Highest Authority In The Home

[MorningStar]

Even as a married woman, you are still his child and he is still your Father. Everything in the scriptures that talks about the roles of parents and children explains how we should treat each other.

For some strange reason, some people think the authority of their parents ends when they turn 18, or when they get married, but our Father has never had any thoughts of that kind, and he is the one who gives us and gave us our authority as parents while explaining how it should work.

Look to him for the perfect role model all fathers should follow.

We are supposed to honor our mother and our father, but that doesn't mean obey them as adults. We're supposed to cleave to our spouses.

[Ahab]

No, it's not.

That's not authority, that's responsibility.

Both work hand in hand together.

It's our responsibility, and he has given us his authorization to be parents while teaching us how we should be as parents.

[Bill “Papa” Lee]

I seem to be asking a number of questions today, but all the same...

Does the immediate father of a household hold authority even in the presence of his father with regards to children? Is there a time when the husband would cede authority to his wife's father? Does a father have the right to step in with regards to married children? Is there a difference with regards to married male or female children in the previous question?

I do so with my kids...all adults. They were raised to honor me regardless of age.

[Buckeye]

I don't have time to discuss this much (sorry), but for a factual reference I will simply say that in my family my wife and I both preside equally. We follow the Proclamation because I am presiding. We do not believe the Proclamation prevents her from co-presiding. It is silent on the issue. That silence does not prevent a wife from presiding any more than the proclamation prohibits a husband from nurturing.

We believe our view fits with Elder L. Tom Perry, who taught in 2004: “There is not a president and vice president in a family. We have co-presidents working together eternally for the good of their family . . . They are on equal footing. They plan and organize the affairs of the family jointly and unanimously as they move forward.”

I don't present this as a model that everyone must follow. I've seen plenty of families in which husbands preside over their wives. It can work if done in love and righteousness. But it's not the only way.

[ksfisher]

Okay, and what do you do when you want something from her?

Sometimes it helps to actually think of a strategy or tactic, instead of just blurting out something when you want something, doesn't it.

Who is the her? If I want something from my wife I ask. If the her is my daughter I still ask. This seems to be the pattern our Father in Heaven uses as well.

[Ahab]

In what way are you using "authority"? The right to command me? When I was living at home, I had to follow his rules. I don't anymore.

My wife and I have our Father's authority to teach our children the way they should go, for example.

Why don't you just ask your father and mother what rules they want you to follow?

If you they tell you anything in unrighteousness, you don't and never did have to do those things, or at least they were never a part of what our Father gave them authority to tell you to do.

[MorningStar]

Who is the her? If I want something from my wife I ask. If the her is my daughter I still ask. This seems to be the pattern our Father in Heaven uses as well.

Exactly! Don't play games with me. Just ask. If my husband does the dishes or gives me a backrub, I want it to be because he loves me - not because he's about to ask me for something.

[Ahab]

Who is the her? If I want something from my wife I ask. If the her is my daughter I still ask. This seems to be the pattern our Father in Heaven uses as well.

Asking is a pretty good strategy and tactic, I think. Some people think being bossy is a good way to go, and I have seen it work for a while, but it usually has a lot of negative consequences and it's not the best tactic or strategy to use for building the best kind of relationship with other people.

I said her because I was thinking your wife or some woman was the one using some strategy and tactics to get you to take out the trash and clean up a little.

[MorningStar]

My wife and I have our Father's authority to teach our children the way they should go, for example.

Why don't you just ask your father and mother what rules they want you to follow?

If you they tell you anything in unrighteousness, you don't and never did have to do those things, or at least they were never a part of what our Father gave them authority to tell you to do.

I heard all about the rules my parents wanted me to follow during the 18 years I lived with them. Then I moved out on my own. Then I got married. Now my husband and I create our own rules together for our children. I honor the rules in my parents' house as I would as a guest in any other house and of course I ask them about their experience in things we don't know about, but it's not about any "authority" they have over me.

[Ahab]

Exactly! Don't play games with me. Just ask. If my husband does the dishes or gives me a backrub, I want it to be because he loves me - not because he's about to ask me for something.

The whole relationship involves some strategy and tactics, whether you think about it that way or not. Maybe you're just having a little trouble with the terms, but those things are going on, at some level. And I think it helps to think in those terms, instead of thinking people should just do what they feel like doing at the moment.

I'm very direct, naturally, but it usually helps if I actually "think" a little before I say something to my wife or son or whoever when I feel like saying something. Even like when and where and now to say "I love you". Sometimes it's not the best time to just blurt that out, like when my wife needs me to pay attention to her while she's telling me how her day went, or how she's feeling, or what she's thinking about. If I just blurt something out because I feel like saying it, while she's really not in the mood to listen to me, it won't be the best thing I could do.

When to talk and when to listen. And when to do something or ask someone else to do it. Strategy and tactics are my friends.

[Ahab]

I heard all about the rules my parents wanted me to follow during the 18 years I lived with them. Then I moved out on my own. Then I got married. Now my husband and I create our own rules together for our children. I honor the rules in my parents' house as I would as a guest in any other house and of course I ask them about their experience in things we don't know about, but it's not about any "authority" they have over me.

Authority is what someone is authorized to do. That's all it is. Iin this case we're talking about the authorization our Father has given to your parents regarding how they should be your parents. He has authorized them to act in a certain way as your parents, or within certain parameters, and that is the extent of their authority. That authorization didn't end when you turned 18, or when you got married, although the rules you were given as a young child may not be applicable to you at your age right now.

Authority doesn't equate to being bossy. If you're thinking about it that way you're not thinking of it the way that I know it is.

[tyler90az]

It sure sounds like manipulation and dishonesty.

[Ahab]

It sure sounds like manipulation and dishonesty.

It may sound like it, a little bit, but it's the other side of the coin.

Manipulation vs Organization

Direct vs Tactful

Considerate vs Overbearing

Confident vs Arrogant

Some people think others are being dishonest anytime they don't openly blurt out their most negative thoughts about something when sharing their thoughts with others, but I call that something else.

Light vs Darkness

Good vs Evil

etc, etc, anytime both sides of the same coin are involved

Edited February 2, 2013 by Ahab

[tyler90az]

ahab just read clarification. i see what your saying now

n

will try to not use phone to post on forum