And now the news from Hurricane

[Bernard Gui]

So much bad news these days. Maybe this will cheer you up. Or maybe not.

 

My old cellmate, confessor, and erstwhile tormentor of anti-Mormon protestors, S. Heber Young, sent me this clipping from the local Hurricane, Utah, newspaper.

 

Dateline: Hurricane UT, 15 February, 2021. Deserette Newds Service reported by Indy Foyay.

MORMON DAD LOSES TEMPLE RECOMMEND FOR BURPING IN CHURCH

“Emmet Gasse, a member of the Hurricane 52nd Ward, wrote on his Facebook page (which has since gone viral) that his bishop has denied him a temple recommend because of his constant belching in the Ward elders quorum Sunday discussion circles.

“Gasse says that Bishop Augustus Beano called him into his office to discuss complaints that quorum members are offended by his constant tummy rumbling and burping sounds. Gasse told the bishop that belching is a natural product of digestion and that every man does it. He said he learned in BYU Professor Henry Nichole’s Personal Health 101 class that to maintain good psychological health one should never be ashamed of one's natural bodily functions. ‘I had a missionary companion who could recite the entire alphabet in a single belch. We were proud of him, not ashamed!’

“Bishop Beano counseled Gasse either to burp softly to himself, go outside or into the men’s restroom to burp, or to carry a few Gas-X tablets in his pocket and take them when he felt the urge. Gasse adamantly rejected these suggestions. He said he strongly believes it’s a man’s right to belch any time, any where, and those who are bothered by it should ‘get a life and take Professor Nichols’ class.’

“After refusing to sign Gasse’s recommend, Beano referred him to the stake president. According to Gasse, in the meeting with him and his wife Wendy, President I. Gotte Hartberne repeated the counsel given to him by Bishop Beano, but Gasse adamantly refused. He told the President, “Burping is not considered rude in parts of India, Arabia, Peru, Papúa New Guinea, China, and Bahrain. In fact, belching after a meal can be a sign of satisfaction. On my mission in Lower Slobovia, men regularly belched in all kinds of public situations, and no one batted an eye.” He then gave forth a dampish but somewhat defiantly resonant belch in which could be discerned the words, “No way, oppressive dude.”

“President Hartberne then requested Gasse leave the room. He asked Sister Gasse if her husband was this rude at home. Taking great offense, she replied, “Belching is as natural as your toenails growing. All us Gasses, even the kids, endulge in frequent belching activities such as swallowing air, matching musical pitches, trying for longest duration, and producing the best variety, etc. Our daughter Flatty has learned to sing the first line of “I’m So Glad When Daddy Comes Home” with only one break to swallow more air! She’ll be doing that when the Primary kids sing it in sacrament meeting next Sunday, despite what Bishop Beano says!”

“President Hartberne reportedly told Wendy that her husband appears to be insecure in his manhood and that she was to keep him from eating cabbage, drinking sodas, and chewing gum before church. At this point, she left the room to join her husband. As they angrily departed from the building, they produced several belches in well-tuned octaves.

“It has been rumored that the bishop will not be signing her temple recommend either.”

 

S. Heber Young comments with a shrug, “Well, there it is.”

[strappinglad]

Now , if he would stop breaking wind near the RS room. 🤮

[Kenngo1969]

3 hours ago, strappinglad said:

Now , if he would stop breaking wind near the RS room. 🤮

The Sisters are so sensitive! 

[Kenngo1969]

Welcome back to the forum, Brother S. Heber!  You've been gone far, far too long!

[JamesBYoung]

Indeed, welcome back.

[teddyaware]

5 hours ago, Bernard Gui said:

So much bad news these days. Maybe this will cheer you up. Or maybe not.

 

My old cellmate, confessor, and erstwhile tormentor of anti-Mormon protestors, S. Heber Young, sent me this clipping from the local Hurricane, Utah, newspaper.

 

Dateline: Hurricane UT, 15 February, 2021. Deserette Newds Service reported by Indy Foyay.

MORMON DAD LOSES TEMPLE RECOMMEND FOR BURPING IN CHURCH

“Emmet Gasse, a member of the Hurricane 52nd Ward, wrote on his Facebook page (which has since gone viral) that his bishop has denied him a temple recommend because of his constant belching in the Ward elders quorum Sunday discussion circles.

“Gasse says that Bishop Augustus Beano called him into his office to discuss complaints that quorum members are offended by his constant tummy rumbling and burping sounds. Gasse told the bishop that belching is a natural product of digestion and that every man does it. He said he learned in BYU Professor Henry Nichole’s Personal Health 101 class that to maintain good psychological health one should never be ashamed of one's natural bodily functions. ‘I had a missionary companion who could recite the entire alphabet in a single belch. We were proud of him, not ashamed!’

“Bishop Beano counseled Gasse either to burp softly to himself, go outside or into the men’s restroom to burp, or to carry a few Gas-X tablets in his pocket and take them when he felt the urge. Gasse adamantly rejected these suggestions. He said he strongly believes it’s a man’s right to belch any time, any where, and those who are bothered by it should ‘get a life and take Professor Nichols’ class.’

“After refusing to sign Gasse’s recommend, Beano referred him to the stake president. According to Gasse, in the meeting with him and his wife Wendy, President I. Gotte Hartberne repeated the counsel given to him by Bishop Beano, but Gasse adamantly refused. He told the President, “Burping is not considered rude in parts of India, Arabia, Peru, Papúa New Guinea, China, and Bahrain. In fact, belching after a meal can be a sign of satisfaction. On my mission in Lower Slobovia, men regularly belched in all kinds of public situations, and no one batted an eye.” He then gave forth a dampish but somewhat defiantly resonant belch in which could be discerned the words, “No way, oppressive dude.”

“President Hartberne then requested Gasse leave the room. He asked Sister Gasse if her husband was this rude at home. Taking great offense, she replied, “Belching is as natural as your toenails growing. All us Gasses, even the kids, endulge in frequent belching activities such as swallowing air, matching musical pitches, trying for longest duration, and producing the best variety, etc. Our daughter Flatty has learned to sing the first line of “I’m So Glad When Daddy Comes Home” with only one break to swallow more air! She’ll be doing that when the Primary kids sing it in sacrament meeting next Sunday, despite what Bishop Beano says!”

“President Hartberne reportedly told Wendy that her husband appears to be insecure in his manhood and that she was to keep him from eating cabbage, drinking sodas, and chewing gum before church. At this point, she left the room to join her husband. As they angrily departed from the building, they produced several belches in well-tuned octaves.

“It has been rumored that the bishop will not be signing her temple recommend either.”

 

S. Heber Young comments with a shrug, “Well, there it is.”

This reminds me of the 1930’s cult classic radio program called “Tails of the Promethian Winds,” which was a weekly serial based on mythological Greco-Roman superheroes who had rather “unusual” superpowers. The lead character’s name was Flatulentius Maximus, and his loyal “sidekick’s” name was Belchus Foulus. I guess their names give away the nature of their “nonstandard” superpowers. Their archenemy was the evil Emperor Regurgitatian, assisted by his corrupt but formidable Pungentorian Guard.

Edited February 16, 2021 by teddyaware

[InCognitus]

7 hours ago, Bernard Gui said:

MORMON DAD LOSES TEMPLE RECOMMEND FOR BURPING IN CHURCH

This explains the rumor I caught wind of, about a member of the Gasse family being expelled from the church and starting a ministry opposing Mormonism.  Reportedly he is teaming up with Phlatus Hurlbut to publish a book, Mormonism Unbelched.

Edit:  (You just can't improve on a name like Hurlbut.)  

Edited February 16, 2021 by InCognitus

[Glenn101]

On 2/15/2021 at 3:59 PM, Bernard Gui said:

So much bad news these days. Maybe this will cheer you up. Or maybe not.

 

My old cellmate, confessor, and erstwhile tormentor of anti-Mormon protestors, S. Heber Young, sent me this clipping from the local Hurricane, Utah, newspaper.

 

Dateline: Hurricane UT, 15 February, 2021. Deserette Newds Service reported by Indy Foyay.

MORMON DAD LOSES TEMPLE RECOMMEND FOR BURPING IN CHURCH

“Emmet Gasse, a member of the Hurricane 52nd Ward, wrote on his Facebook page (which has since gone viral) that his bishop has denied him a temple recommend because of his constant belching in the Ward elders quorum Sunday discussion circles.

“Gasse says that Bishop Augustus Beano called him into his office to discuss complaints that quorum members are offended by his constant tummy rumbling and burping sounds. Gasse told the bishop that belching is a natural product of digestion and that every man does it. He said he learned in BYU Professor Henry Nichole’s Personal Health 101 class that to maintain good psychological health one should never be ashamed of one's natural bodily functions. ‘I had a missionary companion who could recite the entire alphabet in a single belch. We were proud of him, not ashamed!’

“Bishop Beano counseled Gasse either to burp softly to himself, go outside or into the men’s restroom to burp, or to carry a few Gas-X tablets in his pocket and take them when he felt the urge. Gasse adamantly rejected these suggestions. He said he strongly believes it’s a man’s right to belch any time, any where, and those who are bothered by it should ‘get a life and take Professor Nichols’ class.’

“After refusing to sign Gasse’s recommend, Beano referred him to the stake president. According to Gasse, in the meeting with him and his wife Wendy, President I. Gotte Hartberne repeated the counsel given to him by Bishop Beano, but Gasse adamantly refused. He told the President, “Burping is not considered rude in parts of India, Arabia, Peru, Papúa New Guinea, China, and Bahrain. In fact, belching after a meal can be a sign of satisfaction. On my mission in Lower Slobovia, men regularly belched in all kinds of public situations, and no one batted an eye.” He then gave forth a dampish but somewhat defiantly resonant belch in which could be discerned the words, “No way, oppressive dude.”

“President Hartberne then requested Gasse leave the room. He asked Sister Gasse if her husband was this rude at home. Taking great offense, she replied, “Belching is as natural as your toenails growing. All us Gasses, even the kids, endulge in frequent belching activities such as swallowing air, matching musical pitches, trying for longest duration, and producing the best variety, etc. Our daughter Flatty has learned to sing the first line of “I’m So Glad When Daddy Comes Home” with only one break to swallow more air! She’ll be doing that when the Primary kids sing it in sacrament meeting next Sunday, despite what Bishop Beano says!”

“President Hartberne reportedly told Wendy that her husband appears to be insecure in his manhood and that she was to keep him from eating cabbage, drinking sodas, and chewing gum before church. At this point, she left the room to join her husband. As they angrily departed from the building, they produced several belches in well-tuned octaves.

“It has been rumored that the bishop will not be signing her temple recommend either.”

 

S. Heber Young comments with a shrug, “Well, there it is.”

 

   This post has caused me a lot of physical pain, but it only hurts when I laugh.

[Ahab]

I am not even going to bother to ask God if this story is true.  I don't personally know this Indy Foyay person or anyone from the Gasse family so as of now I am going to treat this as if it is some big joke.

[Bernard Gui]

1 hour ago, Ahab said:

I am not even going to bother to ask God if this story is true.  I don't personally know this Indy Foyay person or anyone from the Gasse family so as of now I am going to treat this as if it is some big joke.

What? You doubt the veracity of the Deserette Newds? 

[Bernard Gui]

On 2/15/2021 at 1:56 PM, strappinglad said:

Now , if he would stop breaking wind near the RS room. 🤮

Well, that was next up on the agenda but they never got to it.

 

Seriously,I used to get nauseous from the mix of perfumes, hair spray, etc., when I went into the RS room after Church to find Sister Gui. 

[Ahab]

1 minute ago, Bernard Gui said:

What? You doubt the veracity of the Deserette Newds? 

Ah, I missed that part.  I suppose nobody else is going to share the bare naked truth if the Newds will not do it.

[Bernard Gui]

21 hours ago, teddyaware said:

This reminds me of the 1930’s cult classic radio program called “Tails of the Promethian Winds,” which was a weekly serial based on mythological Greco-Roman superheroes who had rather “unusual” superpowers. The lead character’s name was Flatulentius Maximus, and his loyal “sidekick’s” name was Belchus Foulus. I guess their names give away the nature of their “nonstandard” superpowers. Their archenemy was the evil Emperor Regurgitatian, assisted by his corrupt but formidable Pungentorian Guard.

My kinda guys!

[Kenngo1969]

33 minutes ago, Bernard Gui said:

Well, that was next up on the agenda but they never got to it.

 

Seriously,I used to get nauseous from the mix of perfumes, hair spray, etc., when I went into the RS room after Church to find Sister Gui. 

Reminds me of the story Paul H. Dunn told of making the mistake of walking past an open bathroom door when several of the women in his family were in the room doing themselves up.  He said he was almost lacquered to the wall.

[Thinking]

8 hours ago, Ahab said:

Ah, I missed that part.  I suppose nobody else is going to share the bare naked truth if the Newds will not do it.

The names are also a dead giveaway.

 Gasse 

Beano

Flatty

Hartberne

Also, I don't think there is a Hurricane 52nd Ward.

 

[Calm]

1 hour ago, Thinking said:

Also, I don't think there is a Hurricane 52nd Ward.

From the meetinghouse locator on the Church’s website, I counted 32, though it went up to Hurricane 30th for numbered wards, a Singles ward and two subdivision? named wards.  (Definitely need distraction tonight). So I might have miscounted or they may have dropped a number if they combined wards and it would be too confusing to then change another ward from 30 to the dropped number, etc.   Maybe if my legs don’t settle down, I will be making a list to find the possibly missing ward.

Edited February 17, 2021 by Calm