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Missionaries And Self Worth?


Duncan

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First off my self worth in the mission took such a beating it was beyond horrible and I don't want anyone to have that mindset if I can help it. So, we have a sister missionary in our ward who tells these stories. Basically, she is a chronic liar and sometimes I don't think she even knows when she is doing it or not. The list of things that has happened to her or whatever is so large. The biggest lie she told since being out is that her sister died and she even went through a grieving period about it. The truth is her sister never died. Someone told the Mission President and he didn't know anything about it so he called her Stake Pres and he didn't know anything about it so she had an interview about it. She has been in our ward for 3 months and her new companion was just with this sister's former companion and knows all about the lying and the Pres. put her to be with the sister in our ward to help her but they are struggling together.The President knows about all this and she doesn't seem to do it to manipulate anyone or one up people, I think she does it to somehow increase her self worth, compete with others and feel accepted, but it's backfiring and missionaries and members are finding out. I know too at night the sister wants to be complimented and wants to be rated on a scale of 1-10 on how she did with her stories 

 

Aside from these 'stories' she is a great missionary and we love her to pieces and she is a great benefit to the ward. The other thing too is our ward is the home ward of the Mission Pres. and so we have seen 4 missionaries serve in our ward who went home early since last July. I don't want her to be the 5th. Is their anything I can do as a ward mission leader to help this sister missionary? 

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Heart to heart talks with her and lots of love.

Hopefully she's not narcissistic. And has a conscience, I'm sure she does, she probably doesn't know any other way to live if this has been her life.

Good luck Duncan, maybe you guys can help her make a change for the better!

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Is their anything I can do as a ward mission leader to help this sister missionary? 

Just brainstorming: Put her name of the temple prayer roll. With the mission president's approval, have her periodically try a day of not saying anything at all, like a vow of silence or a fasting of speech.

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First off my self worth in the mission took such a beating it was beyond horrible and I don't want anyone to have that mindset if I can help it. So, we have a sister missionary in our ward who tells these stories. Basically, she is a chronic liar and sometimes I don't think she even knows when she is doing it or not. The list of things that has happened to her or whatever is so large. The biggest lie she told since being out is that her sister died and she even went through a grieving period about it. The truth is her sister never died. Someone told the Mission President and he didn't know anything about it so he called her Stake Pres and he didn't know anything about it so she had an interview about it. She has been in our ward for 3 months and her new companion was just with this sister's former companion and knows all about the lying and the Pres. put her to be with the sister in our ward to help her but they are struggling together.The President knows about all this and she doesn't seem to do it to manipulate anyone or one up people, I think she does it to somehow increase her self worth, compete with others and feel accepted, but it's backfiring and missionaries and members are finding out. I know too at night the sister wants to be complimented and wants to be rated on a scale of 1-10 on how she did with her stories 

 

Aside from these 'stories' she is a great missionary and we love her to pieces and she is a great benefit to the ward. The other thing too is our ward is the home ward of the Mission Pres. and so we have seen 4 missionaries serve in our ward who went home early since last July. I don't want her to be the 5th. Is their anything I can do as a ward mission leader to help this sister missionary? 

I'm not sure a missionary making up stories is a good thing no matter the reason.  In general if I found out a missionary or a person trying to convince me of something was lying to me I wouldn't continue my search through them or those associated with them.  I just don't go to people I don't trust and believe for guidance.

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I'm not sure a missionary making up stories is a good thing no matter the reason.  In general if I found out a missionary or a person trying to convince me of something was lying to me I wouldn't continue my search through them or those associated with them.  I just don't go to people I don't trust and believe for guidance.

 

 

that opinion has been expressed before, I have no idea what she says in discussions, I do know she is working on it so I am hoping she can stay out as sending her home could exacerbate the situation even more

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that opinion has been expressed before, I have no idea what she says in discussions, I do know she is working on it so I am hoping she can stay out as sending her home could exacerbate the situation even more

Or she could get the help she needs without the potential harm her lying could cause.   Not everyone is ready, maybe she needs more time and work before she can do this.

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I was told she is burning things at night, not every night but some nights, just odds and ends. It's a balancing act mind you, trying to make her feel good and welcome without excluding her companion who just got here (the companion is an Englandonian from Liverpool and her accent is WAY cool and people flock to her) so that can easily make someone feel left out-but we are all in this together

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Burning things (and the common corrolary of cutting) is a real sign of mental illness.  I think you help her get in with a counselor and make sure she has smoke detectors working in her apt.   If you can tell her that you aren't going to listen to any more stories unless she can also give you proof of their reality, and let her know that as she catches herself lying, she should just stop.   Suggest that she spend time everyday writing the fantasy stories down --- maybe they'll be good enough to publish some day.  (You might even tell her about what happened with Paul H. Dunn to help her see the harm that the stories cause.)   If she is trying to convey personal experiences to prove a scriptural point, you might tell her that is one reasons there are so many scriptural stories --- so no live persons need to be used as bad examples.

 

You might have a conversation about whether there is a family history of storytelling.   Maybe someone showed her that telling fantastic stories gets you acclaim.

 

Maybe get her a book about tall tales and their effect on friendships (maybe the boy who cried wolf). 

 

Ask her to write three things each day that she did to the best of her ability.  Give her a heart to write them on that will stick to her mirror.  Help her learn to appreciate her own best efforts.

 

And be really careful because people who are needy emotionally, sometimes get sucked into attention and the last thing that will help her is to think she is in love with you because you cared enough to reach out.   Most of this help should be from sisters, not you.

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  • 2 weeks later...

So, just as an update. She is going home. I feel SO BAD!!! Thing is too is she can say whatever she wants when she gets home as to why she came home early and what all happened so I hope this problem goes away so i wonder. This is the 3rd sister and 5th missionary go home early from our ward since July. I just feel awful for her and they aren't sending her home until transfers which are 2-3 weeks away so she can say or do whatever she wants

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That's too bad.

 

Sounds like your mission president likes to keep the more difficult missionaries near him so he can manage them better, which would explain why your ward has so many that get sent home.  Still makes it hard though.   :sad:

 

I'll PM you!

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So, just as an update. She is going home. I feel SO BAD!!! Thing is too is she can say whatever she wants when she gets home as to why she came home early and what all happened so I hope this problem goes away so i wonder. This is the 3rd sister and 5th missionary go home early from our ward since July. I just feel awful for her and they aren't sending her home until transfers which are 2-3 weeks away so she can say or do whatever she wants

 

Im not surprised to hear that. But you shouldn't feel bad. It's not your fault.

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