Need some prayers if possible.

[Tacenda]

Helping my alcoholic brother find places to spend the night. Tonight he's in a hotel, I couldn't let him sleep anywhere and the shelter was not where I thought he'd better be. I'm hoping to get him in a treatment place that is in the mountains and a really nice program that is very affordable. He calls daily to show he's serious, I would love prayers for him to get in the program soon. He was staying with my husband and I for a whole week. And then when we went for a camping trip for two days with our kids, my brother went and got drunk after selling an old broken down four wheeler that belonged to my dad. My husband won't let him come back. It's fallen on my shoulders to help him. His wife kicked him out for good, and my siblings have never helped except to chip in once for the same program I'm trying to get him back in. He's a great guy when he's sober, and a great worker. I've helped him for over twenty years with these bouts of being drunk and out of work. Or out of a home. 

Just thought I'd ask and believe me, I've been doing much praying as well. 

[Calm]

35 minutes ago, Tacenda said:

Helping my alcoholic brother find places to spend the night. Tonight he's in a hotel, I couldn't let him sleep anywhere and the shelter was not where I thought he'd better be. I'm hoping to get him in a treatment place that is in the mountains and a really nice program that is very affordable. He calls daily to show he's serious, I would love prayers for him to get in the program soon. He was staying with my husband and I for a whole week. And then when we went for a camping trip for two days with our kids, my brother went and got drunk after selling an old broken down four wheeler that belonged to my dad. My husband won't let him come back. It's fallen on my shoulders to help him. His wife kicked him out for good, and my siblings have never helped except to chip in once for the same program I'm trying to get him back in. He's a great guy when he's sober, and a great worker. I've helped him for over twenty years with these bouts of being drunk and out of work. Or out of a home. 

Just thought I'd ask and believe me, I've been doing much praying as well. 

You are a good sister and friend. I hope it works out for you. It is an evil disease. 

[bluebell]

Prayers Tacenda. 

[Rain]

I'll pray for y'all as well. 

Consider having your brother doing as much of the work to get in a program as possible with just you as a guide. Like having him make phone calls as you sit beside him. Sometimes people do better when they do the work themselves.

[Raingirl]

10 hours ago, Tacenda said:

Helping my alcoholic brother find places to spend the night. Tonight he's in a hotel, I couldn't let him sleep anywhere and the shelter was not where I thought he'd better be. I'm hoping to get him in a treatment place that is in the mountains and a really nice program that is very affordable. He calls daily to show he's serious, I would love prayers for him to get in the program soon. He was staying with my husband and I for a whole week. And then when we went for a camping trip for two days with our kids, my brother went and got drunk after selling an old broken down four wheeler that belonged to my dad. My husband won't let him come back. It's fallen on my shoulders to help him. His wife kicked him out for good, and my siblings have never helped except to chip in once for the same program I'm trying to get him back in. He's a great guy when he's sober, and a great worker. I've helped him for over twenty years with these bouts of being drunk and out of work. Or out of a home. 

Just thought I'd ask and believe me, I've been doing much praying as well. 

You’re a good sister. I also have a brother who struggles to stay sober.  I don’t know how effective my prayers are, but I’ll include him. And you. 

[manol]

Will do!

[rpn]

Prayers.  And pm me if you want to talk to someone with experience.   I wouldn't be paying for any hotel for him though.  He needs to experience tough consequences for stealing from you.  I might have him arrested for it, for that very reason.    And sometimes those tough love results are being in jail for a while (often because they are found sleeping on the street).   One thing you may not know is that in recent years they have made really good drugs that eliminate the craving for alcohol itself:  naltrexone?   declinol?    I'd think of it at least as a good time of year to be sleeping outside.

I hope you are attending the alanon meetings in your area (with any of your teens who've been affected.    I'm so sorry for how hard it is.

P.S.  You might also consider getting and giving him one of Dr. David Burn's books "Feeling Good" or the later one "Feeling Great " that I didn't find as helpful.   They have all the exercises for Cognitive Behavioral Therapy which is research proven for depression and anxiety.   Makes a huge difference in how he gets over and around obstacles.   

No reason he can't attend the Addiction Recovery Program in your stake (whether or not a member, whether or not believing).  He's going to need 30 meetings in 30 days anyway.   You can give him the info, but you don't help him by doing things for him that he needs to choose to do for himself (yes, because you don't want bad things for him more than he cares for himself).

Hugs.

[Stargazer]

13 hours ago, Tacenda said:

Helping my alcoholic brother find places to spend the night. Tonight he's in a hotel, I couldn't let him sleep anywhere and the shelter was not where I thought he'd better be. I'm hoping to get him in a treatment place that is in the mountains and a really nice program that is very affordable. He calls daily to show he's serious, I would love prayers for him to get in the program soon. He was staying with my husband and I for a whole week. And then when we went for a camping trip for two days with our kids, my brother went and got drunk after selling an old broken down four wheeler that belonged to my dad. My husband won't let him come back. It's fallen on my shoulders to help him. His wife kicked him out for good, and my siblings have never helped except to chip in once for the same program I'm trying to get him back in. He's a great guy when he's sober, and a great worker. I've helped him for over twenty years with these bouts of being drunk and out of work. Or out of a home. 

Just thought I'd ask and believe me, I've been doing much praying as well. 

I've submitted his "name" to the London temple prayer roll. As "Tacendas Brother" -- the Lord knows who he is.

Oh, and prayers from me as well.

[Tacenda]

1 hour ago, Stargazer said:

I've submitted his "name" to the London temple prayer roll. As "Tacendas Brother" -- the Lord knows who he is.

Oh, and prayers from me as well.

This is awesome, much appreciated! 

[Tacenda]

2 hours ago, rpn said:

Prayers.  And pm me if you want to talk to someone with experience.   I wouldn't be paying for any hotel for him though.  He needs to experience tough consequences for stealing from you.  I might have him arrested for it, for that very reason.    And sometimes those tough love results are being in jail for a while (often because they are found sleeping on the street).   One thing you may not know is that in recent years they have made really good drugs that eliminate the craving for alcohol itself:  naltrexone?   declinol?    I'd think of it at least as a good time of year to be sleeping outside.

I hope you are attending the alanon meetings in your area (with any of your teens who've been affected.    I'm so sorry for how hard it is.

P.S.  You might also consider getting and giving him one of Dr. David Burn's books "Feeling Good" or the later one "Feeling Great " that I didn't find as helpful.   They have all the exercises for Cognitive Behavioral Therapy which is research proven for depression and anxiety.   Makes a huge difference in how he gets over and around obstacles.   

No reason he can't attend the Addiction Recovery Program in your stake (whether or not a member, whether or not believing).  He's going to need 30 meetings in 30 days anyway.   You can give him the info, but you don't help him by doing things for him that he needs to choose to do for himself (yes, because you don't want bad things for him more than he cares for himself).

Hugs.

Thanks, I may have described it wrong. He sold my dad's atv, that my husband and I gave to him to fix and keep, we bought it from the family trust. Sorry for the confusion. Thanks for the great ideas too! Sadly, he's been through so many rehabs, his liver is shot, he shouldn't be living. He's taken the drugs etc. But great idea about Al anon, haven't done that one yet. Going to for sure, and thanks for the hugs!

Edited August 28, 2024 by Tacenda

[Tacenda]

5 hours ago, Raingirl said:

You’re a good sister. I also have a brother who struggles to stay sober.  I don’t know how effective my prayers are, but I’ll include him. And you. 

Appreciate this, makes me feel less alone. I'll pray for you and your brother too. 

[Tacenda]

5 hours ago, Rain said:

I'll pray for y'all as well. 

Consider having your brother doing as much of the work to get in a program as possible with just you as a guide. Like having him make phone calls as you sit beside him. Sometimes people do better when they do the work themselves.

Luckily, he's been making the phone calls and texts. 

[rpn]

22 minutes ago, Tacenda said:

He sold my dad's atv, that my husband and I gave to him to fix and keep, we bought it from the family trust.

And if you gave it to him, are you saying your gift was conditional and in writing so there is no question he knew he would be getting kicked out if he sold it?   And did he use all of the money to buy the alcohol and party?  (The latter of course still means you can't put him up in a hotel.)  But if the first wasn't clear, preferably in writing, then I still get the using means you can't be in our home with our kids, but I don't get the we're throwing you out because you sold YOUR atv that we are still hanging on to emotionally.  (This is frank stuff.  ignore it if it isn't useful.)

[Tacenda]

1 hour ago, rpn said:

And if you gave it to him, are you saying your gift was conditional and in writing so there is no question he knew he would be getting kicked out if he sold it?   And did he use all of the money to buy the alcohol and party?  (The latter of course still means you can't put him up in a hotel.)  But if the first wasn't clear, preferably in writing, then I still get the using means you can't be in our home with our kids, but I don't get the we're throwing you out because you sold YOUR atv that we are still hanging on to emotionally.  (This is frank stuff.  ignore it if it isn't useful.)

Oh, it was a gift a couple of years ago. It was old and had problems. I just gave it to him because he loves to fix things and loves dirt bikes etc. We had no need for it. He took it and sold it from his home that he lived with his wife. She is totally done with him and told me by FB messaging, our form of communication, that I and my siblings need to worry about him now. She's been put through the ringer, but not totally innocent and has done and behaved badly too but wouldn't allow him in the house whenever he drinks. She wanted him to clean up and take things that were his out of the carport storage area and I knew he was going there and then taking the bus to his son's house while my family were on a two day camping trip, hated having him stop a planned for months ahead trip with my kids and their family.

Well, I guess the remembering of all the terrible detox's he's had didn't sway him to not get his next bottle of hard liquor. He probably only got maybe $50 or less from the sale of the atv. We were fully expecting for him to remain sober and get to his son's house with only enough to ride the bus. I had venmo'd my nephew some cash for food and things so my brother wouldn't have any cash besides $5.00 for the bus. It's only a town away and I thought he was doing a good thing to clean her storage area, my bad.

I guess I have been too helpful. He's been at shelters before and he's been able to get booze so I tried to make sure he didn't end up on the streets because this rehab in the mountains, it's old and not fancy and those that go, all men, do a lot of the work themselves and even service projects in the community. It's only $500 a month believe it or not. My brother went there about 7 years ago. And I remember during heavy snow, they'd shovel off people's roofs. He thought that was the coolest thing. Plus they built sweat lodges out of a tent etc. in the snow. 

I need him to go, because if he doesn't then I'm stuck worrying about him, and I just can't right now. The program is a 3 month deal. And I'm hoping he will not die a drunk. He's not got long to live. If it weren't for these things, I would definitely give him tough love. Sadly, he has cirrhosis of the liver. 

He's back in our home today now detoxing, my husband agreed but not happily. It's my only hope and his, to get him 3 months to get better but certainly not cured. (don't hate me, I put him up in a hotel last night)

 

 

Edited August 28, 2024 by Tacenda

[Raingirl]

1 hour ago, Tacenda said:

Appreciate this, makes me feel less alone. I'll pray for you and your brother too. 

Thank you, Tacenda. My brother is battling a lot of demons.  It makes me so helpless, that I can’t just fix it, you know?

[Tacenda]

1 minute ago, Raingirl said:

Thank you, Tacenda. My brother is battling a lot of demons.  It makes me so helpless, that I can’t just fix it, you know?

Oh girl do I know it! My brother has his demons too.

[bluebell]

8 minutes ago, Tacenda said:

 He's back in our home today now detoxing, my husband agreed but not happily. It's my only hope and his, to get him 3 months to get better but certainly not cured. (don't hate me, I put him up in a hotel last night)

You love him and you don't want him to suffer or die, and you see through all of his bad choices to what an amazing man he could be and what an amazing life he could have if he could just give up drinking and your not ready to give up on that vision for his life yet.  No one should hate you for that.  

[Tacenda]

2 minutes ago, bluebell said:

You love him and you don't want him to suffer or die, and you see through all of his bad choices to what an amazing man he could be and what an amazing life he could have if he could just give up drinking and your not ready to give up on that vision for his life yet.  No one should hate you for that.  

Thanks, you nailed it. 

[rpn]

So very many hugs for you all. 

[Jeanne]

20 hours ago, Tacenda said:

Helping my alcoholic brother find places to spend the night. Tonight he's in a hotel, I couldn't let him sleep anywhere and the shelter was not where I thought he'd better be. I'm hoping to get him in a treatment place that is in the mountains and a really nice program that is very affordable. He calls daily to show he's serious, I would love prayers for him to get in the program soon. He was staying with my husband and I for a whole week. And then when we went for a camping trip for two days with our kids, my brother went and got drunk after selling an old broken down four wheeler that belonged to my dad. My husband won't let him come back. It's fallen on my shoulders to help him. His wife kicked him out for good, and my siblings have never helped except to chip in once for the same program I'm trying to get him back in. He's a great guy when he's sober, and a great worker. I've helped him for over twenty years with these bouts of being drunk and out of work. Or out of a home. 

Just thought I'd ask and believe me, I've been doing much praying as well. 

Prayers for you and your bro Tacenda.  Be in touch.

Hugs, Jeanne

 

 

[Tacenda]

2 hours ago, Jeanne said:

Prayers for you and your bro Tacenda.  Be in touch.

Hugs, Jeanne

 

 

Thanks Jeanne, fingers and toes crossed. ❤️ I'll hopefully have good news in a few days. 

[rodheadlee]

Prayers coming up