ALarson Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 (edited) Yesterday, I learned from a very close friend of mine that his son is getting married. His son is gay and is marrying his partner of several years. My wife and I are going to be invited to the wedding (a couple hours away). My friend is an extremely active member of the church and is in full support of their son getting married as they really love his partner and are happy for their son. He (their son) served a full time mission and is an incredible young man (I've known him since he was very young). He is no longer active in the church, but has no hatred or animosity towards the church (that I know of or have heard from him). All of his (the son's) siblings are very active in the church, have temple marriages, etc. They all live out of the area and will be flying home to attend the wedding too. They are thrilled for their brother and want to support him. My friend is very happy that all of his children will be there for the wedding. That was interesting to learn as I wondered if they would be coming back home and attending the wedding (I haven't pried or asked how they felt about their brother and his partner). It sounds like this will be a small wedding and will include only family and close friends. What is kind of interesting is that my friend told me the parents of his son's partner are refusing to attend or support his marriage (even though they are very fond of my friend's son). We both commented on that being ironic. The Mormons in the family are supporting the marriage while the nonmember family members of the partner are not supporting it. So, would you attend? . Edited March 16, 2016 by ALarson 4
Duncan Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 (edited) depends on what food they are having afterwards. What can I tell you? I am a picky eater in public Edited March 16, 2016 by Duncan 1
JLHPROF Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 I would absolutely NOT attend. Vice is a monster of so frightful mien As to be hated needs but to be seen; Yet seen too oft, familiar with her face, We first endure, then pity, then embrace. - Alexander Pope 4
stemelbow Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 16 minutes ago, ALarson said: Yesterday, I learned from a very close friend of mine that his son is getting married. His son is gay and is marrying his partner of several years. My wife and I are going to be invited to the wedding (a couple hours away). My friend is an extremely active member of the church and is in full support of their son getting married as they really love his partner and are happy for their son. He (their son) served a full time mission and is an incredible young man (I've known him since he was very young). He is no longer active in the church, but has no hatred or animosity towards the church (that I know of or have heard from him). All of his (the son's) siblings are very active in the church, have temple marriages, etc. They all live out of the area and will be flying home to attend the wedding too. They are thrilled for their brother and want to support him. My friend is very happy that all of his children will be there for the wedding. That was interesting to learn as I wondered if they would be coming back home and attending the wedding (I haven't pried or asked how they felt about their brother and his partner). It sounds like this will be a small wedding and will include only family and close friends. What is kind of interesting is that my friend told me the parents of his son's partner are refusing to attend or support his marriage (even though they are very fond of my friend's son). We both commented on that being ironic. The Mormons in the family are supporting the marriage while the nonmember family members of the partner are not supporting it. So, would you attend? . of course. no question. 1
Duncan Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 1 minute ago, JLHPROF said: I would absolutely NOT attend. Vice is a monster of so frightful mien As to be hated needs but to be seen; Yet seen too oft, familiar with her face, We first endure, then pity, then embrace. - Alexander Pope Not even if they served Nanaimo Bars? Barbarian! 4
JLHPROF Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 Just now, Duncan said: Not even if they served Nanaimo Bars? Barbarian! mmm...Nanaimo Bars. It's been a while... 1
ALarson Posted March 16, 2016 Author Posted March 16, 2016 (edited) 10 minutes ago, stemelbow said: of course. no question. Exactly. I love my friend and I love his son. I want to support them both (and my wife is in full agreement). We will be there. I am thrilled that this young man's family members are all going to be there too. I'm sure that means a lot to him. (Plus a famous TV personality/cook is going to cater the reception...bonus!! ) . Edited March 16, 2016 by ALarson 3
toon Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 I try to avoid going to weddings at all costs, but same sex doesn't play into that. 3
JLHPROF Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 2 minutes ago, ALarson said: (Plus a famous TV personality/cook is going to cater the reception...bonus!! ) Well you left that part out. The foodie in me might make an exception. But I still don't think I would be willing to attend. Given your statements on this board, I don't see why it would even be a question for you.
ALarson Posted March 16, 2016 Author Posted March 16, 2016 13 minutes ago, JLHPROF said: I would absolutely NOT attend. Vice is a monster of so frightful mien As to be hated needs but to be seen; Yet seen too oft, familiar with her face, We first endure, then pity, then embrace. - Alexander Pope I respect your right to have your own feelings on this. But, I disagree. There are not many young men who are as good and strong and full of integrity as this young man is (and I've heard wonderful things about his partner too). They both have their doctorates, are very successful in their professions and together they give a tremendous amount back to their community through charitable acts and much service. I have a difficult time seeing "vice" anywhere in them or in their union.They are committing to spend their lives together. 2
CA Steve Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 How does your friend feel about the fact that when his son gets married he runs the risk of being excommunicated? (I assume the son is still a member.)
Popular Post smac97 Posted March 16, 2016 Popular Post Posted March 16, 2016 This is a fair question. A few thoughts: I sustain the Church's position on same-sex marriage. I also sustain the Church's position on demonstrating love and compassion to those who have same-sex attraction. Attendees at a wedding are traditionally construed as witnesses and celebrants of the event. For myself, I do not think I could reconcile myself to "celebrating" (through attendance at) an event that is so at odds with the Restored Gospel in relation to its teachings about marriage and The Law of Chastity. If invited to a same-sex wedding, I would decline. I would do so privately, preferably in person (and perhaps preceded by an explanatory letter). I would explain my position, while also expressing love and affection for the individuals. Although I would decline to attend such a wedding, I would thereafter welcome the couple to attend any private or family activities and events to which I would invite others, and would treat them with love, decorum, tolerance and understanding. I think shunning or ignoring or dissociating such a couple would not be appropriate (and, in fact, largely at odds with the Restored Gospel). Let me close with a somewhat-related story: I know of an elderly lady who was once visited by a grandson who was obviously under the influence of marijuana (appearing stoned, reeked of MJ, etc.). She asked the grandson to leave and return for a visit A) after the grandchild sobered up, and B) without the scent of cigarettes and marijuana. The grandson became upset and angry, and responded: "You should accept me for who I am!" The grandmother, who was never one to be pushed around, said "I do accept you. And I love you. But I do not have to accept or go along with your conduct when I disagree with it. So please come back when you are sober and showered." The grandson, still angry, left and did not return. Thanks, -Smac 10
ALarson Posted March 16, 2016 Author Posted March 16, 2016 3 minutes ago, JLHPROF said: Well you left that part out. The foodie in me might make an exception. But I still don't think I would be willing to attend. Given your statements on this board, I don't see why it would even be a question for you. Ha! And no, it was not a question for me or my wife, but she has already received some looks of disapproval (she's the current RS president and mentioned it in their presidency meeting last night...one of her counselors obviously was surprised she was going to attend.)
longview Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 Would anyone care to estimate the percentage of "homosexual commitments" that end up being "open marriages?" I have no source but based on my extensive readings and review of "current events" I would lean to a figure greater than 75%. This son will carry a terrible burden, both in mortality and in the Judgement. I would NOT attend homosexual events of any kind. Even though I have at least 4 homosexual acquaintances that know of my strong charity and empathy for them. I have told one them (my former co-worker) that I loved him (we had many email debates).
JulieM Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 Yes. Definitely. I'd be there! Even if I was opposed to SSM, I'd go just to support a close friend. I'd imagine they need that with all the ugliness that they may feel from those who don't approve. It's interesting about the future in-laws (non-members). It's got to be tough for active LDS parents who have gay children (especially now with the recent policy). You'd want your child to be happy and find someone to spend their life with. But how heartbreaking to know that they will then be an apostate and face possible excommunication. 1
JLHPROF Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 11 minutes ago, ALarson said: I respect your right to have your own feelings on this. But, I disagree. There are not many young men who are as good and strong and full of integrity as this young man is (and I've heard wonderful things about his partner too). They both have their doctorates, are very successful in their professions and together they give a tremendous amount back to their community through charitable acts and much service. I have a difficult time seeing "vice" anywhere in them or in their union.They are committing to spend their lives together. The "vice" is in the physical relations outside of the laws of God. And I couldn't pretend their marriage was valid in any way, so my attending would be an act of hypocrisy. They aren't married, so why pretend they are? 1
mnn727 Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 Absolutely I would go. Keep in mind these are our brothers also, and deserving of our respect and love. If you k now the family and you know the son, then yes, by all means go. if we avoided everyone whom sins we'd be mighty lonely. 4
CA Steve Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 By the way, for those that say yes, would you also attend a wedding if it were the son of a very close friend who was marrying a plural wife? I admit that one gives me more pause than the SSM marriage, but, in the end I think I would also attend.
ALarson Posted March 16, 2016 Author Posted March 16, 2016 (edited) 26 minutes ago, CA Steve said: How does your friend feel about the fact that when his son gets married he runs the risk of being excommunicated? (I assume the son is still a member.) We actually did discuss this (just a little). His son is still a member. My friend does not agree with the new policy at all, but knows this marriage could mean excommunication. He didn't say whether he's asked his son about it, but just told me that they'd deal with that if it happens. He's just very happy that his son is committing to his partner and making their union a marriage (they've been living together for a few years). . Edited March 16, 2016 by ALarson
JLHPROF Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 3 minutes ago, mnn727 said: Absolutely I would go. Keep in mind these are our brothers also, and deserving of our respect and love. If you k now the family and you know the son, then yes, by all means go. if we avoided everyone whom sins we'd be mighty lonely. Big difference between avoiding a sinner and legitimizing their sin. 2
ALarson Posted March 16, 2016 Author Posted March 16, 2016 21 minutes ago, smac97 said: This is a fair question. A few thoughts: I sustain the Church's position on same-sex marriage. I also sustain the Church's position on demonstrating love and compassion to those who have same-sex attraction. Attendees at a wedding are traditionally construed as witnesses and celebrants of the event. For myself, I do not think I could reconcile myself to "celebrating" (through attendance at) an event that is so at odds with the Restored Gospel in relation to its teachings about marriage and The Law of Chastity. If invited to a same-sex wedding, I would decline. I would do so privately, preferably in person (and perhaps preceded by an explanatory letter). I would explain my position, while also expressing love and affection for the individuals. Although I would decline to attend such a wedding, I would thereafter welcome the couple to attend any private or family activities and events to which I would invite others, and would treat them with love, decorum, tolerance and understanding. I think shunning or ignoring or dissociating such a couple would not be appropriate (and, in fact, largely at odds with the Restored Gospel). I like this and appreciate where you're coming from. I know we disagree on this topic, but your thoughts are respectful and honest. I actually think my friend would be fine with someone responding to their invitation in the manner you explained above and he would completely understand why you wouldn't be attending.
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