Church To Sisters: It'S Okay If You Don'T Want To Serve A Mission....Really!

[cinepro]

This month's Ensign has an interesting collection of stories about LDS Women and their decisions to serve missions.

But more interesting are the two stories they include about LDS women who are really thinking about serving missions, but then feel inspired not to. I can't think of another time in any Church publication that a story is told of someone feeling inspired to not serve or otherwise sacrifice for the Kingdom.

Young Women and the Mission Decision

[D&C 4:3] helped me decide not to serve a mission. When I told the Lord in prayer of my decision, I felt peace and a confirmation that there were ways I could be a missionary without full-time service. I have since found I can share my testimony in many ways—through a conversation about the Lord’s tender mercies, while visiting teaching, or in doing family history and temple work. I am dedicating myself to missionary work by striving to live the gospel and follow the inspiration of the Spirit.

Amy Simon

Ten days before I was to leave, my friend proposed. I postponed my mission to give myself time to think. When I decided to get engaged, the Spirit confirmed to my fiancé and me that it was right.

Although I didn’t serve a full-time mission, preparing for one changed my life. Drawing close to the Lord helped me become the person He needed me to be for my mission as a wife and mother.

Cassie Randall

[Tacenda]

This month's Ensign has an interesting collection of stories about LDS Women and their decisions to serve missions.

But more interesting are the two stories they include about LDS women who are really thinking about serving missions, but then feel inspired not to. I can't think of another time in any Church publication that a story is told of someone feeling inspired to not serve or otherwise sacrifice for the Kingdom.

Young Women and the Mission Decision

Now if only they could do this for male members too. My son suffers from severe shyness in certain environments sometimes. He is 20 now and still undecided. Last Fri. on the way to a family Christmas party, he was fretting over being asked over & over about a mission that he's unsure about. He'd probably like a church statement in the Ensign that says not all men are meant to serve also.

[Kenngo1969]

Now if only they could do this for male members too. My son suffers from severe shyness in certain environments sometimes. He is 20 now and still undecided. Last Fri. on the way to a family Christmas party, he was fretting over being asked over & over about a mission that he's unsure about. He'd probably like a church statement in the Ensign that says not all men are meant to serve also.

Talk to, and/or have him talk to, your bishop. I don't know what the criteria are for such a disorder or if your son has such a disorder, but there is such a thing as Social Anxiety Disorder. The Lord doesn't want His Church to put His servants in situations in which they are unlikely to succeed. That's part of what the whole "Raising of the Bar" was all about.

P.S.: For what it's worth, I, too, was unsure about serving (albeit for completely different reasons), and while I would not have been called on a full-time proselyting mission under today's "Raised Bar" standards, I still was able to serve successfully.

http://www.ldschurch...0004d82620aRCRD

Edited December 27, 2012 by Kenngo1969

[Duncan]

I know of a girl in Calgary that was told, this year, that she wouldn't find a husband if she didn't serve a mission, course now she isn't active...

[Saints Alive]

Barring disqualifying conditions, no male would get a pass if they didn't get conformation from the spirit about going on a mission.

Edited December 27, 2012 by Saints Alive

[Damien the Leper]

I know of a girl in Calgary that was told, this year, that she wouldn't find a husband if she didn't serve a mission, course now she isn't active...

Ugh...where do some people get the audacity to say such ridiculous crap?!?

[cesc101]

I can't think of another time in any Church publication that a story is told of someone feeling inspired to not serve or otherwise sacrifice for the Kingdom.

I do think this solely applies to full-time missionary service, before i went on mission my bishop's general advice was; missionary work is a priesthood responsibility, but sisters could assist if they so desired. Personally, I think this is the kind of idea that this article is portraying.

[Damien the Leper]

I do think this solely applies to full-time missionary service, before i went on mission my bishop's general advice was; missionary work is a priesthood responsibility, but sisters could assist if they so desired. Personally, I think this is the kind of idea that this article is portraying.

The Apostle Paul would probably disagree with this considering his high regards for women (Romans 16) and Priscilla.

[cesc101]

The Apostle Paul would probably disagree with this considering his high regards for women (Romans 16) and Priscilla.

Thank God Paul is not around today... lol!

But, seriously that's the idea i grew up with.

[wenglund]

Now if only they could do this for male members too. My son suffers from severe shyness in certain environments sometimes. He is 20 now and still undecided. Last Fri. on the way to a family Christmas party, he was fretting over being asked over & over about a mission that he's unsure about. He'd probably like a church statement in the Ensign that says not all men are meant to serve also.

I was intensely shy prior to my mission. That changed somewhat while serving on my mission--and this by having to finally face rather than continue to avoid my fears, as well as helping me to mature in ways that enabled me to rise above my fears. For what it is worth...

Thanks, -Wade Englund-

[Kenngo1969]

Baring disqualifying conditions, no male would get a pass if they didn't get conformation from the spirit about going on a mission.

I'd rather not bare my disqualifying conditions, thank you very much! (On the other hand, I might be barred because of them, but that's a different story! )

P.S.: Alas, sometimes my disqualifying conditions are difficult to bear!

Edited December 27, 2012 by Kenngo1969

[Kenngo1969]

It's important to realize, too, Tacenda, that your son wouldn't have to bear the burdens of proselyting alone. He'd have the support of dozens of other missionaries in the Missionary Training Center and in the field: District Leaders, Zone Leaders, Assistants to the President, et cetera.

[Damien the Leper]

Thank God Paul is not around today... lol!

But, seriously that's the idea i grew up with.

He would have some choice words for those opposed to the ministry of women.

[Saints Alive]

I'd rather not bare my disqualifying conditions, thank you very much! (On the other hand, I might be barred because of them, but that's a different story! )

P.S.: Alas, sometimes my disqualifying conditions are difficult to bear!

for pete's sake!!! All that fuss over an R. You might want to pull that stick out of your nether region. Edited December 27, 2012 by Saints Alive

[Duncan]

Ugh...where do some people get the audacity to say such ridiculous crap?!?

I know, I know! I should email my friend who is a friend of hers and find out more and how this girl is doing!

[cesc101]

He would have some choice words for those opposed to the ministry of women.

hmmm...,

I think the idea here is not really "opposed" per se, rather more like, say, one is "mandatory" while the other is "optional"...

[cdowis]

Now if only they could do this for male members too. My son suffers from severe shyness in certain environments sometimes. He is 20 now and still undecided. Last Fri. on the way to a family Christmas party, he was fretting over being asked over & over about a mission that he's unsure about. He'd probably like a church statement in the Ensign that says not all men are meant to serve also.

It is possible to serve a non-proselyting mission. We have someone in the ward who was called to the Family History mission, for example. Others have served in the mission home as clerical staff.

If there are psychological reasons to preclude a proselyting mission, perhaps a chat with the bishop would help clarify things to find an appropriate mission. Working in a mission home may be a "way station" to a regular mission to help him overcome his shyness as he meets with the missionaries, and answers the phone.

Such a fear (phobia) of meeting people is very real, just as my fear of heights. I cannot stand near the railing of a balcony, and if that were a regular part of a mission, I probably could not have gone.

Edited December 27, 2012 by cdowis

[Kenngo1969]

for pete's sake!!! All that fuss over an R. You might want to pull that stick out of your nether region.

As should be abundantly clear from my liberal use of emoticons, I currently have no sticks obstructing any of my bodily orifices, be they located in my nether region or somewhere else. (As Festus Doofus, the noted English professor at the University of Southern Nowhere once put it, "Them homophones, they's tricky thangs!" )

Edited December 27, 2012 by Kenngo1969

[DBMormon]

I was intensely shy prior to my mission. That changed somewhat while serving on my mission--and this by having to finally face rather than continue to avoid my fears, as well as helping me to mature in ways that enabled me to rise above my fears. For what it is worth...

Thanks, -Wade Englund-

I'd say you have that problem licked!!!!!!

[Bill “Papa” Lee]

Now if only they could do this for male members too. My son suffers from severe shyness in certain environments sometimes. He is 20 now and still undecided. Last Fri. on the way to a family Christmas party, he was fretting over being asked over & over about a mission that he's unsure about. He'd probably like a church statement in the Ensign that says not all men are meant to serve also.

Except for young men it is required, whenever possible. Also I know of no better way to overcome shyness. I was so introverted before I joined the Church...so much so that if I needed parts for my car, I would send my wife in with a note to get the parts. After joining the Church I was pushed behind the pulpit. Now I teach and give seminars to large groups as well as at a local College, and get payed a lot to do so...In Ether 12: 27 it teaches that God gives us weakness to make them strengths. In my field of work, my name brings many students in to hear me speak. I now serve as the State of Georgia Education Chairman for my org...God indeed moves in mysterious ways.

"With God all things are possible"...we may not always feel able, but God "is" able.

Edited December 27, 2012 by Bill “Papa” Lee

[Tacenda]

I was intensely shy prior to my mission. That changed somewhat while serving on my mission--and this by having to finally face rather than continue to avoid my fears, as well as helping me to mature in ways that enabled me to rise above my fears. For what it is worth...

Thanks, -Wade Englund-

It's worth alot to hear how you overcame it, thanks for responding.

I hope he volunteers somewhere, anywhere out in the big world, before he's tied down in marriage ( he's dating someone), now to get him on board.

I'd love for him to serve elsewhere, if a mission isn't for him, Peace Corp, Chinese orphanage....the possibilities are endless. I think all our youth would benefit by getting out of their comfort zones and serve out in the world and experience other cultures.

Edited December 27, 2012 by Tacenda

[rpn]

Tacenda, What I would counsel my son in the same place is to choose to go, get a full psycho-social-medical evaluation, fully disclose his concerns to his priesthood leaders, tell them specifically how his anxiety disorder has affected him, and that he is willing and able, but he fears he will fail at a regular proselytizing mission. He will probably be called to a mission that suits his needs, or honorably excused. (I know of a mission where someone went to the MTC every day, acted as the companion for anyone who had to be away from classes, and when he didn't have anything else to do, worked in the kitchen. I know another who spent his entire mission manning the chat rooms at mormon.org. And a third whose services was strickly in the mission office.) My guess is he will feel much better if he is honorably excused or assigned a mission within his capabilities, than if he just decides not to go.

[Scott Lloyd]

This month's Ensign has an interesting collection of stories about LDS Women and their decisions to serve missions.

But more interesting are the two stories they include about LDS women who are really thinking about serving missions, but then feel inspired not to. I can't think of another time in any Church publication that a story is told of someone feeling inspired to not serve or otherwise sacrifice for the Kingdom.

Nothing really new or startling here. Serving a mission has always been regarded as optional for young women in the Church. Although their service as full time missionaries is welcome, the clear message is that it is not expected and that the their savrifice and service in other ways would be just as valued

Although I've not yet read the Ensign piece, my impression from the description is that it is intended to confirm that message.

By contrast, young men are expected under normal circumstances to be missionaries as it is primarily a priesthood responsibility.

[cassafrass]

Maybe I can help with Cassie Randall's story

I had planned my entire life to serve a mission. One of my first conscious memories was opening my first savings account and telling my mom, "This is for my mission!" I spent my whole life operating under the assumption that I would be a sister missionary. It was basically my one constant life goal and personal identity. Then I went to BYU and a lot of my friends were getting married around 21 years old and I started to panic, because I tend to try to plan things out way too far in advance and stress about all the potential what-ifs. What if I went on my mission and somehow ended up never meeting the guy that would be the most amazing husband for me? What if I went on a mission and never got married at all? I did plan on having a family with 5 or 6 kids, so I didn't want to jeopardize that. It's kind of ridiculous--I had nothing close to potential marriage opportunities at the time. Like I said, I stress myself out with too many what-ifs, haha. So I spent the year before turning my papers in trying to get Heavenly Father to explicitly tell me yes or no on the mission, so I wouldn't have to take responsibility for such a potentially life-changing decision (I was being lame, I know ). Not surprisingly, He stayed politely silent on the subject. So, I just decided to move forward, turned in my papers, got my call to the Toronto West mission, spent a ton of money buying stuff to keep me warm near the Arctic Circle, and headed home to get ready to leave. Then my now-husband (friend at the time) made it really difficult for me by actually giving me the marriage-vs-mission decision...ten days before I reported to the MTC. (I think it was such a close-call with the timing because he had to spend a lot of time doing some soul-searching about even asking an almost-sister missionary to not go, let alone how he would feel if I didn't go).

I definitely wasn't inspired to NOT serve my Canada mission. The whole time I was begging the Lord for orders about what to do with my life, He was silent but kept reassuring me that this was my decision, and either one I chose was a good choice. That was a hugely difficult decision to make completely on my own. On the one hand, serving a mission is obviously a mission and clearly building the Kingdom. On the other hand, like I said at the end of my little bit in the article, being married and having a family is also a mission in itself. You are making covenants, forming a family unit, giving bodies to God's spirit children and teaching them...again, building the Kingdom. My husband and I now have two little "investigators," ages 2 1/2 years and 6 months, and we're looking forward to their baptisms

Both marriage or mission technically, in my instance, would have been the "right" thing to do. I felt a confirmation that getting married was the right thing for me to do and in hindsight, I think I know at least one reason getting married was best. Ok, two, because my husband and I may not have gotten married, but even if we had, we'd be at least 2 years behind where we are now as far as having kids. This is significant because I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis and thyroid disease last year, so my capacities for keeping up with kids have become severely handicapped. So there goes my dream of 5 or 6 kids. If I didn't have my two kids when I did, I'm not sure I ever could.

As a lot of you have already said, sisters are able and encouraged to serve missions, but it's not mandatory. I think the entire article is wonderful, because not every sister is supposed to serve a mission, for whatever reason. That's strictly between her and the Lord (but I hope you don't mind me going into detail on mine ). It's an excruciatingly difficult decision for a lot of sisters to make, and I'm glad they put together the article. Hopefully it will be a support, comfort, or inspiration for some sisters in making the decision and seeking guidance from the Lord.

Also, I'm so excited they lowered the age for sisters Maybe that will help simplify the marriage-vs-mission decision in the future.

[KevinG]

I don't know about your homes but I have instructed my sons and daughters to follow the Holy Spirit in deciding if mission, marriage, college or military service is a priority for their lives.

So much pain comes from taking general counsel and trying to conform specific lives into it. Just as pain comes from trying to exclude ourselves from counsel that would benefit us.

We must learn to honor our agency and our ability to receive revelation from God. We must also teach this to our children then butt out of the decisions between them and God. Counsel yes. Interfere no.