mfbukowski Posted November 8, 2014 Posted November 8, 2014 I would have been humming this song every time I saw him for a while: Oh. No I guess that's not the new "Satan" in that new movie. Satan always wears a shirt.
mfbukowski Posted November 8, 2014 Posted November 8, 2014 Lawyers, pilots, vegans, and triathletes. By that way, I'm a lawyer in case you didn't know. We know. We hear your testimony every month.
Buzzard Posted November 9, 2014 Posted November 9, 2014 On "cougarboard" ostensibly about BYU sports but just as much politics and religion, fast Sunday is the favorite day of the month. Everyone reports in on the strange testimonies in their meetings. Among those I remember were the sister who sang her testimony, the couple who came up together and bore their respective testimonies with their arms wrapped around each other, and the brother who announced that a couple in the ward were in adultery and needed to repent. The week after that, the Bishop called him back up to the stand, where he recanted, admitted that wasn't his stewardship, and apologized.
strappinglad Posted November 9, 2014 Posted November 9, 2014 You remember the old saying ," the Church must be true, or the missionaries would have ruined it years ago "? The same could be said of testimony meeting, " the Church must be true or the testimonies of some would have cleared the benches years ago " . Years back we had a woman who was a bit mentally off. She bore her testimony one Sunday about the wicked " Japanese " which she constantly referred to as ' j**s " . Many of us were trying to hide under the pews that day.
Silhouette Posted November 9, 2014 Posted November 9, 2014 No Fast and Testimony stories here, but I do have an interesting experience to share. It was proposed that we sustain a new Bishop. The "any opposed" part was said. Half the congregation raised their hands to oppose. Needless to say, a different man was called to the position.
Traela Posted November 9, 2014 Posted November 9, 2014 No Fast and Testimony stories here, but I do have an interesting experience to share. It was proposed that we sustain a new Bishop. The "any opposed" part was said. Half the congregation raised their hands to oppose. Needless to say, a different man was called to the position.You can't leave it at that! What did they all object to?Several members of my husband's family live in my ward. One uncle is retired engineer, very brilliant. He has a tendency to go on about his current interest, beyond what non-experts can follow. Anyway, one Sunday he bore his testimony. It was long and rambling and rather hard to follow. String theory may have been mentioned. That night at dinner, we asked the kids what testimonies had interested them. Older Son piped up, "I really liked Uncle's testimony." I looked at DH, who seemed as baffled as I, and asked, "So, what did you like about it?" "Oh, he was talking about how there is no conflict between science and religion." Ok, then.
Silhouette Posted November 9, 2014 Posted November 9, 2014 (edited) You can't leave it at that! What did they all object to?I don't know what everyone was objecting to. I didn't know he was doing anything wrong, and I figured it was between him and the Stake President or whoever was over him, so I didn't ask any questions. I've often wondered the same thing though. Edited November 9, 2014 by Silhouette
Yirgacheffe Posted November 9, 2014 Posted November 9, 2014 To be honest I do not know what I would do if I took my young children to a church and heard from a woman who accused her husband of adultery with another member or of someone being raped by demons. I can't see me getting up in the middle of a service and at that point the damage is done, the ideas are in my children's minds and I would have to come up with something. But I can say I would never go back, way too unpredictable and hard to explain to kids.
Bernard Gui Posted November 9, 2014 Posted November 9, 2014 (edited) So what was your most shocking/hilarious/infuriating/puzzling F&T experience?The sister who said, " All of you who have been gossiping about me being seen at lunch with a man who is not my husband, you need to stop. It was just a casual business lunch with a friend. I am not having an affair with him.." As far as I know, no one even knew about it until she brought it up. Edited November 9, 2014 by Bernard Gui
Damien the Leper Posted November 9, 2014 Posted November 9, 2014 I was visiting a friends YSA ward several years ago. A young man proposed to a young lady over the pulpit. They hadn't even been dating. 1
mercyngrace Posted November 9, 2014 Posted November 9, 2014 Best post on crazy testimonies (and talks) in the history of the internet - saved by the wayback machine: https://web.archive.org/web/20120822202234/http://www.mormonmommywars.com/?p=659
Avatar4321 Posted November 9, 2014 Posted November 9, 2014 Humble politician. You had to know that was not true.humble politician. Oxy moron 1
Deborah Posted November 9, 2014 Posted November 9, 2014 Thanks everyone for a good laugh this morning. On a serious note my BIL got up in testimony and announced to his wife and 4 kids he was leaving the church and all the reasons it wasn't true. She stuck with him, though he made it hard for her and the kids to go to church, but over the years he softened and let his young kids finally get baptised and they get along great even though he still doesn't go to church. On the lighter side, not related to a testimony meeting but a funeral where everyone who wanted to say something about the deceased could. Some very funny stories about my dear friend, whom we could all picture doing those things. It was wonderful up to when crazy relative got up and leaned her arms on the podium and my DIL turned and looked at each other because we knew instinctively she wasn't planning to sit down soon. So she went on and on about family members chastising them and especially one of the relatives telling her she needed to take her ex husband back. Twice the member of bishopric conducting got up and whispered for her to sit down. We were already 30 minutes over time when the deceased's husband got up and escorted crazy lady off the podium. DIL and I have since laughed about this many times as one of the more memorable funerals we attended. Except for the one where my son and I were in the wrong funeral for his friend's mother and we realized after a few "he's" and "him's" we were in the wrong place.
Tacenda Posted November 9, 2014 Posted November 9, 2014 No Fast and Testimony stories here, but I do have an interesting experience to share. It was proposed that we sustain a new Bishop. The "any opposed" part was said. Half the congregation raised their hands to oppose. Needless to say, a different man was called to the position.That's a shocking experience to behold. Never ever seen that done yet in all my years in the church, ever with all the callings called.
ERayR Posted November 9, 2014 Posted November 9, 2014 I was visiting a friends YSA ward several years ago. A young man proposed to a young lady over the pulpit. They hadn't even been dating. I hope she turned him down.
The Nehor Posted November 9, 2014 Posted November 9, 2014 To be honest I do not know what I would do if I took my young children to a church and heard from a woman who accused her husband of adultery with another member or of someone being raped by demons. I can't see me getting up in the middle of a service and at that point the damage is done, the ideas are in my children's minds and I would have to come up with something. But I can say I would never go back, way too unpredictable and hard to explain to kids. You are an optimist if you think children are listening. 4
Damien the Leper Posted November 9, 2014 Posted November 9, 2014 I hope she turned him down.She did. I asked my friend about it later. It was really awkward. But hilarious.
Yirgacheffe Posted November 9, 2014 Posted November 9, 2014 You are an optimist if you think children are listening. Not at all, I've found how well children are listening is closely related to how much you want them to hear what's being said. They are far more likely to hear "I was raped by demons" than "pick up your toys, stop that, be quiet" and so on. 2
Kenngo1969 Posted November 9, 2014 Posted November 9, 2014 Personally, I think it's unseemly to air the dirty laundry of our fellow Saints. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mUhU0HgTq94
Silhouette Posted November 9, 2014 Posted November 9, 2014 That's a shocking experience to behold. Never ever seen that done yet in all my years in the church, ever with all the callings called.Yes, while half the congregation raised their hands to object, the other half gasped. It was a very strange and uncomfortable situation.
Bernard Gui Posted November 10, 2014 Posted November 10, 2014 Our ward testimony meetings are wonderful. Have been for years. 1
nosmelone Posted November 10, 2014 Posted November 10, 2014 Not a F&T moment but as a missionary in Kentucky we had a convert who had been (or still was) a high ranking Mason. He would say the most ornate, grandeur prayers in the world....it was almost embarrassing to have investigators here him pray. He would say stuff like, "Our Dear Ultimate Reign Supreme Creator of this earth and galaxies beyond our understanding, we are blessed to hold this meeting in your ever fruitful and elegant presence." He just kept going and going. Entertaining none the less. 1
Grudunza Posted November 10, 2014 Posted November 10, 2014 Was visiting a ward many years ago and my friend I was with warned me that a guy going up to the stand was probably going to sing his testimony. Sure enough... He had a really nice voice, and I think if that were a one-time thing it would have been very special and sweet. But apparently it happened every month, and in light of that, well, everyone there had gotten to the point of rolling their eyes.
Kenngo1969 Posted November 10, 2014 Posted November 10, 2014 Was visiting a ward many years ago and my friend I was with warned me that a guy going up to the stand was probably going to sing his testimony. Sure enough... He had a really nice voice, and I think if that were a one-time thing it would have been very special and sweet. But apparently it happened every month, and in light of that, well, everyone there had gotten to the point of rolling their eyes.I would post video of the missionary from The Book of Mormon Musical singing, "I Believe" and asking you if that's your guy, but since it's profanity-laced ...
Rain Posted November 11, 2014 Posted November 11, 2014 (edited) Yesterday, someone got up and announced we were missing something in the meeting so far. It is Veteran's Day this week. Then he asked the veterans to stand up and be recognized. I guess they were s little slow so he started naming names of who should stand up.This one worried me: a young woman (beehive?) got up was sincerely grateful to be an example of Christ. She and her friend had been approached by two men. They loved the light of Christ around the girls. They had just got out of prison.Afterwards, I quietly talked with my children and let them know that if this was true then it was a great missionary experience, but there was a good chance the men were being untruthful. If they should ever have a similar experience they should not give their number, address etc. away if they said they wanted to know more about the church, but should collect the men's address and someone else would contact them. Edited November 11, 2014 by Rain
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