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Funny true stuff with members


Metis_LDS

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Time to lighten up a little I will start with a true funny story.

 

I was a ward Christmas Supper one time, the table were long and seated about 12 to 14 people.

The blessing was said and the serving began it was normal in that ward to eat as soon as you got

served being a larger ward it would take to long for all to be served before eating.

Our table got served first, the young people serving put a bowl in front of each one of us at our table.

We said to each other how novel soup was a Christmas Supper starter. Then started spooning into our mouths like there

was no tomorrow .After a few minutes of spooning a Brother comes running from the kitchen very

excited and speaking loudly. Stop don't eat that,  you are eating all the gravy. Yes it really happened.

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13 minutes ago, Metis_LDS said:

Time to lighten up a little I will start with a true funny story.

 

I was a ward Christmas Supper one time, the table were long and seated about 12 to 14 people.

The blessing was said and the serving began it was normal in that ward to eat as soon as you got

served being a larger ward it would take to long for all to be served before eating.

Our table got served first, the young people serving put a bowl in front of each one of us at our table.

We said to each other how novel soup was a Christmas Supper starter. Then started spooning into our mouths like there

was no tomorrow .After a few minutes of spooning a Brother comes running from the kitchen very

excited and speaking loudly. Stop don't eat that,  you are eating all the gravy. Yes it really happened.

My home ward in Oklahoma had a New Year's celebration tradition when I was growing up (they may actually still do it) that featured the Bishopric preparing breakfast and serving it to the Ward right after midnight.  One year (when my Dad was Bishop!) someone (lips are sealed as to who the real culprit was) turned the heat up too high on the bacon and caused a grease fire that filled the chapel with smoke.  In the commotion to put the fire out, a table bearing the weight of several large containers of freshly made buttermilk pancake batter and hot cocoa was knocked over and batter and cocoa splattered everywhere.  The fire department was called; although, the fire was already out by the time they arrived.  There was a large crowd there that evening (early morning), so everyone pitched in to clean the kitchen up; new batches of pancake batter and cocoa were prepared; a new batch of bacon was cooked up; and eventually--i.e., at about 2 am--everyone sat down for a delicious New Year's breakfast.

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2 minutes ago, Okrahomer said:

My home ward in Oklahoma had a New Year's celebration tradition when I was growing up (they may actually still do it) that featured the Bishopric preparing breakfast and serving it to the Ward right after midnight.  One year (when my Dad was Bishop!) someone (lips are sealed as to who the real culprit was) turned the heat up too high on the bacon and caused a grease fire that filled the chapel with smoke.  In the commotion to put the fire out, a table bearing the weight of several large containers of freshly made buttermilk pancake batter and hot cocoa was knocked over and batter and cocoa splattered everywhere.  The fire department was called; although, the fire was already out by the time they arrived.  There was a large crowd there that evening (early morning), so everyone pitched in to clean the kitchen up; new batches of pancake batter and cocoa were prepared; a new batch of bacon was cooked up; and eventually--i.e., at about 2 am--everyone sat down for a delicious New Year's breakfast.

Thank you, what a story!  Probably seemed funnier afterwards like a lot of these things do.

  

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5 minutes ago, Metis_LDS said:

Thank you, what a story!  Probably seemed funnier afterwards like a lot of these things do.

  

You're right.  It was more of "had to be there" sort of funny; especially the keystone cop efforts of the Bishopric to kind of prevent anyone else (particularly their spouses) from knowing what was really going on in the kitchen.  It became part of the fabric of our Ward "lore" for years after.

Edited by Okrahomer
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17 hours ago, Metis_LDS said:

Time to lighten up a little here is another true funny story.

I was helping a member move and as the house was now bare my friend and I (we were young, strong, and mostly stupid)  decided to leave. The man who was beening moved said you can't go there is more in the basement.  We go down there and find many 50 gallon steel drums full of wheat. These raw wheat kernels are supper heavy with the drums full.  SO we struggle hours to load them into his van. It was a type no longer sold in North America where the driver sat in front of the wheels.  It was not big but had a side door and back doors for cargo.

I cannot remember how many drums we fitted in the van anywhere from 6 to 8 I think.  It was dark by the time the three of us got in to drive away with our load.  Now the van was broken it would only go about a foot or so then stall.  I said is your handbrake on etc.. Finally after getting nowhere I got a light from my car and started checking the van.  To have a real flat tire you have to have lost the airpressure in the tire.  All the tires were flat on the van but still had air.  The steel rims were just about at ground level I was surprised that the tires had not burst.  The other two did not believe me thinking it was a joke they had to see for themselves.  It really happened.

 

Edited by Metis_LDS
formatting, grammar and completing a sentence.
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1 hour ago, Metis_LDS said:

Time to lighten up a little I will start with a true funny story.

 

I was a ward Christmas Supper one time, the table were long and seated about 12 to 14 people.

The blessing was said and the serving began it was normal in that ward to eat as soon as you got

served being a larger ward it would take to long for all to be served before eating.

Our table got served first, the young people serving put a bowl in front of each one of us at our table.

We said to each other how novel soup was a Christmas Supper starter. Then started spooning into our mouths like there

was no tomorrow .After a few minutes of spooning a Brother comes running from the kitchen very

excited and speaking loudly. Stop don't eat that,  you are eating all the gravy. Yes it really happened.

:lol:

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My brother-in-law was on his mission in Hungary when this man was confirming a woman a member of the church. He accidentally said he was giving her the Melchizedek priesthood and when he realized his mistake, he moved his hands counterclockwise above her head as he said, "Undo..... undo...... undo......" :lol:

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2 hours ago, MorningStar said:

My brother-in-law was on his mission in Hungary when this man was confirming a woman a member of the church. He accidentally said he was giving her the Melchizedek priesthood and when he realized his mistake, he moved his hands counterclockwise above her head as he said, "Undo..... undo...... undo......" :lol:

Thank you, there is nothing like panic to create comedy.

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1) My HT companion my freshman year of school served ASL speaking in Chicago. He said that there was a deaf branch, and the branch president and his family all spoke ASL. His daughter was giving a talk, and signed how much she enjoyed working with the missionaries. The sign she used is very close to the verb "to work," but was actually "to have sex with."

2) In a talk in Germany, a green elder told a story of a mother eagle pushing her baby out of the nest to make it fly. "Flieg doch mal Igel, flieg doch mal Igel," he said she said. Which means "Fly, hedgehog," even though Igel is pronounced "eagle." An Igel is a hedgehog; an Adler is an eagle.

(in both of these, everyone knew what was meant, but it was funny).

3) I've shared this before, but an inactive and very rough around the edges man was baptizing his grandson. He could not get the prayer right, even when it was given to him one word at a time. Finally, he shouted really loudly, "Aw, ----." Very awkward, but funny looking back on it.

4) When taking the Greyhound from Chicago to Salt Lake to visit my grandparents when I was in high school, I sat behind two men who began talking about how weird Mormons were somewhere in Nebraska. As we neared the Utah border in Wyoming, they talked more and more about it. When we pulled into the bus station, a clearly Mormon family was waiting for someone, with signs, flowers, balloons, etc. They began doing the wave, and one of the men said, "Look! They're bus worshippers!"

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22 hours ago, Daniel2 said:

Favorite was when my Dad asked one of the youngest grandkids to say the blessing at crowed multi-generational family Thanksgiving dinner at Mom and Dad's house.  She was pretty young--I think around 5 or 6, and at that super cute phase...  Totally rocked the whole first part of the blessing in her super-cute kid voice and everyone was so impressed by her innocence and the awwwwwwe-factor as we all stood around smiling with our eyes closed until she came to the end and she said with total innocence (again, picture a cute, entirely sincere little girl's voice in your mind), "and..... please.... bless the food... that it won't be poisoned...  In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen!"  As I recall, all the adults had a hard time getting out an "Amen" from the shared laughter that we could barely contain until it was over!  We all had fun kidding with Mom and that point about her cooking skills... (truly, she's an amazing cook!)

We were having family prayer, and our youngest was really little. Mom and I noticed that he wasn't closing his eyes, and after the prayer, we asked him why he didn't have is eyes closed (it never occurs to kids that little that we had to have had our eyes open to notice). He said, completely serious and sincere, "In case someone comes in and attacks us!"

That's what your story reminded me of. 

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3 hours ago, MorningStar said:

My brother-in-law was on his mission in Hungary when this man was confirming a woman a member of the church. He accidentally said he was giving her the Melchizedek priesthood and when he realized his mistake, he moved his hands counterclockwise above her head as he said, "Undo..... undo...... undo......" :lol:

I've shared this before, too, but we had an ancient Tongan grandfather who was difficult to understand give two children's blessings in sacrament meeting. With the baby, he started going through the entire initiatory ordinance, word-for-word. I was in the circle and wondered at what point I should stop him, but he stopped about midway down and then gave a very beautiful blessing. I was touched that it meant enough to him to want to bless his grandson with that, even though we're not supposed to use temple wording outside of the temple. This went far beyond just using a couple of phrases.

Then, it was time for his five year-old granddaughter. I had her grandmother on her dad's side, an ancient black woman (non-member) hold her on her lap, and the blessing began. I opened my eyes and saw that the grandmother had put her hand on top of the pile of hands on the girl's head. I figured it didn't matter; she doesn't hold the priesthood and it was more a matter of her joining in (as she saw it) by adding her hand to the other hands. Also touching.

But definitely, the most unusual set of child/baby blessings at one time I've seen.

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1 hour ago, rongo said:

We were having family prayer, and our youngest was really little. Mom and I noticed that he wasn't closing his eyes, and after the prayer, we asked him why he didn't have is eyes closed (it never occurs to kids that little that we had to have had our eyes open to notice). He said, completely serious and sincere, "In case someone comes in and attacks us!"

That's what your story reminded me of. 

Love it! lol

Kids not only say the darndest things... Out of the mouths of babes... The innocence of youth... all can be as funny as they can be insightful windows into the pure and idealistic beauty of our children's souls.

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I got sent by my employer to Austin, Texas for training this one time, and since the airline didn't fly direct to Austin, but stopped in Dallas-Fort Worth, I was on the airplane when additional passengers boarded for the leg to Austin. This woman sits next to me, and even though I was open to socializing a little, just for fellowship's sake, she seemed to take a hard line of not even so much as noticing that I was there. Most people would at least say Hi or just nod an acknowledgement, but nothing. I thought this was a little odd, but whatever.

Just as the airplane was descending to land, suddenly she got chatty.  Without much of a preamble, she started telling me all about how she operated a night club in Salt Lake City, and complained about how "the Mormons" were trying to drive her out of the state, but by golly she wasn't going to let them do it.  I felt a little taken aback by this sudden volubility, and by the subject matter, but not wanting to make her as uncomfortable as she was making me by informing her that she was sitting next to a "Mormon", I just nodded and said "umm" from time to time so she didn't feel like she was addressing a ventriloquist's dummy.  I have to admit I thought it was rather amusing, though.  

Did I do right, you think?  I've been wondering for some time if I should have spoken up.

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Back aways when I was in the US Army I was assigned to this infantry battalion at Ft. Lewis, and one of the members of my platoon had this "thing" about Mormons, and when he found out that I was LDS he made a point of pestering me about it. Like, how many wives do you have?  Or, oh, that's right, you're not allowed to drink kool-aid, are you?  I don't remember what else he had to be humorous about, but whatever.  He wasn't vindictive about it, just annoying, and I guess he thought it was fun.  I didn't mind all that much, and he really wasn't a bad sort, so it was OK.

As it happened, our battalion chaplain was LDS. Because he was very conscientious about the welfare of everyone in the battalion, he was very highly thought of by all the troops, including my platoon-mate, who didn't know that the chaplain was LDS.  Well, one day he announces to us in the platoon that he's finally marrying his girlfriend, and he's going to get our chaplain to do the ceremony.  I give it a few days, until he has finally arranged for the wedding, and then I ask him in all innocence: "So, who's going to marry you?"  He smiles sheepishly at me, and answers: "Some Mormon!"  It was a crackup, and we all laughed.  And he stopped pestering me about my religion.

One of my fun memories about my military service!

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On 2/8/2018 at 3:22 PM, Daniel2 said:

Love it! lol

Kids not only say the darndest things... Out of the mouths of babes... The innocence of youth... all can be as funny as they can be insightful windows into the pure and idealistic beauty of our children's souls.

Some time ago I shared the following on a similar thread... as reported by another poster... apparently there was this little boy about three years old that was acting up in Sacrament meeting and the father  was carrying him out and the little boy cried out... "Bishop, save me!  Save me!."  

GG

 

Edited by Garden Girl
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I recall a new missionary, struggling to find the proper words to indicate that he was embarrassed . He chose an option that occasionally works in Spanish, ie. to say the English word with a Spanish ending . He really was embarrassed when he learned that the word he used, " embarasada " , actually means pregnant.

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On 2/8/2018 at 3:04 PM, rongo said:

2) In a talk in Germany, a green elder told a story of a mother eagle pushing her baby out of the nest to make it fly. "Flieg doch mal Igel, flieg doch mal Igel," he said she said. Which means "Fly, hedgehog," even though Igel is pronounced "eagle." An Igel is a hedgehog; an Adler is an eagle.

My companion and I found ourselves in a bit of a contentious situation one evening with a man who invited us in just so he could slam Christianity—in general.  Unfortunately, my companion was a bit too engaged and ignored my subtle suggestion that we simply end the discussion; not at least until he had made this parting statement:  

“Ich weiss ohne Zwiebel dass das Evangelium wahr ist.”

Our “investigator” smirked but made no further comment as we made our hasty retreat.  I waited until we were back on our bikes and headed home for the night to ask him if “onions” really played no role in his testimony.  There was only a moment’s hesitation before he started snickering.  He explained that he had been aware that something wasn’t quite right in what he had said, but he wasn’t sure; not at least until I brought it up.  After a few more moments of silence, we both started snickering, which quickly escalated into irrepressible laughter.

Translation:  He had meant to say “I know without a doubt that the gospel is true.”  But in the midst of what was a too contentious discussion, he had somehow switched the word for “doubt” (Zweifel) with the word for “onions” (Zwiebel.)

 

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On 2/10/2018 at 1:39 PM, Garden Girl said:

Some time ago I shared the following on a similar thread... as reported by another poster... apparently there was this little boy about three years old that was acting up in Sacrament meeting and the father  was carrying him out and the little boy cried out... "Bishop, save me!  Save me!."  

GG

 

That story appeared in the old magazine, the Improvement Era, a long time ago.  It was funny then, and it's still funny now.

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22 hours ago, Okrahomer said:

My companion and I found ourselves in a bit of a contentious situation one evening with a man who invited us in just so he could slam Christianity—in general.  Unfortunately, my companion was a bit too engaged and ignored my subtle suggestion that we simply end the discussion; not at least until he had made this parting statement:  

“Ich weiss ohne Zwiebel dass das Evangelium wahr ist.”

Our “investigator” smirked but made no further comment as we made our hasty retreat.  I waited until we were back on our bikes and headed home for the night to ask him if “onions” really played no role in his testimony.  There was only a moment’s hesitation before he started snickering.  He explained that he had been aware that something wasn’t quite right in what he had said, but he wasn’t sure; not at least until I brought it up.  After a few more moments of silence, we both started snickering, which quickly escalated into irrepressible laughter.

Translation:  He had meant to say “I know without a doubt that the gospel is true.”  But in the midst of what was a too contentious discussion, he had somehow switched the word for “doubt” (Zweifel) with the word for “onions” (Zwiebel.)

 

To annoy my native German wife, I used to tell her occasionally that something she asserted was Zwiebellos.  She could do a great eyeroll!

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  • 2 weeks later...
On 2/12/2018 at 2:18 AM, Stargazer said:

That story appeared in the old magazine, the Improvement Era, a long time ago.  It was funny then, and it's still funny now.

I agree. I also remember one where a little girl, who was just learning to read, was asked what church she belonged to.

She replied, "The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints Visitors Welcome." :lol:

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Gaslighting our Investigator

Once in the street my companion and I were at an appointment with a man who had had little to drink beforehand and clearly was not getting much out of it. He asked what the name of the church was and one of us (I don’t remember which) responded: “The Church of Cheese and Rice of Rattle-Day Snakes” After that we continued to sort of teach but worked the name of the church into every sentence we could and continually gave it that name. He kept looking confused and you could see him thinking we were not actually saying what he thought he heard.

Finally he got frustrated and said in a halting voice: Stop talking about cheese and rice. You are making me hungry.

Nazi Missionary

When I was a very green missionary I spent a lot of time working with another missionary who was not my actual companion. He was from Germany and had been out 4 months and thought he was amazing and was a prideful git. To be fair I was also a prideful git.

One day he took me to task for something (do not remember what, might have deserved it) and added that I was not showing proper respect to his senior comanion status and experience. As he was ranting in his strong German accent I shifted to a military attention stance. When he stopped I did the Nazi salute and yelled loudly “Heil Hitler!!!” I then turned with military precision and started Nazi marching away. Next thing I knew he tackled me and tried to kill me while I was laughing. The other two missionaries had to pull him off me.

I am not proud of that but I cannot say I wish I had not done it because it is one of my favorite mission stories.

Accountability

I was in a four missionary district and we got home for the night. The District Leader had half-jokingly instituted accountability in the evening to help train everyone for leadership. An elder from Spain with a choppy grasp of English was to hold me accountable this evening. It was a P-Day and we had all been together all day. He very seriously grabbed two chairs and put them in the center of the living and formally invited me to sit down. I did and he pulled out a notebook and pen and began:

”Elder, how many people did you date for baptism today?”

”None.”

(sardonically disappointed) “None...............(he then leaped to his feet and threw the chair he was in behind him and started screaming) WHAT the HELL are you doing out there? Why do you fail Elder?”

I started laughing “Elder, it was a P-Day and we did not see any investigators.”

He got directly in my face: “Oh esscuses.........esscuses, are you going to try that in front of God too?

Ahhhhh......good times.

Edited by The Nehor
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