An Apology to Gay Latter-day Saints

[6EQUJ5]

In a private FB group I participate in, there has been a lot of discussion about the new revelation about the name of the Church.  Honestly, I'm surprised at how strongly some people feel about the issue.

One of the things that came up in discussion was the importance of calling people the name(s) they chosen for themselves.  I personaly didn't have strong feelings on the name of the Church until someone mentioned that ignoring this directive from President Nelson is extremely disrespectful to him, and the Lord's Church.  If we don't want to be called Mormons -- because it incorrect -- then others should be respectful of President Nelson's wishes and desire to get rid of the name Mormon.

But someone in our discussion brought up the term "Same-sex attracted" the term we use in the Church to describe Gay and Lesbian members.  I did a little googling and realized that, for the most part, we are the only ones who use this term.  I now believe that using this term is extremely disrespectful to LGBTQ saints.  They have expressed a desire to be called Gay and Lesbian.  And I think it shows greater respect to call someone by what they wish to be called.

So I want to apologize to LGBTQ saints for using the term "same sex attracted."  I was being disrespectful.  From now on I will only use Gay, Lesbian, or LGBTQ.

Given the recent discussion on the Church's name, is there anyone else who is going to change how they refer to gay members?

Edited August 19, 2018 by 6EQUJ5

[CMZ]

The terms change over time. "Homosexual" or "gay" or "same-sex attracted" or whatever else.

Keep in mind that the recent thing about emphasizing the revealed name of the Church is more about how members refer to the Church, not so much about DEMANDING that others use our preferred nomenclature. If some non-member calls us "Mormons" still and doesn't do so disrespectfully there is need to be offended nor to rebuke them. If we say someone experiences same-sex attraction and we don't do so with offense intended then they needn't feel offended (although they can if they really want to).

[Jeanne]

35 minutes ago, 6EQUJ5 said:

In a private FB group I participate in, there has been a lot of discussion about the new revelation about the name of the Church.  Honestly, I'm surprised at how strongly some people feel about the issue.

One of the things that came up in discussion was the importance of calling people the name(s) they chosen for themselves.  I personaly didn't have strong feelings on the name of the Church until someone mentioned that ignoring this directive from President Nelson is extremely disrespectful to him, and the Lord's Church.  If we don't want to be called Mormons -- because it incorrect -- then others should be respectful of President Nelson's wishes and desire to get rid of the name Mormon.

But someone in our discussion brought up the term "Same-sex attracted" the term we use in the Church to describe Gay and Lesbian members.  I did a little googling and realized that, for the most part, we are the only ones who use this term.  I now believe that using this term is extremely disrespectful to LGBTQ saints.  They have expressed a desire to be called Gay and Lesbian.  And I think it shows greater respect to call someone by what they wish to be called.

So I want to apologize to LGBTQ saints for using the term "same sex attracted."  I was being disrespectful.  From now on I will only use Gay, Lesbian, or LGBTQ.

Given the recent discussion on the Church's name, is there anyone else who is going to change how they refer to gay members?

From my gay friend members of your church...I thank you.

[bluebell]

36 minutes ago, 6EQUJ5 said:

In a private FB group I participate in, there has been a lot of discussion about the new revelation about the name of the Church.  Honestly, I'm surprised at how strongly some people feel about the issue.

One of the things that came up in discussion was the importance of calling people the name(s) they chosen for themselves.  I personaly didn't have strong feelings on the name of the Church until someone mentioned that ignoring this directive from President Nelson is extremely disrespectful to him, and the Lord's Church.  If we don't want to be called Mormons -- because it incorrect -- then others should be respectful of President Nelson's wishes and desire to get rid of the name Mormon.

But someone in our discussion brought up the term "Same-sex attracted" the term we use in the Church to describe Gay and Lesbian members.  I did a little googling and realized that, for the most part, we are the only ones who use this term.  I now believe that using this term is extremely disrespectful to LGBTQ saints.  They have expressed a desire to be called Gay and Lesbian.  And I think it shows greater respect to call someone by what they wish to be called.

So I want to apologize to LGBTQ saints for using the term "same sex attracted."  I was being disrespectful.  From now on I will only use Gay, Lesbian, or LGBTQ.

Given the recent discussion on the Church's name, is there anyone else who is going to change how they refer to gay members?

I think some of the problem is that, unlike the church, there is no central spokesperson to dictate issues that involve LGBTQ people.  So, we can't really know what a gay or lesbian person wants us to call them without asking them specifically.  We have a poster here who prefers the term safe-sex attracted for himself, for example.  Some LGTBQ people prefer to use the word gay while others want to be referred to as queer.  Painting with a broad brush doesn't work really well.

But I agree with the premise of the OP-that for the most part people should get to define or label themselves (to a point-sometimes people have legit mental illnesses and we shouldn't necessarily feed into mental delusions).

[Guest]

52 minutes ago, 6EQUJ5 said:

In a private FB group I participate in, there has been a lot of discussion about the new revelation about the name of the Church.  Honestly, I'm surprised at how strongly some people feel about the issue.

One of the things that came up in discussion was the importance of calling people the name(s) they chosen for themselves.  I personaly didn't have strong feelings on the name of the Church until someone mentioned that ignoring this directive from President Nelson is extremely disrespectful to him, and the Lord's Church.  If we don't want to be called Mormons -- because it incorrect -- then others should be respectful of President Nelson's wishes and desire to get rid of the name Mormon.

But someone in our discussion brought up the term "Same-sex attracted" the term we use in the Church to describe Gay and Lesbian members.  I did a little googling and realized that, for the most part, we are the only ones who use this term.  I now believe that using this term is extremely disrespectful to LGBTQ saints.  They have expressed a desire to be called Gay and Lesbian.  And I think it shows greater respect to call someone by what they wish to be called.

So I want to apologize to LGBTQ saints for using the term "same sex attracted."  I was being disrespectful.  From now on I will only use Gay, Lesbian, or LGBTQ.

Given the recent discussion on the Church's name, is there anyone else who is going to change how they refer to gay members?

Using the term "same sex attraction" is not, and will never be insulting, except for those who are always seeking to feel insulted.  Or do, are or you and others suggestinf that every time the topic comes up, that we use the terms; "Lesbian, Gay, Bi-sexual, Transgender, and Queer, which is what LGBTQ means as I understand it.  I have a Gay, or "Lesbian" daughter, who has never expressed feeling insulted. By the way, they are thinking of adding another letter to the five already listed. As for using the term "Mormon", it is just a short name to identify members to others to avoid a very long name and confusing. I once had two gentlemen from another Church come by to invite me to their Church, when they asked if I belonged to any Church, i gave them the entire name. Then acting very confused, I told I was Mormon, I did not say "The Mormon Church", but then instantly they knew what Church I meant, and began telling me what "I believe" and the fate that awaits me.  Also, this is not President Nelson's idea or teaching, just a repeat of the same issue brought up by many LDS Presidents. I once had a friend who told me I, nor anyone should ever call the Church, the "Mormon Church". So Iasked him, "have you ever heard me call the Church by this name, or have you ever heard any member in Church do so. He thought for a moment, and said, "well no, but I am sure some have". So I then asked him why are you telling me not too? It was not my desire to embarrass him, but to clarify that no one or myself needed to be told not to do so.  To quote scripture, "There is nothing new under the sun". Besides our Apostles and Prophets do not ever refer to the name of the Cburch as "The Mormon Church". Even our primary songs refer to the entire name, I have also "never" heard a single testimony in my 39 years, hear a member refer to the Church as "the Mormon Church", as I never have. I have identified myself as a Mormon in order to avoid confusion, by giving the entire name, but never ever as the "Mormon Church. Also referring to everyone in the "LGBTQ" as "Gay", will undoubtedly offend those who don't identify as Gay only. 

So, I fear this is just a made up topic to garner sympathy on the behalf of some who are always easily wounded. I do not wish to be harsh, but I often grow weary of the constant criticism of the Faith that I love. Some comments should and must be addressed. But this one seems to be very unfair, and very made up by those who seek to always find fault, and cast doubt upon the Church and it's people. An indevor to also keep as many as they can to never listen the message of our missionaries. Sadly they are not content with just being unbelieving, or having issues with the Church, but wish all to feel this way, and wish for the demise of the entire Church. All feelings that are saddening, because I don't want, nor wish anyone to be that unhappy. 

[The Nehor]

2 hours ago, 6EQUJ5 said:

In a private FB group I participate in, there has been a lot of discussion about the new revelation about the name of the Church.  Honestly, I'm surprised at how strongly some people feel about the issue.

One of the things that came up in discussion was the importance of calling people the name(s) they chosen for themselves.  I personaly didn't have strong feelings on the name of the Church until someone mentioned that ignoring this directive from President Nelson is extremely disrespectful to him, and the Lord's Church.  If we don't want to be called Mormons -- because it incorrect -- then others should be respectful of President Nelson's wishes and desire to get rid of the name Mormon.

But someone in our discussion brought up the term "Same-sex attracted" the term we use in the Church to describe Gay and Lesbian members.  I did a little googling and realized that, for the most part, we are the only ones who use this term.  I now believe that using this term is extremely disrespectful to LGBTQ saints.  They have expressed a desire to be called Gay and Lesbian.  And I think it shows greater respect to call someone by what they wish to be called.

So I want to apologize to LGBTQ saints for using the term "same sex attracted."  I was being disrespectful.  From now on I will only use Gay, Lesbian, or LGBTQ.

Given the recent discussion on the Church's name, is there anyone else who is going to change how they refer to gay members?

That is the most same sex attracted thing I have ever read.

[LoudmouthMormon]

3 hours ago, 6EQUJ5 said:

So I want to apologize to LGBTQ saints for using the term "same sex attracted."  I was being disrespectful.  From now on I will only use Gay, Lesbian, or LGBTQ.

Here's something that worked for me.  This is part of a conversation between me and an old high school buddy who got married to a woman, and is now (without changing spouses) married to someone named George, and I only know them on Facebook so I don't have all the details. 

 

 

[The Nehor]

Not the pronouns thing. I know a guy/girl/something in the middle that wants to be called xhe. I just avoid talking to them at all.

[carbon dioxide]

13 minutes ago, The Nehor said:

Not the pronouns thing. I know a guy/girl/something in the middle that wants to be called xhe. I just avoid talking to them at all.

Sounds good to me.  I am not going to start using newly invented terms to appease people over issues like this.   There are two sexes with rigid definitions for each.  Better to avoid these people than get caught up in all the nonsense.

[CV75]

4 hours ago, 6EQUJ5 said:

In a private FB group I participate in, there has been a lot of discussion about the new revelation about the name of the Church.  Honestly, I'm surprised at how strongly some people feel about the issue.

One of the things that came up in discussion was the importance of calling people the name(s) they chosen for themselves.  I personaly didn't have strong feelings on the name of the Church until someone mentioned that ignoring this directive from President Nelson is extremely disrespectful to him, and the Lord's Church.  If we don't want to be called Mormons -- because it incorrect -- then others should be respectful of President Nelson's wishes and desire to get rid of the name Mormon.

But someone in our discussion brought up the term "Same-sex attracted" the term we use in the Church to describe Gay and Lesbian members.  I did a little googling and realized that, for the most part, we are the only ones who use this term.  I now believe that using this term is extremely disrespectful to LGBTQ saints.  They have expressed a desire to be called Gay and Lesbian.  And I think it shows greater respect to call someone by what they wish to be called.

So I want to apologize to LGBTQ saints for using the term "same sex attracted."  I was being disrespectful.  From now on I will only use Gay, Lesbian, or LGBTQ.

Given the recent discussion on the Church's name, is there anyone else who is going to change how they refer to gay members?

I don't think an anonymous apology qualifies as a sufficiently authentic apology.

[SteveO]

4 hours ago, 6EQUJ5 said:

So I want to apologize to LGBTQ saints for using the term "same sex attracted."  I was being disrespectful.  From now on I will only use Gay, Lesbian, or LGBTQ.

Uh, excuse me?  You will ONLY use those terms?  What about:

LGBTTQQIAAP (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, transsexual, queer, questioning, intersex, asexual, ally, pansexual)?

And that’s just one variation.  You sister, are not woke enough.

#getwoke

[california boy]

5 hours ago, 6EQUJ5 said:

In a private FB group I participate in, there has been a lot of discussion about the new revelation about the name of the Church.  Honestly, I'm surprised at how strongly some people feel about the issue.

One of the things that came up in discussion was the importance of calling people the name(s) they chosen for themselves.  I personaly didn't have strong feelings on the name of the Church until someone mentioned that ignoring this directive from President Nelson is extremely disrespectful to him, and the Lord's Church.  If we don't want to be called Mormons -- because it incorrect -- then others should be respectful of President Nelson's wishes and desire to get rid of the name Mormon.

But someone in our discussion brought up the term "Same-sex attracted" the term we use in the Church to describe Gay and Lesbian members.  I did a little googling and realized that, for the most part, we are the only ones who use this term.  I now believe that using this term is extremely disrespectful to LGBTQ saints.  They have expressed a desire to be called Gay and Lesbian.  And I think it shows greater respect to call someone by what they wish to be called.

So I want to apologize to LGBTQ saints for using the term "same sex attracted."  I was being disrespectful.  From now on I will only use Gay, Lesbian, or LGBTQ.

Given the recent discussion on the Church's name, is there anyone else who is going to change how they refer to gay members?

I want to thank you for your gesture.  It is very kind of you.  The term SSA has only been used by those connected with The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and a few other fundamental religious groups.  The gay community has never used that term and has never been asked to be referred in that way.  A lot of gays find that term very offensive because it sounds like it is some kind of affliction. 

To pretend that it is a commonly used term within the gay community is a very false view.  You would be hard pressed to find that term used outside of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints or some other fundamental Christian church or those gays specifically connected with those organizations.  Honestly, it is one of the things the church has done to further drive a wedge between them and the gay community.  Fortunately in the last couple of years, the church seems to be walking away from referring to gays in that way.  I hope they continue to use terms that are more acceptable within the gay community.

On a personal note, from the very second the church announced the change in the way it would like to be referred to I immediately adapted the name change and have used the correct name in every single posts since the announcement was made.  I will continue to do so unless there is further clarification that modifies that request.  I know what it is like to be disrespected, and I would never do that to another person or organization.  Once I am made aware of how they wish to be addressed, I am more than willing to follow their wishes.  

Note:  If anyone sincerely wants to use proper references to the gay community, I suggest they go to the GLADD media reference guide.  Given a few of the posts above, it appears that it is more fun to continue mocking and show ing disrespect to the gay community for some in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  Not surprised given the church's history.

Edited August 19, 2018 by california boy

[Scott Lloyd]

5 hours ago, 6EQUJ5 said:

In a private FB group I participate in, there has been a lot of discussion about the new revelation about the name of the Church.  Honestly, I'm surprised at how strongly some people feel about the issue.

One of the things that came up in discussion was the importance of calling people the name(s) they chosen for themselves.  I personaly didn't have strong feelings on the name of the Church until someone mentioned that ignoring this directive from President Nelson is extremely disrespectful to him, and the Lord's Church.  If we don't want to be called Mormons -- because it incorrect -- then others should be respectful of President Nelson's wishes and desire to get rid of the name Mormon.

But someone in our discussion brought up the term "Same-sex attracted" the term we use in the Church to describe Gay and Lesbian members.  I did a little googling and realized that, for the most part, we are the only ones who use this term.  I now believe that using this term is extremely disrespectful to LGBTQ saints.  They have expressed a desire to be called Gay and Lesbian.  And I think it shows greater respect to call someone by what they wish to be called.

So I want to apologize to LGBTQ saints for using the term "same sex attracted."  I was being disrespectful.  From now on I will only use Gay, Lesbian, or LGBTQ.

Given the recent discussion on the Church's name, is there anyone else who is going to change how they refer to gay members?

Not everyone with same-sex attraction embraces the term gay. Is it not disrespectful to those people to insist on it as a blanket term? 

And I reject your claim that members of our church are the only ones who use the term same-sex attraction. 

[Guest]

5 hours ago, 6EQUJ5 said:

In a private FB group I participate in, there has been a lot of discussion about the new revelation about the name of the Church.  Honestly, I'm surprised at how strongly some people feel about the issue.

One of the things that came up in discussion was the importance of calling people the name(s) they chosen for themselves.  I personaly didn't have strong feelings on the name of the Church until someone mentioned that ignoring this directive from President Nelson is extremely disrespectful to him, and the Lord's Church.  If we don't want to be called Mormons -- because it incorrect -- then others should be respectful of President Nelson's wishes and desire to get rid of the name Mormon

To answer to a different aspect of your thread in better detail. No one is being disrespectful of President Nelson's "desire", although I think that is a bit strong to "get rid of the name (or term) Mormon". Unless of course there are plans to do away with the Book of Mormon. As for using the name Mormon to describe ourselves, and the many, many, many, websites with this name, it will take a generation or more for this to happen. Even this very website, or discussion board that you have chosen to post this on, bears the very name that you discrible as being disrespectful to President Nelson. Which of course no one here is being disrespectful, nor would it be allowed on this "Mormon Discussion website", nor any other of the "Mormon Websites", except for the ones who are dedicated to tearing down the Church. The word "Mormon" is not a bad word, nor will it ever be, for the millions it represents. Those of use who use it, nor identify with it, happily, would insult to President Nelson. We also doubt that President Nelson finds it offensive, and wishes it to get rid of the word, "Mormon". I am proudly "Mormon", and do not wish "get rid of the name Mormon", (your words in quotes). It is unfortunate that you have used a thread about terms concerning homosexuality, to link it with the word, Mormon, in an effort to call out the Church and it members to imply our actions are insulting to both homosexual groups and our General Authorities. Two things that we are not guilty of doing, but sins you wish to saddle us with. I fear you are seeking to link your opinions, and issues with other members, and implying that we are all guilty of the "sins" you wish us to discontinue commuting. A few decades ago, I had a friend tell me I should stop using the word "Mormon", while citing a General Conference talk. I had to remind him that I watched the same address, and nowhere in it did it admonish that members stop using the word "Mormon". The talk only address calling our Church the "Mormon Church", but went on to say that we are not and should not be offended being called Mormons. As I stated in my other response, never heard anyone call our Church the "Mormon Church", only telling people at times that we are Mormons. 

I remember a book the Church put out in the 50's called, "Meet the Mormons", and have seen many pamphlets in the past where we have been proudly called, Mormons. So, are all those GA's wrong? In fact President Gordon B Hinckley, one of the Church's most beloved Prophets, wrote most every pamphlet ever written.I respect President Nelson, and I am proud to believe in the Book of Mormon, and to be identified as a Mormon, and will for the remainder of my life. 

[6EQUJ5]

4 minutes ago, Scott Lloyd said:

Is it not disrespectful to those people to insist on it as a blanket term?

I don't mind being called Mormon.  I object to you insisting on a blanket term other than Mormon. I find it offensive.

See how dumb that logic is?

 

[6EQUJ5]

7 minutes ago, Scott Lloyd said:

And I reject your claim that members of our church are the only ones who use the term same-sex attraction. 

Reject all you want.  We started it and other conservative Christians picked it up.

[Guest]

16 minutes ago, california boy said:

I want to thank you for your gesture.  It is very kind of you.  The term SSA has only been used by those connected with The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and a few other fundamental religious groups.  The gay community has never used that term and has never been asked to be referred in that way.  A lot of gays find that term very offensive because it sounds like it is some kind of affliction. 

You are right, our Church is the only one that uses the term, "same sex attraction", because the terms used by most other Churches, especially Evangelical Churches cannot even by typed on the website without someone being banned. Also, "same sex attraction" is an accurate description, and in no way sounds like an "affliction". Unless being call straight or heterosexual sounds like an affliction. You, nor any other have never been treated poorly on this website, so why pile on now and suggest the poster of this thread is correct? 

[Guest]

8 minutes ago, 6EQUJ5 said:

I don't mind being called Mormon.  I object to you insisting on a blanket term other than Mormon. I find it offensive.

See how dumb that logic is?

 

Scott, is anything but dump, and certainly not his logic. Just because someone disagrees with you does not make him dumb, stupid, or whatever adjective you wish to employ. 

[SteveO]

11 minutes ago, 6EQUJ5 said:

Reject all you want.  We started it and other conservative Christians picked it up.

So we’re just making things up now...

 

[california boy]

5 minutes ago, Bill "Papa" Lee said:

You are right, our Church is the only one that uses the term, "same sex attraction", because the terms used by most other Churches, especially Evangelical Churches cannot even by typed on the website without someone being banned. Also, "same sex attraction" is an accurate description, and in no way sounds like an "affliction". Unless being call straight or heterosexual sounds like an affliction. You, nor any other have never been treated poorly on this website, so why pile on now and suggest the poster of this thread is correct? 

No one can stop you or anyone else from using the term SSA.  But just know that every time you do, you are offending those in the gay community.  If some gay member in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints wishes to be referred in that way, then by all means respect their wishes.  If you, at some time decide that you would like to address the gay community outside the church with respect, once again, I suggest you refer to the GLADD Media Reference Guide.

[Guest]

9 minutes ago, california boy said:

No one can stop you or anyone else from using the term SSA.  But just know that every time you do, you are offending those in the gay community.  If some gay member in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints wishes to be referred in that way, then by all means respect their wishes.  If you, at some time decide that you would like to address the gay community outside the church with respect, once again, I suggest you refer to the GLADD Media Reference Guide.

I am not a General Authority, never spoken from SLC, I have never even spoken the term "same sex attraction".  However, you are right, no one could stop me if I wished too. Also, where and when would I need to speak to the Gay community outside of Church, as I have never done so within the Church. My daughter and the few friends I speak too, I don't use any terms to define them, as their sexuality is not, nor ever the topic of discussion. Why did you avoid the comment about people being called "straight", "heterosexual", are many in the Gay community call us, "breeders". Why did you not suggest these terms sound like "afflictions", or does that road only run one way? Again, who has ever abused you here, and why are you only now suggesting, we or the Church are doing so? Or is this just a crime of opportunity. I have, and all have always treated you and all others who are Gay with respect, so why the suggestion that now you are harmed? What has changed, just a thread that made the suggestion that we are causing harm? 

[Guest]

29 minutes ago, SteveO said:

So we’re just making things up now...

 

It would seem so. 

[kllindley]

45 minutes ago, 6EQUJ5 said:

Reject all you want.  We started it and other conservative Christians picked it up.

CFR . This is not remotely true. 

[california boy]

13 minutes ago, Bill "Papa" Lee said:

I am not a General Authority, never spoken from SLC, I have never even spoken the term "same sex attraction".  However, you are right, no one could stop me if I wished too. Also, where and when would I need to speak to the Gay community outside of Church, as I have never done so within the Church. My daughter and the few friends I speak too, I don't use any terms to define them, as their sexuality is not, nor ever the topic of discussion. Why did you avoid the comment about people being called "straight", "heterosexual", are many in the Gay community call us, "breeders". Why did you not suggest these terms sound like "afflictions", or does that road only run one way? Again, who has ever abused you here, and why are you only now suggesting, we or the Church are doing so? Or is this just a crime of opportunity. I have, and all have always treated you and all others who are Gay with respect, so why the suggestion that now you are harmed? What has changed, just a thread that made the suggestion that we are causing harm? 

Yes there are those that disrespect the straight community as well.  Many of them feel very disrespected and lash out inappropriately at times.  Two wrongs have never made a right.  I hope you continue to address the gay community respectfully.  I will try and continue to do the same.  

I am not going to make this thread personal by pointing out posters who have shown incredible disrespect towards the gay community and yes, even to me personally.

This is a thread that I am not really willing to say much more than I have said.  I have given those that wish to address the gay community respectfully a reference of how to do that. Both the Church and individual members have to decide for themselves if they wish to follow such requests.

[Calm]

1 hour ago, Scott Lloyd said:

Not everyone with same-sex attraction embraces the term gay. Is it not disrespectful to those people to insist on it as a blanket term? 

And I reject your claim that members of our church are the only ones who use the term same-sex attraction. 

If one does a search on "scholarly articles on same sex attraction", one can find numerous articles using the term.