Antoni Posted June 27, 2014 Posted June 27, 2014 HI all, my wife and I are getting baptised and whilst we knew certain family members wouldn't be over the moon due to their evangelical faith, we weren't quite prepared for the vociferous nature of their response. As a context it's not that we've just abandoned their evangelical faith and come to LDS - we've not been involved with evangelical christianity for 10+ years. They're aware we've not seen world as they do during this time. So we're a bit surprised they've reacted so negatively. (not returning calls, threats to cut us out of will, telling us not going to church, which we haven't for years was better than going to this church (go figure!). I know we're taking an important step this weekend and we knew satan would be against it, but their reaction really has shocked (and hurt) us. in His Light Antoni/
Antoni Posted June 27, 2014 Author Posted June 27, 2014 Double posted threads have been merged, carry on. This is probably better suited for Social Hall but it can remain here if posters behave themselves. --Mods
Walden Posted June 27, 2014 Posted June 27, 2014 Good luck in your journey.....I encountered similar "hostilities" from family members when I left the LDS faith. I don't think this type of behavior is exclusive to one type of religious belief or another, but is a universal reaction when one rejects the religious foundation in which they were raised and which still rings true to close family members. It is as more about their fears and/or anxieties than it is your decision to follow the path that you have determined to be true and right. 2
Rain Posted June 27, 2014 Posted June 27, 2014 (edited) Having been raised in the church I don't have any experience for you. I can just imagine how hurtful it has been for you. What I have heard from otters though is goes along with what Walden said - these come from their fears and anxieties. Just love them and show that you do as far as they will allow and stay close to Heavenly Father. I've found that things can get pretty bad just before baptism, going to the temple for the first time etc. In one way or another. It seems to get to people in the way that will most affect them. Hang on there and just do whatever you can to follow the Spirit and you will be strengthened and uplifted. Edited June 27, 2014 by Rain
why me Posted June 27, 2014 Posted June 27, 2014 I think that have some misconceptions of the lds faith. I would continue to talk to them and lead by example. You both are making a great decision in joining the lds church and most likely you both have had spiritual experiences with the book of mormon and with your investigation of the church. In time maybe you can talk to your family about these experiences. It is not surprising that they are reacting in the way they do and I think that they are reacting this way out of love and not malice because they are concerned about your souls. Much is from ignorance about the lds faith and about what they have read on the internet. Just continue to love them and be polite. Luckily, both of you will set a great example for them and you will be able to show them just what the church means to you by your actions and behavior. Being EV most likely you had a god-like life but your joy will win them over.
Tsuzuki Posted June 27, 2014 Posted June 27, 2014 Good luck. Normally I would just tell someone it's none of their business, but it still hurts when it's family. Maybe not bringing it up until after the fact would be a good idea.
Ahab Posted June 27, 2014 Posted June 27, 2014 Been there, been through that, except that I was very active in the church I left. It went from good to about as bad as it could get without violence and hostility and since then its gradually gotten better and better during the last 25 years since I joined the church. Just do what you feel and think is the right thing for you to do, regardless of how hard or easy it is, and you'll be doing the best thing you could do. 2
JAHS Posted June 27, 2014 Posted June 27, 2014 Best advise for such a situation:"But I say unto you which hear, Love your enemies, do good to them which hate you,Bless them that curse you, and pray for them which despitefully use you" (Luke 6: 27) This attitude will either completely annoy them so they will want to leave you alone, or they will eventually see the positive effects your baptism into the church has had for you and slowly begin to accept your choice. 4
rpn Posted June 27, 2014 Posted June 27, 2014 (edited) My advice is to continue to reach out to them, to show them respect and concern, to attend family religious events as well as reunions and such. Attend uplifting movies with them? Be good people. Live the gospel. Do not bring up the church at all, except do continue inviting them to your family events that are religious: your family's baptism; the annual primary or YW sacrament meetings when your children participate, to share chaperoning duties on a scout or girls camp assignment. Look for the values you still share and talk about them. Invite them to your FHE where you are using bible stories as the subject, and using hymns they are familiar with as the opening and closing. Just be good people. Since they are also good people, it is likely that they will come to feel the spirit and have their hearts softened. But if not, you will have at least borne your testimony through the way you live your life. Remember that they are children of God just like you and because their response comes from their desire to do as they understand Him to want, there is nothing evil in their behavior, just insufficient understanding. Be kind and patient. Edited June 27, 2014 by rpn 4
thesometimesaint Posted June 27, 2014 Posted June 27, 2014 Sometimes the best way to see someone is in the rear view mirror. Just continue to love them, but keep the interactions to a minimum. Hopefully someday they will come around. If they do great, and if they don't you've not lost anything, but the pain of their company.
Storm Rider Posted June 27, 2014 Posted June 27, 2014 Hello Antoni, A disciple of Christ is often persecuted for their faith. I am afraid that you will see more of it. Evangelicals have a difficult time of it because they have so little understanding or knowledge of the Church of Jesus Christ. What complicates the matter is they have many individuals that write about cults (we are defined as such by them) but use either wrong information about our teachings or they use select phrases/statements by leaders and attempt to classify them as doctrine when they are not. So in brief, they build their attacks on incorrect information and ignorance. How do we deal with these people? That is the easier response; you deal with them as a disciple of Christ; you should respond with patience, love, with an eye single to the glory of our Master. It does not matter what they do; what matters is what you do. Though you will still experience persecution please know that you will also sense and know the guidance of the Holy Spirit and know that your Heavenly Father is pleased with your choice to join the Church of Jesus Christ. 3
The Nehor Posted June 27, 2014 Posted June 27, 2014 Next time you visit them wear a black robe covered in pentagrams and carry a bloody knife. Embrace the stereotype. 1
sdc999 Posted June 27, 2014 Posted June 27, 2014 Antoni,Sorry you are going through this. I went through a little of it when we joined the church and again, we went through the same thing when we left the church from my wife's family members that were still active. Very harsh words from both sides. I must say that most calmed down after awhile while we were in the LDS church (even got some support on special occasions) but it has yet to calm down from leaving the church from the majority. A few have come around but very slowly.
sdc999 Posted June 27, 2014 Posted June 27, 2014 After reading your title again, "Family Members That Are Anti Church", I think it boils more down to Family members that are against You (me, anyone) making their own decisions. We are all ingrained with it in some manner. This board, other boards, jobs..... we all offer our opinion/suggestion to encourage others to see it 'our way'. Now, the manner or tone in which this is done can be acceptable or unacceptable. 2
teddyaware Posted June 27, 2014 Posted June 27, 2014 (edited) HI all, my wife and I are getting baptised and whilst we knew certain family members wouldn't be over the moon due to their evangelical faith, we weren't quite prepared for the vociferous nature of their response. As a context it's not that we've just abandoned their evangelical faith and come to LDS - we've not been involved with evangelical christianity for 10+ years. They're aware we've not seen world as they do during this time. So we're a bit surprised they've reacted so negatively. (not returning calls, threats to cut us out of will, telling us not going to church, which we haven't for years was better than going to this church (go figure!). I know we're taking an important step this weekend and we knew satan would be against it, but their reaction really has shocked (and hurt) us. in His Light Antoni/ You should be as humble, gracious and non-confrontational as possible, even to the point of passively allowing them to rain down their wrath upon your heads, always without ever answering them in kind. If they're at all good and decent people, they may eventually begin to feel ashamed of their behavior and mellow over time, especially if you remain meek and lowly in heart and attitude. Remember, by this decision they think you've signed up to suffer in an endless hell, so from their point of view their overwrought reactions are reasonable. But no matter what you may have to endure, always keep in mind that the Saviour warned us these kinds of extremely unpleasant situations will likely occur whenever people chose to abandon the world and follow Him... 34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword. 35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law. 36 And a man’s foes shall be they of his own household. 37 He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. 38 And he that taketh not his cross, and followeth after me, is not worthy of me. 39 He that findeth his life shall lose it: and he that loseth his life (in this case possibly meaning your family and friends) for my sake shall find it. (Matthew 10) Edited June 27, 2014 by teddyaware 2
jkwilliams Posted June 27, 2014 Posted June 27, 2014 HI all, my wife and I are getting baptised and whilst we knew certain family members wouldn't be over the moon due to their evangelical faith, we weren't quite prepared for the vociferous nature of their response. As a context it's not that we've just abandoned their evangelical faith and come to LDS - we've not been involved with evangelical christianity for 10+ years. They're aware we've not seen world as they do during this time. So we're a bit surprised they've reacted so negatively. (not returning calls, threats to cut us out of will, telling us not going to church, which we haven't for years was better than going to this church (go figure!). I know we're taking an important step this weekend and we knew satan would be against it, but their reaction really has shocked (and hurt) us. in His Light Antoni/ Having been on the flip side of this, I'd say the same thing I always do: put relationships first and try to avoid dwelling on the differences. Try to focus on the good parts of your relationships that are unrelated to religious affiliation or doctrine. Obviously, some people will choose to get in your face about your recent conversion, and in that case, I'd say try to limit interactions where such things will come up. And don't always feel the need to respond to criticism or attack. Sometimes, it pays just to say, "I love you, but we're never going to agree on this, so can we talk about something else instead?"
Zakuska Posted June 27, 2014 Posted June 27, 2014 I remember a few years ago, when a young Baptist lady of 17 had announced to her parents that at 18 she was being baptized and she wanted them to come, but instead they kicked her out of the house. She ended up living with our Stake President for her entire Senior year of High school. He had 2 daughters of his own who where her age and where her friends, so things worked out there OK. I also remember on my Mission, that a 19 year old Gypsy Girl was baptized by some Elders, and her family left a threatening note demanding her return and set off a pipe bomb at the front door of the church house. Nobody hurt but I know the MP did contact Church Headquarters about it and some new rules where put in place in the mission when teaching anyone from a Gypsy background. My wife is a convert to the church too and she tells me of all the flak she got from her family when she Joined the church. A few short decades later and her Dad comes to stay with us for a while, meets the Spanish speaking Sisters on his morning walk and ends up getting baptized. Hes served as second councilor in the Bishopric, went on 1 Temple mission, and is preparing for a Second. Now I don't tell you any of this to scare you. It's Just a couple of bad examples that I've seen over the years. These types of things happen all the time in all religions. Keep the Faith. Stay strong. And the Lord will Bless. Welcome! 1
Guest Posted June 27, 2014 Posted June 27, 2014 HI all, my wife and I are getting baptised and whilst we knew certain family members wouldn't be over the moon due to their evangelical faith, we weren't quite prepared for the vociferous nature of their response. As a context it's not that we've just abandoned their evangelical faith and come to LDS - we've not been involved with evangelical christianity for 10+ years. They're aware we've not seen world as they do during this time. So we're a bit surprised they've reacted so negatively. (not returning calls, threats to cut us out of will, telling us not going to church, which we haven't for years was better than going to this church (go figure!). I know we're taking an important step this weekend and we knew satan would be against it, but their reaction really has shocked (and hurt) us. in His Light Antoni/It is not uncommon for family to feel as if shared beliefs are abandoned. Some feel that you are rejecting them. The same happened to me and my wife's family, but over time they realized that I was not rejecting them and that we shared many of the same beliefs. Time will heal hurt feelings.
USU78 Posted June 27, 2014 Posted June 27, 2014 HI all, my wife and I are getting baptised and whilst we knew certain family members wouldn't be over the moon due to their evangelical faith, we weren't quite prepared for the vociferous nature of their response. As a context it's not that we've just abandoned their evangelical faith and come to LDS - we've not been involved with evangelical christianity for 10+ years. They're aware we've not seen world as they do during this time. So we're a bit surprised they've reacted so negatively. (not returning calls, threats to cut us out of will, telling us not going to church, which we haven't for years was better than going to this church (go figure!). I know we're taking an important step this weekend and we knew satan would be against it, but their reaction really has shocked (and hurt) us. in His Light Antoni/ My wife grew up in Lynchburg, the place where Books of Mormon were regularly burned at the pulpits of evangelical churches. As a young girl, she read about the Church and told her parents she believed what she read and not what she was learning in the Baptist sunday school. As a teen, she started attending the LDS ward (one of two teens in her entire town). She was treated poorly, physically assaulted, and persecuted by the local Baptist gentry. Her folks were confused and hurt and refused permission to be baptized till she turned 18. They did more, but no sense in going into that here. She left home at 19 and came to Utah without any money in her pocket, no education, no family, no friends. It took nearly 20 years for healing to occur and her relationship with her parents and brothers to return to something approaching normal. The point? There will be trouble. There will be hurt. There will be provocations beyond human endurance. Just try not to shut any doors. People can change and hearts can soften. I get along just great with my inlaws, and my wife now talks to her mom weekly. 2
ERayR Posted June 27, 2014 Posted June 27, 2014 One thing that might be helpful that I have not seen mentioned is do not bring up religion in your conversations with them. If they want to discuss religion simply say that you find the topic causes harsh feelings and decline to discuss it with them, changing the topic to something that less abrasive.
jkwilliams Posted June 27, 2014 Posted June 27, 2014 One thing that might be helpful that I have not seen mentioned is do not bring up religion in your conversations with them. If they want to discuss religion simply say that you find the topic causes harsh feelings and decline to discuss it with them, changing the topic to something that less abrasive.What, have I become invisible? I agree with you, having said exactly the same thing earlier in this thread. 1
why me Posted June 27, 2014 Posted June 27, 2014 We hardly ever hear from the critics about this aspect of being shunned. I suppose that it just doesn't fit their agenda. I think that humans react in different ways to change. My own family had no reaction to me joining the church. Maybe I was the lucky one. True love comes from acceptance and not exclusion when change occurs. Of course, I am referring to change that does not include drugs, alcohol etc where a person can physically harm themselves or others. We just need to be more accepting of free agency.
jkwilliams Posted June 27, 2014 Posted June 27, 2014 We hardly ever hear from the critics about this aspect of being shunned. I suppose that it just doesn't fit their agenda. I think that humans react in different ways to change. My own family had no reaction to me joining the church. Maybe I was the lucky one. True love comes from acceptance and not exclusion when change occurs. Of course, I am referring to change that does not include drugs, alcohol etc where a person can physically harm themselves or others. We just need to be more accepting of free agency. Speaking only for myself, this "critic" believes that shunning others because of a change in their religious faith is always wrong, no matter who does it.
Garden Girl Posted June 27, 2014 Posted June 27, 2014 (edited) Hello Antoni...I'm always baffled by how non-members are so vehement in their opposition to the Church... have they really taken time to find out "accurate" information about our doctrines... not from some anti-Mormon website?? Our standards of moral and spiritual behavior are of the highest order for those who truly strive to live the gospel. Is it possible that you can give to your closest family some information... there are two little booklets that come to mind. The fist... "True to the Faith" is a brief compilation of our basic doctrines, arranged by topic alphabetically... 5"x7", 190 pages... and gives scriptural references for additonal reading, from the Bible and the standard works. The second is "For the Strength of Youth" which gives the basic standards we set specifically for our youth. These booklets are available through your ward librarian or ward clerk's office. You could give these booklets, saying that you want to be sure they have "accurate" information.. because you know there are a lot of misconceptions about the Church... Good luck... I agree with everyone else that living by example, continuing to love and participate as family members, etc is desirable. GG Edited June 27, 2014 by Garden Girl 1
Recommended Posts