How do you manage the rules?

[Calm]

5 hours ago, Tacenda said:

Not Raingirl, but she may just have had a visceral reaction to the ongoing's with so many men. Maybe she's worried for your safety? I know I worried. But I feel that for male and females. Gay and Straight.

Unlikely to be the main reason she downvotes as that is not consistent with some of her downvotes of Dario’s post, but perhaps it is part of it, expressing she sees his choices as unhealthy or dangerous, physically, emotionally or spiritually.

I have a pretty strong idea on what in a post of Dario’s leads her to downvote, but that would be putting words in her mouth she has not chosen to say and I don’t want to do that in any more detail than I have already done.

Pure speculation based on pure projection:  Maybe she chooses not to say anything because she’d rather people take the opportunity to think about what could be seen as wrong in their posts.  If you tell someone, it’s much easier to just dismiss them as wrong with no self examination.  That would be my reason if I downvoted on a regular basis, lol.

The majority of people don’t explain in my impression why they downvote.  I don’t iirc.  At least not right away, maybe if what I strongly disagreed with continues.

Frankly when posters do explain why they downvoted, it often feels petty, like they are trying to rub the person’s nose in it***  In most cases it is clear to me why someone downvotes, though of course I could be wrong in my certainty.  So adding an explanation on top of a downvote inflates the reaction for me.  Do one or the other unless a post really deserves calling it out.

***https://idioms.thefreedictionary.com/rub+your+nose+in+it

Just in case Dario doesn’t know the idiom…

I don’t know if it actually came from it, but this always reminds me of the now known to be very ineffective method of housebreaking dogs who poop where they shouldn’t.  I have a very strong inclination to see it this way because my dad in his brilliant, non empathic way decided to use that technique on my younger brother once and forced him to clean out his own diaper in the toilet.  My brother, who was likely three since he was still in diapers…though he might have been four and it was underwear, was bawling his head off, so I think Dad realized once his mind had a chance to get out of the teaching discipline mode that it was abusive and never did it again.  Like I said, he wasn’t empathic so he could be clueless of the emotional damage he caused in us kids when he took his ‘short cuts’ in what he probably saw teaching moments.   I am thinking Dad’s reasoning was ‘if it works with dogs, it’s simple enough for even that young of a child to learn’ without thinking of how upsetting it would be.  He was clueless I think about just how intimidating he could be.  He always got a bewildered but indignant look on his face when we told him all he had to do was sit relaxing in a chair to terrify little kids who didn’t know him.  We are talking 50 years ago, so rubbing dogs’ noses in their poop was still a common practice I believe.

Edited November 9, 2024 by Calm

[manol]

9 hours ago, Calm said:

Of course you have a choice.  You are responsible for how you react to her downvotes, not her.

I agree.  I think pretty much everything that comes our way offers us an opportunity to choose how we react it.  Of course we all have our default modes, but I think that deliberate conscious persistent choice can prevail and can even shift our default settings.

[Calm]

5 hours ago, Dario_M said:

I don't downvote others a lot at all. But...no problem. If Raingirl downvotes me again i will ask the mods to put my account on Limited. So that she can't downvote me anymore. 

I think you have a misperception.  Besides Raingirl, I believe you are the next highest rate of downvotes of the longterm posters.  I could be wrong as I didn’t make a study of it.  You may see that as not downvoting a lot, but in the context of the rest of the posters it is….just as by herself what Raingirl does is no big deal, simple agreement or disagreement expressed by the votes, think of it…isn’t this what they do on lots of reality TV competitions with the audience?

Only when compared to others who hang out on the board does it feels unusual.

Btw, she is an infrequent poster and has been for quite some time, less than 900 posts in ten years, so I didn’t include her in my analysis before.  She has 14 more posts than she has downvotes and 15,807 positive rep pointing more than posts….so obviously her way of communicating is with rep points rather than posting.

Edited November 9, 2024 by Calm

[Dario_M]

1 hour ago, bluebell said:

It's not against any board rules to downvote someone's post, so there is no reason to report it (and the mods won't do anything because she's not doing anything wrong).  And of course, you do have a choice to report or not.

Sometimes it's best to just ignore posters that you find difficult to interact with and let people do whatever they are going to do.

It's easy for you to say. You only get upvotes. And lots of them.

It's not really that i'm going to report her. It's just that i have asked a mod for limited use. So that i don't receive any upvotes and downvotes anymore. 

[Dario_M]

2 minutes ago, Calm said:

I think you have a misperception.  Besides Raingirl, I believe you are the next highest downvoted of the longterm posters.  

Ooh no, heaven no. That's not true i find. I only downvote one time. Not 5 times. 

2 minutes ago, Calm said:

Btw, she is an infrequent poster and has been for quite some time, less than 900 posts in ten years, so I didn’t include her in my analysis before.  She has 14 more posts than she has downvotes and 15,807 positive rep pointing more than posts….so obviously her way of communicating is with rep points rather than posting.

How interesting to know. 

[bluebell]

11 minutes ago, Dario_M said:

It's easy for you to say. You only get upvotes. And lots of them.

It's not really that i'm going to report her. It's just that i have asked a mod for limited use. So that i don't receive any upvotes and downvotes anymore. 

If those votes affect you that much, then I think asking for limited is a great idea.

[Dario_M]

1 minute ago, bluebell said:

If those votes affect you that much, then I think asking for limited is a great idea.

This 100%💯

[Tacenda]

19 minutes ago, Dario_M said:

It's easy for you to say. You only get upvotes. And lots of them.

It's not really that i'm going to report her. It's just that i have asked a mod for limited use. So that i don't receive any upvotes and downvotes anymore. 

Then you wouldn't be able to start topics Dario. Nor give up votes. 

[Calm]

5 hours ago, Dario_M said:

I don't downvote others a lot at all. But...no problem. If Raingirl downvotes me again i will ask the mods to put my account on Limited. So that she can't downvote me anymore. 

That is a decent solution, imo.  
 

Just be aware that it takes years, maybe decades even, to get off limited once you are on it.  I don’t know if anyone has asked to be put on limited, so I don’t know if that makes a difference.  My guess is it won’t based on my memory that Nemesis, the top moderator and the administrator /owner of the board…who may be the only one who can change status…has expressed annoyance at posters who ask and sometimes even demand he erases their account so they can’t post anymore.  They have done this both because they lack self control and are spending too much time on the board and because they are publicly expressing disgust of the board or some such thing.  Neither reason appears to impress Nemesis because as far as I am aware he has never deleted an account on request (it might make posts disappear making conversations nonsense) or even blocked someone on request…though maybe he has because no one would be able to tell us if he did.  Generally though if people are seeing themselves as adult enough to post on the board, they should act like adults and leave on their own rather than expecting Nemesis to act like a parent and ban them.

Iirc, one poster’s response when his account was not blocked at his request was to post some really offensive posts to force Nemesis’ hand.  That was fun….though maybe he was just letting his true colors show once he decided to leave because he no longer needed to abide by board rules.

Anyway…just saying Nemesis might react to your request by treating you in the same way he has treated others on limited, ignoring their requests to be removed.  He might anticipate the same problem happening again and not want the repeat.

And he might not, he might shift you back as soon as you ask to be back to normal.  Just thought you should be aware of the possibility being on Limited longterm whether you want to be or not.

[Calm]

24 minutes ago, Dario_M said:

Ooh no, heaven no. That's not true i find. I only downvote one time. Not 5 times. 

I am talking over all.   You have around 150 downvotes of others while not quite 2000 posts.  That’s a very high rate of downvoting.  You may only give one at a time, but you give a lot.

[Dario_M]

9 minutes ago, Tacenda said:

Then you wouldn't be able to start topics Dario. Nor give up votes. 

Yeah but i had a lot of people who didn't really liked my topics anyway. And offcourse with quite some downvotes with it. Btw...I've allready made plenty of topics. So i can just try to keep those topics high and people keep seen them right.

That i will not be able to give upvotes is very sad. But that's life. And i've learnt that life can be quite tough on some times. I need to deal with that. I'm allready quite sensitive and also just had a huge argument with my bf as well. Nothing now. It used to be way worse between us in the past. That reminds me why i left this guy 2 (or 3 years maybe i don't know) years ago. And went abroad. 

[Dario_M]

15 minutes ago, Calm said:

That is a decent solution, imo.

 

Yes it is. No frustrations over downvotes anymore. I think it will do me good. 

15 minutes ago, Calm said:

 Just be aware that it takes years, maybe decades even, to get off limited once you are on it.

Oh really? 

15 minutes ago, Calm said:

 I don’t know if anyone has asked to be put on limited, so I don’t know if that makes a difference.  My guess is it won’t based on my memory that Nemesis, the top moderator and the administrator /owner of the board…who may be the only one who can change status…has expressed annoyance at posters who ask and sometimes even demand he erases their account so they can’t post anymore.  They have done this both because they lack self control and are spending too much time on the board and because they are publicly expressing disgust of the board or some such thing.  Neither reason appears to impress Nemesis because as far as I am aware he has never deleted an account on request (it might make posts disappear making conversations nonsense) or even blocked someone on request…though maybe he has because no one would be able to tell us if he did.  Generally though if people are seeing themselves as adult enough to post on the board, they should act like adults and leave on their own rather than expecting Nemesis to act like a parent and ban them.

Yeah. I know that there must have been so much going on on this board in the past. But that was all way bevore my time on here. 

 

15 minutes ago, Calm said:

Iirc, one poster’s response when his account was not blocked at his request was to post some really offensive posts to force Nemesis’ hand.  That was fun….though maybe he was just letting his true colors show once he decided to leave because he no longer needed to abide by board rules.

You mean AtlanticMike? 

15 minutes ago, Calm said:

Anyway…just saying Nemesis might react to your request by treating you in the same way he has treated others on limited, ignoring their requests to be removed.  He might anticipate the same problem happening again and not want the repeat.

So...he meight not wanna give me Limited? 

15 minutes ago, Calm said:

And he might not, he might shift you back as soon as you ask to be back to normal.  Just thought you should be aware of the possibility being on Limited longterm whether you want to be or not.

Yeah. But for now i think it's the best thing for me. Also because of my personal situation. I get really upset really fastly. And i can't help that. Every bummer makes me upset. 

[Rain]

29 minutes ago, Calm said:

That is a decent solution, imo.  
 

Just be aware that it takes years, maybe decades even, to get off limited once you are on it.  I don’t know if anyone has asked to be put on limited, so I don’t know if that makes a difference.  My guess is it won’t based on my memory that Nemesis, the top moderator and the administrator /owner of the board…who may be the only one who can change status…has expressed annoyance at posters who ask and sometimes even demand he erases their account so they can’t post anymore.  They have done this both because they lack self control and are spending too much time on the board and because they are publicly expressing disgust of the board or some such thing.  Neither reason appears to impress Nemesis because as far as I am aware he has never deleted an account on request (it might make posts disappear making conversations nonsense) or even blocked someone on request…though maybe he has because no one would be able to tell us if he did.

Legally, with the newish privacy laws in Europe and maybe California he would have to delete accounts upon request. 

29 minutes ago, Calm said:

 Generally though if people are seeing themselves as adult enough to post on the board, they should act like adults and leave on their own rather than expecting Nemesis to act like a parent and ban them.

Iirc, one poster’s response when his account was not blocked at his request was to post some really offensive posts to force Nemesis’ hand.  That was fun….though maybe he was just letting his true colors show once he decided to leave because he no longer needed to abide by board rules.

Anyway…just saying Nemesis might react to your request by treating you in the same way he has treated others on limited, ignoring their requests to be removed.  He might anticipate the same problem happening again and not want the repeat.

And he might not, he might shift you back as soon as you ask to be back to normal.  Just thought you should be aware of the possibility being on Limited longterm whether you want to be or not.

 

Edited November 9, 2024 by Rain

[Calm]

5 minutes ago, Dario_M said:

You mean AtlanticMike? 

Might be.  
 

Quote

So...he meight not wanna give me Limited? 

He might not.

Edited November 9, 2024 by Calm

[Dario_M]

22 minutes ago, Calm said:

I am talking over all.   You have around 150 downvotes of others while not quite 2000 posts.  That’s a very high rate of downvoting.  You may only give one at a time, but you give a lot.

 

150 downvotes? Are you sure about that? That's a lot. I can not imagine that i have given so many downvotes to other people. Maybe when i was in Portugal though. However....when i'm on limited use i can't downvote anymore. And maybe that's just the best thing for now. 

[Calm]

2 minutes ago, Dario_M said:

 

150 downvotes? Are you sure about that? That's a lot. I can not imagine that i have given so many downvotes to other people. Maybe when i was in Portugal though. However....when i'm on limited use i can't downvote anymore. And maybe that's just the best thing for now. 

Go into your profile.  Click on Reputation.

nvm…easy to take a screen shot

Edited November 9, 2024 by Calm

[Dario_M]

Just now, Calm said:

Go into your profile.  Click on Reputation.

Yes i will. I do it right now.

[Calm]

8 minutes ago, Rain said:

Legally, with the newish privacy laws in Europe and maybe California he would have to delete accounts upon request. 

 

Is this so even with the release of use in the terms of use?

Quote

Release for use: As a poster on Mormon Dialogue and Discussion you are granting us permission to use any material posted on this site whether it is multimedia or print and that you are the rightful owner of said material.

 

[Dario_M]

I see on my reputation 826. And Exelent as well. 

[Dario_M]

5 minutes ago, Calm said:

Go into your profile.  Click on Reputation.

nvm…easy to take a screen shot

Aawh thank you for the screenshot. Even better. 

[Rain]

1 minute ago, Calm said:

Is this so even with the release of use in the terms of use?

 

My guess is yes, but I couldn't say for sure. I know at least when it first came out lots of websites just set them so that those in Europe could not access the website. It's why we have all the cookie notices when you first go to a site: you still have to opt in, but you can ask for your info to be deleted at any time.

[The Nehor]

I have given fewer downvotes and I have been around since…..forever.

[Calm]

24 minutes ago, Dario_M said:

I see on my reputation 826. And Exelent as well. 

Yes, you have gotten fewer downvotes than you have given out, which is probably unusual given many people can give you a downvote for each post.  I just did a scan of the first couple of pages of most frequent current posters and very few had over 100 downvotes given out, even long timers.  The exceptions were four posters….Raingirl with the most by far….but few posts in comparison so obviously using voting as her main form of communication on the board.  So exception all around.  Second one was rodheadlee with over 200 downvotes and 33,000 upvotes, but he has been here since 2008.  Also not a high post count (around 5000) for those many years, so likely uses voting as somewhat similar to Raingirl, but more often in positive ways. Then there’s Teancum with almost 650 downvotes and around 3800 upvotes with a total of around 9500 posts since 2003 (he probably posted quite a few more times, but lots of the early posts got deleted when the board ran out of space…I don’t believe posts got deleted for that reason for at least a decade though).  Then there is you with 157 downvotes, around 560 upvotes and a total of around 2000 posts since 2022. 

I don’t believe anyone actually tracks this stuff normally though.  This is the first time I ever did it.  This post was done simply out of curiosity as well as to allow you to get a reality check for how often you give and get downvotes, including in comparison to others.  I had no clue any of you had given out that many downvotes and I am probably the poster who pays closest attention to profiles and such because I have the time and detail mentality.

Edited November 9, 2024 by Calm

[SeekingUnderstanding]

10 hours ago, Dario_M said:

On this moment i get the most downvotes of the whole board and that makes me feel like mud. And not worty.

Hey Dario. I get the feeling you don’t like me. That’s ok. Please know that the feeling is not mutual. There is an amount of rawness and honesty that comes out in your posts, even when I strongly disagree with your characterizations, and reasoning. I hope you continue to post here. And if it makes you feel better, I’ve been downvoted WAY more times than you. 

[Dario_M]

Thank you so much dear Calm for your investigation.

I was all this time in the park and it's dark and it's also getting really cold up here now. I'm going to walk back to home. And first thing i'm going to do is go to bed. Good day you all.