Popular Post saemo Posted November 23, 2015 Popular Post Posted November 23, 2015 From the Prarie Home Companion.My Norwegian friend says he knows the capitol of every US state. So I said, oh yeah , what's the capitol of Wisconsin. He said, "W". 5
strappinglad Posted November 25, 2015 Posted November 25, 2015 My dog had puppies on the side of the road. The local bylaw officer happened to see it. He cited her for littering. 3
Okrahomer Posted November 26, 2015 Author Posted November 26, 2015 Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?" 2
Okrahomer Posted November 28, 2015 Author Posted November 28, 2015 Singing in the shower is all fun and games, until you get shampoo in your mouth--then it just becomes a soap opera. 3
Kenngo1969 Posted November 30, 2015 Posted November 30, 2015 What do you call the cat after he crosses the desert? Sandy claws. (Not a pun, I know, but the rules on this thread seem awfully loose ...) 2
Tacenda Posted November 30, 2015 Posted November 30, 2015 What do you call the cat after he crosses the desert? Sandy claws. (Not a pun, I know, but the rules on this thread seem awfully loose ...)I want to burn all of these "puns", riddles and jokes made on this thread onto my memory, and for once be able to remember a punchline, joke etc.!!! 1
strappinglad Posted December 3, 2015 Posted December 3, 2015 Tacenda, I wouldn't mind burning a few of them myself ! 3
strappinglad Posted December 8, 2015 Posted December 8, 2015 (edited) What do you call a camel with no humps? ' Humphrey ' I tried to go for a walk in cellophane shoes, but I got no wear. Edited December 8, 2015 by strappinglad 2
Okrahomer Posted December 8, 2015 Author Posted December 8, 2015 It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally. 1
Okrahomer Posted December 9, 2015 Author Posted December 9, 2015 In a park people come across a man playing chess against a dog. They are astonished and say: "What a clever dog!" But the man protests: "No, no, he isn't that clever. I'm leading by three games to one!" 1
Okrahomer Posted December 12, 2015 Author Posted December 12, 2015 And now for a pun with a holiday connection... A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer." 4
Okrahomer Posted December 15, 2015 Author Posted December 15, 2015 I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.
Rivers Posted December 16, 2015 Posted December 16, 2015 (edited) A painter was painting a church building. He had one bucket of paint. Realizing that the one bucket would not be sufficient, he decided to use paint thinner to make the paint stretch. After the paint job was completed, a sudden rain poured down upon the church and washed away all the paint. The painter then heard a voice sound from the heavens, "Re-paint repaint and thin no more!" 😎 Edited December 16, 2015 by Rivers 2
Garden Girl Posted December 17, 2015 Posted December 17, 2015 Hello all... I'm at the library and using their computers... mine at home is acting up, and my mouse died yesterday too... anyway, I'm actually glad to be able to read and reply to your crazy puns and jokes... I hope to get a new computer or iPad etc next week... Not being able to post/reply from home is the beans... I've been having withdrawal.... hope everyone is well and looking forward to Christmas and a good New Year. I was trying to think of a pun or joke... and the only thing that comes to mind are some of Jeff Foxworthy's "You might be a Mormon if..." one liners and the only one I can think of now is something like... "You might be a Mormon if all your casserole dishes have your name on the bottom." Or... "You might be a Mormon if you spike the punch with Pepsi." He had a bunch of them that just nailed us good naturedly... ha! from the beach on a rainy cold day... and until I can post with my new computer.... GG 2
strappinglad Posted December 18, 2015 Posted December 18, 2015 This I invented myself although others may have come up with something similar in the past. What time is it when you have a tooth ache ? 2:30 1
Rivers Posted December 18, 2015 Posted December 18, 2015 4 hours ago, Garden Girl said: Hello all... I'm at the library and using their computers... mine at home is acting up, and my mouse died yesterday too... anyway, I'm actually glad to be able to read and reply to your crazy puns and jokes... I hope to get a new computer or iPad etc next week... Not being able to post/reply from home is the beans... I've been having withdrawal.... hope everyone is well and looking forward to Christmas and a good New Year. I was trying to think of a pun or joke... and the only thing that comes to mind are some of Jeff Foxworthy's "You might be a Mormon if..." one liners and the only one I can think of now is something like... "You might be a Mormon if all your casserole dishes have your name on the bottom." Or... "You might be a Mormon if you spike the punch with Pepsi." He had a bunch of them that just nailed us good naturedly... ha! from the beach on a rainy cold day... and until I can post with my new computer.... GG There is another thread specifically for for mormon jokes. 1
strappinglad Posted December 21, 2015 Posted December 21, 2015 When a midget spiritualist escaped from jail, the news headline read, " Small medium at large " . 1
Okrahomer Posted December 28, 2015 Author Posted December 28, 2015 (edited) From The Reader's Digest: My wife has suggested I should be exercising more. So I listed the exercises I do every day: jump to conclusions, climb the walls, drag my heels, push my luck, make mountains out of molehills, bend over backward, run around in circles, put my foot in my mouth, go over the edge, and beat around the bush. Edited December 28, 2015 by Okrahomer 3
Okrahomer Posted December 28, 2015 Author Posted December 28, 2015 What did the Tin Man say when he got run over by a steamroller? “Curses! Foil again!” 1
Okrahomer Posted December 28, 2015 Author Posted December 28, 2015 Q: Why did the chicken go to the séance? A: To get to the other side. 1
strappinglad Posted December 28, 2015 Posted December 28, 2015 My son is dating an anesthetist . She is a local girl. 1
Okrahomer Posted January 5, 2016 Author Posted January 5, 2016 A "steak pun" is a rare medium well done. 1
strappinglad Posted January 6, 2016 Posted January 6, 2016 In case there is someone out in forum land who Really likes punning, I recommend going to youtube and checking out Tim Vine ,a British comedian whose act is mostly one-liners and puns. Some I don't get because I am not familiar with the British references.
Tacenda Posted January 10, 2016 Posted January 10, 2016 On 12/28/2015 at 10:24 PM, Okrahomer said: From The Reader's Digest: My wife has suggested I should be exercising more. So I listed the exercises I do every day: jump to conclusions, climb the walls, drag my heels, push my luck, make mountains out of molehills, bend over backward, run around in circles, put my foot in my mouth, go over the edge, and beat around the bush. Talk about idioms!
Okrahomer Posted January 14, 2016 Author Posted January 14, 2016 How do you get a tissue to dance? You put a little boogie into it.
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