Apologies...

[jana at jade house]

Quote

Concern that correct doctrine is taught over the pulpit in all meetings in the Church seems to be the driving concern.

No one is forcing the family to have the funeral at the Church and receive free food and service from the men and women of the ward. 

That's a thought that never occurred to me. Perhaps I misinterpreted the original post.  I thought that Daniel wanted to share memories of his father, not teach a lesson.  And I submit that forcing a family to have funeral services somewhere away from their home church when they already are having a miserable time is amazing.  Where did you read they wanted to have it at their home church just to receive free food and services?  I missed that part. I certainly hope people are not that mindset.

 I thought the Church was trying to be more inclusive. This situation does not feel  caring, sensitive nor inclusive, to me.  But maybe I don't have all the information.  Of course there are funeral homes and other venues.  Here in the Netherlands, because we are so far flung, transport to and from the chapel and then to the cemetery costs are ridiculous because every boundary you cross is another so many euros. (And many residents are not church people.)  So the alternative is often used. We have lovely funeral halls that are often on the cemetery grounds.  Some are even directly attached to  the crematorium!!  So here it would not be emotionally shattering to have services somewhere else because it it not unusual. But wherever Daniel is it is not.  Thus my reaction is sympathetic to Daniel' s plight and his parent' s wishes.

[Tacenda]

Plus his mother would more than likely want it in her home ward building.

[Calm]

I am just saying when asking help from volunteers, it is respectful to accept it on terms they are comfortable with just as they should try and accomodate your needs.  If those terms are undesirable or for any other reasons (for example, if someone has money, they may feel it better to go professional so as not to take up resources of the ward that could be used by others), there are some very nice local options that I have seen many members use for a variety of reasons.  I am not suggesting that anyone should be forced to go outside the ward, only mentioning this to show there are other nice choices available so the best one can be chosen. (speaking in general, I am assuming arrangements for Daniel's family have already been made).  I would assume that there was someone at the hospital or whoever worked with the family who provided counseling on what was needed and options available as this was provided for us a year ago when Dad died...which was very nice because no one save my husband had experience in preparing and it had been very sudden and half the family got sick with what killed Dad or another nasty bug that was going around at the time.

So just to be clear, I am not condeming or approving of any individual decisions, just pointing out there are in Utah and I assume much of the US a variety of options so families can choose what will be most meaningful (but like all situations it usually won't be everything you would like).

I have attended funerals in local funeral homes for very active members so as far as I can tell, it isn't a tradtion to hold funerals in ward buildings, but a convenience.   It never occurred to me that it was the building that might matter to someone as opposed to the people who attended.  I am not a particulaly sentimental type person and I don't find our chapels physically comfortable or comforting, but undoubtedly for many familiar surroundings are preferred.

Edited January 14, 2016 by Calm

[Meadowchik]

I'm feeling angry that you'd be excluded from speaking, Daniel.

But I am inspired and heartened by your love and devotiin to your parents, and theirs to you. What blessings you've been to each other!

 

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

 

 

 

 

[Daniel2]

I appreciate everyone's supportive and positive comments.

Just wanted to update everyone... The ward itself has been wonderful to rally around Mom and our family, as they always have been.  My family has been especially supportive, and two of my brothers (who serve as a Stake President and a bishop out-of-state) and I have spent a lot of time, effort, and prayer in discussion with the bishop and Stake President.  Although the Stake President ultimately stood by his decision concerning the funeral itself, he has allowed our family to list my name in the program as a speaker at the family graveside service immediately following the funeral, just before one of my brothers dedicates Dad's grave.  I will be able to share my thoughts, feelings, and memories of Dad with those in attendance there and then (for what its worth, never at any time would I have dishonored his memory or wishes by saying anything negative about the church which he loved and spend his life in service to).  While it's not our ideal choice, this time of grieving isn't the time to cause ongoing contention, especially in consideration of my Mom and the emotional loss that she and the rest of us feel.

Edited January 14, 2016 by Daniel2

[Calm]

Glad there was enough compromise to give you a chance to speak, Daniel.

[jana at jade house]

glad to hear it.

[Stargazer]

I find this topic to be particularly affecting.  The two reasons are of course my wife's passing fairly recently, and just a few days ago I got word that the man who was the only person I baptized on my mission in Germany had passed away on the 4th of January, and his funeral was yesterday.  Add to that another sister in my ward who passed away two weeks before my own wife died.  At the grand old age of 64 I'm no stranger to deaths in the family and among friends, but so much at once?  And now this.  This is very weird, but for some reason the passing of Daniel2's father seems to be in the same class of passing as all these others, even if I don't even know the man's name.  I suppose it is because I have associated with all of you here so much and for so long that we have all become part of the same "village", and what affects you affects me.

Amazing.

 

[Jeanne]

14 hours ago, Stargazer said:

I find this topic to be particularly affecting.  The two reasons are of course my wife's passing fairly recently, and just a few days ago I got word that the man who was the only person I baptized on my mission in Germany had passed away on the 4th of January, and his funeral was yesterday.  Add to that another sister in my ward who passed away two weeks before my own wife died.  At the grand old age of 64 I'm no stranger to deaths in the family and among friends, but so much at once?  And now this.  This is very weird, but for some reason the passing of Daniel2's father seems to be in the same class of passing as all these others, even if I don't even know the man's name.  I suppose it is because I have associated with all of you here so much and for so long that we have all become part of the same "village", and what affects you affects me.

Amazing.

 

I feel you Stargazer..I lost my husband just 3 months after my mother died..and a year before that..my sister.  We are family.. 

Daniel, so glad that you were able to find a way to participate.  Bless you and your family at this difficult time.