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Daniel2

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Hi, All,

Not sure if anyone's noticed that I am very tardy in responding to some threads where I have committed to responses in a couple threads in other forums.  My dear father passed away night before last after a prolonged battle with a variety of health issues, and I have been spending time supporting my Mom and helping with funeral and family preparations. I apologize for my lack of follow-through--I hope the threads don't get closed before I have a chance to return and post, as promised.  I will get back on when I am able.

Best regards to you all,

Daniel 

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My gosh, don't apologize for being in mourning and supporting your mother.  My condolences.  Even when death is a relief and blessing to the sick and weary, losing a partner and parent is a trying and burdensome time.  Take this time to mourn and remember. May the Comforter support and guide you now. May God hold you in the palm of His hand.

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14 minutes ago, Daniel2 said:

Hi, All,

Not sure if anyone's noticed that I am very tardy in responding to some threads where I have committed to responses in a couple threads in other forums.  My dear father passed away night before last after a prolonged battle with a variety of health issues, and I have been spending time supporting my Mom and helping with funeral and family preparations. I apologize for my lack of follow-through--I hope the threads don't get closed before I have a chance to return and post, as promised.  I will get back on when I am able.

Best regards to you all,

Daniel 

I'm very sorry for your loss.  Best wishes to you and your family.   

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On January 7, 2016 at 1:21 AM, Daniel2 said:

Hi, All,

Not sure if anyone's noticed that I am very tardy in responding to some threads where I have committed to responses in a couple threads in other forums.  My dear father passed away night before last after a prolonged battle with a variety of health issues, and I have been spending time supporting my Mom and helping with funeral and family preparations. I apologize for my lack of follow-through--I hope the threads don't get closed before I have a chance to return and post, as promised.  I will get back on when I am able.

Best regards to you all,

Daniel 

God bless you and your struggle...losing a father is very hard to deal with. On May 8, I ended up on life support, and my wife was told to call in family...thanks to a blessing from my Bishopric, I am to once again post to you good people. Daniel. I am so sorry for your loss. My the Lord bless and guide you.

 

Your friend...

Bill (Papa) Lee

-Atlanta, GA-

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It has been a little over a year since we lost Dad, quite suddenly too.  It is very strange not having him around.  Still feels like he is just not here nearby (we have never lived close save for the last few months of his life so didn't get used to him dropping by unannounced).  Been a very different year and still we are trying to figure out how to make things work with Mom (she hasn't been on her own really since they were married 1950ish).  It isn't necessarily getting easier but I think I may be getting better at dealing with the changes...at least being able to put stuff aside after I rant and rave a bit (I just want everything to be perfect for her and get annoyed that they aren't).  Hope things work out well with your family.  It is best when lots are involved, I have found for us.

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Thanks everyone for the well-wishes.

My Mom and I have been working on funeral preparations for the program with the church, cemetery, and funeral home. 

My mom's local Stake President recently informed my Mom that I won't be able to share my memories of my dad at his funeral due to my status as a former member. 

As such, despite the fact that I was the only child who moved back to Utah to help my mother and father after he was diagnosed with several chronic illnesses, and despite the years of help and support including physically assisting with getting Dad dressed, bathed, lifted back to bed when he would fall and be unable to get up, helped in using the restroom, and ongoing support of my parents' attendance and activity in the church, I will be the only child to be excluded from sharing those 5 minutes of memories.

I am struggling with understanding this decision by our local leaders to prohibit my participation in sharing memories of my dad with family and friends during his funeral.

I struggle to see where God is, in such an action.  It is disheartening, when I have worked so hard to build bridges of understanding and mutual respect.

I am saddened that my faithful and devout mother (whom I support in remaining as steadfast and committed to the gospel as ever) is handling more (and what feels like unnecessary) pain at the Stake president's decision to exclude me from what my Dad wanted, during a period of already difficult loss and grief.

I understand this is in the Social Hall section--and that's where I want it to stay, because I don't want this thread to become an attack or a critique of the church...  In all honestly, I'm just hoping to find understanding and solace and peace.  It may not be that I can find it here, of course, but I figured this is one of the few places I can voice my sorrow and pain among a body of believers that are at least familiar with me.

Thanks for letting me share.

 

 

Edited by Daniel2
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Will there be a viewing?  At my father-in-law's, there was a video of family pictures playing that was then given to all the family members that wanted a copy.  Perhaps you could do this for the family and add some of your own thoughts as well and other family members that may not have a chance to speak for whatever reason but would like to.

Even if there isn't a viewing, this could be something that would be appreciated.

On another note at my dad's memorial, my niece took tons of pictures at the memorial, graveside and gathering afterwards and her mom had it put together in a lovely book for my mom.  Given her age (13), they were quite casual and she missed some people, but you could have someone older do it to make sure this didn't happen and perhaps keep to a style your mom will prefer (more solemn, less, more family oriented, whatever).

Edited by Calm
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I'm sorry for your loss.  May you be blessed with peace at this difficult time, and may you be blessed for your service to your Dad and Mom during his illness.

I'm generally a lurker, but I have long admired you for many reasons.  As the mother of an amazing gay son and sister to two gay brothers it is difficult to find a bridge between my belief in this church and my love and full support of my loved ones.  I'm so sorry you have been hurt by your experience with the decision of your parent's stake president.  It's something I have wondered about happening when I or my husband pass, I will probably need to express my wishes to my husband that my funeral be held somewhere were this would not happen.  So your experiences that you share, may help me and my family in the future.  

Again, I am sorry for your loss, I hope that you will find the comfort you need as you spend time with friends and family members this week.

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6 hours ago, Daniel2 said:

Thanks everyone for the well-wishes.

My Mom and I have been working on funeral preparations for the program with the church, cemetery, and funeral home. 

My mom's local Stake President recently informed my Mom that I won't be able to share my memories of my dad at his funeral due to my status as a former member. 

As such, despite the fact that I was the only child who moved back to Utah to help my mother and father after he was diagnosed with several chronic illnesses, and despite the years of help and support including physically assisting with getting Dad dressed, bathed, lifted back to bed when he would fall and be unable to get up, helped in using the restroom, and ongoing support of my parents' attendance and activity in the church, I will be the only child to be excluded from sharing those 5 minutes of memories.

I am struggling with understanding this decision by our local leaders to prohibit my participation in sharing memories of my dad with family and friends during his funeral.

I struggle to see where God is, in such an action.  It is disheartening, when I have worked so hard to build bridges of understanding and mutual respect.

I am saddened that my faithful and devout mother (whom I support in remaining as steadfast and committed to the gospel as ever) is handling more (and what feels like unnecessary) pain at the Stake president's decision to exclude me from what my Dad wanted, during a period of already difficult loss and grief.

I understand this is in the Social Hall section--and that's where I want it to stay, because I don't want this thread to become an attack or a critique of the church...  In all honestly, I'm just hoping to find understanding and solace and peace.  It may not be that I can find it here, of course, but I figured this is one of the few places I can voice my sorrow and pain among a body of believers that are at least familiar with me.

Thanks for letting me share.

 

 

I'm shocked, hopefully the SP will have a change of heart.  

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If the viewing is at a funeral home, Daniel could speak there as an introduction to the memorial service.

It does make good sense to me if you want your funeral to be set up a certain way, then be sure and make arrangements, including financial ones for them to be carried out.

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I admire you Daniel2.  The bridge you have tried to build is still strong because it is made by you.  It is just getting people over the bridge that hinders a full understanding.  I pray that it will happen in your lifetime  You are so generous in your patience and acceptance.  Hold on to good memories and realize that God loves you and you have worth.  I am sure your father will know your heart.  To me, this is so wrong on many levels so I admire your devotion to Mom and family.  The good son.

Jeanne

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I'm so sorry for your loss!  But this thread should be titled "The Passing of My Father" or something like that.  No need to apologize! 

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12 hours ago, Daniel2 said:

My mom's local Stake President recently informed my Mom that I won't be able to share my memories of my dad at his funeral due to my status as a former member. 

Well, Social Hall or not, that smells.  I could understand such a prohibition if you were an excommunicated member in a regular church meeting, but at a funeral?  I understand you voluntarily withdrew your membership.  I suppose there's not enough time to talk to the stake president to question him on the propriety of his decision.  It doesn't make sense, for the life of me.

 

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Amazing. Just amazing how men in leadership can be so mean.  Why is a Stake President involved funeral arrangements?  I am just flabbergasted.  Surely there is a manner to lead this family through their grief and loss without adding unnecessary punitive layers. Is there no balm in Gilead?  No wonder God weeps. May God hold you in the palm of his hand.

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Concern that correct doctrine is taught over the pulpit in all meetings in the Church seems to be the driving concern.

No one is forcing the family to have the funeral at the Church and receive free food and service from the men and women of the ward.  There are some very nice funeral homes in the area, many large enough to hold at least a chapel size funeral service with no restrictions on how they want to hold the service.  If asked, chances are the ward would still open up for a reception/dinner gathering afterwards no doubt.  Have seen it done this way iirc.

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