Church members who leave the church

[Damien the Leper]

My reasons for leaving are my own. I'm a joyful Catholic these days. My history here on the board is chaotic, even for me. I'm tolerated at best. 😘

[Dario_M]

1 hour ago, Teancum said:

 

I was out already before the CES letter was a thing.  I had never really been all that impresses with the CES letter.  For me it was just drilling into the history and not the faith promoting version.

Well... that is such a kind relief. Now i know for sure that i don't need to read that letter. 

1 hour ago, Teancum said:

Before I stopped participating in the Church I was a hobby apologist. I was always interested in defending the church against its critics. 

That's really nobel of you. I'm actually really impressed. 

1 hour ago, Teancum said:

I started on this board many years ago as a defender and believer. This started for me even as a teenager. I guess maybe my apologetic activity was foremost for my own well being and belief.  I needed to be able too defend and refute the criticism.  But alas, eventually  the defenses came to ring hollow for me and here I am now.

 

Yes here you are indeed. In my topic that i rather wanna keep a little positive instead of mocking each other. Please calm down. 

1 hour ago, Teancum said:

Sure. Simple put, in my opinion and conclusions,  the LDS Church is not what it claims to be. Joseph Smith was a fraud.

But i don't believe in that. I'm sorry. In that regard i am a real Latter Day Saint i geuss. 

1 hour ago, Teancum said:

  God, if there is one, does not speak to the LDS leaders and their track record, IMO, demonstrates this over an over.  All sorts of other problems with the Church and its claims.  I understand many members, if not most, come to a different conclusion.  And I am ok with that as well,.

We don't know that for sure. It remains speculation. 

1 hour ago, Teancum said:

Good, if it makes you happy, a better person and able to find some joy in this life.

I have not much joy in my life no. Trying to keep strong but it's hard. Every day when i wake up i cry. Because of the extreme emotioneel pain i suffer. About what have happend to me and what i did to myself a half year ago. I need this church. The LDS church is what i have missed in my whole life. I wish i had grown up in a peaceful Mormon family. Instead of the shiftshow i have been trapped in my whole life. 

It's late here i'm going to sleep. Good night. 

Edited September 17, 2024 by Dario_M

[Calm]

6 hours ago, Malc said:

Calm's explanation of what happened, and how, is very good, and (in my opinion) fair to both sides of the issue - fairer, I think, than I would have been if I had stayed awake and written it up. You're possibly aware that I'm still a member, but a complete disbeliever.

Thank you, I appreciate that.  I try hard to be balanced (most of the time, sometimes I get pissed off and don’t care to restrain my bias, but let it off leash).  I know it’s an unreachable ideal, but it’s nice to hear I approach it at times.   

Edited September 17, 2024 by Calm

[Analytics]

On 9/14/2024 at 12:16 PM, Dario_M said:

I notice that a lot of LDS members are leaving the church these days. Why is that? I also see a few anti Mormons on the board as well. I wonder....is it because of the CES letter that people have read? I myself don't belief that letter. 

For the people who have left the church...what was your reason for leaving the church if i may be so free to ask?

Well...at least i'm still a reliable member of the LDS community. 

I can think of three valid reasons to belong to the Church:

1. You honestly, sincerely, deep in your heart believe it is true
2. It makes you happy
3. It makes you be a better person

When I realized that none of those things were true for me, I left.

[Dario_M]

3 hours ago, Analytics said:

I can think of three valid reasons to belong to the Church:

1. You honestly, sincerely, deep in your heart believe it is true
2. It makes you happy
3. It makes you be a better person

When I realized that none of those things were true for me, I left.

Normaly i sleep on this moment of time but i woke up. 

With me it's the opposit. 

Number 1. I honestly sincerely deep in my heart believe it is true.

Number 2. It indeed makes me happy.

Number 3. It doesn't perse make me a better person.

Now i realize this i think i fit perfectly within the church. 

I gotta say i find it unfortunate that so many people have left the church or still go but don't believe in it anymore. 2 years ago when i was new on this forum i can remember that there where more people who deeply believed in the doctrines of this church and that have changed quite a bit. But you know...that's the sad thing about life in general.... things change. 

[Calm]

2 hours ago, Dario_M said:

that's the sad thing about life in general.... things change. 

But if things didn’t change, even if they couldn’t get worse, they couldn’t get better.  I think I prefer the risk if I can also have the hope.  But then I have a great support system.

[Dario_M]

31 minutes ago, Calm said:

But if things didn’t change, even if they couldn’t get worse, they couldn’t get better.  I think I prefer the risk if I can also have the hope.  But then I have a great support system.

Yeah i don't have a support system at all, except for 1 person and that's my bf. For the rest i don't injoy any support from anyone in rl. No friends. No family. And not even my parents. I have no contact with my own parents anymore. My own parents don't really care about me. It's really difficult for me to not throw a big pity party for myself these days. Because of the whole personal situation i'm in. And from now on... every change i experience can only get worse i guess. I don't experience changes as something positive. 

Edited September 18, 2024 by Dario_M

[Calm]

4 minutes ago, Dario_M said:

Yeah i don't have a support system at all, except for 1 person and that's my bf. For the rest i don't injoy any support from anyone in rl. No friends. No family. And not even my parents. I have no contact with my own parents anymore. My own parents don't really care about me. It's really difficult for me to not throw a big pity party for myself these days. Because of the whole personal situation i'm in. And from now on... every change i experience can only get worse i guess. I don't experience changes as something positive. 

I am sorry you are in such a difficult situation.  Feeling trapped is exhausting and joy destroying.

[Snodgrassian]

@Dario_M

I really appreciate your honesty and candor in your posts, they appear to be very genuine. 
 

I think your reactions to opposing views and thoughts about the church may be partially due to your lived experience in the church. Are you a recent convert? Life time member? You have probably dated this in the past, though I can’t remember.

I am still a member, though no longer active. It has been a tough road to travel. Sometimes I wish I could go back in time to have the faith in the church I did for most of my life, but that is not possible and it would ultimately change who I am. 
I have no ill will towards active members of the church, no do I ever want to change people minds. I will share with them my story, only if they truly want to know.

Being raised in the church is an identity, a culture, a tribe. I have dedicated blood sweat and tears for this church, it helped form a big part of who I am. Just walking away when faith is lost can happen, but it isn’t always that simple. When you lose your testimony, you don’t always lose your identity. I still see some of my friends in the church, I still work with people. The fact I was raised Mormon comes up all of the time (BYU graduate, for instance). 

Forums like this are only interesting and worth time when there are opposing viewpoints. Echo chambers are boring.being challenged on your thoughts and beliefs is generally a good thing. I pop in every now and then to see what is going on and read interesting discussions. This forum is more faithful than some others, and that is where I find some value. If it was only faithful views, I wouldn’t spend any time here.

i hope you continue to find the peace the Church brings you. Embrace it and share your light with others. I hope you others in your situation can find the space as well and be welcomed into your ward families.

[Dario_M]

22 minutes ago, Snodgrassian said:

@Dario_M

I really appreciate your honesty and candor in your posts, they appear to be very genuine. 

 

Yes i'm very geniune indeed. Thank you for saying that. 

22 minutes ago, Snodgrassian said:

I think your reactions to opposing views and thoughts about the church may be partially due to your lived experience in the church. Are you a recent convert? Life time member? You have probably dated this in the past, though I can’t remember.

I'm a member of the church cince 2 years now. Not for so long yet. But i always had a good experience with the church. And the church members.  

22 minutes ago, Snodgrassian said:

I am still a member, though no longer active. It has been a tough road to travel. Sometimes I wish I could go back in time to have the faith in the church I did for most of my life, but that is not possible and it would ultimately change who I am. 

Do you still believe in Jesus Christ as our savoir? Why was the road so tough for you if i may be so free to ask? 

22 minutes ago, Snodgrassian said:

I have no ill will towards active members of the church, no do I ever want to change people minds. I will share with them my story, only if they truly want to know.

Yeah that is nice. Because there are Ex members who seem to be still angry at the church and their members and are easely triggerd. 😓

22 minutes ago, Snodgrassian said:

Being raised in the church is an identity, a culture, a tribe. I have dedicated blood sweat and tears for this church, it helped form a big part of who I am. Just walking away when faith is lost can happen, but it isn’t always that simple. When you lose your testimony, you don’t always lose your identity. I still see some of my friends in the church, I still work with people. The fact I was raised Mormon comes up all of the time (BYU graduate, for instance). 

Yeah well...but that is positive right. You decide what you do with your life and if you don't feel comfortable in the church anymore i would be the last person to force you to still go. 

22 minutes ago, Snodgrassian said:

Forums like this are only interesting and worth time when there are opposing viewpoints. Echo chambers are boring.being challenged on your thoughts and beliefs is generally a good thing. I pop in every now and then to see what is going on and read interesting discussions. This forum is more faithful than some others, and that is where I find some value. If it was only faithful views, I wouldn’t spend any time here.

Yeah i can understand that. Allthough i gotta admit that for me it seems like some people have left this forum as well or they are not here so often anymore as they where in the past. 2 years ago it was much busier. But like i said...sadly things change. And that also caunts for my own life...a lot have changed

22 minutes ago, Snodgrassian said:

i hope you continue to find the peace the Church brings you. Embrace it and share your light with others. I hope you others in your situation can find the space as well and be welcomed into your ward families.

Thank you that's so kind of you to say. God bless you. 💫🙏

Edited September 18, 2024 by Dario_M

[Snodgrassian]

14 minutes ago, Dario_M said:

Yes i'm very geniune indeed. Thank you for saying that. 

I'm a member of the church cince 2 years now. Not for so long yet. But i always had a good experience with the church. And the church members.  

Do you still believe in Jesus Christ as our savoir? Why was the road so tough for you if i may be so free to ask? 

Yeah that is nice. Because there are Ex members who seem to be still angry at the church and their members and are easely triggerd. 😓

Yeah well...but that is positive right. You decide what you do with your life and if you don't feel comfortable in the church anymore i would be the last person to force you to still go. 

Yeah i can understand that. Allthough i gotta admit that for me it seems like some people have left this forum as well or they are not here so often anymore as they where in the past. 2 years ago it was much busier. But like i said...sadly things change. And that also caunts for my own life...a lot have changed

Thank you that's so kind of you to say. God bless you. 💫🙏

2 years is still young in the church. Find ways to keep the enthusiasm! Just today I listens to the Mormon Tabernacle choir sing “Come thou fount of every blessing,” it brings back the old feelings.

Do I still believe in Jesus Christ? Not in the traditional sense. Was there a man named Jesus Christ? Maybe. I don’t really care now. I don’t live my life nor treat people any differently because of him or what people teach about him. I see more good and sincerity in the communities I live in and have lived in that transcend Christianity. I try and treat others with love and compassion because everyone deserves it. 
 

Members and exMembers can be just as angry and just as easily triggered. Some of the angriest people I know are active members in good standing, temple workers and leaders in the Church. Some of the greatest people I know have almost nothing in common with the teaching of the Church. Fortunately, most members of the church are just like everyone else I surround myself with, just doing the best they can. 
 

Do I view my culture/tribe membership as a positive? I don’t know. I am not sure who I would be if I was raised differently. I will say that there have been some major issues that I have had to seek help to overcome that are 100% related to being raised in the church. That is one reason why I still pop in to these forums. I do get angry at times, which is actually part of the process that I need. I have made loved ones angry over my decision to become inactive. 
 

Netherlands is my favorite country in Europe. I have spent a little time in Amsterdam and Rotterdam. Hope to go back someday!

[Teancum]

On 9/14/2024 at 4:40 PM, CV75 said:

People have always left the Church for one reason or another. I think better communication technology helps spread the particular reasons/justifications/blame and provides platforms for amplified self-expression and louder complaining. Whether the numbers are greater than the past or not, I cannot tell -- people used to just lapse into inactivity or quietly disappear but now they go through the trouble of writing formal letters of resignation and broadcasting on social media.

Well disaffected members would not need to "go through the trouble of writing formal resignation letters" if the church did not require it to no longer be considered a member. And for those disaffected writing such a letter may be the only way to be left alone and not be the target of reactivation, invites to someone's kids for primary or youth activities etc.    As for posting their departure on social media, some do.  Some don't.  I never have.

On 9/14/2024 at 4:40 PM, CV75 said:

 

I don't know why a "big reveal" production hasn't taken on like it did with baby genders. Dance interpretations, fireworks, flash mob, all kinds of performance art possible... Anyway, maybe in another 50 years the pendulum will swing back to just being content with what they really enjoy doing. Then again, maybe there is something to be said for joy in anger and contention over that of being left alone and leaving alone.

Your thoughts are rather cynical. Everyone has their own journey and how they deal with it is up to them. Why do you care?  When an active and full participating member loses their faith it can be very traumatic. Someone may need to be public about it in order to move on. Many are angry because they believe they were lied to and deceived. It really is not joy in anger and contention.

[Dario_M]

15 minutes ago, Snodgrassian said:

2 years is still young in the church. Find ways to keep the enthusiasm! Just today I listens to the Mormon Tabernacle choir sing “Come thou fount of every blessing,” it brings back the old feelings.

 

Oh no problem i will find my ways to keep my enthusiasm. I'm a faitfull member of the LDS community. 

15 minutes ago, Snodgrassian said:

Do I still believe in Jesus Christ? Not in the traditional sense. Was there a man named Jesus Christ? Maybe. I don’t really care now. I don’t live my life nor treat people any differently because of him or what people teach about him. I see more good and sincerity in the communities I live in and have lived in that transcend Christianity. I try and treat others with love and compassion because everyone deserves it. 

 

That's really nice and thoughtfull of you. Yes everyone deserves compassion and love. Unfortunately i haven't experience and injoyed much of that from my family....or even my parents. You may find that everyone deserves love and affection. But that doesn't mean that everyone is so lucky to get much of that. Some people are just really unlucky in life. 

15 minutes ago, Snodgrassian said:

Members and exMembers can be just as angry and just as easily triggered.

Uhm... i experience more anger from the Ex mormons to be honest. Have you seen my whole Topic? 

15 minutes ago, Snodgrassian said:

Some of the angriest people I know are active members in good standing, temple workers and leaders in the Church. Some of the greatest people I know have almost nothing in common with the teaching of the Church. Fortunately, most members of the church are just like everyone else I surround myself with, just doing the best they can. 
 

Offcourse we are all people. With mistakes. No one is 100% a saint. That's just an utopia. 

15 minutes ago, Snodgrassian said:

Do I view my culture/tribe membership as a positive? I don’t know. I am not sure who I would be if I was raised differently. I will say that there have been some major issues that I have had to seek help to overcome that are 100% related to being raised in the church. That is one reason why I still pop in to these forums. I do get angry at times, which is actually part of the process that I need. I have made loved ones angry over my decision to become inactive. 

Well...i haven't left the church or didn't do anything horible. But my family, my parents are still really angry and judgemental towards me. 

I wish i would have been grew up in a lovingly healthy loving mormon family instead of my own parents who could be loving some times though. But they also had a really nasty side. They where angry, frustrated, and dissatisfied with everything they had including their children. In my childhood i've aften been beaten up by me dad. Experienced a lot of tension. My parents fight a lot. And on a later age they where judgemental against me. Unwelcome and so negative that i really harmed me. Clearly...they didn't liked me the way i was. And eventually they left me alone. And now i don't have contact with them anymore. No single member of my family btw... and i know i never seen them ever again. There is not much compassion and love left for me. Not if it's up to my family anyway. 

15 minutes ago, Snodgrassian said:

 

Netherlands is my favorite country in Europe. I have spent a little time in Amsterdam and Rotterdam. Hope to go back someday!

I know the Netherlands is a lovely country and i'm really happy that i'm back. After the Portugal disaster i'm more then happy to be back in my home country.

At least in the Netherlands i can be free and people just let me be. 

[Dario_M]

31 minutes ago, Teancum said:

 

Your thoughts are rather cynical. Everyone has their own journey and how they deal with it is up to them. Why do you care?  When an active and full participating member loses their faith it can be very traumatic. Someone may need to be public about it in order to move on. Many are angry because they believe they were lied to and deceived. It really is not joy in anger and contention.

But you guys act that way and at some point you need to stop exaggerating. And stop with the victim mentality. It's not even for sure or the church has lied too you, too me, too us. The gossips about Joseph Smith might be untrue. 

Edited September 18, 2024 by Dario_M

[Rain]

11 minutes ago, Dario_M said:

But you guys act that way and at some point you need to stop exaggerating. And stop with the victim mentality.

How would you feel if someone said this to you?

11 minutes ago, Dario_M said:

It's not even for sure or the church has lied too you, too me, too us. The gossips about Joseph Smith might be untrue. 

 

[Dario_M]

Edit.

Edited September 18, 2024 by Dario_M

[Dario_M]

1 hour ago, Rain said:

How would you feel if someone said this to you?

 

Uhm... i've not left the church or feel like the church has lied to me. 💙 Btw.. how is your vacation in Hungary going so far?

Edited September 18, 2024 by Dario_M

[Rain]

1 hour ago, Dario_M said:

Uhm... i've not left the church or feel like the church has lied to me.

 

It doesn't matter.  How would you feel if someone told you "And stop with the victim mentality."?

1 hour ago, Dario_M said:

 💙 Btw.. how is your vacation in Hungary going so far?

It was good, but we had to change plans because of some flooding.  Which wouldn't matter much because I'm also now sick. So we are basically in a hotel for a few days and hoping our flight home still goes as planned.

[Frank11]

5 hours ago, Snodgrassian said:

Sometimes I wish I could go back in time to have the faith in the church I did for most of my life, but that is not possible and it would ultimately change who I am. 

I assume you took the red pill.

[Dario_M]

1 minute ago, Rain said:

 

It was good, but we had to change plans because of some flooding.  Which wouldn't matter much because I'm also now sick. So we are basically in a hotel for a few days and hoping our flight home still goes as planned.

Woow. I'm sorry to read that. I hope you don't get stuck in Hungary. Are the people nice there? 

Well... i hope your flight will go as planned. I assume you have an transfer allong the route? Do you need to transfer at Schiphol? 

[Dario_M]

2 minutes ago, Frank11 said:

I assume you took the red pill.

The matrix. 😵‍💫

[Snodgrassian]

1 hour ago, Frank11 said:

I assume you took the red pill.

What if I told you I am colorblind

[Frank11]

21 minutes ago, Snodgrassian said:

What if I told you I am colorblind

Then you have taken the red pill by mistake.

[Dario_M]

That's funny. 🤣

[ttribe]

5 hours ago, Dario_M said:

But you guys act that way and at some point you need to stop exaggerating. And stop with the victim mentality. It's not even for sure or the church has lied too you, too me, too us. The gossips about Joseph Smith might be untrue. 

Sorry, but you don't get to tell us how to grieve the loss of our lifelong faith, our identity, and in too many cases, our friends and family. What you are showing is a complete lack of empathy.