Viewing God As A Loving Parent

[HappyJackWagon]

We speak of God being our "Heavenly Father" and often attribute the qualities of a loving earthly parent to Him. This can be useful in helping us to feel closer to God but I wonder how accurate it is. The question is wrought with presentism as we consider the various ways loving fathers have interacted with their children throughout history. Still, if referring to God as Father, it seems that for the title to be meaningful it would have to be somewhat relevant to modern experience.

 

There are many ways we attribute behavior to God that we would never accept from an earthly parent.

 

-Complete separation to teach us to trust him

-Inconsistent and often unnoticeable communication (often uses 3rd parties to communicate)

-Must have faith in and trust 3rd parties teachings about him instead of having direct interactions

-Conditional love versus unconditional love (see Elder Nelson's talk- Divine Love)

-Must prove worthiness to reunite with him

-Wrathful in punishments, sometimes cutting children off and banishing them with no hope of return

-Use of third party to cleanse us so we are worthy enough to be reunited with him

-Failure to teach anything about our mother

-We never see or hear from him except through 3rd parties claiming to speak for him

 

These are just a few thoughts that came to me. If my earthly father interacted with me in the way I perceive God interacting (or not) I don't think I'd have a very close or positive relationship with my father.

 

Does the "father" model of identifying with God hold up to our modern expectations of parental relationships?

 

[CV75]

Does the "father" model of identifying with God hold up to our modern expectations of parental relationships?

I think it depends on your attitude.

 

-Complete separation to teach us to trust him [temporary (mortal) and even in mortality, far from complete (Acts 17:27)].

 

-Inconsistent and often unnoticeable communication (often uses 3rd parties to communicate) [on occasion, and in concert with (and never in substitution for) the “Light of Christ”; he who has ears to hear…]

 

-Must have faith in and trust 3rd parties teachings about him instead of having direct interactions [see the two comments above; for example, we send our children to school; and sometimes get someone to accompany our children or watch them at crosswalks]

 

-Conditional love versus unconditional love (see Elder Nelson's talk- Divine Love) [whether conditional or not (depending on the situation), divine love is perfect, infinite, enduring, and universal—something earthly fathers strive to get right in terms of D&C 121]

 

-Must prove worthiness to reunite with him [fathers teach us how to get back home from school]

 

-Wrathful in punishments, sometimes cutting children off and banishing them with no hope of return [those are definitely two-way situations!]

 

-Use of third party to cleanse us so we are worthy enough to be reunited with him [they leave us at hospital until we are well enough to come home]

 

-Failure to teach anything about our mother [this s simply a matter of when and how]

 

-We never see or hear from him except through 3rd parties claiming to speak for him [“never say never”: see the third comment above; also the Holy Ghost; also guardians who rightly speak for orphans’ fathers].

[ksfisher]

It seems as if God could make an equaling damning list of all the ways in which we are not acting like children of a loving God.

 

Many of my children refuse to talk to me through prayer.

Many of my children refuse to obey the commandments I've given them that allow them to return to me.

Many of my children refuse to listen when I send prophets.

Many of my children refused to listen when I sent my only begotten Son.

Many of my children refuse to acknowledge my existence.

Many of my children are cruel and treat each other in horrible ways.

etc

etc

etc

[HappyJackWagon]

It seems as if God could make an equaling damning list of all the ways in which we are not acting like children of a loving God.

 

Many of my children refuse to talk to me through prayer.

Many of my children refuse to obey the commandments I've given them that allow them to return to me.

Many of my children refuse to listen when I send prophets.

Many of my children refused to listen when I sent my only begotten Son.

Many of my children refuse to acknowledge my existence.

Many of my children are cruel and treat each other in horrible ways.

etc

etc

etc

OK. It's definitely true God could look at his children this way.

 

What if as a father, KSFisher, sends his children off to boarding school in another country. They are so young they can't even remember their father. They try calling on occassion but just leave messages. You never call back to speak with them directly and you don't visit or have them home for a visit. You send an emissary to express your directions and expectations and you expect your children to trust this emmissary and do everything he says. The kids grow up and realize that the emissary has sometimes been wrong on some important expectations he's set. He admits he was wrong but tells them you still require exact obedience to the emissary so that one day, once school is over and they've proven themselves capable they can return to live with you.

 

But sometimes they don't listen to the emissary. Sometimes they treat each other badly. They stop calling. You get upset that they aren't being loving children to you and following your commandments via your emissary.

 

This doesn't sound like any kind of healthy parent/child relationship I've ever heard of.

[KevinG]

I have found the times that I feel God is distant from me are most often the times I have put the distance there myself.

 

The same occurs in earthly relationships.

[stemelbow]

Tough love. my dad espoused the method. It seems to be Heavenly Father's mode too. Now we're all softies, fearing our kids don't feel abandoned, isolated, or abused, so they don't grow up hating us and feeling justified in their feelings.

[stemelbow]

I have found the times that I feel God is distant from me are most often the times I have put the distance there myself.

 

The same occurs in earthly relationships.

I don't think I've any closer to God than many people around the globe not associated with the Church at all. And I fear those in the Church who do feel closer are just a little delusional.

[ksfisher]

I'm not sure there is really any way of comparing God's relationship to his children with any sort of earthly relationship.  And without having the perspective that God has I'm not sure we can completely understand why he does the things he does or why things are the way they are.  We lack the information needed to make any sort of rational judgement. 

 

However, this is apparently just what we need if we are to reach our full potential and become like our Father.  We need to learn to trust in him, have faith, and we need to be able to keep covenants even though the consequences of disobedience are not readily seen. 

Edited July 27, 2015 by ksfisher

[HappyJackWagon]

Tough love. my dad espoused the method. It seems to be Heavenly Father's mode too. Now we're all softies, fearing our kids don't feel abandoned, isolated, or abused, so they don't grow up hating us and feeling justified in their feelings.

Tough love seems like a decent description though I would also suggest he acts like an absentee father at best.

[HappyJackWagon]

 We lack the information needed to make any sort of rational judgement. 

 

 

We need to learn to trust in him, have faith, and we need to be able to keep covenants when the consequences of disobedience are not readily seen. 

So why not give us the information so we can make a "rational" judgement?

 

Why trust him if he doesn't provide reason for us to trust him? Like my analagies, why would it be better for us to trust an absent God than one we can be with and know?

[The Nehor]

Tough love. my dad espoused the method. It seems to be Heavenly Father's mode too. Now we're all softies, fearing our kids don't feel abandoned, isolated, or abused, so they don't grow up hating us and feeling justified in their feelings.

And some people think this way and fall off the horse on the other side.

[The Nehor]

So why not give us the information so we can make a "rational" judgement?

We already passed the rational part of the test before we got here.

Also, I suspect that if our coming here was to display our ability to reason everyone would be damned.

[stemelbow]

Tough love seems like a decent description though I would also suggest he acts like an absentee father at best.

That's what my dad called tough love.

[stemelbow]

And some people think this way and fall off the horse on the other side.

Yeah...we're never right. Someone's always doing it better.

[ksfisher]

So why not give us the information so we can make a "rational" judgement?

 

Why trust him if he doesn't provide reason for us to trust him? Like my analagies, why would it be better for us to trust an absent God than one we can be with and know?

 

We don't know the answer to any of these questions.  To know the answers we would have to have to see things the same way as God sees them, in other words we would need to be God. 

[The Nehor]

Yeah...we're never right. Someone's always doing it better.

I am sorry for being better then everyone else and making them feel bad. I try to be humble about it.

[HappyJackWagon]

We don't know the answer to any of these questions.  To know the answers we would have to have to see things the same way as God sees them, in other words we would need to be God. 

If it's unknowable, what's the point in acting like God is a "father"? Is it possible the only reason God is referred to this way is because we CAN understand it in that way. In other words, the "father" title and the paradigm in which we think of him as a parent is really only for our benefit but may not actually match reality.

[KevinG]

I don't think I've any closer to God than many people around the globe not associated with the Church at all. And I fear those in the Church who do feel closer are just a little delusional.

 

I have no method or desire of measuring relative distance of other people.  I can only speak for myself in saying most of the distance I have felt was put there by me.

[KevinG]

I am sorry for being better then everyone else and making them feel bad. I try to be humble about it.

 

How terrible of you to assume you are more humble than I!

[stemelbow]

I have no method or desire of measuring relative distance of other people.  I can only speak for myself in saying most of the distance I have felt was put there by me.

I'm sure the same is true for me. Didn't mean to sound like I'm countering your point, I went a bit tangential.

but now that I think about your statement more clearly, I'd probably agree, but also realize I'd never know. Is it my badness/ignorance/unfaithfulness that has me feeling lost and disillusioned, or is it something else?

[ksfisher]

If it's unknowable, what's the point in acting like God is a "father"? Is it possible the only reason God is referred to this way is because we CAN understand it in that way. In other words, the "father" title and the paradigm in which we think of him as a parent is really only for our benefit but may not actually match reality.

 

In the end I guess Father is just a word.  Your understanding of the word father is going to be different that of anyone else. My understanding of that word is packed with all the prejudices, preconceived notions and good and bad experiences I've had with and as a father in forty-seven years.   God is who he is.  That's why, perhaps, he told Moses to tell the people that I AM had sent him. 

 

The answers to your questions are not unknowable, we just don't have the answers now.

 

Wherefore, my beloved brethren, pray unto the Father with all the energy of heart, that ye may be filled with this love, which he hath bestowed upon all who are true followers of his Son, Jesus Christ; that ye may become the sons of God; that when he shall appear we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is; that we may have this hope; that we may be purified even as he is pure. Amen.

Moroni 7:48

[KevinG]

I'm sure the same is true for me. Didn't mean to sound like I'm countering your point, I went a bit tangential.

but now that I think about your statement more clearly, I'd probably agree, but also realize I'd never know. Is it my badness/ignorance/unfaithfulness that has me feeling lost and disillusioned, or is it something else?

 

I don't think it is always sin (for me).  Depression, feelings of unworthiness, impatience, misunderstanding...  all of those can affect my ability to receive revelation and "feel the Spirit".  (I don't really like the expression "feel the Spirit" thus the scare quotes).

 

But back on topic...  

 

I think it may be very common for people to overlay their own expectations onto Heavenly Father.  Our experience with earthly parents no doubt color our expectations, level of trust, and experience of a deity/parent figure.  To claim that Father in Heaven is all tough love, or all unconditional acceptance would require some cherry picking of the scriptures.  Also keep in mind the impressions we get of God are filtered through those who received the revelation to write in the first place.  

Edited July 27, 2015 by KevinG

[Jeanne]

It seems as if God could make an equaling damning list of all the ways in which we are not acting like children of a loving God.

 

Many of my children refuse to talk to me through prayer.

Many of my children refuse to obey the commandments I've given them that allow them to return to me.

Many of my children refuse to listen when I send prophets.

Many of my children refused to listen when I sent my only begotten Son.

Many of my children refuse to acknowledge my existence.

Many of my children are cruel and treat each other in horrible ways.

etc

etc

etc

And many earthly fathers and mothers embrace and love them intensely anyway..without conditions..and most can all return home.

[Kenngo1969]

I don't think I've any closer to God than many people around the globe not associated with the Church at all. And I fear those in the Church who do feel closer are just a little delusional.

Thank you! 

[Kenngo1969]

And many earthly fathers and mothers embrace and love them intensely anyway..without conditions..and most can all return home.

My parents love me unconditionally, but that doesn't mean they agree, or have agreed, with everything I do or have done, or that they allowed me to do whatever the heck I wanted to do while under their roof.  I've known parents to tell their kids, "You're always welcome, but you're not going to (e.g.) do drugs under my roof." Enabling isn't loving.

Edited July 30, 2015 by Kenngo1969