strappinglad Posted September 11, 2015 Posted September 11, 2015 The other day I went to visit a world renowned agriculturist . He was out standing in his field. 4
strappinglad Posted September 11, 2015 Posted September 11, 2015 While driving I noticed a sign that said " Lots for Sale " . Try as I might, all I could see was an empty field. 3
Tacenda Posted September 12, 2015 Posted September 12, 2015 You guys don't understand the meaning of "no pun intended" do ya? 1
strappinglad Posted September 12, 2015 Posted September 12, 2015 This one gets very long and involved so I will cut to the chase. A corn borer named Motor began boring through a large cob of corn one day. His friends and family waited at the other end of the cob to greet him. They waited and waited for what seemed like hours. They were about to send in a rescue party when suddenly they heard putt, putt, putt and out bored Motor. 1
Stargazer Posted September 12, 2015 Posted September 12, 2015 You guys don't understand the meaning of "no pun intended" do ya? On the contrary, we do know it. But the terms of participation in THIS thread is Pun Intended. 2
Kenngo1969 Posted September 12, 2015 Posted September 12, 2015 (edited) The National Pun Association sponsored its inaugural Best Pun of the Year Contest. There were ten finalists, but, alas, it was a bad year for puns, and none of the judges could agree on which of these bad puns should win the contest. They continued to haggle back and forth. What was the result? Which of the puns won the Best Pun of the Year in this sub-par year for puns? Well, no pun in ten did. Edited September 12, 2015 by Kenngo1969 3
Okrahomer Posted September 13, 2015 Author Posted September 13, 2015 I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down. 1
Rivers Posted September 13, 2015 Posted September 13, 2015 God was a baseball player. In the "big inning." 1
Stargazer Posted September 14, 2015 Posted September 14, 2015 I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down. Please name the book.
Okrahomer Posted September 14, 2015 Author Posted September 14, 2015 (edited) Please name the book. It's an unpublished manuscript...? Edited September 14, 2015 by Okrahomer
Okrahomer Posted September 14, 2015 Author Posted September 14, 2015 Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I'm OK, but I feel like I've dyed a little inside.
Kenngo1969 Posted September 14, 2015 Posted September 14, 2015 I guess one of my old mission companions' fathers used to work out at the old Deseret Gym. One day, he was waiting for a buddy to come out after he'd finished a workout and showered. The guy came out and said, "You'll never guess who I saw in the showers." My companion's dad asked, "Who?" The guy replied, "Alexander Schreiner." My companion's dad said, "Really? How do you know it was Alexander Schreiner?" The guy replied, "I saw his organ." Whaaat?
Kenngo1969 Posted September 14, 2015 Posted September 14, 2015 Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I'm OK, but I feel like I've dyed a little inside.I'm sure we all swallow food coloring all the time on purpose. Just look at a label: "FD&C Yellow #5." 1
Okrahomer Posted September 14, 2015 Author Posted September 14, 2015 (edited) There was a Babylonian General who was declared a traitor for leading a revolt. He escaped one night and hid in an old Babylonian ziggurat, or temple, where he expected to find some of his associates. He searched all over, but couldn't find them! So he figured he had better burn all the secret plans that were hidden in the ziggurat. As soon as the fire was going he threw in the first papers, and he was then promptly discovered and captured. The moral of the story: WARNING! The searchin' General has determined that smoking ziggurats may be hazardous to your stealth! Edited September 14, 2015 by Okrahomer 1
Stargazer Posted September 15, 2015 Posted September 15, 2015 It's an unpublished manuscript...? I can't believe I didn't get that one right away. "Hard to put down" Groan. 1
Okrahomer Posted September 15, 2015 Author Posted September 15, 2015 I can't believe I didn't get that one right away. "Hard to put down" Groan. I really will run out of these...eventually--then the suffering can stop.
Okrahomer Posted September 15, 2015 Author Posted September 15, 2015 (edited) Many of us are probably still familiar with the term "Ping-Pong Diplomacy" and how it helped pave the way for Nixon's historic trip to Peking in 1972. However, far fewer are aware of the efforts of Senators William Spong of Virginia and Hiram Fong of Hawaii to celebrate the astounding turn of events. If they had been successful with their jointly-sponsored bill, US citizens would have heard the ringing of church bells across the country to herald the arrival into Hong Kong of the U.S. Table Tennis Team after its tour of Communist China. Unfortunately, the bill failed to pass, cheating the Senate out of passing the "Spong-Fong Hong Kong Ping Pong Ding Dong Bell Bill." Edited September 15, 2015 by Okrahomer
strappinglad Posted September 15, 2015 Posted September 15, 2015 Well, Okra, I can see the bottom of the barrel now. That was just AWFUL ! I do, however , admire the hours of thought that went into the story. 2
Okrahomer Posted September 15, 2015 Author Posted September 15, 2015 (edited) Well, Okra, I can see the bottom of the barrel now. That was just AWFUL ! I do, however , admire the hours of thought that went into the story. Haha! I "stole" this story from Stan Taylor during my Senior Seminar for Political Science at BYU. He was a hoot! Edit: STAN Taylor! YIKES!!! Edited September 15, 2015 by Okrahomer
strappinglad Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 Just for the Canucks here. The son of a famous Prime Minister has political aspirations of his own. In order to discredit him, his opponents have started to spread a story that he actually dyes his hair. It wasn't true though.
Okrahomer Posted September 16, 2015 Author Posted September 16, 2015 (edited) So...A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that the teller's name is Patricia Black. He says, very politely, "Ms. Black, I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation."Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name and how much he wants to borrow. The frog replies that his name is Kermit Jagger, he wants to borrow $30,000, and that he knows the bank manager.Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need to furnish some collateral to secure the loan. The frog says, "OK, I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, bright pink and perfectly formed.Very confused, Patti excuses herself to consult with the bank manager. She tells the bank manager, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000. And he wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what the heck is this?"The bank manager looks at her and says:"It's a knick knack, Patti Black. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone." Edited September 16, 2015 by Okrahomer 3
Ron Beron Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 Once there was a horse that was much annoyed because several birds were building nests in his mane. Nothing he did would make them stop. The noise and activity were driving the horse crazy. So, he decided to see the wise old owl for help. The old owl told him to go home and put some yeast in his mane and all would be well. The horse thought this was a bit nutty, but out of desperation, he did what the owl told him. The next morning the mane was completely clear of nests. The very surprised horse trotted excitedly to the owl's house. When asked why the yeast worked, the owl replied, "Horse, don't you know that .... yeast is yeast and nest is nest and never the mane shall tweet?" 4
Okrahomer Posted September 20, 2015 Author Posted September 20, 2015 Speaking of horses...A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "So, why the long face?"
Rivers Posted September 21, 2015 Posted September 21, 2015 Speaking of horses...A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "So, why the long face?"I thought that was a John Kerry joke. 3
Kenngo1969 Posted September 21, 2015 Posted September 21, 2015 Did you hear the one about the guy who walked into the bar? He forgot to duck. 1
Recommended Posts