Missing the church

[Michael87mil]

I am not exactly certain why I am writing this but I do have a story that I feel compelled to share. I was born in NYC but at a young age my family  moved to Utah. I spent ages 13-30 in Utah, primarily Provo. I did all the things, I joined the army at 17, went on a mission later and then graduated from BYU. I got married and sealed in the Temple, served EQ secretary, taught on Sundays. I had a very quintessential Mormon life. At around 29 however things got wonky. My wife had an extramarital affair with another woman. At that moment I felt like a "sucker" and decided I'd seek out my own adventure. In what might seem like a manic episode I left the church formally, divorced and at 30 moved to NYC to pursue my dream of drama school. I church hoped for a bit but then ditched that for pleasures of the flesh. It was a great time, I indulged in alcohol for the first time in my life, was in constant excitement and best part is I met a woman who also shared my hedonistic desires. We get married then COVID happens. She gets introspective one day and decides to revert back to the church she was raised in. I have never seen a 180 like this in anyone. The church is evangelical in nature and very contentious and in my opinion uses a lot of shame and guilt. 

The cautionary part of this story boils down to when you leave the bounds of the church for the world there is no guarantee where you will end up. I married again for superficial purposes and ended up in a fairly weak marriage in a church environment I didn't truly choose because the waves of life and even Satan will take you in any direction if you don't already have one.  Is the church true? Maybe I am a relativist but the joy I felt in the church, the priesthood power experienced and the immense love of Christ feels real to me. I am no longer a member of the church as I withdrew my records in 2019. The saddest part is that the priesthood lineage I got as a young man, my callings, temple endowment are all gone. Due to lawsuits that had taken place in the 2000's when you requested your name withdrawn from the church you can not have records restored. The only way back would be rebaptism as essentially a new member. Feels sad like I cut off my "Mormon lineage". I still love the church and miss it dearly now. 

Thank you to anyone who is reading this as I realize it's quite long.

[bluebell]

13 minutes ago, Michael87mil said:

I am not exactly certain why I am writing this but I do have a story that I feel compelled to share. I was born in NYC but at a young age my family  moved to Utah. I spent ages 13-30 in Utah, primarily Provo. I did all the things, I joined the army at 17, went on a mission later and then graduated from BYU. I got married and sealed in the Temple, served EQ secretary, taught on Sundays. I had a very quintessential Mormon life. At around 29 however things got wonky. My wife had an extramarital affair with another woman. At that moment I felt like a "sucker" and decided I'd seek out my own adventure. In what might seem like a manic episode I left the church formally, divorced and at 30 moved to NYC to pursue my dream of drama school. I church hoped for a bit but then ditched that for pleasures of the flesh. It was a great time, I indulged in alcohol for the first time in my life, was in constant excitement and best part is I met a woman who also shared my hedonistic desires. We get married then COVID happens. She gets introspective one day and decides to revert back to the church she was raised in. I have never seen a 180 like this in anyone. The church is evangelical in nature and very contentious and in my opinion uses a lot of shame and guilt. 

The cautionary part of this story boils down to when you leave the bounds of the church for the world there is no guarantee where you will end up. I married again for superficial purposes and ended up in a fairly weak marriage in a church environment I didn't truly choose because the waves of life and even Satan will take you in any direction if you don't already have one.  Is the church true? Maybe I am a relativist but the joy I felt in the church, the priesthood power experienced and the immense love of Christ feels real to me. I am no longer a member of the church as I withdrew my records in 2019. The saddest part is that the priesthood lineage I got as a young man, my callings, temple endowment are all gone. Due to lawsuits that had taken place in the 2000's when you requested your name withdrawn from the church you can not have records restored. The only way back would be rebaptism as essentially a new member. Feels sad like I cut off my "Mormon lineage". I still love the church and miss it dearly now. 

Thank you to anyone who is reading this as I realize it's quite long.

Once you read a few of smac’s post, nothing seems long after that. 😁

(just teasing you @Smac)

You’ve been on quite a journey. Seems like maybe it’s time to come “home”. 

Welcome to the board. 😊

[Pyreaux]

Wow, I recall even after an excommunication and a rebaptism, they still just "restore" all the rest later. Though even if it's re-conferred, I didn't know who would be able to tell. Your family legacy should be intact if you return to it and abridge that chapter of your life. Are you worried that on a record it will say you got baptized at an older age and by someone other than your father?

Lawsuits in the 2000's... Might you teach me more history about it?

Edited June 29, 2023 by Pyreaux

[Calm]

4 hours ago, Michael87mil said:

Due to lawsuits that had taken place in the 2000's when you requested your name withdrawn from the church you can not have records restored.

I believe you are wrong on this, otherwise the ordinance of Restoration of Blessings could not be held and a new baptism and confirmation certificate would be created, which it isn’t. 
 

See section 32.16-17 in the General Handbook. 
 

https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/manual/general-handbook/32-repentance-and-membership-councils?lang=eng#title_number92

From the handbook:

“32.17.2

Restoration of Blessings

Persons who previously received the temple endowment and were readmitted by baptism and confirmation can receive their priesthood and temple blessings only through the ordinance of restoration of blessings (see Doctrine and Covenants 109:21). They are not ordained to priesthood offices or endowed again. These blessings are restored through the ordinance. Brethren are restored to their former priesthood office, except the office of Seventy, bishop, or patriarch.

Only the First Presidency can approve the performance of the ordinance of restoration of blessings. They will not consider an application for this ordinance sooner than one year after the person is readmitted by baptism and confirmation.

The bishop and stake president interview the person to determine his or her worthiness and preparedness. When the stake president feels that the person is ready, he applies for a restoration of blessings using LCR. See 6.2.3 about the stake president’s responsibility when submitting applications to the First Presidency.

If the First Presidency approves the restoration of blessings, they assign a General Authority or the stake president to interview the person. If the person is worthy, this leader performs the ordinance to restore the person’s blessings.

For information about membership records and the restoration of blessings, see 32.14.4.”

32.14.4

”If the member was not endowed, Church headquarters assigns a membership record that shows the dates of his or her original baptism and other ordinances. The record makes no reference to the loss of Church membership.

If the member was endowed, Church headquarters updates the membership record to show the new baptism and confirmation dates. This record also includes the message “Restoration of Blessings Required.” After the member’s blessings are restored (see 32.17.2), the membership record is updated to show the dates of the original baptism and other ordinances. It makes no reference to the loss of Church membership.”

Edited June 29, 2023 by Calm

[Tacenda]

I'm still on the records of the church because I don't think there's anything out there to replace it. Currently not attending and not sure what I believe, holding onto the faith in God part. I'll bet you could start attending and see if it's right for you. I'm not attending because I was too honest with the bishop and he probably thinks I'm a doubt germ but I'm not contagious, nothing I need to spread. Best of luck, and here's a few quotes that may or may not come in handy. 

Edited June 29, 2023 by Tacenda

[bluebell]

9 minutes ago, Tacenda said:

I'm still on the records of the church because I don't think there's anything out there to replace it. Currently not attending and not sure what I believe, holding onto the faith in God part. I'll bet you could start attending and see if it's right for you. I'm not attending because I was too honest with the bishop and he probably thinks I'm a doubt germ but I'm not contagious, nothing I need to spread. Best of luck, and here's a few quotes that may or may not come in handy. 

Tacenda you should go back!  Just to see how it feels. Maybe it’ll help you feel more settled in your choices. 

[Tacenda]

1 hour ago, bluebell said:

Tacenda you should go back!  Just to see how it feels. Maybe it’ll help you feel more settled in your choices. 

I would but do not want to go to my ward but thinking of going with my friend to her ward, she's a widow on Sundays because her husband works.

Edited June 30, 2023 by Tacenda

[bluebell]

Just now, Tacenda said:

I would but do not want to go to my ward but thinking of going with my friend to her ward, she's a widow on Sundays because her husband works.

You should!  It would be a support to your friend and you can start with a clean slate.  

[Tacenda]

1 minute ago, bluebell said:

You should!  It would be a support to your friend and you can start with a clean slate.  

True, but I guess I have old stuff going in my head about people needing to only attend their own ward, haha.

[bluebell]

Just now, Tacenda said:

True, but I guess I have old stuff going in my head about people needing to only attend their own ward, haha.

I totally get that. It's drilled into us a lot.  But I know of someone who just stopped going to their old ward and started a new one because of the baggage and the stake took it well.  Even gave them permission after a while.  

Besides, what are they going to do about it?  Bar you from attending?  

[The Nehor]

You wouldn’t be rebaptized as a new member. You would be rebaptized which would restore your original baptism (your records would have your original baptism date). Then in time you get a restoration of blessings which restores Priesthood and temple blessings to what they were before.

[gopher]

Sometimes we have to get tired of the view before we decide to make a change.  Hang in there, brother.

 

[manol]

10 hours ago, Michael87mil said:

The only way back would be rebaptism as essentially a new member.

So... what's holding you back?

10 hours ago, Michael87mil said:

Feels sad like I cut off my "Mormon lineage". I still love the church and miss it dearly now.

Maybe I missed something, but it sounds to me like the only thing standing in your way is that you have to make a decision and then act on it.

 

[Calm]

3 hours ago, gopher said:

Sometimes we have to get tired of the view before we decide to make a change.  Hang in there, brother.

 

This is going to have me laughing for awhile.

[rodheadlee]

20 hours ago, Michael87mil said:

I am not exactly certain why I am writing this but I do have a story that I feel compelled to share. I was born in NYC but at a young age my family  moved to Utah. I spent ages 13-30 in Utah, primarily Provo. I did all the things, I joined the army at 17, went on a mission later and then graduated from BYU. I got married and sealed in the Temple, served EQ secretary, taught on Sundays. I had a very quintessential Mormon life. At around 29 however things got wonky. My wife had an extramarital affair with another woman. At that moment I felt like a "sucker" and decided I'd seek out my own adventure. In what might seem like a manic episode I left the church formally, divorced and at 30 moved to NYC to pursue my dream of drama school. I church hoped for a bit but then ditched that for pleasures of the flesh. It was a great time, I indulged in alcohol for the first time in my life, was in constant excitement and best part is I met a woman who also shared my hedonistic desires. We get married then COVID happens. She gets introspective one day and decides to revert back to the church she was raised in. I have never seen a 180 like this in anyone. The church is evangelical in nature and very contentious and in my opinion uses a lot of shame and guilt. 

The cautionary part of this story boils down to when you leave the bounds of the church for the world there is no guarantee where you will end up. I married again for superficial purposes and ended up in a fairly weak marriage in a church environment I didn't truly choose because the waves of life and even Satan will take you in any direction if you don't already have one.  Is the church true? Maybe I am a relativist but the joy I felt in the church, the priesthood power experienced and the immense love of Christ feels real to me. I am no longer a member of the church as I withdrew my records in 2019. The saddest part is that the priesthood lineage I got as a young man, my callings, temple endowment are all gone. Due to lawsuits that had taken place in the 2000's when you requested your name withdrawn from the church you can not have records restored. The only way back would be rebaptism as essentially a new member. Feels sad like I cut off my "Mormon lineage". I still love the church and miss it dearly now. 

Thank you to anyone who is reading this as I realize it's quite long.

Welcome back..

[Rain]

If the church is what it teaches and your family members believed in it then which do you think they would prefer?  To stay out or to come back in even if ordinances are credited to someone else? If they love you and feel you need these blessings I expect they will urge you to have them and not care at all where your line gets credited to since it all came from the same place anyway. You just need to determine in the church is where you should be.

[Okrahomer]

On 6/29/2023 at 12:33 PM, Michael87mil said:

The cautionary part of this story boils down to when you leave the bounds of the church for the world there is no guarantee where you will end up

I think a high percentage of us have experienced the “mists of darkness.”  I am praying that you choose to “Come Home” soon.

 

[bsjkki]

On 6/29/2023 at 6:12 PM, Tacenda said:

I would but do not want to go to my ward but thinking of going with my friend to her ward, she's a widow on Sundays because her husband works.

Do it! I did…after a bit got records moved. It was a healing time attending a ward, sitting in the back and having no expectations of us. 

[rpn]

We believe in repentance and grace and being redeemed through the atonement.   Yes you'll have to navigate your current relationship and be full of charity in figuring out how to live your covenants and still compromise on all the other stuff.   But don't just continue what you now recognize as not what is true and right for yourself.   Start fixing it.   Your heavenly parents and your Savior will gladly welcome you back/home.