flameburns623 Posted March 31, 2016 Posted March 31, 2016 OK: You wiseacres who actually thrive on getting asked to speak in Church can start your own thread. This one is for us regular folk who find (or in my case, once found) the thought of speaking before a religious congregation stressful. Last Sunday, some poor guy was ask to talk on grief and loss and how Easter relates to those. He did pretty good, btw: few grunts or un-words, no stuttering or uncomfortable pauses or fidgeting. Good speaking voice But he prefaced his remarks saying how nervous & ill he was. "I feel like I'm going to throw up", he said. And, for a moment, he looked the part. I was lucky: somehow I don't recall ever getting asked to give a talk. (Some certain sundry LDS congregations were luckier: atop all the other liabilites that an amateur speaker brings to a podium, I'm Hard of Hearing: I speak differently than others and not a difference which is easy pn the ear. Think Mr. Magoo Meets Elmer Fudd). So I never spoke as an assigned topic. But I did give testimonies. Taught a class or two. And: yeeminey yipes, the stress of the task. Yet: I've conducted classes at work and . . .it's no big deal. Big classes, little classes, classes with folks I've worked with for years, orientation clases in front of strangers. No big deal. No, I don't have some sort of special four year degree in my field. I've done it a long time, but the job which has become my career started out as a part-time gig to help make ends meet. I don't have special credentials or such. But somehow, speaking to twenty or twenty-five folks about job expectations and company policies is nowhere near so daunting as, say the thought of expounding on the Prodigal Son. Any thoughts on the psychology at work here? 1
Gray Posted March 31, 2016 Posted March 31, 2016 I'm not sure. I used to find it stressful, but now I no longer do. Maybe it's because I've realized that almost no one is listening anyway. 2
Okrahomer Posted March 31, 2016 Posted March 31, 2016 I'm with you: I find speaking in Sacrament meeting stressful; although, I try to avoid saying so, when I speak. When I accept the request to give a talk, I feel like I'm making a promise to prepare information that will be worthwhile to those who are listening. The process is very humbling for me, which may be one of the main reasons we're asked to do it in the first place. So while some in the audience may tune me out, I'm praying and shaking in my shoes that what I say is what the Lord wants me to say and will actually be of value to someone in the congregation. I'm reasonably sure--my poor delivery notwithstanding--that it usually is. 1
Duncan Posted March 31, 2016 Posted March 31, 2016 Teaching a class to me is WAY less stressful because it's not all on you, you should interact with the members and they speak, you speak so it's a give and take. In speaking though it's all you all the time. So, some people find it stressful I personally don't as much. Two things to keep in mind is just have fun with it, if you say the wrong the wrong thing big deal or something happens so what just rill with it and laugh it off. The second is no one is a mindreader. If people look bored or leave or fall asleep don't take it personally, you don't know what is going on inside and for some people maybe they'd do that for even the best speakers. Another thing to get your mind off the stress is to refocus. Don't focus on your focus on who's there or what you'll say or count the amount of people there, don't focus on the stress and the sickly feelings will go away. 2
Garden Girl Posted March 31, 2016 Posted March 31, 2016 Good morning, flame... on a beautiful, sunny morning that is such a welcome after about 10 days of gray and rainy, even hail at times! Spring has sprung! and my heart sings... Speaking in public to a congregation is stressful for the majority of individuals... one can get used to it as I have pretty much done, but there's always a few butterflies. I, too, was responsible for training others in groups of less than 20... you're right, it's different than standing at a podium above a congregation. My strongest pet peeve is the speaker who gets up and starts off by saying how much they don't want to be there... I want to stand up and say... Then sit down and let someone else speak! I always take a minute and let my gaze go across the congregation, as I smile and tell them how happy I am to be with them. Then I don't make true eye contact again as it might trip me up... I employ a tactic I learned in speech class in high school, and that is to look at the top of heads vs the faces/eyes. To the audience it appears that you're looking directly at them, but you're not and your thoughts aren't interrupted... when I give a talk I type it all out double spaced... 6 double-spaced pages are about right... I review the talk several times to be sure I have the flow etc... then when I talk I can keep my head up, glancing down at my notes as needed... Hope everything is going better this morning for you and your family... from the beach... GG 4
Jeanne Posted March 31, 2016 Posted March 31, 2016 I loved it..after I puked just before Sacrament Meeting or something. I miss being able to do things like that. This is one thing that I commend the church for. I was much more outgoing in my church days and learned many things in service to the church. 3
JAHS Posted March 31, 2016 Posted March 31, 2016 Some have said to make it easier to speak in front of people to imagine them in their underwear. But somehow that doesn't seem appropriate in Church. I don't mind being asked to give talks, it's that moment just before you get up to speak when your heart starts beating so loudly you can't hear yourself think. But then after I get into it I become more relaxed and it gets easier. 2
The Nehor Posted March 31, 2016 Posted March 31, 2016 I like giving talks and have not been asked for three years. I think it is because we usually have couples speak. I am so sick of their cutesy how we met stories and the banter and self-deprecating humor between the two talks. If I wanted to know your life story I would have asked. Teach the gospel already! As one of the wiseacres mentioned above I apologize for butting in. 2
Calm Posted March 31, 2016 Posted March 31, 2016 I am of the I want to barf family of speakers (though I never do, it just feels that way). Also of the my mind goes blank variety. I write out all my talks and memorize them enough so if I lose my place I can keep going for a bit. I also give talks because I am asked to, not because I want to be there though I want to serve God and my fellowman as he would have me do. I figure if we just did things we wanted to do in every way in the Church, we would quickly fall apart so I try to do as much as I am able even when it really crosses my boundaries of comfort. I don't share my feelings about speaking during a talk because that would make me even more nervous, but I know some people feel better when they are open about it. Usually it is not an expression of disrespect for what they are doing, it is simply being open about how they are struggling in trying to overcome one of the obstacles they have in their attempts to do what God would have them do. 1
VideoGameJunkie Posted March 31, 2016 Posted March 31, 2016 I have an easier time giving talks that are prepared, then bearing a testimony in Fast and Testimony meeting. 1
flameburns623 Posted March 31, 2016 Author Posted March 31, 2016 Maybe the podium has a lot ro do with it. And the sheer formaliry of the situation. I suspect that OJT had a lot to do with making it easier to conduct training classes. Scarecely anything covered in classroom settings was not something thatI hadn't talked to pieces already,, to one or two or perhaps three trainees in a much more "natural" setting. So a lot of my "script" was well rehearsed by the time my employer had me in a classroom role. 1
strappinglad Posted March 31, 2016 Posted March 31, 2016 It never hurts to leave a bit of room in your talk for the Spirit to say something. That way, if you mess up you have someone else to blame.
Keq82 Posted April 1, 2016 Posted April 1, 2016 Just remain calm and talk as if you were talking one on one with a good friend.
ERMD Posted April 1, 2016 Posted April 1, 2016 My sweet wife is in this camp. She dreads the thought of speaking in church. Everyone in the ward knows and loves her, but she puts so much pressure on herself that even the idea just paralyzes her.
smac97 Posted April 1, 2016 Posted April 1, 2016 23 hours ago, flameburns623 said: OK: You wiseacres who actually thrive on getting asked to speak in Church can start your own thread. This one is for us regular folk who find (or in my case, once found) the thought of speaking before a religious congregation stressful. Last Sunday, some poor guy was ask to talk on grief and loss and how Easter relates to those. He did pretty good, btw: few grunts or un-words, no stuttering or uncomfortable pauses or fidgeting. Good speaking voice But he prefaced his remarks saying how nervous & ill he was. "I feel like I'm going to throw up", he said. And, for a moment, he looked the part. I was lucky: somehow I don't recall ever getting asked to give a talk. (Some certain sundry LDS congregations were luckier: atop all the other liabilites that an amateur speaker brings to a podium, I'm Hard of Hearing: I speak differently than others and not a difference which is easy pn the ear. Think Mr. Magoo Meets Elmer Fudd). So I never spoke as an assigned topic. But I did give testimonies. Taught a class or two. And: yeeminey yipes, the stress of the task. Yet: I've conducted classes at work and . . .it's no big deal. Big classes, little classes, classes with folks I've worked with for years, orientation clases in front of strangers. No big deal. No, I don't have some sort of special four year degree in my field. I've done it a long time, but the job which has become my career started out as a part-time gig to help make ends meet. I don't have special credentials or such. But somehow, speaking to twenty or twenty-five folks about job expectations and company policies is nowhere near so daunting as, say the thought of expounding on the Prodigal Son. Any thoughts on the psychology at work here? A few thoughts: 1. I'm not sure speaking in Church is "uniquely" difficult. Glossophobia (the fear of public speaking or of speaking in general) is quite common: Quote It has been estimated that 75% of all people experience some degree of anxiety/nervousness when public speaking.[3] In fact, surveys have shown that most people fear public speaking more than they fear death.[4] ... [3] Hamilton, C. (2008/2005). Communicating for Results, a Guide for Business and the Professions (eighth edition). Belmont, CA: Thomson Wadsworth [4] Croston, Glenn (November 28, 2012). "The Real Story of Risk". Psychology Today. Sussex Publishers. Retrieved September 2014. 2. I think professing fear/unease at the beginning of a talk in Church has become quasi-ritualized. Just as "I'd-like-to-bear-my-testimony-I-know-this-Church-is-true" has become an informal mantra during Fast and Testimony meetings (though I think this is lessening a bit), so too is the pre-talk confession of jitters. It is a fairly minor grievance, but I would like to see less of it. 3. Some people have very little experience or opportunities in public speaking. In fact, I think speaking in Church is the only type of public speaking available to many members. So the rarity of the event (most members are only asked to speak once every few years) and its singularity (no non-Church opportunities to practice speaking in public) combine to make speaking in Church seem like a more nerve-wracking experience than it actually is or should be. 4. People who are asked to speak in Church are sometimes being asked to speak on a sacred subject. The person may not be very familiar with the subject, and may therefore not feel entirely comfortable in speaking of it publicly (particularly if the person does not spend adequate time preparing for the talk). 5. I have been a lawyer for many years now. During my first 4-5 court appearances during my first year I was quite nervous, but I got over it rather quickly simply by rote repetition. Then about 6 years ago I took a job with a firm that required me to appear in federal court quite frequently. The old nervous feelings returned, as federal courts are a bit more intimidating than state courts (and the subject matter I was addressing was more complex and more high-stakes), but again I overcame them by repetition. I think most public speaking jitters can be overcome through repeatedly speaking in public. However, for the last 1-2 years I have been attending hearings in bankruptcy court. I am not a bankruptcy attorney, and only have passing familiarity with the bankruptcy code, procedural rules, etc. Another attorney in the firm prepares the documents, so my job is usually to show up and speak for about 30 seconds and get the judge to sign off on our motion. However, the thing is that despite several dozen appearances I remain a bit jittery each time I attend a hearing because I feel like I do not have a sufficient grasp of all the subtleties and nuances of bankruptcy law (as opposed to most other types of civil law, with which I am much more familiar and comfortable). I wonder if some members of the Church feel the same way I do about bankruptcy court. That is, I don't have enough experience and familiarity with the subject matter so as to be able to speak about it easily and with confidence and familiarity. 6. Most topics presented during a Sacrament Meeting are broad and basic. Faith, repentance, baptism, temple work, missionary work, family, service. These are topics about which most members should be able to speak for 9-13 minutes. 7. I think speaking in Church can be a very important component of developing one's testimony. One of my favorite scenes in any movie ever is in Indiana Jones and the Law Crusade. The scene is toward the end of the film and the heroes (Indy and his father, Henry) and bad guys (Donovan and Elsa) are all gathered in an ancient cave in which, further in, is located the Holy Grail. The path to the Grail is full of booby traps that only Indy can traverse. Donovan knows this. They have the following discussion: Quote DONOVAN Step back now, Doctor Schneider. Give Doctor Jones some room. He's going to recover the Grail for us. Indy laughs. DONOVAN Impossible? What do you say, Jones? Ready to go down in history? INDY As what? A Nazi stooge like you? DONOVAN (scornfully) Nazis?! -- Is that the limit of your vision?! The Nazis want to write themselves into the Grail legend and take on the world. Well, they're welcome. But I want the Grail itself. The cup that gives everlasting life. Hitler can have the world, but he can't take it with him. I'm going to be drinking my own health when he's gone the way of the Dodo. (he draws his pistol) The Grail is mine, and you're going to get it for me. INDY Shooting me won't get you anywhere. DONOVAN You know something, Doctor Jones? You're absolutely right. Then Donovan shifts his aim, just a bit, and SHOOTS Henry. The bullet enters his side below the ribs. INDY Dad?! HENRY Junior... ELSA No!! DONOVAN (to Elsa) Get back! Henry collapses. Blood flowing from the wound. Brody and Sallah rush to his assistance. Indy spins toward Donovan with murder in his eyes. Donovan points the gun at him: DONOVAN You can't save him when you're dead. Indy hesitates. DONOVAN The healing power of the Grail is the only thing that can save your father now. It's time to ask yourself what you believe. Indy takes in the situation. The two decapitated men lie a few yards in front of him. He walks to the entranceway, flanked by two stone lions. We get silent reaction shots -- Elsa -- Sallah -- Brody -- Donovan -- registering their different emotions Indy proceeds forward... Ah! A great movie! But I digress... I am quoting this because Donovan makes an important point. There are moments in each of our lives where "it's time to ask yourself what you believe." Publicly speaking about Jesus Christ, about His Atonement, about the Restored Gospel and its sacred precepts, is just such a moment. Fortunately, I think the Spirit can and will fortify a person in that moment. Through righteous living, through preparation, through prayer, through humility, a person can use a talk in Church as an opportunity to both ask and answer what she believes. On this point I am reminded of one of my favorite passages in the New Testamant: Quote Whosoever shall confess that Jesus is the Son of God, God dwelleth in him, and he in God. And we have known and believed the love that God hath to us. God is love; and he that dwelleth in love dwelleth in God, and God in him. Herein is our love made perfect, that we may have boldness in the day of judgment: because as he is, so are we in this world. "Boldness in the day of judgment." I love that phrase. It is not boldness borne of arrogance or pride, but of faith, humility, knowledge, and righteous living. This boldness would, I think, enliven and enrich talks given in Sacrament meeting. I would like to see more of it demonstrated by us Latter-day saints. Thanks, -Smac
stemelbow Posted April 1, 2016 Posted April 1, 2016 fear is of the devil. Anyone who gets nervous about talking in Church is far too close to the devil and shouldn't be listened to. 2
The Nehor Posted April 1, 2016 Posted April 1, 2016 14 minutes ago, stemelbow said: fear is of the devil. Anyone who gets nervous about talking in Church is far too close to the devil and shouldn't be listened to. Agreed.
Calm Posted April 1, 2016 Posted April 1, 2016 The idea of repetition or thinking of the audience a certain way can be helpful for many. But there is a group of people for whom that doesn't work...anxiety experienced confirms emotionally, even if they reject it intellectually or on one level so to speak, that speaking is an anxiety producing activity. Anxiety may even increase over times of doing it, not get better. For example, when I started taking singing lessons from a particular teacher, he complimented me on my natural fullness of sound. By the end of the experience, my throat would close up due to the increased anxiety over time because it had been confirmed over and over I would feel sick to my stomach in that experience. This tendency can be overcomed, but usually it takes more than just repetition and mental games.
JLHPROF Posted April 1, 2016 Posted April 1, 2016 Be glad we aren't as we were in the early days - when prepared sermons were the exception and people were sometimes called out of the audience to speak. As for nerves - yep. Big time. And I find picturing people in their underwear at Church to be counterproductive... 1
Calm Posted April 1, 2016 Posted April 1, 2016 Deleted because too much off topic personal stuff. Got to focus.
Jeanne Posted April 1, 2016 Posted April 1, 2016 Does anybody remember a little green or blue book that had just "thoughts" in it. It was a little LDS book that I used a lot to add to talks..but I'll be darned if I can remember the actual name. It was probably "Book of Thoughts"..
Ahab Posted April 1, 2016 Posted April 1, 2016 I think the "why is it so stressful" answer for most comes from feeling...and yes I said feeling, as in feelings, whoa oh oh feelings... like you/I/the stressed out speaker is supposed to be somehow entertaining/fun to listen to while also saying something that nobody has ever said before, except for maybe an Apostle or General Authority who if they ever did say something even remotely close to what you want to say must be quoted while using their most authoritative title. That's why, I think. The thought that someone could just stand up there comfortably while using their normal everyday way of speaking without worrying about trying to impress anybody or say something at least kinda unique must be vanquished from even the thoughts of a stressed out speaker. That's what is making him, her, or it uncomfortable, after all, and being comfortable is not conducive to a stressed out speaker, lest he be comfortable and relaxed and without a worry at all, after all.
Ahab Posted April 1, 2016 Posted April 1, 2016 6 hours ago, stemelbow said: fear is of the devil. Anyone who gets nervous about talking in Church is far too close to the devil and shouldn't be listened to. Yep, give me somebody who loves everybody including his or her self anytime.
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