Okrahomer Posted November 3, 2015 Author Posted November 3, 2015 You want to hear a pizza joke? Never mind. It's pretty cheesy.
strappinglad Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 Did you hear the joke about the roof?? No? That's OK , it was probably over your head anyway .
Okrahomer Posted November 4, 2015 Author Posted November 4, 2015 Never trust atoms, they make up everything. 1
Okrahomer Posted November 4, 2015 Author Posted November 4, 2015 20 Things to do Before You Die...1) Look at see through glass and when someone is on the other side shout "OH MY HECK! I'M HIDEOUS!"2) Bring a big chair into the elevator facing away from the door and when someone walks in, dramatically turn and say 'we've been expecting you.'3) Walk up to someone, hand them a potato, look them in the eyes and deadpan 'with great power, comes great responsibility.' Walk away.4) Call someone to tell them you can't talk right now.5) Point at someone and shout "You're one of them!" Run and pretend to trip. Crawl away slowly.6) Buy a donut and complain that there's a hole in it.7) Put Mayonnaise in a bowl, freeze it, and tell your friend it's ice cream. Put up a "Lost Dog" poster with a picture of a cat on it.9) In a public toilet, pass a note under the door next to you saying, "They're onto us. We need to go."10) Walk up to a random person and say, "Wow! You've changed, I still have your picture from five years ago." And hold up a picture of potato.11) Call McDonalds asking for directions to Burger King.12) Order a pizza 5 minutes before New Years, and when it comes, yell, "I ORDERED THIS THING A YEAR AGO!13) Bring a desk on an elevator. When people try to get on ask if they have an appointment.14) Go to an electronic store with a banana and say that you want to upgrade to an apple.15) Call Pizza Hut and ask for the phone number to Domino's.16) Hide a walk talkie in a bush and scare people that walk by.17) Get on a crowded elevator with a bag in your hands, sigh and say "darn my snake got loose again".18) When someone asks you if you know what time it is, say yes and walk away.19) Dress up as a duck and throw bread at people and say,"HOW DO YOU LIKE IT?!! HUH?!!!!20) Go to a pet shop, point at an employee, and shout "I WANT THAT ONE MOMMY!!!"
Rivers Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 21. Get pulled over by a cop. When the cop comes to your window, wave your hand and say, "You don't need to see my identifation. These aren't the droids you're looking for." 2
Okrahomer Posted November 5, 2015 Author Posted November 5, 2015 (edited) I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey......but then I turned myself around. Edited November 5, 2015 by Okrahomer 1
Rivers Posted November 7, 2015 Posted November 7, 2015 Somebody start telling some more funny puns. This whole fiasco with the new church handbook policy has created a need for some more levity.
strappinglad Posted November 7, 2015 Posted November 7, 2015 What does a clock do when it's really hungry? It goes back four seconds. 2
Calm Posted November 7, 2015 Posted November 7, 2015 Pardon if already told:Atheists don't solve exponential equations because they don't believe in higher powers 3
Calm Posted November 7, 2015 Posted November 7, 2015 Eating a clock is really time consuming....Painful, I know.-------A baker had his bakery burn down. His business now is toast. 3
Okrahomer Posted November 9, 2015 Author Posted November 9, 2015 In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes. 2
strappinglad Posted November 10, 2015 Posted November 10, 2015 Every pessimist has the same blood type..... B- negative. How many RS ladies does it take to change a light bulb? Five. One to change the bulb and 4 to make refreshments. 3
Okrahomer Posted November 11, 2015 Author Posted November 11, 2015 From Christopher Hudspeth: "I totally understand how batteries feel because I'm rarely ever included in things either." 3
strappinglad Posted November 12, 2015 Posted November 12, 2015 I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down. I'm told even Don Rickles had a hard time. 1
Rivers Posted November 13, 2015 Posted November 13, 2015 I'm listening to a song about a plant. It's growing on me. 2
Popular Post Rivers Posted November 13, 2015 Popular Post Posted November 13, 2015 (edited) I would tell a joke about a dull pencil but there's no point. Edited November 13, 2015 by Rivers 5
saemo Posted November 15, 2015 Posted November 15, 2015 20 ) When someone asks you if you know what time it isSay, "It's time for you to get a watch." 1
strappinglad Posted November 17, 2015 Posted November 17, 2015 (edited) One day a tourist climbed to the Notre Dame bell tower and asked the resident bell ringer if he could have a try at ringing the famous bells. Before the resident bell man could give permission , the tourist ran across the tower and ran head first into the bells. He then staggered and fell from the tower. When the official bell ringer arrived at the point where the tourist landed, a crowd had surrounded the poor fellow. Someone asked if anyone knew the fellows name. The bell ringer replied, " I never got his name , but his face sure rings a bell." Edited November 17, 2015 by strappinglad 3
ERayR Posted November 17, 2015 Posted November 17, 2015 One day a tourist climbed to the Notre Dame bell tower and asked the resident bell ringer if he could have a try at ringing the famous bells. Before the resident bell man could give permission , the tourist ran across the tower and ran head first into the bells. He then staggered and fell from the tower. When the official bell ringer arrived at the point where the tourist landed, a crowd had surrounded the poor fellow. Someone asked if anyone knew the fellows name. The bell ringer replied, " I never got his name , but his face sure rings a bell."
Okrahomer Posted November 18, 2015 Author Posted November 18, 2015 My sister asked me to sing at her wedding reception. My "performance" was roughly akin to this trumpet solo: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nipU9R7KbFk
Okrahomer Posted November 22, 2015 Author Posted November 22, 2015 A little holiday humor...The dyslexic devil worshipper sold his soul to Santa. 1
Rivers Posted November 22, 2015 Posted November 22, 2015 A little holiday humor...The dyslexic devil worshipper sold his soul to Santa.Did you hear about the dyslexic agnostic insomniac? He lay awake all night wondering if there was a dog. 1
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