Why do so many singles go inactive?

[VideoGameJunkie]

This is from a 2008 Salt Lake Tribune article about how many single women 18-30 went inactive. Hopefully the missionary age change that happened after helped with the numbers.

From the Salt Lake Tribune:

"Between the two Sunday sessions of the 178th Annual General Conference of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, the three women named Saturday as new leaders in the church's Young Women organization described their approach and priorities regarding the 554,600 Mormon girls between 12 and 18 years old in 170 countries.
When asked how they planned to cope with the fact that as many as 80 percent of the single Mormon women between 18 and 30 are no longer active in the LDS Church, Elaine Dalton, Young Women president, said: "That is the question of the day . . . I don't know that we have all the answers right now."
Dalton said she and her two counselors plan to "reach out and strengthen those young women . . . to help them understand who they are and the divine mission they have on earth."

What would be the cause that so many singles, especially an estimated 80% of single YSA women, going inactive? Pressures of marriage and not finding a spouse to marry in the temple? Lack of faith?
 

 

[Jeanne]

Bored.  Tired of same old.  And the world they see outside church walls seems like a nice place; not the evil unhappy world.  They have questions. Also, as they haven't gotten older, they have made big decisions in life.  Thinking on their own seems like a sense of freedom they have not experienced before. 

Edited December 27, 2015 by Jeanne

[Jeanne]

Meant to say,,,as they HAVE gotten older.,,duh..Jeanne has definitely gotten older,

[Duncan]

It's tough to see your friends getting married or re married and you haven't had a date in 5 years, boredom, you don't want to be that guy or that girl in single adults-you see your non member friends living their lives and it is sometimes better than your life so you figure what good is the Church/gospel? 

[Jeanne]

20 minutes ago, Duncan said:

It's tough to see your friends getting married or re married and you haven't had a date in 5 years, boredom, you don't want to be that guy or that girl in single adults-you see your non member friends living their lives and it is sometimes better than your life so you figure what good is the Church/gospel? 

Good Point!!  In the 70's, all my school friends were engaged already..by the time I was 22, I was feeling crappy!

[JLHPROF]

4 hours ago, VideoGameJunkie said:

What would be the cause that so many singles, especially an estimated 80% of single YSA women, going inactive?

I'd be curious to know how many of these had parents and sibilings who are members.

To me it always seems that without a strong social support circle leaving becomes easier.  We are social creatures and tend to go where our social circles go.

Barring that we can always reinstitute polygamy now that spiritual wives are no longer illegal.

[Bobbieaware]

5 hours ago, VideoGameJunkie said:

This is from a 2008 Salt Lake Tribune article about how many single women 18-30 went inactive. Hopefully the missionary age change that happened after helped with the numbers.

From the Salt Lake Tribune:

"Between the two Sunday sessions of the 178th Annual General Conference of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, the three women named Saturday as new leaders in the church's Young Women organization described their approach and priorities regarding the 554,600 Mormon girls between 12 and 18 years old in 170 countries.
When asked how they planned to cope with the fact that as many as 80 percent of the single Mormon women between 18 and 30 are no longer active in the LDS Church, Elaine Dalton, Young Women president, said: "That is the question of the day . . . I don't know that we have all the answers right now."
Dalton said she and her two counselors plan to "reach out and strengthen those young women . . . to help them understand who they are and the divine mission they have on earth."

What would be the cause that so many singles, especially an estimated 80% of single YSA women, going inactive? Pressures of marriage and not finding a spouse to marry in the temple? Lack of faith?
 

 

1) Because, for whatever reason, they were unwilling to do what was necessary in order to obtain and then keep strong testimonies of the Restored Gospel.

2) Because living the Restored Gospel successfully requires genuine commitment, consistent hard work and great sacrifice. So taking the world's easier way out seems like an attractive and much less stressful option (though in the end it really isn't).

Edited December 28, 2015 by Bobbieaware

[The Nehor]

Go to a Single Adult activity some time and see what their marriage prospects are.

I was joking with my sister over Christmas that the older I get the more dates I get because the other guys seem to be getting fatter, duller, and more unstable. Then again the women seem to be doing the same thing. At least there is symmetry.

[Storm Rider]

Patterns of growth are just that - sometimes we are growing and sometimes we are not, we are actually regressing.  It is a lot like planting a garden - in the summer time everything is growing with bright sunshine and cool showers.  Then the fall comes and the winter and there is not much sun and it is cold.  Things do grow so well.  We each go through phases and hopefully those periods of drought and hardship have strengthened our foundation such that we more easily weather the hard times.  

I have never known a rose to be in bloom 24/7 365 days a year.  I don't expect humans to be in spiritual "bloom" either. 

[rodheadlee]

5 hours ago, VideoGameJunkie said:

This is from a 2008 Salt Lake Tribune article about how many single women 18-30 went inactive. Hopefully the missionary age change that happened after helped with the numbers.

From the Salt Lake Tribune:

"Between the two Sunday sessions of the 178th Annual General Conference of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, the three women named Saturday as new leaders in the church's Young Women organization described their approach and priorities regarding the 554,600 Mormon girls between 12 and 18 years old in 170 countries.
When asked how they planned to cope with the fact that as many as 80 percent of the single Mormon women between 18 and 30 are no longer active in the LDS Church, Elaine Dalton, Young Women president, said: "That is the question of the day . . . I don't know that we have all the answers right now."
Dalton said she and her two counselors plan to "reach out and strengthen those young women . . . to help them understand who they are and the divine mission they have on earth."

What would be the cause that so many singles, especially an estimated 80% of single YSA women, going inactive? Pressures of marriage and not finding a spouse to marry in the temple? Lack of faith?
 

 

They are exercising free will, some will return. Sometimes you don't realize what you have until you lose it. Sometimes you have to experience hell before you appreciate heaven. 

[Stargazer]

The funny thing is, many years ago I heard a talk (on tape) by a former Protestant minister who joined the Church, and apparently the problem of young unmarrieds occurs among them as well, and for the same reasons.  Some members of his denomination's leadership apparently admired the LDS solution to the problem (special units for singles and the YSA and SA programs in general), but couldn't really see how to implement these into their programs.

[stemelbow]

The messages and training of women from childhood to adulthood probably factor into it.  But I'm sure the issue is pretty deep and complex since we're talking individuals here. 

I'd guess 18-30 is when we'd see most people who go inactive go inactive, lose faith, leave the faith, to be fair.  80% going inactive seems high.  I wonder how that figure was determined. 

[Avatar4321]

Not sure but we can do better in keeping them in the church

 

[rockpond]

19 hours ago, VideoGameJunkie said:

This is from a 2008 Salt Lake Tribune article about how many single women 18-30 went inactive. Hopefully the missionary age change that happened after helped with the numbers.

From the Salt Lake Tribune:

"Between the two Sunday sessions of the 178th Annual General Conference of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, the three women named Saturday as new leaders in the church's Young Women organization described their approach and priorities regarding the 554,600 Mormon girls between 12 and 18 years old in 170 countries.
When asked how they planned to cope with the fact that as many as 80 percent of the single Mormon women between 18 and 30 are no longer active in the LDS Church, Elaine Dalton, Young Women president, said: "That is the question of the day . . . I don't know that we have all the answers right now."
Dalton said she and her two counselors plan to "reach out and strengthen those young women . . . to help them understand who they are and the divine mission they have on earth."

What would be the cause that so many singles, especially an estimated 80% of single YSA women, going inactive? Pressures of marriage and not finding a spouse to marry in the temple? Lack of faith?
 

 

The Church seems to have wrapped much of the gospel around the family.  When you don't have a family and feel like one is out of reach, I could see that leaving you feeling apart from the church.  But it doesn't have to be that way.  Look at what the Parley's 7th Ward is doing!

[Duncan]

10 minutes ago, rockpond said:

The Church seems to have wrapped much of the gospel around the family.  When you don't have a family and feel like one is out of reach, I could see that leaving you feeling apart from the church.  But it doesn't have to be that way.  Look at what the Parley's 7th Ward is doing!

 

some of those people are single?? so tell me where is Parley's Utah at?

[Avatar4321]

9 minutes ago, rockpond said:

The Church seems to have wrapped much of the gospel around the family.  When you don't have a family and feel like one is out of reach, I could see that leaving you feeling apart from the church.  But it doesn't have to be that way.  Look at what the Parley's 7th Ward is doing!

When I was in a singles ward, our goal was always bringing people to Christ. Getting people married was a nice side effect.

My old stake had a singles ward and a branch. We eventually had to dissolve the branch because too many members got married.

I like seeing what that ward is doing. I think people wrongly disparage singles wards. They can do much good.

[rockpond]

8 minutes ago, Duncan said:

 

some of those people are single?? so tell me where is Parley's Utah at?

I think they are all single.  It's a singles ward.  And I believe that Parley's 7th is someone in the Salt Lake / Sugarhouse area but I'm not a Utah resident so others here are more likely to have a better answer.

[Buckeye]

The problem (and solution) are found primarily by looking at the social needs met by the church. Most people join/stay in the church because of relationships, not doctrine.

Look at the groups that are most active (in declining order):

1) Children (attend because their parents bring them and because they have friends; also snacks in primary)

2) Parents of children and youth (attend because they want their children raised well and because they have peers in similar situations)

3) Youth still living at home (attend because parents still have some influence and because they have friends; also some snacks, especially in YW)

4) Adults who don't have children at home (attend because they have friends and because they've invested heavily in the church over the years)

 

YSA are largely inactive because they don't fit into one of the these groups and because - outside of BYU and some large metro singles scenes - when YSA show up to church there are few members for them to identify with. First you're lonely, then you realize that no one takes notice when you're not there, then you miss a few sundays, then 6 years go by.

I can't give any good solutions, but I can tell you where to find them: by talking to YSAs. See what interests them and do that (hint: it's not more gospel doctrine classes covering the same milk-toast lessons they've had for 15 years).

 

Edited December 28, 2015 by Buckeye

[rockpond]

9 minutes ago, Avatar4321 said:

When I was in a singles ward, our goal was always bringing people to Christ. Getting people married was a nice side effect.

My old stake had a singles ward and a branch. We eventually had to dissolve the branch because too many members got married.

I like seeing what that ward is doing. I think people wrongly disparage singles wards. They can do much good.

Every singles ward experience is going to be different.  The singles ward I was in after college was very focused on getting people to date and marry.  That's not to say I didn't have many spiritual experiences there, but the dating/marriage focus was strong.

[rockpond]

2 minutes ago, Buckeye said:

I can't give any good solutions, but I can tell you where to find them: by talking to YSAs. See what interests them and do that (hint: it's not more gospel doctrine classes covering the same milk-toast lessons they've had for 15 years).

 

Amen.

[Buckeye]

It's no panacea, but I can give one easy suggestion: make YW visiting teachers, just like YM are hometeachers. The transition from YW to RS is brutal (unless you're at a church school). Anything that can help bridge the transition, and help YW feel at home with a "class full of grandmas" (to quote the YW in my ward) will help. This one is such a no-brainer, at least from the view of supporting the youth (I can understand that some sisters would rather not have YW along because it hinders their ability to discuss more difficult issues).

Also, where possible, the RS President should be encouraged (and supported) to make sure that there are a good number of young mothers who attend RS. Too often all the young mother are called into primary or YW. In my ward the RS President (definitely a grandma) has always made sure that one of her counselors is a young mother and has fought to "get back" a young mother for RS anytime one of them is called out of RS to be primary or YW. It's been a help.

Edited December 28, 2015 by Buckeye

[stemelbow]

15 minutes ago, rockpond said:

I think they are all single.  It's a singles ward.  And I believe that Parley's 7th is someone in the Salt Lake / Sugarhouse area but I'm not a Utah resident so others here are more likely to have a better answer.

You are correct.  It's a 31+ singles ward, I believe, and though it is for northeast SL County many from all over the county up into Davis County attend. 

[Mystery Meat]

As someone who has spent the last 10 years in YSA wards and is set to graduate (by age) shortly, I think I can share a few things. I actually think singles wards are a double edged sword, and ultimately do more harm than good (at least for those who turn 31 without getting married). I cannot count how many friends I have had who turn 31 and go inactive. Not because they don't have testimonies or don't love the church. But you feel like a failure and going BACK to the family ward as single adult feels awkward at best. Worse, many take one step into the Single Adult wards (age 31+) and if you are a girl you realize their are four of you for every one of them, and as one of my female friends has lamented, unless you are in the top 30% as far as looks go, you pretty much are completely ignored by members of the opposite sex.

If I were running the show I would have YSA's attend family wards (except for near universities where it would be a logistical nightmare). This way there isn't a distinction between YSAs and everyone else. You would have to have a more robust activity arm specifically for the YSA's in a given area. I also think it would have the added benefit of making church less of a social club for that period of a person's life (and less likely that a single person's social needs are not being met). I could go on and on about this, but I see very few downsides and whole lot of upsides.

[stemelbow]

Having been single throughout my 20s and dating mostly active LDS women, I'd say one big reason is the pressure and teachings they've received.  They've been told their whole lives that their worth is becoming a wife and having babies.  And they should not delay it.  Once they get up around 24 the pressure often increases in families and among friends.  It gets pretty ridiculous really.  25 year old's are out there feeling like sinners while being called spinsters.  No doubt it's gotten better, but it's still kinda silly, when you think about it.  The immediate need is they need support now, much like Buckeye suggests, but in the long run they need some adjustments in their programs from primary on up.  Each person's value should be found in oneself...not in their role.  There are way too many exceptions to our general rules to only teach rules anymore. 

[Avatar4321]

seems to me that if the single brothers stepped up they might be better off. Too many of my friends procrastinated dating and marriage or were looking for some perfect mate. No one is perfect