Married Folks-How Did You Know They Were The One?

[Garden Girl]

I had come home from my first year at BYU, took a summer job with plans to return to school in the fall. I had dated many young men while in school that year, having a terrific time so was looking forward to my second year with a more serious outlook.

However, while working I met the man... non LDS... that I would fall for. It was one morning as I was on my break heading to the cafeteria. As I walked down the hallway toward the cafeteria, a man was approaching me, coming from the cafeteria. We looked at each other, smiled, walking on. But I stopped in my tracks and turned around to look at him... to my surprise, he had stopped and turned around and was looking at me...

The next morning in the cafeteria he came over and sat down beside me... thus began a very difficult time for me... I had been very active in Church and had a testimony of the gospel. I, and my parents, always assumed a temple marriage for me. But here was this wonderful man! My parents were barely civil to him. I don't recall ever praying about it... perhaps I was afraid of what the answer might be... eventually we simply eloped to Las Vegas.

About a month after we were married, my parents came over one evening to our duplex apartment... which was quite nice and I had fixed things up... there stood my mother on the doorstep asking if they could come in. My dear one, who had every right to rebuff them after the way they had treated him, welcomed my folks in. For the first time they allowed themselves to really look at my husband and actually talk to him. We had a wonderful evening. The next morning my mom called me at work and told me they had gone out to their car and sat and wept at the way they had treated him, and all the wasted time. They came to love my husband, and my mom told me that while they had of course wanted me to marry in the temple, she was glad I was married to such a wonderful husband and she never had a moments worry about me.

Our marriage was very happy and lasted 38 years, until complications from surgery took my husband unexpectedly. During those years I had become inactive, but had reactivated 3 years prior to his death. During those three years he supported my Church activity and callings wholeheartedly. I've been widowed going on 14 years. I'm sealed to my dear one now, and the peaceful confirmation I've received tells me that he is waiting for me beyond the veil...

sigh...

GG

[thesometimesaint]

Duncan:

We don't. We have to work every day at it.

[LDSToronto]

She - hot. Me - I like hot. Match made in heaven.

H.

[mbh26]

Love and commitment is a decision, not a feeling.

That's what I had to learn as well. Then I had to find someone who was ready and willing to make such a decision. That narrowed down the possibilities a lot.

[Deborah]

I always met the right guy at the wrong time or place and unfortunately the wrong one at the right time. One of my professors at BYU said marriage is more a matter of the right time and place than the right person and I have to agree. I believe a good and kind person can be the right person at the right time and place. Unfortunately I was the product of divorce and really had no idea what to look for and ended up with the wrong person even though the timing might have been right.

[Jeff K.]

I think I was into my 12 year of marriage before I had a sure knowledge she was the one. Is it because I came to a realization that had always been there? Or was it a reflection of both our efforts to make the marriage work? Do we find the one we are "made for", or do both together make "the one" in the eyes of the other?

[CV75]

I was wondering if the married folks on this board had some kind of a moment where they somehow knew that their future spouse was to be a person if interest? I know some people see the person for the first time and then they know and others know them for awhile but then they start dating and it goes along from there -thoughts?

I never beleived in this sort of thing, but I knew the second I laid eyes on her from across the room. It was as if a spotlight were shinging on her and I thought, "I'm going to marry her." I thought it was my imagination and didn't act on it. A mutual friend introduced us later that evening and it was like a switch went on; we never stopped talking. We dated the following weekend and she revealed she felt impresssed that she should marry me, and so I fessed up. We were engaged a few weeks later, and were married 4 months after that; 31 years strong now.

[Duncan]

I always met the right guy at the wrong time or place and unfortunately the wrong one at the right time. One of my professors at BYU said marriage is more a matter of the right time and place than the right person and I have to agree. I believe a good and kind person can be the right person at the right time and place. Unfortunately I was the product of divorce and really had no idea what to look for and ended up with the wrong person even though the timing might have been right.

same for me, except with women! I am hoping that there is some plan in all of this

[Somebodyz]

Walking thru a crowded foyer, at church. The Holy Ghost witnessed to me,that one of men sitting on the seats, was the man I was going to marry. I thought 'no way'. (At the same time, he had a witness, I was his future bride-neither of us, told anyone, but did write in our journals) His friends in YA kept trying to push us together, feeling we were a good match. I kept avoiding set ups and him in general.

He was called as YM Pres and I as YW Pres, over time we became friends. Married a year from the time of the witness, after only going out one week.

I'd tried avoiding him, because I felt too young for marriage, having joined the church at 18 and having this witness at 19. Married at 20. Still happily married 30 years later.

Edited March 18, 2012 by Somebodyz

[Stargazer]

Didn't know she was the one right away, but friends of mine in the neighboring ward said there was this really nice German lady in their ward, single with chiildren, whom I might be interested in. Just because she was German-born and I served my mission in that country.

The first time I knew she was someone in whom I should have an interest in was some time later when I happened to hear her bearing her testimony through the PA system when I was in the ward clerk's office doing my calling (membership clerk). I could tell it was her because of her accent. She bore testimony not only of the Gospel but also of the divinity of the US Constitution, and I was tremendously impressed by her words, but also by her spirit. When I actually met her by chance a week or two later, there was this odd feeling about it all. Then I started courting her intentionally, and things took their course.

Interestingly, she later told me about her experience with this, and it turns out that she happened to see me at church when I was there during her ward's meetings (again, because of being there to do work with my calling). She said she didn't know who I was, but she got sight of me down a hall when by chance everyone's movement removed any blockage to her sight. She told me that when she glimpsed me her reaction was "Oh, no, not him!", but didn't know why she even thought that. She had been divorced for about a year (husband left her with 7 kids and ran off with another woman), and hadn't to that point even considered getting married again.

However, she told me that a couple of weeks after catching sight of me for the first time (not knowing who I was or ever having seen me before), she prayed to Heavenly Father that she felt like she was finally ready for Him to send her a new husband. The next day, while she was working her calling (as a member of the RS presidency, vising one of her sisters), she ran into me, who was also visiting that house, the family in question being my aforementioned friends. After she completed her business there, as she was leaving, she said to me "Nice to meet you" and then jokingly that it was too bad I was too young for her (I'm 11 years her junior). I found out later that as the friend walked with her out to her car, she told my future wife that there was nothing wrong with an age differerence, after all her father and mother were 7 years apart, and it worked out fine.

When did I KNOW that she was "the one"? Hard to say. It just grew line upon line, precept upon precept.

[Buzzard]

My lovely bride put me in her crosshairs, lined me up, warned off another young lady that I had dated once that she wanted to make a run at me, found out where I ate breakfast after my first class and showed up. "Oh, do you eat here too?" (Batting of eyes). All I knew was that I was always toungue-tied around girls, but could talk to this one easily, and enjoyed her company. I might has well have been a sheep waiting patiently for the slaughter. Baaaa. That was nearly 32 years ago.

[MorningStar]

As soon as I saw my husband, it was like I knew him. I felt inspired to get to know him despite how shy he was and discovered we knew a lot of the same people from his mission and had a lot in common. When I met his family and saw his parents were still holding hands, I knew for sure I wanted to marry him.

[Stargazer]

There is no such thing as 'the one'.

I have to agree, as a general thing, however, it seems likely that sometimes, once in awhile, there is such a thing as "the one". Mary and Joseph come to mind. You think Father would let THAT calling, the earthly parents of His Beloved Son, come together as a random event? I don't.

I don't believe that my wife is "the only one for me", but on the other hand, now that we are married she IS the "only one for me." It didn't HAVE to happen that way, and it could have fallen out differently. But it's the way it is NOW.

God will give confirmation to your decision but I do not believe you will receive personal revelation on who to marry.

My first wife -- well that was one huge mistake. I did get a confirmation to marry her, but only after I pestered Father repeatedly when all the signs should have been to stay away. Far, far away. My confirmation answer was more along the lines of "Go ahead, if you want, but don't say I didn't warn you." Not those literal words -- but the marriage was a disaster from the word Go. Oh, my head, was it a disaster.

You make the choice and God will let you know if it is a good idea, but there are hundreds if not thousands of candidates that would make a great partner.

Totally agree.

[Calm]

Or was it a reflection of both our efforts to make the marriage work? Do we find the one we are "made for", or do both together make "the one" in the eyes of the other?

I don't think I ever would have had a confirmation if I hadn't consciously chosen to work on controlling my strong introvert tendencies that in the beginning would often create a sensation of being trapped (even if it was much better living with him than it had been with anyone else, I'd still get many episodes of just wanting to be completely alone and disconnected from the world, something you cannot do with people are relying on you 24/7). It was because I was willing to sacrifice that part of myself and my husband was willing to control his very extroverted side that wanted me to be involved with him with almost everything he did socially that we were able to bond as we did.

And until we had done that work, created the bond, there was only potential there and perhaps a confirmation would have led me to create an expectation that I didn't have to put as much work into the relationship that was actually needed and that potential may never had happened.

[Anijen]

I was a junior in high school she was an incoming sophomore. I visited her Jr. High to get people interested in something, honors club or something, I can't remember, but I remember everything about her even what she was wearing. She says she remembers me looking at her intently and was surprised I was so interested in her. After that I barely saw her. I went on my mission and received a letter from a very good friend who was in a very bad car accident and he told me that Diane was visiting him regularly and looking after his health. When I got home from my mission, I went to my Stake President was released and visited my friend who was watching her house and I stayed with him and then went with him to the airport to pick her up. I gently yet tenderly pushed my friend out of the way and sat with her , the next week we had our first date and 13 months after coming home from my mission we were married in the Salt Lake Temple!

We celebrate our 27th anniversary next week.

[CV75]

I think a successful marriage is a matter of grace (the hard work and faith of each partner, with the Lord's blessing) no matter how miraculous the circumstances of its coming about.

[mbh26]

We celebrate our 27th anniversary next week.

Thanks for sharing. It's always encouraging for me to hear of marriages that last a long time. IMHO, making a marriage last is more a question of what you're willing to give and tolerate than about when and who you end up marrying. I think people put way to much emphasis on the question of who he/she chooses as opposed to what can I offer. My view on the gospel is that the decision that matters most in eternity is what you decide to give to the marriage rather than who you choose to marry.

[MorningStar]

I was a junior in high school she was an incoming sophomore. I visited her Jr. High to get people interested in something, honors club or something, I can't remember, but I remember everything about her even what she was wearing. She says she remembers me looking at her intently and was surprised I was so interested in her. After that I barely saw her. I went on my mission and received a letter from a very good friend who was in a very bad car accident and he told me that Diane was visiting him regularly and looking after his health. When I got home from my mission, I went to my Stake President was released and visited my friend who was watching her house and I stayed with him and then went with him to the airport to pick her up. I gently yet tenderly pushed my friend out of the way and sat with her , the next week we had our first date and 13 months after coming home from my mission we were married in the Salt Lake Temple!

We celebrate our 27th anniversary next week.

Congratulations! We celebrated our 15th this year.

[Mehrdad]

I first saw my wife in an Economics class at BYU and there and then I knew that she was the one. We dated for a year before we got married. Its been 9 years that we've been married and it gets funner by the day.

[Anijen]

Thanks for sharing. It's always encouraging for me to hear of marriages that last a long time. IMHO, making a marriage last is more a question of what you're willing to give and tolerate than about when and who you end up marrying. I think people put way to much emphasis on the question of who he/she chooses as opposed to what can I offer. My view on the gospel is that the decision that matters most in eternity is what you decide to give to the marriage rather than who you choose to marry.

My grandpa who has since passed away, had a 75th wedding anniversary. He was asked what the secret for a long marriage is, he replied; "live long and don't leave."

[Lachoneus]

My grandpa who has since passed away, had a 75th wedding anniversary. He was asked what the secret for a long marriage is, he replied; "live long and don't leave."

We are both returned missionaries. We met at BYU. We were in the same Home Evening group. When I first saw her I was entranced by her eyes. I could not get the vision of them out of my mind. Later, as a group, we all went to a drive-in movie and I took a chance and interlocked our little fingers. She was more than agreeable. It was an electrifying experience. After that we were rarely apart, except for classes.

After a few months I proposed. She asked for time to think about it. Then she gave me her answer - No. She was convinced we were too different and that it would never work. But I am nothing if not persistent. I tried four more times, but I always got the same answer - No. But I would not take no for an answer and she always agreed to still see me. Then she tried to move away, but I found her. And again she consented to see me still. Then, one day she showed me a draft wedding announcement she had a friend (a calligrapher) draw up for her. Later, after a wonderful date together, we stopped near a tree in front of a chapel and she said yes - five times.

After 35 years, when we are feeling playful, I will ask her, "Do you love me?" and she will answer, "I'm still thinking about it. I'll let you know." On other occasions I will ask her, "Why are you still here? Any sensible woman would have left long ago." And then she will get serious and answer, "Because I love you." I have to agree with Jeff's grandpa, one of the secrets is "don't leave."

I have since found out that her original reluctance was because her parents fought all the time. She was convinced that we were too different and she could not stand the idea of us fighting. So, before we married, we agreed that we would never leave each other.and that no matter what neither of us would ever leave. Instead, we promised to work it out together, whatever might happen. We have both kept that promise.

We still love to hold hands when we walk, although health concerns have put a bit of a limp in that walk and we walk a little slower than we used to. But we walk together and neither of us is leaving. Of course, the day will come for one of us has to leave and return to Our Father. I am not sure how long the one remaining will be able to live in mortality without the other. But I am sure that we will be able to work out even that.

Edited March 19, 2012 by Lachoneus

[Calm]

I first saw my wife in an Economics class at BYU

Ours was an Interpersonal and Group Relations class....rather appropriate, don't you think.

[KevinG]

We were just friends. God told me to marry her. I did.

(The whole story is much more complex, involves my hesitations, her insistance and a lot of very funny dialogue... but that was the basic outline).

Remember love is a verb - something you do. Not something you fall in and out of.

[Freedom]

http://www.lds.org/ensign/1973/06/love-conquers-all-and-other-fanciful-notions?lang=eng&query=%22love+at+first+sight%22

There is a great article by Elder Oaks that I cannot seem to find, but this one is pretty good.

[guitarist]

My story started with a former missionary companion of mine. We had served together for only 3 months, but we became lifelong friends. After our missions, I continued to talk to him, primarily by Instant Message. One day, about 8 months after my mission, I saw his name pop up on the chat client. So I go to give him a friendly 'hello'. "This isn't Bryce." Came the reply. "I am a friend of his. He is hosting a YSA event at his place, and I got bored, so I asked if I could get on his computer." I said, "Oh, well I'll leave you be then." "No, that's okay, I'd like to talk if you would. My name is Kimberly." "Sure, my name is Mark." From there, we chatted for a few hours, and exchanged our Instant Message handles. We continued to chat for hours near nightly for 8 months. Nearly every subject we could think of we'd talk about, and became great friends. Then one day, she asked if she could hear what I sounded like. So she gave me her cell #, and I called her. From there, we switched from chat to phone for hours several times a week. Then she wanted to see what I looked like, to put a face to the voice. So we exchanged pictures. A few nights later, we started talking about marriage, and agreed it was time to meet. All through this, Bryce occasionally acted as a liaison between us, and often told me I was getting the better end of the deal. She was down in Alabama, and I was up in Pennsylvania. Incidentally, my cousin was going to school in AL, and was due to come up for a weekend in early Nov, so we arranged for her to come up with my cousin, and stay with my grandmother. We met, & sparks flew, as it were. It was a great weekend. I drove down to meet her family that Thanksgiving. And she came back up Christmas, where I formally proposed to her. I moved to AL the following May, and we got married in June. This year, we have been married for 8 years, and still going strong.