Missionaries Going Home Early-Is This Everywhere?

[Duncan]

I think also that Latter Day Saint youth grow up in a more protected environment, physically and emotionally, than many young people. There is more emphasis on family... usually they are from two-parent homes. Their standards of behavior have been different than many other young people. Most are more innocent and/or naive... then they get sent out into the world. The real world... It can be almost overwhelming to some, but others are able to adjust... those that can't for whatever reason will most likely end up going home.

Opening up the field to larger numbers of these younger applicants also carries the possibility of increased percentage of returnees dropping out..

GG

some of or most , er, maybe all I dunno! how many but are coming from areas that everyone has heard of the Church or is a member and then they are getting sent into areas where no one has heard of it before and serving in tiny branches with a few members

[ERayR]

I agree completely. I have worked for 15 years with inner-city youth who have either dropped out or been kicked out of school. Usually, they have "alphabet syndrome" (ADHD, ADD, ODD, and many others) And they are addicted to computer games. Most haven't a clue how to enjoy life. As you say, neither work nor play engages them. They are, however, proficient at being bored and boring.

I think that all to often the "alphabet syndrome" gets diagnosed when it shouldn't be.

[cinepro]

This is an issue I'm facing as my 16yo son will soon be making the decision and, if he decides to go, starting to prepare.

What's interesting to me is that there is absolutely no thought given to teaching him what a mission is actually like. For example, he absolutely loathes waking up for Seminary (every morning starts with my wife yelling and screaming at him to get out of bed), he hated doing Fast Offerings as a Deacon (every month I would have to drag him to the car), and he hates going home teaching with me.

So he was shocked to hear that a mission is like two years of waking up early for Seminary and then doing Fast Offerings and Home Teaching for 11 hours a day, except most the doors you knock on aren't expecting you and don't want you to be there.

He honestly thought it was mostly dinner appointments with members and playing basketball or soccer and helping people move and stuff, because that's all he ever saw the missionaries doing. And of course the missionaries are always happy and telling great stories when they come over for dinner.

Years ago (back in the 80s and early 90s), young men used to have the opportunity to actually go and live with the missionaries for a couple of weeks, and I wish they still did this. Because part of the problem might be that potential missionaries really don't know what they're getting into.

[Duncan]

I've been worrying about this ever since my daughter announced her desire to serve a mission. I think it's a great idea for her, but I realize she has absolutely zero work ethic, and it's probably the fault of her parents for not demanding enough.

It's been a number of years since I served. When I entered training, it was pretty evident to me that my MTC companion was only there for the laughs. It was going to be great fun, you know... dorm life, cafeteria food, classes, then a bus ride and an airplane! Oh, and going far away and seeing a strange land and meeting some new people and generally slobbing around and goofing off. Well, his first companion in the field was a farm boy from the midwest, and he wasn't afraid to work. Yeah, my MTC companion lasted about two weeks, then he cracked. And I mean, cracked. He left a note--and everything else--and boarded a bus by himself. In couple of days, the mission president gets a phone call from a US Embassy somewhere. They have this guy who claimed to be a US tourist who had lost his papers... finally it came out that he was a runaway LDS missionary and the paperwork was locked up at the mission office. I had some business at the office six months later, and they were only then gathering his stuff up to send back to him.

The question is, what to do about it? This problem of ease and dependence is serious business. It seems to be a problem of affluence, perhaps; I feel like my kids have a lot of luxuries that I didn't enjoy growing up, and that these things are impediments to the development of work ethic. It's too easy and convenient to live at my house. What are some strategies for preparing children to work? How are chores managed, and so forth? What are the rules?

where did you serve?

[Duncan]

This is an issue I'm facing as my 16yo son will soon be making the decision and, if he decides to go, starting to prepare.

What's interesting to me is that there is absolutely no thought given to teaching him what a mission is actually like. For example, he absolutely loathes waking up for Seminary (every morning starts with my wife yelling and screaming at him to get out of bed), he hated doing Fast Offerings as a Deacon (every month I would have to drag him to the car), and he hates going home teaching with me.

So he was shocked to hear that a mission is like two years of waking up early for Seminary and then doing Fast Offerings and Home Teaching for 11 hours a day, except most the doors you knock on aren't expecting you and don't want you to be there.

He honestly thought it was mostly dinner appointments with members and playing basketball or soccer and helping people move and stuff, because that's all he ever saw the missionaries doing. And of course the missionaries are always happy and telling great stories when they come over for dinner.

Years ago (back in the 80s and early 90s), young men used to have the opportunity to actually go and live with the missionaries for a couple of weeks, and I wish they still did this. Because part of the problem might be that potential missionaries really don't know what they're getting into.

I agree 1000000000000000000%!!!

[Questing Beast]

To be frank, when it was announced that the age to serve was being lowered, I thought to myself.... Oh-oh... because I did feel it might be too young for a good many. Being away from home at such a young age, coupled with the rigors of a mission, coupled with emotional or mental immaturity, and naivete... will certainly take its toll.

While a young man or woman might be enthused and serious about wanting to serve (witness the response in increased numbers applying), the reality sets in very quickly, and not all are up to it... One 19 1/2 year old young man from our ward who went out became so homesick he nearly came home. It did not surprise me because he was so close to his family, particularly his mom... great family and he really wanted to go on a mission but being away from them was extremely difficult. He did manage to serve a full mission and is glad he was able to do so.

But some 18 year old boys and 19 year old girls may be just too young...

GG

Military life does this too. My dad left Brigham City for the first time in his life at 18 to serve in the Air Force during the 2WW. For the first three or four months he was almost worthless with homesickness. It literally made him sick, he could hardly function.

I experienced homesickness once in my life, for a solid week of hell on the east shores of Bear Lake at a Scout camp under miserable conditions that were actually health threatening. When my mission came, you'd think that I would feel some trepidation vis-a-vis the homesickness thing, but I did not. And although large periods of my mission were virtual "backwaters" as far from success as possible, I never once had the thought pass through my mind: "Hey, I could just leave and go home." I didn't realize that this had been a feature of my mission experience until fairly recently when I was noticing missionaries not staying for the duration, for whatever reasons. If I had had the thought of leaving early, I think it would have unmanned me. As it turned out, I finished the whole two years, and stuck it out, if not very valiantly. Sticking it out to the end was never questioned, never an option to even consider....

[Duncan]

Military life does this too. My dad left Brigham City for the first time in his life at 18 to serve in the Air Force during the 2WW. For the first three or four months he was almost worthless with homesickness. It literally made him sick, he could hardly function.

I experienced homesickness once in my life, for a solid week of hell on the east shores of Bear Lake at a Scout camp under miserable conditions that were actually health threatening. When my mission came, you'd think that I would feel some trepidation vis-a-vis the homesickness thing, but I did not. And although large periods of my mission were virtual "backwaters" as far from success as possible, I never once had the thought pass through my mind: "Hey, I could just leave and go home." I didn't realize that this had been a feature of my mission experience until fairly recently when I was noticing missionaries not staying for the duration, for whatever reasons. If I had had the thought of leaving early, I think it would have unmanned me. As it turned out, I finished the whole two years, and stuck it out, if not very valiantly. Sticking it out to the end was never questioned, never an option to even consider....

I had a similar experience! where did you serve?

[Rivers]

Years ago (back in the 80s and early 90s), young men used to have the opportunity to actually go and live with the missionaries for a couple of weeks, and I wish they still did this. Because part of the problem might be that potential missionaries really don't know what they're getting into.

Actually this was done in my mission in Washington state. This was only a few years ago. It was a lot of fun having the young men do missionary work with us and eat our food. They were called mini missions. IIRC they lasted a week.

Edited June 20, 2013 by Rivers

[Questing Beast]

...

The question is, what to do about it? This problem of ease and dependence is serious business. It seems to be a problem of affluence, perhaps; I feel like my kids have a lot of luxuries that I didn't enjoy growing up, and that these things are impediments to the development of work ethic. It's too easy and convenient to live at my house. What are some strategies for preparing children to work? How are chores managed, and so forth? What are the rules?

Most of my family raising time is done. I have one 17 year-old daughter, NOT living at home. She spends almost all of her time staying with friends and "hanging out", etc. She is also an honor student. How can I complain? Her eight older siblings are a mixture: four of her five brothers are married now, her oldest sister is married and expecting her first baby after more than ten years of marriage and working on her doctorate; her other two sisters are on their own as well. The unmarried brother visits home frequently, but did not always do that, and spent months at a time incommunicado as far as family was concerned. Now he comes and stays for most of a week, and when not sleeping is playing 'puter games or watching videos. He did a full tour of duty as a Marine, however, he was disillusioned by the double standard: the ethic the Corps presents, and the poor moral standards of the private lives of the Marines he served with.

That brief background to my children coincides with the rise of electronic media. When our first children were preschoolers we got our first computer, and it was used essentially to play games on. So all of my children have grown up surrounded by Medía, the "Blue-eyed God of entertainment". I took my family "out into the wilderness" a couple of times, once lasting c. a year of NO videos or computer gaming in the house (TV has not been a part of our family life since the late 80s). The result? My children went to their friends houses and we saw less and less of them as that year progressed. About all I accomplished was by example, I could not keep the world of fatuous entertainment mentality away. And so it stands today, dear old cranky Dad is kinda weird that way. My children are all products of the modern electronic world, though not disabled by it. Three of my sons have served full-time missions honorably and effectively. It is my three younger daughters who don't seem to be attracted to family life! At least, not the "Mormon way".

The world is an odd place especially for parents these days. I don't know where it is going. But I feel hopeful that electronic entertainment will assume a less dominant place in the near future. There will be a growing number of the rising generation that will see it for the shallow simulacrum of real life that it is, and opt to spend their lives actually learning how to do things and develop skills, live in the physical world and not a virtual one, etc. I base my hope on human nature, which hates being cheated or living a lie. Most people are like that. However, I do see the "work ethic" undergoing serious redefinition compared to "old school". As long as we have mechanization, there is going to be little if any incentive to "tote that barge, lift that bale", or labor for long hours. The world of the future is going to be one of physical and mental ease. How people fill up their time with quality activities that stimulate the mind is, and will be, the challenge....

Edited June 20, 2013 by Questing Beast

[Questing Beast]

I had a similar experience! where did you serve?

New Zealand North Mission, 71 to 73....

[Tacenda]

Military life does this too. My dad left Brigham City for the first time in his life at 18 to serve in the Air Force during the 2WW. For the first three or four months he was almost worthless with homesickness. It literally made him sick, he could hardly function.

I experienced homesickness once in my life, for a solid week of hell on the east shores of Bear Lake at a Scout camp under miserable conditions that were actually health threatening. When my mission came, you'd think that I would feel some trepidation vis-a-vis the homesickness thing, but I did not. And although large periods of my mission were virtual "backwaters" as far from success as possible, I never once had the thought pass through my mind: "Hey, I could just leave and go home." I didn't realize that this had been a feature of my mission experience until fairly recently when I was noticing missionaries not staying for the duration, for whatever reasons. If I had had the thought of leaving early, I think it would have unmanned me. As it turned out, I finished the whole two years, and stuck it out, if not very valiantly. Sticking it out to the end was never questioned, never an option to even consider....

Are you my brother? This made me think back to my brother who also went on a campout on the east shores of Bear Lake and missed home so much after a week and the feeling he had when my dad, as a surprise pulled up with a new boat, small but new, to pick him up at the shoreline. He'll never forget it. Funny thing is, he is the only one that lasted all four years of seminary in my family. But he went inactive and stayed that way ever since.

[Buzzard]

When my daughter entered the MTC a couple of years back, they were told that in addition to training and spiritual preparation, the MTC functioned as a detox center from the world-cell phones, computers, video games, etc....Even in the field, missionaries are out in the world, but for 2-6 weeks, they are sealed off. And unless they have a doctors appointment, they do not leave the facility during their entire time there except to walk across the grass to attend the temple.

Sounds like there is a legitimate reason for this immersive experience.

[Duncan]

When my daughter entered the MTC a couple of years back, they were told that in addition to training and spiritual preparation, the MTC functioned as a detox center from the world-cell phones, computers, video games, etc....Even in the field, missionaries are out in the world, but for 2-6 weeks, they are sealed off. And unless they have a doctors appointment, they do not leave the facility during their entire time there except to walk across the grass to attend the temple.

Sounds like there is a legitimate reason for this immersive experience.

we had 2 elders in my MTC district get approval to go into Provo to do dental stuff and they hooked up with one of their girlfriends along the way... and the dentist xrayed a tooth and found nothing amiss (which was the 'cause' of having to go into Provo in the first place) and the elder claimed they xrayed the wrong tooth, mistakes happen but it seems a bit wishy fishy that it happened when they hooked up...one of then went home after a short while

[ALarson]

This topic is of interest to me because just this week I heard about the 2nd missionary (from our ward) who is coming home early within this last month. The parents of both are heart broken and I feel bad for all involved. From what I've heard, neither one of these two are coming home for health reasons. Both of these missionaries went out at 18 (males) and I have to wonder if they just weren't mature enough, but I don't know.

I do believe that some of the youth are just fine leaving at the younger ages (18 for males and 19 for females), but some should take some time to mature a bit more. I hate to think that the negative, traumatic experience of coming home early could have been avoided if they'd just waited awhile and not been so anxious to jump on the new age requirements. Now, I wonder if they'll go back out and try again or if that's allowed? Does anyone know?

[Duncan]

This topic is of interest to me because just this week I heard about the 2nd missionary (from our ward) who is coming home early within this last month. The parents of both are heart broken and I feel bad for all involved. From what I've heard, neither one of these two are coming home for health reasons. Both of these missionaries went out at 18 (males) and I have to wonder if they just weren't mature enough, but I don't know.

I do believe that some of the youth are just fine leaving at the younger ages (18 for males and 19 for females), but some should take some time to mature a bit more. I hate to think that the negative, traumatic experience of coming home early could have been avoided if they'd just waited awhile and not been so anxious to jump on the new age requirements. Now, I wonder if they'll go back out and try again or if that's allowed? Does anyone know?

I think it depends on why they went home. If you chose to go hom I think and correct me if I am wrong about this but that;s it for you. Soem can go back out for leaving for med. reasons. I know a few who went home and came back out due to PT's (prior transgressions)

[why me]

It is obvious that lds parents need to do more preparation with their children about missionary work. One way in which this can be done is to have the missionaries talk to them about what exactly a mission is and what kind of day they actually have. And they can leave out the best two years, wonderful spiritual experiences etc. Just he nuts and bolts of the job.

Also, parents can teach their children the power of prayer when they children are on their missions.

[toon]

I don't know anything about current trends.

But I used to always tell people, when they asked about my mission, that it was the best 13 months of my life. That was usually followed by uncomfortable silence.

[toon]

You have an interesting perspective on manhood.

I often remember to take out the trash on Thurdays. Problem is, trash is picked up on Mondays.

[rongo]

Two hours a day alone with the scriptures ( actual paper ones )

I think I just heard Scott Lloyd's head explode. Just kidding, Scott . . .

[Mark Beesley]

IMNSHO it has a lot to do with our not teaching our younguns to handle the hard things. We have not taught them to handle hardship. We give them everything they want so they don't know sacrifice. They think a three day handcart trek in the middle of the summer is a hardship.

I just read an article this morning about a trek, don't know where it was. The kids were out for a day and it got cold. Somebody, I guess, suffered from hypothermia, so the adults loaded everybody up and they went and found a nice warm barn to hang out in.

I thought, really? They want the pioneer experience, but only if it's not too uncomfortable? Heck. let 'em suffer. Might lose a couple along the way, but they'll really learn to appreciate what the pioneers went through.

I'm kidding, of course. But we are raising a generation of wimps.

[Questing Beast]

Are you my brother? This made me think back to my brother who also went on a campout on the east shores of Bear Lake and missed home so much after a week and the feeling he had when my dad, as a surprise pulled up with a new boat, small but new, to pick him up at the shoreline. He'll never forget it. Funny thing is, he is the only one that lasted all four years of seminary in my family. But he went inactive and stayed that way ever since.

Nope, no boats in this family. I've never been "inactive" either. Did all four years of seminary too, but usually in a napping state....

[Questing Beast]

This topic is of interest to me because just this week I heard about the 2nd missionary (from our ward) who is coming home early within this last month. The parents of both are heart broken and I feel bad for all involved. From what I've heard, neither one of these two are coming home for health reasons. Both of these missionaries went out at 18 (males) and I have to wonder if they just weren't mature enough, but I don't know.

I do believe that some of the youth are just fine leaving at the younger ages (18 for males and 19 for females), but some should take some time to mature a bit more. I hate to think that the negative, traumatic experience of coming home early could have been avoided if they'd just waited awhile and not been so anxious to jump on the new age requirements. Now, I wonder if they'll go back out and try again or if that's allowed? Does anyone know?

My son would not consider a mission because it was expected of him by too many family members. So he went to work out of state for a while, then changed his mind and said he'd serve a mission; he was then at about the age that missionaries typically return home. He went and had a good experience. If he had gone under pressure at the usual age (then 19) he'd have had a miserable experience. Maturity is definitely a necessary trait in order to be effective at missionary life.

If someone returns early, and then changes their mind and wants to go back out, I understand that it usually is not considered, but each case is taken on its own merits. "Who you know" would play heavily in this. Later, of course, anyone could apply for a mission as a single mature person, or as a married couple. But the youthful missionary experience is not to be trifled with....

[Calm]

Later, of course, anyone could apply for a mission as a single mature person

Unfortunately not, there is an age limit for single males for some reason.

[Questing Beast]

... we are raising a generation of wimps.

What do you expect? A generation of wimps raising a generation of wimpier wimps, that's how "unto the third and fourth generation" trends pass along....

[Questing Beast]

Unfortunately not, there is an age limit for single males for some reason.

No non proselyting missions for older guys either? I was thinking more in that direction....