Church To Sisters: It'S Okay If You Don'T Want To Serve A Mission....Really!

[Duncan]

Maybe I can help with Cassie Randall's story

I had planned my entire life to serve a mission. One of my first conscious memories was opening my first savings account and telling my mom, "This is for my mission!" I spent my whole life operating under the assumption that I would be a sister missionary. It was basically my one constant life goal and personal identity. Then I went to BYU and a lot of my friends were getting married around 21 years old and I started to panic, because I tend to try to plan things out way too far in advance and stress about all the potential what-ifs. What if I went on my mission and somehow ended up never meeting the guy that would be the most amazing husband for me? What if I went on a mission and never got married at all? I did plan on having a family with 5 or 6 kids, so I didn't want to jeopardize that. It's kind of ridiculous--I had nothing close to potential marriage opportunities at the time. Like I said, I stress myself out with too many what-ifs, haha. So I spent the year before turning my papers in trying to get Heavenly Father to explicitly tell me yes or no on the mission, so I wouldn't have to take responsibility for such a potentially life-changing decision (I was being lame, I know ). Not surprisingly, He stayed politely silent on the subject. So, I just decided to move forward, turned in my papers, got my call to the Toronto West mission, spent a ton of money buying stuff to keep me warm near the Arctic Circle, and headed home to get ready to leave. Then my now-husband (friend at the time) made it really difficult for me by actually giving me the marriage-vs-mission decision...ten days before I reported to the MTC. (I think it was such a close-call with the timing because he had to spend a lot of time doing some soul-searching about even asking an almost-sister missionary to not go, let alone how he would feel if I didn't go).

I definitely wasn't inspired to NOT serve my Canada mission. The whole time I was begging the Lord for orders about what to do with my life, He was silent but kept reassuring me that this was my decision, and either one I chose was a good choice. That was a hugely difficult decision to make completely on my own. On the one hand, serving a mission is obviously a mission and clearly building the Kingdom. On the other hand, like I said at the end of my little bit in the article, being married and having a family is also a mission in itself. You are making covenants, forming a family unit, giving bodies to God's spirit children and teaching them...again, building the Kingdom. My husband and I now have two little "investigators," ages 2 1/2 years and 6 months, and we're looking forward to their baptisms

Both marriage or mission technically, in my instance, would have been the "right" thing to do. I felt a confirmation that getting married was the right thing for me to do and in hindsight, I think I know at least one reason getting married was best. Ok, two, because my husband and I may not have gotten married, but even if we had, we'd be at least 2 years behind where we are now as far as having kids. This is significant because I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis and thyroid disease last year, so my capacities for keeping up with kids have become severely handicapped. So there goes my dream of 5 or 6 kids. If I didn't have my two kids when I did, I'm not sure I ever could.

As a lot of you have already said, sisters are able and encouraged to serve missions, but it's not mandatory. I think the entire article is wonderful, because not every sister is supposed to serve a mission, for whatever reason. That's strictly between her and the Lord (but I hope you don't mind me going into detail on mine ). It's an excruciatingly difficult decision for a lot of sisters to make, and I'm glad they put together the article. Hopefully it will be a support, comfort, or inspiration for some sisters in making the decision and seeking guidance from the Lord.

Also, I'm so excited they lowered the age for sisters Maybe that will help simplify the marriage-vs-mission decision in the future.

take if from me Canada is NOT the Arctic circle! hahaha! I know a girl here who got called to go to Poland and that is postponed because some schlumpy RM who served here has put the razzle dazzle into that plan..so it's a waiting game to see what happens

[BlueDreams]

Maybe I can help with Cassie Randall's story

Oh man, you're the one. You're the woman my mom would tell me about every few days when I was about to leave for my mission . "You never know...you could meet your husband a week or two before your mission and you wouldn't have to go." I always told her that if I met my hypothetical husband 1.5 weeks before my mission I'd still go and tell him he'd have to wait. Little did she know I was already in love with a man. The hypothetical wasn't super impossible for me to fathom. But he and I both knew me staying was not an option. At one time he thought it was a passing thought, but came to his own personal realization that I had to go and that was that. I didn't feel that mine was much of a choice in some regards. It was a needed expectation between me and God in order to fulfill a number of personal responsibilities to those I met along the way as well as some serious character redefinition and healing that I desperately needed and was very unaware that I needed at the time. i'm personally so grateful that those were worked out in the field as opposed to in a marriage....they could have made for a rocky start. I still half-joke that if i'd married before I probably would have ended up divorced. In my own personal path the mission was about as optional as knowing the BoM is true IMHO. For others, not so much.

For the ensign, it's probably a perfect time for such a message. With so many women leaving (quick!), the pressure for those who do not feel inclined to go (for whatever reason) is also stronger than normal. Peer pressure and all that. For anybody, male or female, peer pressure is a crappy reason to do just about anything (good or bad). And just because everybody's doing it, doesn't mean another should or shouldn't. The true growth and development come from willingly making it a personal decision to do what is asked of you, whatever that be: Marriage, mission, children, service, etc. It needs to be a personal conviction, not just socially induced.

have to go!

With luv,

BD

[juliann]

Interesting that women are considered to be acting from personal revelation for their choices....it would seem to me this will have to be extended to the men, as well. It may be a way of raising the bar without having to set up rules....and I don't mean that in the sense that those who go are more worthy than those who don't, but that those who choose freely to go will be more productive for the purposes of the church.

[Calm]

Maybe I can help with Cassie Randall's story

I had planned my entire life to serve a mission. One of my first conscious memories was opening my first savings account and telling my mom, "This is for my mission!" I spent my whole life operating under the assumption that I would be a sister missionary. It was basically my one constant life goal and personal identity. Then I went to BYU and a lot of my friends were getting married around 21 years old and I started to panic, because I tend to try to plan things out way too far in advance and stress about all the potential what-ifs. What if I went on my mission and somehow ended up never meeting the guy that would be the most amazing husband for me? What if I went on a mission and never got married at all? I did plan on having a family with 5 or 6 kids, so I didn't want to jeopardize that. It's kind of ridiculous--I had nothing close to potential marriage opportunities at the time. Like I said, I stress myself out with too many what-ifs, haha. So I spent the year before turning my papers in trying to get Heavenly Father to explicitly tell me yes or no on the mission, so I wouldn't have to take responsibility for such a potentially life-changing decision (I was being lame, I know ). Not surprisingly, He stayed politely silent on the subject. So, I just decided to move forward, turned in my papers, got my call to the Toronto West mission, spent a ton of money buying stuff to keep me warm near the Arctic Circle, and headed home to get ready to leave. Then my now-husband (friend at the time) made it really difficult for me by actually giving me the marriage-vs-mission decision...ten days before I reported to the MTC. (I think it was such a close-call with the timing because he had to spend a lot of time doing some soul-searching about even asking an almost-sister missionary to not go, let alone how he would feel if I didn't go).

I definitely wasn't inspired to NOT serve my Canada mission. The whole time I was begging the Lord for orders about what to do with my life, He was silent but kept reassuring me that this was my decision, and either one I chose was a good choice. That was a hugely difficult decision to make completely on my own. On the one hand, serving a mission is obviously a mission and clearly building the Kingdom. On the other hand, like I said at the end of my little bit in the article, being married and having a family is also a mission in itself. You are making covenants, forming a family unit, giving bodies to God's spirit children and teaching them...again, building the Kingdom. My husband and I now have two little "investigators," ages 2 1/2 years and 6 months, and we're looking forward to their baptisms

Both marriage or mission technically, in my instance, would have been the "right" thing to do. I felt a confirmation that getting married was the right thing for me to do and in hindsight, I think I know at least one reason getting married was best. Ok, two, because my husband and I may not have gotten married, but even if we had, we'd be at least 2 years behind where we are now as far as having kids. This is significant because I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis and thyroid disease last year, so my capacities for keeping up with kids have become severely handicapped. So there goes my dream of 5 or 6 kids. If I didn't have my two kids when I did, I'm not sure I ever could.

As a lot of you have already said, sisters are able and encouraged to serve missions, but it's not mandatory. I think the entire article is wonderful, because not every sister is supposed to serve a mission, for whatever reason. That's strictly between her and the Lord (but I hope you don't mind me going into detail on mine ). It's an excruciatingly difficult decision for a lot of sisters to make, and I'm glad they put together the article. Hopefully it will be a support, comfort, or inspiration for some sisters in making the decision and seeking guidance from the Lord.

Also, I'm so excited they lowered the age for sisters Maybe that will help simplify the marriage-vs-mission decision in the future.

Thanks for showing up and giving us more of the story.

[Damien the Leper]

Yes, thank you!

[Damien the Leper]

There was a guy I knew a while back who was trying to court a young lady from our university ward. She decided to serve a mission. His response was that she was putting off her salvation by not conceding to his efforts.

Such ridiculous sexism!

[bluebell]

There was a guy I knew a while back who was trying to court a young lady from our university ward. She decided to serve a mission. His response was that she was putting off her salvation by not conceding to his efforts.

Such ridiculous sexism!

Makes you wonder what his father is like.

[Damien the Leper]

Makes you wonder what his father is like.

Ugh...seriously! Everyone knows a woman's salvation isn't dependent on a man.

[Tacenda]

Ugh...seriously! Everyone knows a woman's salvation isn't dependent on a man.

Well not quite. Her ability to become a goddess does.

[Kenngo1969]

Well not quite. Her ability to become a goddess does.

I think a lot of unhappy relationships have been birthed by that idea (perhaps not willfully: no one ever enters into a relationship with the idea that she'll be unhappy, but still ...). I prefer to go with what the Brethren have actually said, that if she is faithful, no blessing rightfully hers will be denied her.

[Calm]

Well not quite. Her ability to become a goddess does.

If by that you mean Heavenly Father and Christ, I will agree with you.

[juliann]

Well not quite. Her ability to become a goddess does.

That is exaltation not salvation. And there is no inequality in that since men can't do it alone either.

[Tacenda]

That is exaltation not salvation. And there is no inequality in that since men can't do it alone either.

True

[Stargazer]

I was intensely shy prior to my mission. That changed somewhat while serving on my mission--and this by having to finally face rather than continue to avoid my fears, as well as helping me to mature in ways that enabled me to rise above my fears. For what it is worth...

Thanks, -Wade Englund-

I was extremely shy prior to joining the church, and the church is the main reason why I overcame it -- my mission being an important part of that process. Tacenda's son should make his decision prayerfully, and not because he is being pressured to go. Tacenda, you may wish to give him permission to ignore the pressure and make his own decision based on the Spirit and prayer.

[Tacenda]

I was extremely shy prior to joining the church, and the church is the main reason why I overcame it -- my mission being an important part of that process. Tacenda's son should make his decision prayerfully, and not because he is being pressured to go. Tacenda, you may wish to give him permission to ignore the pressure and make his own decision based on the Spirit and prayer.

I love both of your comments. And I have done as you've suggested. The problem is he won't talk about it. There may be underlining issues. I believe his testimony is strong enough. But he's totally silent for the reasons why he isn't going. He's very spiritual and sensitive. He seems to live the standards just fine. I don't know what has scared him about a mission. The only thing I can come up with is he doesn't want to leave his girlfriend and shy around certain people.

[Batgirlsmom]

My husband got married in the temple at 19 - to me (I was a few months older and 20 at the time). As our church leaders put it: Eternal marriage is a saving ordinance whereas going on a mission is not. Had absolutely no problems with any of it. My husband's decision was completely respected by leadership and we were very much blessed for our decision to be married at that time. Of course, my husband wasn't really like other 19 year old young men: His father died when he was 14 and he basically raised his newborn baby brother from that age (baby bro was 5 when we got married and stayed with us every single summer - I love that sweet kid - who is now returned from a mission and married!). DH started college near home at 16 as well. So, the 19 year old I married was much more emotionally equivalent to a 25-26 year old man with the life he had lived.

If you want to know what an exception acceptable to leadership looks like that would be it.