BCSpace Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 "feint heart never won fair lady".I guess that I was the exception.Well, when people give advice, they're usually just doing their best to help and give encouragement and perhaps add a little humor to the situation. I think it's better than to say nothing at all; leaving a struggling person to rely solely on themselves to wend their way in the world.
mfbukowski Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 Well, when people give advice, they're usually just doing their best to help and give encouragement and perhaps add a little humor to the situation. I think it's better than to say nothing at all; leaving a struggling person to rely solely on themselves to wend their way in the world.This is what I have to say about that......
Duncan Posted January 5, 2013 Author Posted January 5, 2013 Yep, I could go on and on about some of the things I have heard. What gets really old is all of the advice people give, I'm sure you can relate Duncan. It is funny how new experiences give us new sets of ears. Perhaps I needed this new set of ears for a purpose. One thing is for sure, I have learned patience, I don't cringe so much any more at what people say. I have learned to be at peace with my situation, and I have learned to be at peace and not take so much offense at other people's comments. I know they mean well, and that they are simply speaking from their perspective, how could they have a different one, they have not walked in my shoes? It was extremely hard for my wife to go to family baby blessings, but she too has grown a lot through this and has found peace. She now allows herself to find joy in the blessings of others.I am a firm believer that finding peace and purpose is possible in every situation of life, the trick is to learn radical acceptance of God, yourself, your situation, and others. This is not to say that we should ever give up on seeking what we desire (marriage), but only to accept where we are now. Our peace and purpose is not limited by our situations, we are only limited by our attitude towards them. I am confident that eternity will sort things out, and that gives me hope and happiness now!what KILLS me is people are like oh man you can't swing a dead cat in the Church without hitting a single woman! I live in area where they don't live, like really don't live. I can't move away because my son lives here, I can't leave him and so I read blogs and hear people like my bro in law who are practically throttling me to get married and I want to !!!! it's just hard to not live where all these single women don't live! ack! I need ice cream!
pogi Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 Well, when people give advice, they're usually just doing their best to help and give encouragement and perhaps add a little humor to the situation. I think it's better than to say nothing at all; leaving a struggling person to rely solely on themselves to wend their way in the world.I know. I am just being honest, I really was the exception. My wife had to ask me out. Pathetic I know!
thesometimesaint Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 If you want a good mate. Be a good mate. 1
Vanguard Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 In all honesty and to be judge and jury here and I include myself in this group but there are some members of the Church that I would be extremely surprised if they got married. If God knows everything and who will or won't get married here in mortality should he just say to these people, hey this life for a relationship is a wash don't bother dating, save your time, money, effort and wait until the next life. if he doesn't do that then is he cruel in knowing that despite one's best intentions and efforts it won't happen but leading them on thinking it will when he knows it won't? Thoughts?You're begging a much more important question - If God knows who will and won't die in this life then why won't he tell those folks to stop striving for something worthwile? He would be quite cruel if he didn't warn us beforehand, would he not? Your question betrays a fundamental understanding on the purpose of life here. We should all be striving for the ideal that we have been taught from our childhood, that being - become a responsible adult and strive toward creating a family unit for the purpose of your own growth as well as the bringing down of spirit children for them to get a shot at whatever mortal experience their Heavenly Father has in store for them. There is absolutely no guarantee about how far you'll get down that route but strive nonetheless.
Calm Posted January 6, 2013 Posted January 6, 2013 (edited) What about people that do all the right things, active in the Church and trying to better their lives and being interested in dating and whatnot but it just doesn't work out or doesn't happen. Why doesn't God place people in their lives that they could date/marry whatever. Or what about folks who didn't do the 'right' things and went to the Temple unworthily or something along those lines. It's hard to know what pleases God and see where his hand is in everythingI have done pretty much all the "right things" in my life in regard to my health from day one apparently (except for an obsession with butter as an infant...I liked to eat it straight from the cube) while my siblings pretty much ignore the issue til they got to an age where it mattered to their appearance and then one or two started hitting the gyms. As far as I can tell the rest just go to the doctors and do whatever is told them without finding out why. Yet I am the one with severe health issues even if as children it appeared on the surface we were the same (we weren't but that is another discussion). Why did God allow someone who followed his commandments be the one who ending up suffering and apparently lacking the blessings of health while those who ignored them received what appears to be of his bounty?We see this strange reversal of actions and appearance of blessings all the time with some who don't work or tithe or share of their bounty receiving greater wealth while those who have sacrificed their material possessions all of their life, been wise stewards of God's gifts end up through no fault of their own dependent on others.The interplay of commandment and blessing, experience and learning, agency and God's protections are way too complicated for us to be able to predict how things "really should be" rather than how things "really are". Faith is easy when A follows B on a regular, clockwork basis, it becomes true faith when it appears that B is actually ending up hanging out with V while A is stuck with X and just can't seem to shake him. Edited January 6, 2013 by calmoriah 1
cinepro Posted January 6, 2013 Posted January 6, 2013 In all honesty and to be judge and jury here and I include myself in this group but there are some members of the Church that I would be extremely surprised if they got married. If God knows everything and who will or won't get married here in mortality should he just say to these people, hey this life for a relationship is a wash don't bother dating, save your time, money, effort and wait until the next life. if he doesn't do that then is he cruel in knowing that despite one's best intentions and efforts it won't happen but leading them on thinking it will when he knows it won't? Thoughts?Kind of a bummer for a 15 year old to hear that in their patriarchal blessing.Sometimes hope can be its own reward. 1
Duncan Posted January 6, 2013 Author Posted January 6, 2013 Kind of a bummer for a 15 year old to hear that in their patriarchal blessing.Sometimes hope can be its own reward.well! I don't what's more of a bummer though, trying and trying and trying and God knowing you won't or just being told don't bother just wait till the next life. I know a lady here who used to teach her YW that same thing because there aren't any good priesthood holders around (she's single) she got released from that nd is now the RS Pres. so who knows what she is saying now
Calm Posted January 6, 2013 Posted January 6, 2013 well! I don't what's more of a bummer though, trying and trying and trying and God knowing you won't or just being told don't bother just wait till the next life. Perhaps God structures things this way so that we are driven in our frustration and even despair to seek him out and ask him ourselves...thus giving him opportunities to tell us of other things we need to know, that he knows will have the greatest eternal impact on us while leaving us with a sense of peace and trust in those areas which we feel are most important. 1
Duncan Posted January 6, 2013 Author Posted January 6, 2013 Perhaps God structures things this way so that we are driven in our frustration and even despair to seek him out and ask him ourselves...thus giving him opportunities to tell us of other things we need to know, that he knows will have the greatest eternal impact on us while leaving us with a sense of peace and trust in those areas which we feel are most important.Sounds good! I guess my question is the Church loses a lot of single members and why would God put certain people into despair to the point of throwing in the towel and saying why bother? I guess it gets back to Bluebell's point of we may never know why God does what he does and why certain things happen to certain people (if I read her correctley)!
Calm Posted January 6, 2013 Posted January 6, 2013 (edited) Sounds good! I guess my question is the Church loses a lot of single members and why would God put certain people into despair to the point of throwing in the towel and saying why bother? I guess it gets back to Bluebell's point of we may never know why God does what he does and why certain things happen to certain people (if I read her correctley)!I don't think God puts people into despair, that is a personal choice of how to react to a difficult situation as is those who leave the Church over any issue or circumstance (I am not saying it is a wrong or right choice, just that it is a personal one...their decision is not forced upon them).I agree, we won't know why things happen the way they do for the most part in this lifetime. I do believe when we are presented with the whole tapestry in the next life that it will make a beautiful, poignant, joyful and meaningful picture for us, but then we will be aware of all the threads that go into the weaving (I love weaver metaphors). Edited January 6, 2013 by calmoriah 2
bcuzbcuz Posted January 6, 2013 Posted January 6, 2013 In all honesty and to be judge and jury here and I include myself in this group but there are some members of the Church that I would be extremely surprised if they got married. If God knows everything and who will or won't get married here in mortality should he just say to these people, hey this life for a relationship is a wash don't bother dating, save your time, money, effort and wait until the next life. if he doesn't do that then is he cruel in knowing that despite one's best intentions and efforts it won't happen but leading them on thinking it will when he knows it won't? Thoughts?I enjoy your questions, Duncan. You ask and answer openly and honestly.In finding a friend, dance partner, or mate, getting there is half the fun. My mother fell into a way of thinking, during the more than forty years between the divorce from my father and her temple marriage at the age 85!!! that she was probably just on a waiting list to find someone in the next world. How wrong she was. From my personal experience, after the death of my first wife, I waited, dated, then found a partner 15 years later in a completely different country through the internet. We got married 4 years ago and all I had to do was move roughly 8,000 miles. 2
Duncan Posted January 6, 2013 Author Posted January 6, 2013 I enjoy your questions, Duncan. You ask and answer openly and honestly.In finding a friend, dance partner, or mate, getting there is half the fun. My mother fell into a way of thinking, during the more than forty years between the divorce from my father and her temple marriage at the age 85!!! that she was probably just on a waiting list to find someone in the next world. How wrong she was.From my personal experience, after the death of my first wife, I waited, dated, then found a partner 15 years later in a completely different country through the internet. We got married 4 years ago and all I had to do was move roughly 8,000 miles.wow! thank you for your kind words! where do you live now if you don't mind me asking?
treeface Posted January 7, 2013 Posted January 7, 2013 In all honesty...Thoughts?What if, in the dating arena, much if not most of it is actually up to you? While that might initially be a discouraging thought, remember that you don't have to win the hearts of every woman out there. You only have to win that one.And... people don't like to say it much, but there are worse things than being single.
Bill “Papa” Lee Posted January 7, 2013 Posted January 7, 2013 In all honesty and to be judge and jury here and I include myself in this group but there are some members of the Church that I would be extremely surprised if they got married. If God knows everything and who will or won't get married here in mortality should he just say to these people, hey this life for a relationship is a wash don't bother dating, save your time, money, effort and wait until the next life. if he doesn't do that then is he cruel in knowing that despite one's best intentions and efforts it won't happen but leading them on thinking it will when he knows it won't? Thoughts?I don't think so...and don't understand comments.
Duncan Posted January 7, 2013 Author Posted January 7, 2013 What if, in the dating arena, much if not most of it is actually up to you? While that might initially be a discouraging thought, remember that you don't have to win the hearts of every woman out there. You only have to win that one.And... people don't like to say it much, but there are worse things than being single.that's true, I have heard that wanting to be married is better then wishing you weren't
bcuzbcuz Posted January 7, 2013 Posted January 7, 2013 wow! thank you for your kind words! where do you live now if you don't mind me asking?I don't mind at all. I moved from Nanaimo, BC to Stockholm, Sweden. I married a woman who had moved to Sweden from Chilé during the Pinochet years. I don't speak Spanish, she doesn't speak English. Arguments are short. lol 2
Duncan Posted January 7, 2013 Author Posted January 7, 2013 I don't mind at all. I moved from Nanaimo, BC to Stockholm, Sweden. I married a woman who had moved to Sweden from Chilé during the Pinochet years. I don't speak Spanish, she doesn't speak English. Arguments are short. lolah, a Canadian! awesome! my city just got the NHL back...if that tells where I am from! 1
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