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Predictions About New Missionary Policy...


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Posted (edited)

I predict the following byproducts of the new missionary policies:

- Bike sales will plummet along the Wasatch front

- Ipad sales will skyrocket along the Wasatch front

- Mr. Mac will now be offering two pairs of pajama pants with every pajama top

- Anti-Mormon accusations that the LDS church uses paid advocates on the internet will be countered with "hey - you want to know how much I'm paying per month to do this!?"

- Countercult ministries will develop ties with mysterious Chinese hackers but they will do it out of love.

- Typing tutorials will be added to excersise and save money in the future missionary lessons.

- Scripture video and insect control companies will be forced to acoomodate their sales force's talents and move from door to door and mall kiosks to online sales.

- Instead of shorter service missions ADHD kids will be sought out for full time eMissions.

- Missionaries in North America will eat less spaghetti and more ramen.

- Missionaries in Asia will eat more spaghetti and less ramen.

The Gospel will still be true and the Holy Spirit will still testify of the Divinity of Christ. No matter where we connect with people. (But it is kind of cool we're updating our technology and reach).

Edited by KevinG
Posted

C'mon - feed my bad humor habit here... make some predictions of your own!

Posted

I predict that missionaries will not come home as lean as they used to.....

Posted

I predict that missionaries will not come home as lean as they used to.....

They could always be provided with Ipad chargers hooked to stationary bicycles.

Posted

The era of the challenging and testifying missionary is official OVER.

I have that talk! My Companion and I read it and Ether 12 every day for a month and on one of those days we committed everyone we saw to baptism-didn't work but sure was a lot of fun!

Posted

in this mission they have "dignified language" and I hope they add two phrases that burn in me ears such as "I know, right?" and "right heh"

Posted
The era of the challenging and testifying missionary is official OVER.

If true, I predict it will come back in short order as convert baptisms plummet. It's similar to when the Church tried to say "we're Christians just like you". That changed back to differentiation in a hurry.

Posted

Wish to high heck the elders would get rid of those ridiculous shiny paisley ties, have they no concern for fashion? what is this world coming to?

Posted (edited)

The era of the challenging and testifying missionary is official OVER.

They are adding sharing the gospel on the internet to what they already do. There will still be the same proselytizing work as before. People somehow think that broadcast said there would be no more traditional missionary work. How people have came to that assumption is beyond me. I listened to that whole broadcast, with only a few dozes, and did not hear anything like that.

I want to add people will be tracted online only. They will still have to be baptized in person and will eventually meet missionaries in person also. More then likely they will meet with them sooner then later.

Edited by tyler90az
Posted

Wait a minute tyler , I think you have stumbled onto something. Virtual Baptisms. Investigate online, get the lessons online , do the interviews online, get baptized and confirmed in a virtual video ' animation' . After a year of online service go through a virtual temple. Spend a few years doing online teaching and then accidentally visit some online anti site. Get disturbed by the online revelations and get offended by the online chatrooms. Throw the whole thing out to the ' trash' .Request to have your name removed as a subscriber to lds.org. All from the comfort of your couch.

Posted

..........................................

- Countercult ministries will develop ties with mysterious Chinese hackers but they will do it out of love.

..................................................

:ph34r: :ph34r:

Posted

I can see that the age change for women will have a major social change in the church.

Under the old policy, basically only young women who "couldn't find a husband" went on a mission. Under the new policy, many of the sisters will not be waiting around for MR. Right, but will decide to go. That will dramatically change the percent of the women who have served a mission.

Not sure exactly what this will mean long-term, but it will certainly put them on a more equal footing with the brethren in authority and self-confidence. ...like the pioneer women.

Posted

Hm, the decrease in tracting should also decrease diversity in the Church but the increased Internet activity should accelerate the growing number of computer nerds in the membership. May result in comical cats being used in Sacrament talks as props.

Posted

Wish to high heck the elders would get rid of those ridiculous shiny paisley ties, have they no concern for fashion? what is this world coming to?

We could do bow ties but the Nation of Islam already took that look.

Posted

I predict the Lord will magnify our actions and bless the Church with unprecedented growth throughout the world.

Well, yes. If you want to be all serious about this. :air_kiss:

Posted

Hm, the decrease in tracting should also decrease diversity in the Church but the increased Internet activity should accelerate the growing number of computer nerds in the membership. May result in comical cats being used in Sacrament talks as props.

They definitely need some Zumba classes in between then. Sitting all day, not that good. And hopefully they'll be careful not to get carpel tunnel syndrome. And to the non nerd, this will be a trial. Hopefully they get a lot of contacts to inable them the personal contacts.
Posted

I can see that the age change for women will have a major social change in the church.

Under the old policy, basically only young women who "couldn't find a husband" went on a mission. Under the new policy, many of the sisters will not be waiting around for MR. Right, but will decide to go. That will dramatically change the percent of the women who have served a mission.

Not sure exactly what this will mean long-term, but it will certainly put them on a more equal footing with the brethren in authority and self-confidence. ...like the pioneer women.

well, all but one of the sisters I knew well enough are married. One's husband tragically was killed last year in an automobile accident

Posted

I predict the following byproducts of the new missionary policies:

- Bike sales will plummet along the Wasatch front

- Ipad sales will skyrocket along the Wasatch front

- Mr. Mac will now be offering two pairs of pajama pants with every pajama top

- Anti-Mormon accusations that the LDS church uses paid advocates on the internet will be countered with "hey - you want to know how much I'm paying per month to do this!?"

- Countercult ministries will develop ties with mysterious Chinese hackers but they will do it out of love.

- Typing tutorials will be added to excersise and save money in the future missionary lessons.

- Scripture video and insect control companies will be forced to acoomodate their sales force's talents and move from door to door and mall kiosks to online sales.

- Instead of shorter service missions ADHD kids will be sought out for full time eMissions.

- Missionaries in North America will eat less spaghetti and more ramen.

- Missionaries in Asia will eat more spaghetti and less ramen.

The Gospel will still be true and the Holy Spirit will still testify of the Divinity of Christ. No matter where we connect with people. (But it is kind of cool we're updating our technology and reach).

So far, I have seen that the Sister Missionaries do really well despite their youth. The Elders really need the support of their ward members. Remember, both sisters and elders are younger now and need emotional support, hence Sunday's message. I hope that our ward missionary leader allows that. I've been quite open about helping the missionaries. I hope ...

Posted

You know, for years we have wondered how the church would spread in places like China and the Muslim world. One wonders if this will be the way in. China and the church already have at least a polite relationship, so with any luck, they don't block missionary sites.

Time will tell, but it seems like with the Lord, things have a funny way of working out.

On the humor front, the new policy promises to give Elders a reason not to shave after Monday until Sunday, unless it's their turn to be tour guides.

Posted

You know, for years we have wondered how the church would spread in places like China and the Muslim world. One wonders if this will be the way in. China and the church already have at least a polite relationship, so with any luck, they don't block missionary sites.

Time will tell, but it seems like with the Lord, things have a funny way of working out.

On the humor front, the new policy promises to give Elders a reason not to shave after Monday until Sunday, unless it's their turn to be tour guides.

I lost track of Google's battle with the PRC, are they still blocking sites?

Posted

C'mon - feed my bad humor habit here... make some predictions of your own!

They will be bored to death and a two years mission will feel like ten. Not to mention how to hack the net, so they can text fiends.

Now the real stuff...

Cars will have stickers saying, "Caution, Mormon computer geeks on board". :)

Posted (edited)

Under the old policy, basically only young women who "couldn't find a husband" went on a mission.

That wasn't even 'in force' when I went to college in the 70s. I had several friends at the time who went on missions because they wanted to, not because they weren't married yet. Edited by calmoriah
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