Does Your Ex Have To Approve Your Remarriage In The Temple?

[Duncan]

Say you got sealed in the Temple and for one reason or another you got civilly divorced. Later on you meet someone you want to get married to in the Temple. Does your ex have to approve the new Temple marriage? Does it make a difference if it's a man or a lady in terms of who is requesting the new Temple marriage?

[bluebell]

I think you have to get first presidency approval, but i have no idea if the ex spouse has to sign off on it (i would think no).

[Saints Alive]

Say you got sealed in the Temple and for one reason or another you got civilly divorced. Later on you meet someone you want to get married to in the Temple. Does your ex have to approve the new Temple marriage? Does it make a difference if it's a man or a lady in terms of who is requesting the new Temple marriage?

that sounds familiar but I am not aware of the details, I think the first presidency asks for the ex's side of the story but the final decision is up to the first presidency.

[Mark Beesley]

The ex is asked for a letter addressed to the First Presidency. I'm not sure what directions are given as to what should be included in the letter. I don't think the ex has veto power. And with the current atmosphere of reconciliation in the Church, I don't think an ex's objection would have much chance of torpedoing a new sealing if the new couple is truly worthy.

[Mola Ram Suda Ram]

In the 2 cases (of people I actually know) that I am aware of they had to have the ex send in a letter. I am not sure what would happen after that. Thankfully the ex did it both times.

[Hamba Tuhan]

Sealing of Living Members after Divorce

Women. A living woman may be sealed to only one husband. If she is sealed to a husband and later divorces, she must receive a cancellation of that sealing from the First Presidency before she may be sealed to another man in her lifetime (see “Applying for a Cancellation of Sealing or a Sealing Clearance” below).

Men. If a husband and wife have been sealed and later divorced, the man must receive a sealing clearance from the First Presidency before another woman may be sealed to him (see “Applying for a Cancellation of Sealing or a Sealing Clearance” below). A sealing clearance is necessary even if (1) the previous sealing has been canceled or (2) the divorced wife is now deceased.

...

Applying for a Cancellation of Sealing or a Sealing Clearance

A woman who has previously been sealed must receive a cancellation of that sealing from the First Presidency before she may be sealed to another man in her lifetime. A man who has been divorced from a woman who was sealed to him must receive a sealing clearance from the First Presidency before another woman may be sealed to him (see “Sealing of Living Members after Divorce” above).

If the bishop and stake president decide to recommend that a cancellation of sealing or a sealing clearance be granted, they submit an Application to the First Presidency form. This form is available electronically in units that use Church record-keeping software. Leaders of these units should not contact the Office of the First Presidency to obtain a copy. The form is available from the Area Presidency in other areas. Instructions are on the form. Before submitting the application, the stake president makes sure that the divorce is final and that the applicant is current in all legal requirements for child and spousal support related to the divorce.

If a member has requested a cancellation of sealing or a sealing clearance, he or she may not schedule an appointment for a temple marriage or sealing until receiving a letter from the First Presidency giving notice that the cancellation or clearance has been granted. The person should present this letter at the temple.

Edited January 22, 2013 by Hamba Tuhan

[Duncan]

Is there a difference between Cancellation and clearance?

[Duncan]

is this in Handbook 2?

[Tacenda]

If

Is there a difference between Cancellation and clearance?

If it's just a clearance to be married for time only and end up with an ex for eternity, I would imagine that to be hell right there!

[Hamba Tuhan]

Is there a difference between Cancellation and clearance?

Yes, only a woman can request and obtain a cancellation of a sealing. A clearance is permission granted to a man to be sealed again. As per the handbook, this clearance has to be granted even if the ex-wife has already obtained a sealing cancellation.

is this in Handbook 2?

1.

[Calm]

I think requesting letters from exes is a good idea as this allows for temple worthiness issues that may not be known to be informed on. From the info posted, it is possible it is no longer a part of the process but I think it may be on the form. I have a relative who divorced her husband in part for abuse shortly before clearances were required for men and he was able to get a temple marriage with his second wife due to lying (I assume he lied as I highly doubt if he had been honest about his porn addiction--for which there was solid proof for even if the abuse was a he said, she said situation--he would have received a temple recommend). Exes did (do?) not give approval, just information and opinions in these letters, otherwise blackmail could occur as did happen in the case of their children being baptised...he refused to give permission unless he was no longer required to give child support. And clearances and cancellations could go ahead without letters if the individual is contacted and refuses the opportunity or if they can't be found from what I've heard people relate of their experiences. I assume if letters are still sought, the same applies.

Edited January 23, 2013 by calmoriah

[approdis]

No... because when you repent or ask to be sealed its non of her business anymore. It's between you and god and your partner.

[rongo]

It's "their business anymore" inasmuch as the First Presidency is looking for "the whole picture" and not just one side.

My sister's husband was excommunicated (prostitutes, other really, really "out there" stuff ---- like Mark Hacking stuff, without the murder). When he remarried, was rebaptized, had his blessings restored, and wanted to be sealed to his wife, she mentioned in her letter that she didn't want to stand in his way, but needed to note that he had never paid a dime of child support. The stake president called her and told her that he had provided evidence that he was current on his child support. My sister said that is impossible, because in her state, child support documentation is all web-based. The stake president said that he had shown them the appropriate things on the web site.

Turns out . . .

He had faked the state web-site to show child support payments. Complete forgery and counterfeit. That deep-sixed the sealing, and should have led to another excommunication as well, in my opinion.

When I was a bishop, I had to solicit ex-spouse letters many times for cancellations, sealings, special situations (like men being sealed to more than one living woman, contrary to the handbook. There are exceptions to everything, and the President holds all priesthood keys, and can and does grant them). The ex-spouses deserve and need to have a say, but as has been said, if a situation is truly worthy, a disgruntled ex won't hold it up. The bishop and stake president letters are helpful in that.

Edited January 23, 2013 by rongo

[Duncan]

It's "their business anymore" inasmuch as the First Presidency is looking for "the whole picture" and not just one side.

My sister's husband was excommunicated (prostitutes, other really, really "out there" stuff ---- like Mark Hacking stuff, without the murder). When he remarried, was rebaptized, had his blessings restored, and wanted to be sealed to his wife, she mentioned in her letter that she didn't want to stand in his way, but needed to note that he had never paid a dime of child support. The stake president called her and told her that he had provided evidence that he was current on his child support. My sister said that is impossible, because in her state, child support documentation is all web-based. The stake president said that he had shown them the appropriate things on the web site.

Turns out . . .

He had faked the state web-site to show child support payments. Complete forgery and counterfeit. That deep-sixed the sealing, and should have led to another excommunication as well, in my opinion.

When I was a bishop, I had to solicit ex-spouse letters many times for cancellations, sealings, special situations (like men being sealed to more than one living woman, contrary to the handbook. There are exceptions to everything, and the President holds all priesthood keys, and can and does grant them). The ex-spouses deserve and need to have a say, but as has been said, if a situation is truly worthy, a disgruntled ex won't hold it up. The bishop and stake president letters are helpful in that.

I pay every month for my son, take him every other weekend, I am active and I want to find a wife and marry her in the Temple. My ex, that I am legally divorced to, isn't active at all but we were sealed in the Temple and I don't want her to say no you can't get married in the Temple! do I have a chance of getting remarried there?

[Tacenda]

I pay every month for my son, take him every other weekend, I am active and I want to find a wife and marry her in the Temple. My ex, that I am legally divorced to, isn't active at all but we were sealed in the Temple and I don't want her to say no you can't get married in the Temple! do I have a chance of getting remarried there?

No experience with this, but if that is the route your ex-wife might take in the future, I think the church is changing or reworking the sealing arrangements in the temple to help people in your possible situation and other situations.

[Saints Alive]

I pay every month for my son, take him every other weekend, I am active and I want to find a wife and marry her in the Temple. My ex, that I am legally divorced to, isn't active at all but we were sealed in the Temple and I don't want her to say no you can't get married in the Temple! do I have a chance of getting remarried there?

Unless she has some dirt on you that you haven't confessed I think you are safe.

[Calm]

I pay every month for my son, take him every other weekend, I am active and I want to find a wife and marry her in the Temple. My ex, that I am legally divorced to, isn't active at all but we were sealed in the Temple and I don't want her to say no you can't get married in the Temple! do I have a chance of getting remarried there?

Of course you do. If you are fulfilling your duties as a father as well as a member, she can say "no" till she's blue in the face and it won't stop it. You should keep good records of your daddy duties, especially child support just in case she decides to be vindictive and lie about you.

[rongo]

I pay every month for my son, take him every other weekend, I am active and I want to find a wife and marry her in the Temple. My ex, that I am legally divorced to, isn't active at all but we were sealed in the Temple and I don't want her to say no you can't get married in the Temple! do I have a chance of getting remarried there?

Absolutely! It's pretty obvious to priesthood leaders, and I'm sure to the committees and the First Presidency (who review applications to the First Presidency) when ex-spouse "sandbagging" is going on with the letters. It's pretty easy to read between the lines, and as I said, a lot of weight is given to the bishop and stake president letters and their "take" and experience.

[Yep]

It's "their business anymore" inasmuch as the First Presidency is looking for "the whole picture" and not just one side.

My sister's husband was excommunicated (prostitutes, other really, really "out there" stuff ---- like Mark Hacking stuff, without the murder). When he remarried, was rebaptized, had his blessings restored, and wanted to be sealed to his wife, she mentioned in her letter that she didn't want to stand in his way, but needed to note that he had never paid a dime of child support. The stake president called her and told her that he had provided evidence that he was current on his child support. My sister said that is impossible, because in her state, child support documentation is all web-based. The stake president said that he had shown them the appropriate things on the web site.

Turns out . . .

He had faked the state web-site to show child support payments. Complete forgery and counterfeit. That deep-sixed the sealing, and should have led to another excommunication as well, in my opinion.

When I was a bishop, I had to solicit ex-spouse letters many times for cancellations, sealings, special situations (like men being sealed to more than one living woman, contrary to the handbook. There are exceptions to everything, and the President holds all priesthood keys, and can and does grant them). The ex-spouses deserve and need to have a say, but as has been said, if a situation is truly worthy, a disgruntled ex won't hold it up. The bishop and stake president letters are helpful in that.

Here are thoughts that went through with regards to this topic. I am in the process of obtaining a clearance letter. My ex-wife had an affair and this caused a divorce. I became concerned about this type of thing in that it ultimately becomes a he said/she said. When my ex-wife speaks to people she tends to fabricate stories about what occurred that led to our divorce. I have had a couple of people come to me to get my side, but overall people make assumptions and the end result is usually dependant on which of us they were closer to. I am unemployed and my ex and I have worked it out that my child support obligation is covered through her claiming all the children on taxes until I am able to pay child support. However, I worry that because she can be vindictive that her story may not reflect our agreement. I don't believe that anything will stop my wife and I from being sealed, but it scares me. I feel that she should not be able to state her opinion on anything in this matter, she gave up the right to impact my life as far as marital relationships.

In the end though, here is the central concept to remember with anything: Do everything we can, be honest and true. Do right by God and Man. If we do everything that we can, then God will take care of the rest. No matter the struggles in this life. No matter what we are held back from in this life. God will do right by us. Remember Joseph, he was sold into Egypt and then placed in prison, he missed the majority of the time he could have had with his mother, yet he maintained his faith. We must do the same. Trust in the Lord. I am doing my part and no matter what happens in this life, God will do right by me.

[Bill “Papa” Lee]

Say you got sealed in the Temple and for one reason or another you got civilly divorced. Later on you meet someone you want to get married to in the Temple. Does your ex have to approve the new Temple marriage? Does it make a difference if it's a man or a lady in terms of who is requesting the new Temple marriage?

In a general way...YES!

[rongo]

Here are thoughts that went through with regards to this topic. I am in the process of obtaining a clearance letter. My ex-wife had an affair and this caused a divorce. I became concerned about this type of thing in that it ultimately becomes a he said/she said. When my ex-wife speaks to people she tends to fabricate stories about what occurred that led to our divorce. I have had a couple of people come to me to get my side, but overall people make assumptions and the end result is usually dependant on which of us they were closer to. I am unemployed and my ex and I have worked it out that my child support obligation is covered through her claiming all the children on taxes until I am able to pay child support. However, I worry that because she can be vindictive that her story may not reflect our agreement. I don't believe that anything will stop my wife and I from being sealed, but it scares me. I feel that she should not be able to state her opinion on anything in this matter, she gave up the right to impact my life as far as marital relationships.

I think your experience is true of most people: people tend to take sides according to which person they are closest to. In general, too, men tend to side with men, and women with women.

Hopefully, you have a good relationship with your bishop and stake president, and the three of you can fully address any potential negative things your ex-wife could say in her letter. Your bishop and stake president have the benefit of knowing what your ex-wife said, and can be effective in directly addressing negative things she writes (which they disagree with, of course).

In the end though, here is the central concept to remember with anything: Do everything we can, be honest and true. Do right by God and Man. If we do everything that we can, then God will take care of the rest. No matter the struggles in this life. No matter what we are held back from in this life. God will do right by us. Remember Joseph, he was sold into Egypt and then placed in prison, he missed the majority of the time he could have had with his mother, yet he maintained his faith. We must do the same. Trust in the Lord. I am doing my part and no matter what happens in this life, God will do right by me.

That's a healthy attitude to have. Even if your priesthood leaders, or even the First Presidency, ultimately make a wrong decision, if you are actually in the right, it will work out in the end. God knows all, and He knows you. It's just frustrating for us in the here and now.

Overall, I think the FP and local priesthood leaders usually get things pretty right. The ex-spouse letters are necessary to get a full picture of everyone's perspective, but it's pretty easy to see when people are unfairly trying to sabotage a clearance or sealing out of spite. If you and your priesthood leaders insist that you have been faithful in your child support arrangements, that should outweigh her claims that you are not. Especially if they write that they believe you and think she is doing that out of spite.

[Maestrophil]

Duncan,

Here is my experience having been in your exact situation.

My ex-wife was given the opportunity to write a letter regarding her thoughts of my worthiness and remarriage. I was concerned, just as you are and asked my bishop if her letter could prevent me from getting sealed to my now-wife. I wasn't so much worried that she would say no, as I was that she would just not write a letter and hold up the process. My bishop assured me that it was a formality and that if she did not respond in a given time, my sealing would go on as planned. If her letter expressed disapproval of my worthiness, the bishop/SP would call me in and interview me about the matter and then make a call on if the claims meant anything. As I knew I had nothing to hide, I was comforted. Two years later, I am joyfully sealed to an amazing woman.

God bless you in your worthy struggle as a single dad. I wish you happiness and a worthy partner in the Lord's time!

Cheers,

Maestrophil

[Maestrophil]

Yep, I just wanted to say I feel for you. Your situation is like mine as well. The betrayal and hurt can be overwhelming.

I know the lord will take care of you, brother!

[Yep]

Yep, I just wanted to say I feel for you. Your situation is like mine as well. The betrayal and hurt can be overwhelming.

I know the lord will take care of you, brother!

Thank you.

[Duncan]

Yep, I just wanted to say I feel for you. Your situation is like mine as well. The betrayal and hurt can be overwhelming.

I know the lord will take care of you, brother!

That's awesome! Thank you for the very kind and comforting words!