Need Advise....

[RegularMormon]

So I don't really have anyone I can go to about this and thought this is as good of place as any maybe.  It seems all my life I've tried to live the gospel and follow the commandments the best I could. Pay tithing, go to temple, read scriptures, go to church, serve in my callings, etc...  I've done this faithfully since I can remember with a few periods where I've got off course but have always been able to get back on track.  My problem is I don't see any progress in my life where I've watched others around me continue to excel and progress who do less?  The worse part in this is it seems every time I try to ramp up my dedication and try to do more than usual (fasting - which is a challenge for me with my dietary needs and paying more fast offering, serving more, etc..) it seems MORE struggles seem to surface in my life?  This makes it very difficult for me continue being faithful when this happens. For example, I may be losing my job soon and I've been trying really hard to find something new and also tried to draw closer to God for help and decided to fast today.  Well on my way home from work a tube blew in my car and it overheated making me stranded on the side of the road. I finally got home tonight and I'm beside myself.  Any useful advise anyone could give?

 

 

[Garden Girl]

I have a few suggestions... but mainly can just offer encouragement.  But I'm afraid they'll just seem like empty words because of all you're going through.  There's something to be said for "enduring to the end." 

When my dad was 88, my mom had been gone for three years.  He was able to stay in the home even though he had mac degeneration... he could no longer  read his scriptures or the newspaper... he could no longer play the organ he had in his home... It was too difficult for him to go to the temple.    He could no longer drive... he missed my mom terribly.  He did have a wonderful home teacher who helped him. 

Every week we took turns calling every few days.  I was the only one who was/is active in the Church... and I'd try and be encouraging... and I'd tell him... Dad, you know you have to endure to the end.  He would always say, Yes I know... but was very depressed.

How do you help someone like him?  What can I say... to him... and to you.  I can only encourage you to not give up, but to continue on and try not to be  discouraged... and Regular Mormon, please, endure to the end.

I have known others who have done everything right, just as you have... and yet it seems they had more trials than usual... as you seem to have. 

I only know that Heavenly Father is mindful of you and your efforts... of your faithfulness in the face of many difficulties... and all I can do is say to you, Hold Fast.

 

Prayers... GG

Edited August 6, 2014 by Garden Girl

[Kenngo1969]

I can't identify/relate to what you're going through.  And even two people going through, hypothetically, the exact same experience will react to it differently because they bring different attitudes, perspectives, ways of thinking, reactions, and so on, to it.  That said, frankly, I'd like to have achieved much more occupationally to this point in my life: I've got three degrees, the most expensive of which is useless without a license (which I can't get): I call the field my "very expensive hobby," because that's essentially what it is.  I'd like to have gotten married and had children, but what am I supposed to say to anyone in whom I might have an interest who hasn't reciprocated, "You made the wrong choice?"  Christ died to give us the continued opportunity to use our agency, even when we use it in ways in which other people might disagree: who are we to question that?  The same with various entities who haven't offered me the positions for which I have applied: Christ died so that they could use their agency in the ways they have; even if I might disagree with those choices, who am I to second-guess that?  Various physical and emotional maladies have conspired to limit my options in various ways, but I still have it pretty good: who am I to complain?

 

I can only say, with Nephi, "I know that [God] loveth His children; nevertheless, I know not the meaning of all things."  I can only say, with Job, "The Lord giveth, and the Lord . . . [taketh] away; blessed be the name of the Lord."  I can only say, with Paul, that I am "troubled on every side, yet not distressed; perplexed but [usually] not in despair; persecuted but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed."  I can only say, with Isaiah, that the Lord's ways are not my ways, neither are His thoughts my thoughts; for as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are His thoughts higher than my thoughts and His ways higher than my ways.  As for experiencing increased opposition with the determination toward increased righteousness, commitment, and so forth, a war started in the premortal life: it ain't over, not by a long shot.  (I don't have a lot of time, but I'll post a talk by Elder Holland later about that.)  As for me, I could give up hope, but then I really wouldn't have much of anything.  Someone once asked on the Board, "Does hope work?"  My response?  Sometimes hope is the only thing that works!

 

Chin up, mate!

Edited August 6, 2014 by Kenngo1969

[Avatar4321]

I think the question is what are you trying to excel or progress at?

 

Joseph Smith, for example, was told by the Lord that he would never excel at business/financial things. His blessings were to be Spiritual not the temporal ones of wealth etc.

 

I am in a similar predicament, but i've been trying to figure out what I am supposed to excel in. I figure I will just try to do my best to stand and let the Lord take care of the rest. I've been awaken more recently to a number of faults I had not previously recognized and need to correct.

You may be making progress, you just dont see it because it's happening so incrementally. I don't see progress but when I look over longer periods of time I can see where I've become a better person through the Gospel.

[rpn]

I'm wondering if all the doing, is getting in the way of the being.  There isn't anything magical about scripture reading, or service or fasting.  It is in how those things enlighten us and change our hearts to serve God and understand His will for us so we can be where He wants us to be, doing what He wants us to do, that are the intended end products.    Doing more, for the sake of doing more, gets quite commonly the result that you are feeling.

 

For instance, we do not get more blessings for paying 10.1 percent tithing than we get paying 10 percent.  We don't get more blessings for fasting more 24 hours per month, though we may get health benefits, and peace and commitment, and more enlightenment.  We don't get more blessings for VT/HT multiple times in a month, unless our doing so is what our VT/HTees need for us to do.  

 

Life does happen.   It helps if we have obeyed the counsel to get out of debt, to store a years supply, to be a continual learner, to make do, do without and reuse, to grow a garden.  Those things make it easier to deal with a car breakdown or a job loss.   But temporarl things are just temporal things:  there is plenty of evidence that being a faithful church member who loves God does NOT prevent bad things from happening. 

 

What doing those things makes possible is finding peace and having ideas about how to successfully navigate them, and put those trials in their proper place, recognizing them as temporary.

 

I'm sorry for how hard this is for you.   Your good habits should help you as you move through this hard time.  Be sure to contact your ward or stake employment specialist:  their curriculum can be really useful for someone who has been out of the job search arena for a time.

[thesometimesaint]

We are not our problems. We are how we react to them. None of us is totally independent. Faith, family, and friends can help us over the bumps(flat tires, and unemployment) in the road.

[ERayR]

So I don't really have anyone I can go to about this and thought this is as good of place as any maybe.  It seems all my life I've tried to live the gospel and follow the commandments the best I could. Pay tithing, go to temple, read scriptures, go to church, serve in my callings, etc...  I've done this faithfully since I can remember with a few periods where I've got off course but have always been able to get back on track.  My problem is I don't see any progress in my life where I've watched others around me continue to excel and progress who do less?  The worse part in this is it seems every time I try to ramp up my dedication and try to do more than usual (fasting - which is a challenge for me with my dietary needs and paying more fast offering, serving more, etc..) it seems MORE struggles seem to surface in my life?  This makes it very difficult for me continue being faithful when this happens. For example, I may be losing my job soon and I've been trying really hard to find something new and also tried to draw closer to God for help and decided to fast today.  Well on my way home from work a tube blew in my car and it overheated making me stranded on the side of the road. I finally got home tonight and I'm beside myself.  Any useful advise anyone could give?

 

What do you mean by progress?  In what areas?  If you want progress you have to work for it in addition to the things you have enumerated. We all have problems some greater and some lesser than what you have.  It is how we handle those problems that matter.

Edited August 8, 2014 by ERayR

[Guest]

So I don't really have anyone I can go to about this and thought this is as good of place as any maybe.  It seems all my life I've tried to live the gospel and follow the commandments the best I could. Pay tithing, go to temple, read scriptures, go to church, serve in my callings, etc...  I've done this faithfully since I can remember with a few periods where I've got off course but have always been able to get back on track.  My problem is I don't see any progress in my life where I've watched others around me continue to excel and progress who do less?  The worse part in this is it seems every time I try to ramp up my dedication and try to do more than usual (fasting - which is a challenge for me with my dietary needs and paying more fast offering, serving more, etc..) it seems MORE struggles seem to surface in my life?  This makes it very difficult for me continue being faithful when this happens. For example, I may be losing my job soon and I've been trying really hard to find something new and also tried to draw closer to God for help and decided to fast today.  Well on my way home from work a tube blew in my car and it overheated making me stranded on the side of the road. I finally got home tonight and I'm beside myself.  Any useful advise anyone could give?

The more you strive, the greater the resistance...this is how spiritual muscle develops. When we stop trying to do better we grow weak. But also understand we cannot do it all on our own, when we try we are not letting ourselves be strengthened from above.

[bluebell]

I love this quote by Elder Holland-

 

"If for a while, the harder you try the harder it gets, take heart.  So it has been with the best people who ever lived."

[MorningStar]

I think often people think that the blessings that come from tithing, fasting, etc. are financial blessings, but there are many blessings we don't recognize.  We have paid our tithing faithfully our whole marriage and have struggled most of the time, but we have been blessed with healthy children, mostly healthy selves, my husband has never had a long period of unemployment, our kids have perfect vision and we don't have to worry about glasses (much to the amazement of their doctor because my husband is near sighted and she says that's usually a dominate trait), and we often walk away from the dentist with no cavities.  That's not to say that people who have health issues are not blessed, but we have been given the trials we can handle and always manage to make it somehow.

 

My husband was demoted years ago when the housing crisis hit and we were making almost $1,000 less a month than we were before.  The Spirit led us through that a lot, teaching us how to stretch things out and the door was opened for me to start teaching piano, which has been a lot more than a financial blessing for me.  It has been a joy!  For a while though, we were making our tax return stretch all year until I became established in the area.

 

After living in the same 2 bedroom apartment for 12 years, we finally just bought a house.  I have been really stressed about the mortgage payments, added utilities, repairs, etc., but I know it will work out somehow.  There will be a lot of blessings from living here, but we will have to work hard to figure things out.  It can be frustrating to see others around you seeming to have no financial worries, but then I have seen people who are well off go through major trials that no one can buy their way out of and I wouldn't trade places with them.  My friend has witnessed CPR being performed on her baby girl at least three times in her short life.  She has to worry constantly about who she is exposed to because last time it was croup that almost killed her, which to an adult just feels like a nasty cold.  Their baby was hospitalized for months for heart surgeries and their hearts broke as they tried to give their other two daughters the attention they needed. 

 

Don't stop praying no matter what.  Prayers for you. 

[Glenn101]

  There are no magic words of advice I can give you. Nothing I can tell you to do that will make your life get suddenly beautiful. I do not want to depress you with a litany of problems I have endured. That is hardly ever helpful. I can only say that I have faced a few obstacles that seemed daunting and unending. However, I could never see how giving up, sliding into unbelief, could help me solve any of the problems that I faced. The only thing that it would accomplish would be for me to deprive myself of the only thing that I sometimes have left when hit by some of life's hammers, and that is HOPE!.

 

I do hope this helps.

 

Glenn

[The Nehor]

Take it as a compliment. While others have to be coddled with blessings to stay on the straight and narrow you do so without said coddling.

 

I know that is no consolation.

 

"Our cause is never more in danger than when a human, no longer desiring, but still intending, to do our Enemy's will, looks round upon a universe from which every trace of Him seems to have vanished, and asks why he has been forsaken, and still obeys." -Screwtape the devil

[CV75]

So I don't really have anyone I can go to about this and thought this is as good of place as any maybe.  It seems all my life I've tried to live the gospel and follow the commandments the best I could. Pay tithing, go to temple, read scriptures, go to church, serve in my callings, etc...  I've done this faithfully since I can remember with a few periods where I've got off course but have always been able to get back on track.  My problem is I don't see any progress in my life where I've watched others around me continue to excel and progress who do less?  The worse part in this is it seems every time I try to ramp up my dedication and try to do more than usual (fasting - which is a challenge for me with my dietary needs and paying more fast offering, serving more, etc..) it seems MORE struggles seem to surface in my life?  This makes it very difficult for me continue being faithful when this happens. For example, I may be losing my job soon and I've been trying really hard to find something new and also tried to draw closer to God for help and decided to fast today.  Well on my way home from work a tube blew in my car and it overheated making me stranded on the side of the road. I finally got home tonight and I'm beside myself.  Any useful advise anyone could give?

This may seem odd or counter-intuitive, but it is easier to compare ourselves negatively with others when we are isolated. Maybe it's the "grass is greener" syndrome. When we are more engaged with others (whether in asking for their direction, help or support or for opportunities to serve them), we tend to feel better about our own circumstances (whether they change or not). The Lord truly works through others to help us deal with our trials and tribulations, and He works through us to do the same for others.