"Christlike Mothering" June 2017 Ensign article

[bsjkki]

I had a young mother post this to her Facebook this morning so I read the article. https://www.lds.org/ensign/2017/06/latter-day-saint-voices/christlike-mothering?lang=eng

"With the broom still in my hand, I awoke to a new concept of mothering—mothering as He would. Not for praise, recognition, a hug, or even a thank-you. I would sweep up crumbs with love because that is what He would do.

Everything He did was in obedience to His Father. It was never about Him. The Lord always mends the broken and cleans up our messes infinitely with perfect love, for His Father and for us. I will now strive to teach and serve my children with the purest love I can. Only then do I feel like I am truly participating in Christlike mothering."

Maybe I am misinterpreting the authors intent but in the beginning of the article it talks about "the mother's sacrifice." It seems to me as a mother, it is part of our duty to teach our children to appreciate and thank those that serve them, whether it is their parents, friends, teachers or our Savior. I feel it is correct doctrine to teach that Christ expects certain things from us too. I don't think it is wrong to serve my children in pure love but receiving help, thanks or recognition for ones service is not wrong and will help your children and spouse be better people.

She states,"It didn’t seem wrong to desire that my children be more grateful, but in that moment of clarity, I saw that my desire was more about me receiving praise or compensation than it was about them learning gratitude. But the Savior never required praise. He never asked for it or wanted it."

My motivation for cleaning and doing household chores, was never the expectation of praise or compensation so maybe that is why I don't get it. It starts like this: 

"I swept pretzels, cereal, popcorn, and chips into a pile.

“Nope. I didn’t eat any of these things,” I said as I brushed them into a dustpan.

My husband, sitting at the table, said quietly, “It’s the mother’s sacrifice.”

I straightened up. “What?” I asked.

He spoke louder and clearer between bites of breakfast: “It’s what mothers do. They spend their lives cleaning up messes that they had no hand in making—just like the Savior did.”

My husband's comment was, "what a dufus." The husband in the story is sitting there eating his breakfast and she is cleaning and he encourages her to view it as Christ-like service and if you're not happy about it, that means you are not being Christ-like enough. Like I said, I could be misreading the author's intent but I do not think this is actually a healthy article for young moms to read. It seems, down the road, we will have a lot of burned out, resentful moms. The Savior cleans up our messes but we are supposed to accept his sacrifice and repent, love him and be obedient his commandments and always remember what he has done for us.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[juliann]

I'd put that one next to the story about the father who saves up for a year to buy his wife an ironing machine because she is so much pain ironing by hand is torture.  It is one thing to talk about mothering, it is another to make the husbands look like neanderthals. But for every fail, they are publishing some good stuff.

[Jeanne]

19 minutes ago, bsjkki said:

I had a young mother post this to her Facebook this morning so I read the article. https://www.lds.org/ensign/2017/06/latter-day-saint-voices/christlike-mothering?lang=eng

"With the broom still in my hand, I awoke to a new concept of mothering—mothering as He would. Not for praise, recognition, a hug, or even a thank-you. I would sweep up crumbs with love because that is what He would do.

Everything He did was in obedience to His Father. It was never about Him. The Lord always mends the broken and cleans up our messes infinitely with perfect love, for His Father and for us. I will now strive to teach and serve my children with the purest love I can. Only then do I feel like I am truly participating in Christlike mothering."

Maybe I am misinterpreting the authors intent but in the beginning of the article it talks about "the mother's sacrifice." It seems to me as a mother, it is part of our duty to teach our children to appreciate and thank those that serve them, whether it is their parents, friends, teachers or our Savior. I feel it is correct doctrine to teach that Christ expects certain things from us too. I don't think it is wrong to serve my children in pure love but receiving help, thanks or recognition for ones service is not wrong and will help your children and spouse be better people.

She states,"It didn’t seem wrong to desire that my children be more grateful, but in that moment of clarity, I saw that my desire was more about me receiving praise or compensation than it was about them learning gratitude. But the Savior never required praise. He never asked for it or wanted it."

My motivation for cleaning and doing household chores, was never the expectation of praise or compensation so maybe that is why I don't get it. It starts like this: 

"I swept pretzels, cereal, popcorn, and chips into a pile.

“Nope. I didn’t eat any of these things,” I said as I brushed them into a dustpan.

My husband, sitting at the table, said quietly, “It’s the mother’s sacrifice.”

I straightened up. “What?” I asked.

He spoke louder and clearer between bites of breakfast: “It’s what mothers do. They spend their lives cleaning up messes that they had no hand in making—just like the Savior did.”

My husband's comment was, "what a dufus." The husband in the story is sitting there eating his breakfast and she is cleaning and he encourages her to view it as Christ-like service and if you're not happy about it, that means you are not being Christ-like enough. Like I said, I could be misreading the author's intent but I do not think this is actually a healthy article for young moms to read. It seems, down the road, we will have a lot of burned out, resentful moms. The Savior cleans up our messes but we are supposed to accept his sacrifice and repent, love him and be obedient his commandments and always remember what he has done for us.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Huh..this story would have all been so different and good had the husband at least got up to hold the darn broom...together..we clean up messes.

[bluebell]

30 minutes ago, bsjkki said:

I had a young mother post this to her Facebook this morning so I read the article. https://www.lds.org/ensign/2017/06/latter-day-saint-voices/christlike-mothering?lang=eng

"With the broom still in my hand, I awoke to a new concept of mothering—mothering as He would. Not for praise, recognition, a hug, or even a thank-you. I would sweep up crumbs with love because that is what He would do.

Everything He did was in obedience to His Father. It was never about Him. The Lord always mends the broken and cleans up our messes infinitely with perfect love, for His Father and for us. I will now strive to teach and serve my children with the purest love I can. Only then do I feel like I am truly participating in Christlike mothering."

Maybe I am misinterpreting the authors intent but in the beginning of the article it talks about "the mother's sacrifice." It seems to me as a mother, it is part of our duty to teach our children to appreciate and thank those that serve them, whether it is their parents, friends, teachers or our Savior. I feel it is correct doctrine to teach that Christ expects certain things from us too. I don't think it is wrong to serve my children in pure love but receiving help, thanks or recognition for ones service is not wrong and will help your children and spouse be better people.

She states,"It didn’t seem wrong to desire that my children be more grateful, but in that moment of clarity, I saw that my desire was more about me receiving praise or compensation than it was about them learning gratitude. But the Savior never required praise. He never asked for it or wanted it."

My motivation for cleaning and doing household chores, was never the expectation of praise or compensation so maybe that is why I don't get it. It starts like this: 

"I swept pretzels, cereal, popcorn, and chips into a pile.

“Nope. I didn’t eat any of these things,” I said as I brushed them into a dustpan.

My husband, sitting at the table, said quietly, “It’s the mother’s sacrifice.”

I straightened up. “What?” I asked.

He spoke louder and clearer between bites of breakfast: “It’s what mothers do. They spend their lives cleaning up messes that they had no hand in making—just like the Savior did.”

My husband's comment was, "what a dufus." The husband in the story is sitting there eating his breakfast and she is cleaning and he encourages her to view it as Christ-like service and if you're not happy about it, that means you are not being Christ-like enough. Like I said, I could be misreading the author's intent but I do not think this is actually a healthy article for young moms to read. It seems, down the road, we will have a lot of burned out, resentful moms. The Savior cleans up our messes but we are supposed to accept his sacrifice and repent, love him and be obedient his commandments and always remember what he has done for us.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

If equal time is spent on the concept of 'fathering like Christ' and 'the Father's sacrifice', then i think the article is awesome.  Parenthood is all about sacrificing and we can't go wrong if we are doing something for the same reasons and in the same way that Christ would do it (or at least, trying).

I'm tired of martyr mothers and I think we really need to help those who have a tendency to try to serve themselves into the grave in the name of being a mother to get over it.  But I hate to think that we have to do that by making sure we don't teach that mothering is a sacrifice or that parenting like Christ should always be our goal.

I'm sensitive to the weaknesses that us mothers have but I don't need the bar lowered for me to help me cope.  I just need a realistic and Christ-set bar.

[bsjkki]

16 minutes ago, bluebell said:

If equal time is spent on the concept of 'fathering like Christ' and 'the Father's sacrifice', then i think the article is awesome.  Parenthood is all about sacrificing and we can't go wrong if we are doing something for the same reasons and in the same way that Christ would do it (or at least, trying).

I'm tired of martyr mothers and I think we really need to help those who have a tendency to try to serve themselves into the grave in the name of being a mother to get over it.  But I hate to think that we have to do that by making sure we don't teach that mothering is a sacrifice or that parenting like Christ should always be our goal.

I'm sensitive to the weaknesses that us mothers have but I don't need the bar lowered for me to help me cope.  I just need a realistic and Christ-set bar.

No mention of "fathering like Christ" or the "fathers sacrifice." 

[bluebell]

5 minutes ago, bsjkki said:

No mention of "fathering like Christ" or the "fathers sacrifice." 

There's still hope the topic could come up next month.  

[bsjkki]

8 minutes ago, bluebell said:

There's still hope the topic could come up next month.  

Yes...very true. 😀

[Ginger Snaps]

I read that article recently and it really rubbed me the wrong way. Complaining Wife is taught a lesson by Wise Husand who sits on his butt and eats breakfast while she works. It's appalling. 

 If there's a mess in my home we all pitch in and work--husband, kids and wife (at least those who are home). And if the kids leave popcorn and pretzels all over the floor, they are called in and directed to the broom or vacuum to clean up their own mess. My job as a mother is to raise good people who are considerate and know how to work and take care of themselves, not to mutely clean up after my family. 

It's 2017, Ensign editors. You could be doing far, far better than this. 

Edited June 23, 2017 by Ginger Snaps

[bsjkki]

3 minutes ago, Ginger Snaps said:

I read that article recently and it really rubbed me the wrong way. Complaining Wife is taught a lesson by Wise Husand who sits on his butt and eats breakfast while she works. It's appalling. 

 If there's a mess in my home we all pitch in and work--husband, kids and wife (at least those who are home). And if the kids leave popcorn and pretzels all over the floor, they are called in and directed to the broom or vacuum to clean up their own mess. My job as a mother is to raise good people who are considerate and know how to work and take care of themselves, not to mutely clean up after my family. 

It's 2017, Ensign editors. You could be doing far, far better than this. 

You expressed my feelings much more consisely and clearly. Thank you!

Edited June 23, 2017 by bsjkki

[Ginger Snaps]

The more I think about this article, and especially its title, the more annoyed I get. 

If I teach my children that it's ok to make messes and I'll just clean up after them, how is that Christlike? If I don't teach or expect gratitude from my children, is that Christlike? I suspect the unseen children in this story are small--maybe not old enough to completely clean up on their own yet or say thank you. But the fact of the matter is that kids get bigger and so do their messes. If I send my kids out into the world with no work skills and no ability to be grateful, that isn't Christlike--toward them or the people who will encounter them.  Even in the stories where Christ "cleaned up a mess" for someone, he often required some work on their part.  

 

[hagoth7]

Looks like we're into the territory of how one is to minister to those who hate/curse/despitefully use them

1. We're told some *are* gonna do it, so we can choose *not* to take offense.

2. We're also told what to do about it when it does happen.

My qualification to speak up in this thread is that I was recently/repeatedly told that I'm a woman...

Edited June 23, 2017 by hagoth7

[CV75]

2 hours ago, bsjkki said:

the authors intent

Who knows what that is... sometimes we read things from our own intent. While the various lessons learned and advice posted here are all valid to me, allow me to offer two perspectives:

One, it seems she had a matter-of-fact tone (“Nope…”). She may have preceded it with, "No thanks honey, I'll do it. I know you're running late for your second job and worried about getting fired." Despite the setting, he may have said these things with an appreciative, empathetic tone. And to say all that between bites, he may have spoken slowly and tenderly. He may have beheld her and loved her even (as in Mark 10:21). She seems to have at first taken his remark as a compliment, or recognition and encouragement (“I should have been pleased to consider that sweeping crumbs was more Christlike than I had thought.”). And then she came to a great conclusion -- herself --  about serving out of love.

Two, he may well have been a dufus and she a patsy, in which case her introspection and conclusion (“teach and serve my children with the purest love”) puts her on the high road, with the next step inspiring him out of his dufus-ness. I think I can write a few articles about that! LOL

Edited June 23, 2017 by CV75

[Rain]

I think the concept is a good one. How it worked for her is not going to sit well with a lot of people, including me at first.

I don't clean, prepare food etc for thanks, but at certain times in my life those hopes for thanks have been much greater than they shold be. Not just hopes, but more along the lines of murmering. I think most of us have felt this - in our job, in our calling etc. 

If the Spirit had said what the husband said I think a lot of us would have perceived the story differently. I know that I have been told similar things from the Spirit and felt much different about the advice than when I read this. 

I think this is one of those times when we may be taking something said in a completely different way than it was meant. The husband said, "It’s what mothers do. They spend their lives cleaning up messes that they had no hand in making—just like the Savior did.”

He is saying she is LIKE the Savior. Not that she is not measuring up to the Savior. It actually sounds like one of those sacred moments you have in the midst of every day life. Not being there I can't tell - perhaps it really was the Spirit talking through the husband. 

 

 

Edited June 24, 2017 by Rain

[HappyJackWagon]

It's too bad there is so little known about Heavenly Mother that there can't be an article talking about mothering like Heavenly Mother. Instead, a mother's only example is a male. Not that women can't learn from Jesus, but it would be wonderful if the female role models in our theology were more than just an ambiguous idea.

[bluebell]

16 hours ago, Rain said:

think this is one of those times when we may be taking something said in a completely different way than it was meant. The husband said, "It’s what mothers do. They spend their lives cleaning up messes that they had no hand in making—just like the Savior did.”

He is saying she is LIKE the Savior. Not that she is not measuring up to the Savior. It actually sounds like one of those sacred moments you have in the midst of every day life. Not being there I can't tell - perhaps it really was the Spirit talking through the husband. 

 

 

That's what I got out of the story as well.  Not that the author is saying that children don't need to be taught to be helpful, clean up their own messes, or be grateful to their mothers, or that husbands don't need to help with household chores.

I got that she was sharing a 'light bulb moment' in her life, facilitated by her husband, where she was able to see motherhood's similarities to the Savior's work.  I don't see the moral of the story being much different than Jeffrey R. Holland's talk from a couple of years ago about how nothing comes closer to the love and sacrifice of the Savior than being a mother.

[bsjkki]

26 minutes ago, bluebell said:

That's what I got out of the story as well.  Not that the author is saying that children don't need to be taught to be helpful, clean up their own messes, or be grateful to their mothers, or that husbands don't need to help with household chores.

I got that she was sharing a 'light bulb moment' in her life, facilitated by her husband, where she was able to see motherhood's similarities to the Savior's work.  I don't see the moral of the story being much different than Jeffrey R. Holland's talk from a couple of years ago about how nothing comes closer to the love and sacrifice of the Savior than being a mother.

I do think you are correct but it is the "but" in this sentence that causes it not to be entirely the right interpretation. "This observation was profound to me. I should have been pleased to consider that sweeping crumbs was more Christlike than I had thought. But instead, I felt a wave of guilt." And then later she says this "I then realized my motives were rarely pure enough for the comparison my husband had made. The Savior never keeps a list to compare what He’s done to what I’ve done. I would lose every time." 

I just want to add--she is attempting to elevate her motivations for serving her family but this was triggered by guilt at not having perfect Christ-like motivations. I know too many very good people who feel guilt over things they should not. Their desire to be Christ-like has led them to place themselves in abusive situations without proper boundaries...maybe that is why I reacted to this article the way I did. 

Edited June 24, 2017 by bsjkki

[MiserereNobis]

1 hour ago, HappyJackWagon said:

It's too bad there is so little known about Heavenly Mother that there can't be an article talking about mothering like Heavenly Mother. Instead, a mother's only example is a male. Not that women can't learn from Jesus, but it would be wonderful if the female role models in our theology were more than just an ambiguous idea.

There's always Mary

 

[RevTestament]

12 hours ago, bluebell said:

That's what I got out of the story as well.  Not that the author is saying that children don't need to be taught to be helpful, clean up their own messes, or be grateful to their mothers, or that husbands don't need to help with household chores.

I got that she was sharing a 'light bulb moment' in her life, facilitated by her husband, where she was able to see motherhood's similarities to the Savior's work.  I don't see the moral of the story being much different than Jeffrey R. Holland's talk from a couple of years ago about how nothing comes closer to the love and sacrifice of the Savior than being a mother.

In fact I believe the Savior is telling us that here:

John 8:58 Jesus said unto them, Verily, verily, I say unto you, Before Abraham was, I am.

This normally gets interpreted as referring to the "I am" in Exodus. But that was not before Abraham.

However, El Shaddai appeared to Abram(before Abraham) and told him "I am El Shaddai; therefore walk before me and be thou perfect." Gen 17:1  In my way of looking at this interaction He is saying Hi Abram, I am the power that has weaned you from the breast. Now it is time to be like me or be directed by me - to be perfect.

In Hebrew shad means breast. Since the time of the Septuagint El Shaddai has been interpreted as the Almighty God, but there is essentially no linguistic support for this translation. Further, Jesus said no man had seen the Father. I interpret El Shaddai as the Power who weans from the breast. i believe it is Christ rather than the Father speaking here. Further there is textual support for this. 

Genesis 49:25

25 Even by the God of thy father, who shall help thee; and by the ^aAlmighty /El Shaddai, who shall bless thee with blessings of heaven above, blessings of the deep that lieth under, blessings of the breasts, and of the ^bwomb:

It makes sense in the NT that Yeshua is the Power/El who weans us from the breast so that we can return to the Father. This is a theme in Hebrews 5. So the scriptures are replete with the idea. The rib taken from Adam is used to form Eve/the Church or the mother of all. As Yeshua is the founder of the Church, which nurtures us in the gospel, and gives to each according to their capacity - again a motherly role.

I think others have made appropriate comments about the story, but I just wanted to show that a main point of the story is definitely to show the honor of the motherly role being like Christ. My wife is one that could be used because she is like Christ, and always strives to be perfect. In fact I feel I am the one who sometimes pulls her back to say someone else needs to do this. Hopefully, the point of this article is not that husbands should take advantage of their wives, but even when they are dufuses(if it is read that way instead of a complement), wives can know that in their service to their children, they are being like Christ. The value of the story is that it makes that connection, which scripture uses with regards to Christ.

Edited June 25, 2017 by RevTestament

[hagoth7]

4 hours ago, bsjkki said:

I do think you are correct but it is the "but" in this sentence that causes it not to be entirely the right interpretation. "This observation was profound to me. I should have been pleased to consider that sweeping crumbs was more Christlike than I had thought. But instead, I felt a wave of guilt." And then later she says this "I then realized my motives were rarely pure enough for the comparison my husband had made. The Savior never keeps a list to compare what He’s done to what I’ve done. I would lose every time." 

I just want to add--she is attempting to elevate her motivations for serving her family but this was triggered by guilt at not having perfect Christ-like motivations....

Sounds more like the recurring psalm of Nephi....feeling (appropriate) guilt over getting angry/upset in the wake of something hurtful that someone we deeply love says/does or leaves unsaid/undone. 

Quote

...O then, if I have seen so great things, if the Lord in his condescension unto the children of men hath ^avisited men in so much ^bmercy, ^cwhy should my ^dheart weep and my soul linger in the valley of sorrow, and my flesh waste away, and my strength slacken, because of mine afflictions?

And why should I ^ayield to sin, because of my flesh? Yea, why should I give way to ^btemptations, that the evil one have place in my heart to destroy my ^cpeace and afflict my soul? Why am I ^dangry because of mine enemy?

Awake, my soul! No longer ^adroop in sin. Rejoice, O my heart, and give place no more for the ^benemy of my soul.

Do not ^aanger again because of mine enemies. Do not slacken my strength because of mine afflictions....

Nephi made it quite clear that the enemies (plural) he was speaking of were those of his own household...his estranged brothers, et al.  (compare v. 22)

We sometimes hurt (unintentionally) the ones we love...and are hurt most by the ones we love most.

Which is perhaps why the family is the best laboratory to grow and learn longsuffering, patience, forgiveness, communication, hope, faith.... (says the rookie)

 

Edited June 24, 2017 by hagoth7

[katherine the great]

I think this lady is being way too hard on herself. Jesus did not serve with absolutely no expectations of others.  "Every knee will bow and every tongue confess." The Lord loves and serves, but still expects and predicts eventual recognition from all.

[MorningStar]

I guess the point is supposed to be that Christ cleans up the mess that He didn't make, but it does make the husband sound like he just watches his wife clean up the mess.  This is right up there with that video where the mom is looking forward to seeing her cousin at the airport and then after doing everything for everyone else, she doesn't get to spend time with her after all. I was expecting a totally different message at the end like, "Moms have feelings too." but it was more like, "She did the things she needed to do that day."  Like standing up her cousin at the airport?