Gaslighting. Overused and used incorrectly?

[ksfisher]

Gaslighting is the subjective experience in which an individual's perception of reality is repeatedly undermined or questioned by another person.^[1][2][3] This term, derived from the 1944 American film Gaslight, entered colloquial English usage in the mid-2010s.^[4][5] In a 2022 Washington Post report, it was described as a "trendy buzzword" frequently used to describe ordinary disagreements, rather than those situations that align with the word's historical definition.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gaslighting

 

Just curious as to peoples thoughts on this word.  I see it used all the time here, but it seems to be mainly, as Wikipedia notes, when people are disagreeing.

I don't want to bring up any examples, but it gets thrown around a lot.  I've never actually heard the word used by anyone in any conversations I've been involved in.

What are your thoughts?

[LoudmouthMormon]

"Gaslighting" is one of dozens of words that have lost all relevant cultural meaning, because people wanted to use it as an insult.   "Transphobia" and "Hater" are other current victims.  "Homophobia" before it.  "Bigot" and "prejudiced" in the '70's and '80's.  

Gaslighting, where someone in a relationship with an unhealthy power dynamic mentally abuses the other into believing they are crazy, is absolutely a thing that happens.  But for every time it happens, there are 1000 people out there claiming they're being gaslit because someone disagrees with them.

Same with the -phobia words.  Someone in the grips of a mental illness so severe that they literally cannot hold down a job or leave their bed because a gay person exists, is a real thing.  But again, for every true holder of a phobia, there are probably 2 million people out there just using the word as a club to score a rhetorical point in an argument.  

 

I know what a safe space is.  I learned it when I was watching a loved one go through recovery from sexual assault, going to a rape crisis center.  Now the term is used to justify minority-only spaces where offensive ideas are banned.  

I know what it means to be "triggered".  I am close to 2 people with PTSD.  My Vietnam war buddy was once crossing a little stream in his backyard and heard a helicopter, and woke up the next morning having crapped himself.  If it had happened in the spring or fall he might have died of exposure that night.   My loved one recovering from assault went a period of time where she could not be alone in a room with a male.  She would black out, go blind, fall to the floor, and re-live various assaults.  Now people use "triggered" as a justification for cancel culture, a verbal weapon to silence another's offensive speech. 

 

Edited August 24, 2023 by LoudmouthMormon

[MustardSeed]

Imo , “ gaslighting” has to be an intentional effort to confuse another person.  
just because I remember something differently than you doesn’t mean I’m gaslighting you.  And just because we disagree doesn’t mean someone is getting gaslit.

even if you feel like you’ve “been taking crazy pills” after a conversation with me doesn’t mean I’m gaslighting you.  You have to be a special kind of sociopath to gaslight. 
 

The term is pathetically overused IMO.  

[ksfisher]

One of the struggles I have with buzzwords is that I focus on how much I don't like that word or feel that's it's overused, and get distracted from what the person is actually trying to say.

[pogi]

39 minutes ago, ksfisher said:

Gaslighting is the subjective experience in which an individual's perception of reality is repeatedly undermined or questioned by another person.^[1][2][3] This term, derived from the 1944 American film Gaslight, entered colloquial English usage in the mid-2010s.^[4][5] In a 2022 Washington Post report, it was described as a "trendy buzzword" frequently used to describe ordinary disagreements, rather than those situations that align with the word's historical definition.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gaslighting

 

Just curious as to peoples thoughts on this word.  I see it used all the time here, but it seems to be mainly, as Wikipedia notes, when people are disagreeing.

I don't want to bring up any examples, but it gets thrown around a lot.  I've never actually heard the word used by anyone in any conversations I've been involved in.

What are your thoughts?

Are you gaslighting me by trying to undermine my perception of reality here?   

[Calm]

57 minutes ago, ksfisher said:

Gaslighting is the subjective experience in which an individual's perception of reality is repeatedly undermined or questioned by another person.^[1][2][3] This term, derived from the 1944 American film Gaslight, entered colloquial English usage in the mid-2010s.^[4][5] In a 2022 Washington Post report, it was described as a "trendy buzzword" frequently used to describe ordinary disagreements, rather than those situations that align with the word's historical definition.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gaslighting

 

Just curious as to peoples thoughts on this word.  I see it used all the time here, but it seems to be mainly, as Wikipedia notes, when people are disagreeing.

I don't want to bring up any examples, but it gets thrown around a lot.  I've never actually heard the word used by anyone in any conversations I've been involved in.

What are your thoughts?

I think it’s way overused.  I would prefer it was kept to actually trying to make a person think they are crazy or at least being overly dramatic, paranoid, etc…iow, trying to persuade someone that there is something wrong with them as a person rather than just trying to convince someone they are wrong when they are actually right., because too often it comes down to pretty subjective issues or mindreading in that they assume the other knows they are wrong or they really believe something else and therefore are hypocrites, but often I am seeing sincere people being accused of it when there is no intention to mislead.

Edited August 24, 2023 by Calm

[Calm]

47 minutes ago, LoudmouthMormon said:

prejudiced

Prejudiced has a broad, pretty generic application so it fits a ton of situations.  In what way do you see it as having been misused?  Do you see it as requiring mindreading?

Edited August 24, 2023 by Calm

[Navidad]

I don't like the use of these kinds of terms, but must admit that I used it once on this forum, earlier this week I believe it was. I said, "Simplifying  or misrepresenting my beliefs is a form of mocking them. It is a form of what is today deemed in popular conflict theory as symbolic violence or perhaps a form of gaslighting." I used the term because I have recently seen it used in definitions of symbolic violence. I apologize if I erred in using it in the wrong way.

At the same time, I do believe that simplifying or consciously or unconsciously misrepresenting the other's beliefs may be a deliberate attempt to berate, dismiss, or diminish those beliefs. It certainly is done to my LDS friends and it certainly is done by them. Of course it might also be a matter of lack of knowledge as well. One of the reasons I ask so many questions and risk alienating folks by doing so, is because I don't want to dismiss, simplify, or misrepresent other's beliefs, so if I keep asking questions it is in an attempt not to do those things. I used to enjoy taking my wife out to eat in San Diego's Gaslamp District. On the other hand, I don't want to spend anytime gaslighting anyone! I do miss San Diego. I lived right above the Mormon Battalion Museum in Old Town. Sorry, I digress.

Edited August 25, 2023 by Navidad

[LoudmouthMormon]

29 minutes ago, Calm said:

Prejudiced has a broad, pretty generic application so it fits a ton of situations.  In what way do you see it as having been misused?  Do you see it as requiring mindreading?

Saw it misused.  In the '70's.   When someone wanted to insult someone else in an argument, they'd call the person prejudiced.  These days in the public debate of ideas we tell each other to check our white privilege or unconscious bias, back then we accused each other of prejudice.

Again, prejudice, clueless unexamined privilege, and unconscious bias are all real things that exist.   But for every real instance of it, there are umpteen times the term is merely applied to one's opponent in order to demonize them.

[bluebell]

1 hour ago, ksfisher said:

Gaslighting is the subjective experience in which an individual's perception of reality is repeatedly undermined or questioned by another person.^[1][2][3] This term, derived from the 1944 American film Gaslight, entered colloquial English usage in the mid-2010s.^[4][5] In a 2022 Washington Post report, it was described as a "trendy buzzword" frequently used to describe ordinary disagreements, rather than those situations that align with the word's historical definition.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gaslighting

 

Just curious as to peoples thoughts on this word.  I see it used all the time here, but it seems to be mainly, as Wikipedia notes, when people are disagreeing.

I don't want to bring up any examples, but it gets thrown around a lot.  I've never actually heard the word used by anyone in any conversations I've been involved in.

What are your thoughts?

I think that a lot of people believe they have some kind of right to believe or express whatever they want without any pushback, and that being told they are wrong = gaslighting.

[blackstrap]

Gaslighting is now just a different word for lying. 

[MustardSeed]

Just now, blackstrap said:

Gaslighting is now just a different word for lying. 

Or a different word for “you don’t see things the way I see them” which actually happens in every single relationship that exists

[InCognitus]

Alanis Morissette should write a song about gaslighting. 

Wait, maybe not, that would be a little too ironic, don't you think?

Edited August 25, 2023 by InCognitus

[The Nehor]

7 hours ago, LoudmouthMormon said:

"Gaslighting" is one of dozens of words that have lost all relevant cultural meaning, because people wanted to use it as an insult.   "Transphobia" and "Hater" are other current victims.  "Homophobia" before it.  "Bigot" and "prejudiced" in the '70's and '80's.  

Gaslighting, where someone in a relationship with an unhealthy power dynamic mentally abuses the other into believing they are crazy, is absolutely a thing that happens.  But for every time it happens, there are 1000 people out there claiming they're being gaslit because someone disagrees with them.

Same with the -phobia words.  Someone in the grips of a mental illness so severe that they literally cannot hold down a job or leave their bed because a gay person exists, is a real thing.  But again, for every true holder of a phobia, there are probably 2 million people out there just using the word as a club to score a rhetorical point in an argument.  

 

I know what a safe space is.  I learned it when I was watching a loved one go through recovery from sexual assault, going to a rape crisis center.  Now the term is used to justify minority-only spaces where offensive ideas are banned.  

I know what it means to be "triggered".  I am close to 2 people with PTSD.  My Vietnam war buddy was once crossing a little stream in his backyard and heard a helicopter, and woke up the next morning having crapped himself.  If it had happened in the spring or fall he might have died of exposure that night.   My loved one recovering from assault went a period of time where she could not be alone in a room with a male.  She would black out, go blind, fall to the floor, and re-live various assaults.  Now people use "triggered" as a justification for cancel culture, a verbal weapon to silence another's offensive speech. 

 

This sounds woke.

[Smith]

On 8/25/2023 at 5:31 AM, InCognitus said:

Alanis Morissette should write a song about gaslighting. 

Wait, maybe not, that would be a little too ironic, don't you think?

🤣😂👍