Bullied At School Due To Religious Beliefs :(

[changed]

One of my children was recently bullied at school by an atheist/unitarian because we are Mormon ... This child is my shy one, and I told her to fight back, stand up for herself....  The bully was constantly spouting off about her beliefs - beliefs that sounded very confused, misinformed, and completely misrepresenting Christians... my poor child, not having experience with people like this, discretely put a note in their locker inviting them to learn more about what they clearly did not understand, which resulted in the atheist trying to turn everyone against my child. 

My council?  is this correct? that she should walk to school tomorrow like nothing happened, say hello to everyone, talk about normal things - and if this girl gives her the evil eye - confront her - "why are you upset at me?  You think you can share your beliefs, but everyone else is not able to share theirs?  If you don't want to talk religion, then don't talk religion, but don't expect to go around bashing others without hearing something in return.  This is America, melting pot, land of a billion different beliefs - everyone doesn't have to agree with you, deal with it."

Of coarse, this is my shy child so she would never say anything like that .  I tend to be too confrontational in situations like this.... How do you all deal with it?

Edited September 24, 2014 by changed

[VideoGameJunkie]

What grade is this that they're bullying because of religion?

[Tacenda]

The child that bullied your child most likely learned it from their parents. Maybe give them a call or the school. There's no reason your daughter should have to stand that at school, no reason. And most schools have anti bullying rules put into place.

[Storm Rider]

I know it may sound harsh, but my first response always is to break arms and legs and then see if their behavior has been positively modified before moving on to more extreme measures.  Ok, ok, ok, I will be serious.

 

In today's world of education bullying has one of the major spotlights. We teach our children that they do not and should not accept bullying others or to be bullied.  There are a couple of options; ask your daughter to talk to her teacher about bullying and her recent interaction with this little snot, I mean this misguided, but highly verbal youth.  Have him/her share with the teacher what she would like to do without any interference from the teacher. Then a request that should it go wrong, it may be worth a five to ten minute conversation about bullying.  Potential problem:  the topic is about religion, which most teachers and schools treat like a form of highly contagious, deadly plague.  The focus should be on misinformation; not religion.  You need to coach your child in how to discuss this; "I feel bullied by this child's actions, but I am offended because they obviously do not know what they are talking about."  

 

These are not fun situations, but they are opportunities for true character growth for your child. Good luck. 

[omni]

Definitely speak to school officials. They should have an anti-bullying policy which needs to be enforced in this situation. Sorry you and your daughter have to go through this.

[changed]

"Joseph F. Smith was 19 when he returned from his mission in Hawaii. As he traveled from California to his home in Utah, he was confronted one morning by a “wagonload of profane drunks … , shooting their guns, yelling wildly, and cursing the Mormons.” One of the drunks, “waving a pistol,” came toward him. Although Joseph “was terrified, he felt it would be unwise and useless to run … , and so he advanced toward the gunman as if he found nothing out of the ordinary in his conduct. ‘Are you a — — — Mormon?’ the stranger demanded. Mustering all the composure he could, Joseph answered evenly while looking the man straight in the eye, ‘Yes, siree; dyed in the wool; true blue, through and through.’ Almost stunned by this wholly unexpected response, the gunman stopped, dropped his hands to his sides, and, after looking incredulously at Joseph for a moment, said in a subdued tone, ‘Well, you are the — — pleasantest man I ever met! Shake. I am glad to see a fellow stand for his convictions.’ So saying, he turned and walked away.”


Thnking it through some more, I'm going to tell her to go with the above aprocah - just smile, and be extra friendly...  You are right, breaking arms and legs does not help anyone.  This if for a 7th grader....  There is one other Mormon in her grade who she can pal around with too.

[Boanerges]

I'm with those that say contact the school. Bullying is not tolerated at all in schools these days. The fact that it's bullying over religion actually makes it even more of a big deal because most schools are also very careful about religious discussion. If school administrators are doing their jobs this youngster should have a double whammy coming her way. I am also curious of the grade level/age of those involved.

[sdc999]

unfortunately, this type of behavior is and always will be in schools.  you do need to go to the school because no child should have to deal with this.  but you must also be careful in your addressing your own child.  Her discreetly placing a note was just as wrong.  

 

Take this board here for example:  I presume everyone on here are adults --- and there have been some pretty heated disagreements right here.   'You're wrong!  No, you're wrong"  Some have been banned by the excessiveness.   If there were no moderators and this was all face to face, I'm betting over time, there may even be some punches thrown.  Disagree?  If so, I would declare you have not participated in church basketball very much.  Yes, even good Christian Mormons will 'thrown down' during the right circumstances.  

Children trying to moderate other children's behavior in school rarely works unless it's among the closest of friends.  Your daughter was picked on first.  The first and correct reaction should have been to go to the teacher.  

[Daniel2]

First thoughts:  NO one should be bullied in any public forum---ESPECIALLY kids, and ESPECIALLY in public schools--because of their religious beliefs.  It is ABSOLUTELY appropriate to report this behaviour to the school and follow through to see that the school has a ZERO tolerance policy towards bullying or ANY kind or for ANY reason.  It's NEVER OK to bully.

 

Second thoughts:  As a Unitarian myself, I am mortified that it was an alleged "atheist/unitarian" that was the bully.  Certainly, bullying behaviors are NOT Unitarian values--just the opposite.  If this bully is as bad as your child's perception of/her is, this young girl is definitely NOT living the values of her own Faith.

 

Third thoughts:  There are two sides to every story, and it's worth not jumping to conclusions and finding out the facts before reacting.  As a parent, I have learned to be cautious of taking everything my kids say or do at face value.  Even so, that should never serve as an excuse to avoid asking the right questions, or pushing for appropriate next steps.

Edited September 24, 2014 by Daniel2

[rpn]

1)   First realize that this child is highly likely to have been harrassed or discounted herself because she is an atheist.   I'd first seek to understand where this child is coming from. 

 

2)   What you taught her to say is pretty good.    Better to have given her a piece of paper so all she had to do is hand it to the girl.

 

3)   All harassment/bullying on any basis should be reported (in writing as a followup to a conversation usually works best) to the teacher and the principal.   Please make sure you communicate that you are looking for a solution that resolves the problem permanently --restorative justice, not for the girl to be punished.

 

4)   If your child and the student are taking world history classes, discuss the issue with the teachers teaching it --- since most middle school world history classes teach the basics for seven or eight major faiths and their effect on history and may have an opportunity to clear up misconceptions, and to address atheism as a choice.

 

5)   Discuss with your child how the other child might be offensive because they themselves feel defensive.   Talk about whether child can or wants to reach out to the other, if neither speak about  religions.

[Garden Girl]

Definitely speak to school officials. They should have an anti-bullying policy which needs to be enforced in this situation. Sorry you and your daughter have to go through this.

 

 

I'm with those that say contact the school. Bullying is not tolerated at all in schools these days. The fact that it's bullying over religion actually makes it even more of a big deal because most schools are also very careful about religious discussion.

 

By all means, contact the school and give specifics... Schools are very sensitive to bullying these days, particularly when religion is involved.  Most schools are bending over backwards not to "offend" someone's religion that they've become ridiculous, i.e., no Christmas carols, only songs like Jingle Bells but never Away in the Manger... 

And I wouldn't rest until the situation has been settled and the bullying child corrected... Changed, you have the gumption to follow through on this, so do so... your child should not have to put up with any of this...  Good luck. 

 

GG

[Daniel2]

1)   First realize that this child is highly likely to have been harrassed or discounted herself because she is an atheist.   I'd first seek to understand where this child is coming from. 

 

2)   What you taught her to say is pretty good.    Better to have given her a piece of paper so all she had to do is hand it to the girl.

 

3)   All harassment/bullying on any basis should be reported (in writing as a followup to a conversation usually works best) to the teacher and the principal.   Please make sure you communicate that you are looking for a solution that resolves the problem permanently --restorative justice, not for the girl to be punished.

 

4)   If your child and the student are taking world history classes, discuss the issue with the teachers teaching it --- since most middle school world history classes teach the basics for seven or eight major faiths and their effect on history and may have an opportunity to clear up misconceptions, and to address atheism as a choice.

 

5)   Discuss with your child how the other child might be offensive because they themselves feel defensive.   Talk about whether child can or wants to reach out to the other, if neither speak about  religions.

Great post, rpn.

[strappinglad]

Be aware that contacting the school will sometimes aggravate the situation. Right now the bullying is likely she said/ she said and the bully has friends who will back up her side. This may result in the parents of the bully raising more trouble. If there is a way to get the school to observe the interaction so that there are witnesses to the acts, your case will gain strength.

[cinepro]

I'm not sure if it's totally relevant, but I recently listened to a podcast about a guy who challenged atheists to sell him their "soul" for $50.  The response of the atheists was very interesting:

 

http://freakonomics.com/2011/12/08/from-the-comments-who-wants-to-sell-a-soul/

 

So at the very least, your daughter could ask the atheist if she believes she has a "soul", and if the atheist says "no", then offer to buy it for $5.  At the very least, it could be the start of an interesting conversation.

[Scott Lloyd]

I agree with those who say this should be brought to the attention of the authorities at the school.

 

That said, I would hope the administrators and faculty are intelligent and wise enough to distinguish between what is going on here (religious persecution) and the honest expression of personal religious faith.

 

In the past, I have observed that some school administrators tend to overreact on matters such as this. I would hate to see it result in, say, a prohibition against having personal prayers while on the school grounds or carrying copies of scripture or other religious literature, or the wearing of religious apparel, or legitimately defending one's faith in classroom discussions.

 

When things like that happen, atheists become the ones who are favored at the expense of people of faith.

Edited September 24, 2014 by Scott Lloyd

[The Nehor]

Your child is a narc?

[Garden Girl]

I agree with those who say this should be brought to the attention of the authorities at the school.

 

That said, I would hope the administrators and faculty are intelligent and wise enough to distinguish between what is going on here (religious persecution) and the honest expression of personal religious faith.

 

In the past, I have observed that some school administrators tend to overreact on matters such as this. I would hate to see it result in, say, a prohibition against having personal prayers while on the school grounds or carrying copies of scripture or other religious literature, or the wearing of religious apparel, or legitimately defending one's faith in classroom discussions.

 

When things like that happen, atheists become the ones who are favored at the expense of people of faith.

 

Hello Scott Lloyd...

What makes you think this has not already happened in a good many schools...  too many...

but this particular bullying situation needs to be stopped...

 

GG

[USU78]

You know what I find offensive?

 

That homosexuals have all but co-opted bullying, which is a general and very human and not-at-all-limited-to-sexual-perversions phenomenon.

[Scott Lloyd]

Hello Scott Lloyd...

What makes you think this has not already happened in a good many schools...  too many...

but this particular bullying situation needs to be stopped...

 

GG

Oh, I don't claim it hasn't already happened, and far too often.

 

But it should not happen again.

[toon]

I think the proper approach really will depend on your kid, how old she is, what she is confortable with, etc.

 

I would be inclined to go to the school to discuss, but I'd first consult with my child about what she wanted me to do. 

 

Perhaps a response could be as simple as "I undertand and respect your beliefs, and I hope you will respect mine."

[cinepro]

You know what I find offensive?

 

That homosexuals have all but co-opted bullying, which is a general and very human and not-at-all-limited-to-sexual-perversions phenomenon.

 

This has got to be one of the weirdest comments I have ever read on a discussion board.

 

Seriously.

[theplains]

I would probably have said, "I don't believe I descended from apes like you apparently did".

Then see what type of response that generates.

 

Regards,

Jim

 

[Scott Lloyd]

I think the proper approach really will depend on your kid, how old she is, what she is confortable with, etc.

 

I would be inclined to go to the school to discuss, but I'd first consult with my child about what she wanted me to do. 

 

Perhaps a response could be as simple as "I undertand and respect your beliefs, and I hope you will respect mine."

That rarely works with on-line antagonists who presumably are adults. I scarcely think it would curb a snotty middle-schooler.

[Jeanne]

This is so unacceptable.  The school (teacher) should definitely be involved.  Having the courage to stand up for yourself is a very positive thing if it works..if not, parents and teachers should step in.  But let her give it a go.  If nothing else, it will drive them crazy if she is nothing but a sweetheart to them.  Bullies want you to get upset.  Hopefully they will let it go.  Good luck and a hug to her!!

 

Jeanne

[toon]

That rarely works with on-line antagonists who presumably are adults. I scarcely think it would curb a snotty middle-schooler.

 

 

Probably not, but I've known quite a few snotty middle schoolers that were also, when push came to shove, genuinely decent kids.

 

It also wouldn't surprise me if this had very little to do with religion.  Religion being an excuse to assert dominance or whatever it is that bullies are trying to accomplish.