your name? i'd get arrested and get all kinds of publicity 1
pogi Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 (edited) I don't have what it takes to go up to a pretty woman and be like hello I love you won't you tell me your name? i'd get arrested and get all kinds of publicityOne finds the courage to say "hello, I love you won't you tell me you name" only after first saying "common baby light my fire." It kind of helps you loose your inhibitions I hear. Edited January 5, 2013 by pogi 2
Freedom Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 Everybody has their personal challenges. Some have personality challenges that may preclude them from ever getting married, others that prevent them from holding down jobs, still others that will likely end them in jail. I think we need to be someone who another would like to be with, or who someone would employ and live within our abilities. I wouldn't way to someone not to bother staying sober because you are an alcoholic, your father was an alcoholic so on. It is difficult being single in a family oriented church but I would rather find my self single than schizophrenic, quadriplegic or drug addicted.
canard78 Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 One finds the courage to say "hello, I love you won't you tell me you name" only after first saying "common baby light my fire." It kind of helps you loose your inhibitions I hear.Calling a woman a "common baby" probably isn't going to win fans. But perhaps better than calling her a "common %#*&@"Singing "come on baby..." on the other hand might just seal it for you. 2
Sky Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 In all honesty and to be judge and jury here and I include myself in this group but there are some members of the Church that I would be extremely surprised if they got married. If God knows everything and who will or won't get married here in mortality should he just say to these people, hey this life for a relationship is a wash don't bother dating, save your time, money, effort and wait until the next life. if he doesn't do that then is he cruel in knowing that despite one's best intentions and efforts it won't happen but leading them on thinking it will when he knows it won't? Thoughts?Don't give up - there's somebody out there for you. But God probably won't just hand you that person - he expects us to take the initiative. Sometimes it takes a little longer, but be patient. It will happen. 1
bluebell Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 I don't think God funtions like a fortune teller in our lives, telling us the future so that we always know what is around the bend. Sometimes i wish He did-life would be a lot easier in some ways.In my opinion, one of the hardest parts of life is learning how to be submissive to His will (at least, that's one i struggle with a lot). To be able to say 'come what may' without knowing what is coming is SO DIFFICULT. But i think getting to the point where a person can do that and mean it is a part of developing faith in God and becoming like Christ and that ultimately, that kind of faith can be such a blessing to us that God feels the pain of learning it is worth it. 3
CV75 Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 In all honesty and to be judge and jury here and I include myself in this group but there are some members of the Church that I would be extremely surprised if they got married. If God knows everything and who will or won't get married here in mortality should he just say to these people, hey this life for a relationship is a wash don't bother dating, save your time, money, effort and wait until the next life. if he doesn't do that then is he cruel in knowing that despite one's best intentions and efforts it won't happen but leading them on thinking it will when he knows it won't? Thoughts?It is good practice (any principle of intelligence we obtain in this life will rise with us in teh resurrection, etc.). And it is good to exercise all the positive attributes,and friendships that are found in dating. But no one need run faster than he has strength, either. 1
Duncan Posted January 5, 2013 Author Posted January 5, 2013 It is good practice (any principle of intelligence we obtain in this life will rise with us in teh resurrection, etc.). And it is good to exercise all the positive attributes,and friendships that are found in dating. But no one need run faster than he has strength, either.that's true!
Duncan Posted January 5, 2013 Author Posted January 5, 2013 (edited) What about people that do all the right things, active in the Church and trying to better their lives and being interested in dating and whatnot but it just doesn't work out or doesn't happen. Why doesn't God place people in their lives that they could date/marry whatever. Or what about folks who didn't do the 'right' things and went to the Temple unworthily or something along those lines. It's hard to know what pleases God and see where his hand is in everything Edited January 5, 2013 by Duncan
bluebell Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 What about people that do all the right things, active in the Church and trying to better their lives and being interested in dating and whatnot but it just doesn't work out or doesn't happen. Why doesn't God place people in their lives that they could date/marry whatever. Or what about folks who didn't do the 'right' things and went to the Temple unworthily or something along those lines. It's hard to know what pleases God and see where his hand is in everythingWhy does God not cure all righteous people from sickness and let all the wicked die horrible deaths? Why doesn't he strike all the wicked people poor and instead lets a lot of righteous people suffer poverty that is no fault of their own?It's probably impossible to know what God does what He does in some situations, but i don't think the apparent ease or hardness of our lives is a sign of how pleased God is with us. 1
Damien the Leper Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 I remember back in 2005 there was a guy in his late 20s to early 30s. I was caught off guard by this guy in the ward because he met a girl and got married after a couple weeks. The bigger issue was that this was his 3rd marriage. From what I remember, he only got married to um...you know. Eventually, I believe he was excommunicated for abuse of marital covenant.Sorry for the derail...
pogi Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 (edited) Calling a woman a "common baby" probably isn't going to win fans. But perhaps better than calling her a "common %#*&@"Singing "come on baby..." on the other hand might just seal it for you.Ha, ha, it must have been late! You say "come on", I say "common". You say "in the garden of eden baby, I say "innagadadavida baby." Edited January 5, 2013 by pogi 2
pogi Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 (edited) What about people that do all the right things, active in the Church and trying to better their lives and being interested in dating and whatnot but it just doesn't work out or doesn't happen. Why doesn't God place people in their lives that they could date/marry whatever. Or what about folks who didn't do the 'right' things and went to the Temple unworthily or something along those lines. It's hard to know what pleases God and see where his hand is in everythingThat's kind of like my wife and I. We want so badly to have a baby, we live righteous lives, we are financially able to care for a baby and have created a loving home that a child could thrive in, we are taught that families are central to the plan of salvation, and we want to fulfill the command to multiply and replenish the earth, but we can't have a baby. Then we see unwed, drug addicted teenagers, with no financial ability to care for a child, no partner that will stick around to help raise the child, many of them don't even know who the daddy is (just watch any day time talk show) and they seem to have no problem popping out babies left and right. Then we go to church and hear people say in their testimonies that they are so grateful that God trusts them enough to bless them with a child. What am I to conclude from that statement? That God does not trust me enough? That God trusts these lost, and directionless teenagers more than me? I know people are well meaning, and I probably would have thought nothing of that statement had I not experienced the pains of infertility myself, but sometimes well intentioned people imagine that children, or spouses, etc, are signs that you are living righteously and that God trusts you.I have come to the conclusion, that having a child has nothing to do with trust. Just like getting married has nothing to do with righteousness. Edited January 5, 2013 by pogi 4
Duncan Posted January 5, 2013 Author Posted January 5, 2013 Why does God not cure all righteous people from sickness and let all the wicked die horrible deaths? Why doesn't he strike all the wicked people poor and instead lets a lot of righteous people suffer poverty that is no fault of their own?It's probably impossible to know what God does what He does in some situations, but i don't think the apparent ease or hardness of our lives is a sign of how pleased God is with us.that's true! Thank you!
Tacenda Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 (edited) Are there disadvantages to being LDS and single? Are there those that won't date someone who isn't LDS or can't take them to the temple? I have a single friend that is only counting on marriage in the hereafter, of course she is over 50 too. But still, are singles options limited because of their religion and their strict adherance of no sex before marriage? Edited January 5, 2013 by Tacenda
Tacenda Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 (edited) Duncan, I have a single Br. in law that is divorced with 5 children. He has since joined a singles group. They are off on adventures on a weekly basis. Of course his kids live with their mom and the youngest is 15. But he has dated several women through the Singles Group. He is pretty serious with a gal now. Have you tried these? He is 50 I believe, but several are younger than him. They go hiking, river running, camping, play volleyball weekly etc. Or restaurant hopping, I see this on his FB page. I'm kinda jealous, I won't have those adventures in my whole lifetime. Anyway just thought I'd put it out there!ETA: It's been around 5 years that he has been divorced. So it takes awhile sometimes before finding "the one". Edited January 5, 2013 by Tacenda
bluebell Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 That's kind of like my wife and I. We want so badly to have a baby, we live righteous lives, we are financially able to care for a baby and have created a loving home that a child could thrive in, we are taught that families are central to the plan of salvation, and we want to fulfill the command to multiply and replenish the earth, but we can't have a baby. Then we see unwed, drug addicted teenagers, with no financial ability to care for a child, no partner that will stick around to help raise the child, many of them don't even know who the daddy is (just watch any day time talk show) and they seem to have no problem popping out babies left and right. Then we go to church and hear people say in their testimonies that they are so grateful that God trusts them enough to bless them with a child. What am I to conclude from that statement? That God does not trust me enough? That God trusts these lost, and directionless teenagers more than me? I know people are well meaning, and I probably would have thought nothing of that statement had I not experienced the pains of infertility myself, but sometimes well intentioned people imagine that children, or spouses, etc, are signs that you are living righteously and that God trusts you.I have come to the conclusion, that having a child has nothing to do with trust. Just like getting married has nothing to do with righteousness.I have dear friends who are in the same boat as you and your wife, and frequently i find myself cringing on their behalf from the things that other members say (such as another good friend of mine who told me that she and her husband are having another child because God needed their family to have another baby because they will teach that baby the gospel and help them grow up to be a missionary and serve Him). I know they aren't aware of how such statements sound, but sometimes it's hard not to want to point it out!I can't imagine how difficult such a situation must be, especially when other people around you are having babies without any trouble. 2
pogi Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 I have dear friends who are in the same boat as you and your wife, and frequently i find myself cringing on their behalf from the things that other members say (such as another good friend of mine who told me that she and her husband are having another child because God needed their family to have another baby because they will teach that baby the gospel and help them grow up to be a missionary and serve Him). I know they aren't aware of how such statements sound, but sometimes it's hard not to want to point it out!I can't imagine how difficult such a situation must be, especially when other people around you are having babies without any trouble.Yep, I could go on and on about some of the things I have heard. What gets really old is all of the advice people give, I'm sure you can relate Duncan. It is funny how new experiences give us new sets of ears. Perhaps I needed this new set of ears for a purpose. One thing is for sure, I have learned patience, I don't cringe so much any more at what people say. I have learned to be at peace with my situation, and I have learned to be at peace and not take so much offense at other people's comments. I know they mean well, and that they are simply speaking from their perspective, how could they have a different one, they have not walked in my shoes? It was extremely hard for my wife to go to family baby blessings, but she too has grown a lot through this and has found peace. She now allows herself to find joy in the blessings of others. I am a firm believer that finding peace and purpose is possible in every situation of life, the trick is to learn radical acceptance of God, yourself, your situation, and others. This is not to say that we should ever give up on seeking what we desire (marriage), but only to accept where we are now. Our peace and purpose is not limited by our situations, we are only limited by our attitude towards them. I am confident that eternity will sort things out, and that gives me hope and happiness now!
BCSpace Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 I think all the single men should be advised that "feint heart never won fair lady". I traditionally do this from the pulpit the Sunday before Valentine's Day when I have the opportunity. Of course I realize some single women might not appreciate all the extra attention depending on who it's from.......
mfbukowski Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 In all honesty and to be judge and jury here and I include myself in this group but there are some members of the Church that I would be extremely surprised if they got married. If God knows everything and who will or won't get married here in mortality should he just say to these people, hey this life for a relationship is a wash don't bother dating, save your time, money, effort and wait until the next life. if he doesn't do that then is he cruel in knowing that despite one's best intentions and efforts it won't happen but leading them on thinking it will when he knows it won't? Thoughts?It's a journey.You learn from each person. Of course you should date as many people as possible.Do we come to earth to learn or hide under a rock?
pogi Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 "feint heart never won fair lady". I guess that I was the exception.
mfbukowski Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 (edited) It's human nature to set goals and think "If I could only...... (get rich, get married, go on a mission, get Susie to marry me, have a baby, become a lawyer, get retired) .... my life would be perfect."It doesn't work that way. There is always something else on the horizon. Keep at it, keep the faith keep trying and enjoy the journey and learn as much as you can. Once you get married you get to try to keep it all together. Once you get good at keeping it together, you worry about your kids keeping it together and how their lives are going to turn out.There's always something. Enjoy the journey because that's all there is!That's about all this old guy has to say. Edited January 5, 2013 by mfbukowski
Recommended Posts