Maestrophil

Great comparison

^^^^^ This is really what I wanted to ask here...

Yes, I agree - and I didn't intend this to be as much a discussion about my spouse as much as trying to get a feel for how people feel about the thought of buying alcohol and coffee etc for people not of our faith and who feels it is ok vs not ok? I suppose I should have just started it as a poll. Though I do appreciate the great advice and good intentions of the advice I received that is belong me be introspective so I approach my wife with the kindness and understanding she deserves.

Thank you. I agree, I want her to know that she is being heard and validated. I also want to feel heard and validated too - so how do I put that aside if I am being judged and not listened to? This is a second marriage for both of us, and I know that her ex had issues with alcohol, including DUIs, so that could be driving some of it. He got baptized when they were dating, but was never faithful and they ended up *ahem* 'having' to get married - sometimes I feel she might 'overcorrect' in her attempts to be righteous because of that. We do live in an area where people could see me. None of our kids are active/believing. I want to understand, it is just hard to feel scolded and have it held against me. If it was just her saying she was sad about it that would be one thing, but to feel chastised like a child or a sinner makes it hard not for me to want to push back. That is why I appreciated your insights to help me see things a little differently. Thank you.

Thank you far all the insight. Having it in the home for a minute is odd too to me because we have rum and cherry liquor for baking and wine in the fridge for cooking. Never a problem. I know that part bugged her because she said so - what would people think? I feel badly that matters to her but I have never cared what people think if I feel right with God. Im sad she’s hurt by my choice. But I don’t want to be scolded for it.

Thank you. A lot of good stuff here. I will take it into consideration. yes the bottle was on the counter when she came home. We were both supposed to leave right away to go to my parents house to have a goodbye dinner for my brother and his family.

Without the resurrection, Jesus was either a con-man or a nut.

My brother collects ‘sipping’ liquors and likes to identify ‘notes’ etc. he isn’t a fan of getting drunk. When he was a kid maybe but now he is far from an alcoholic. I suppose my wife might be angry because I didn’t consult her - but she never mentioned it while chastising me and bowing out of the goodbye dinner with my family. She just kept asking me how I could do such a thing, saying she questions who I am, asks what if someone saw me? Etc. maybe be she just hasn’t claimed down enough to realize the unilateral choice is what upset her most - but boy did she let me have it so what do you and others here think of members buying alcohol for someone at dinner or as a gift? And even if it is a gray area, is it severe enough in your minds to constitute a moral failure?

I am in the doghouse. It is so bad that my wife aid she questions the entire foundation of our marriage! What did I do? My sister in law suggested my brother might like a bottle of Utah brewed whiskey for his birthday while he is here for a couple of days from California. So I went in halfsies with my sister and got him a bottle. When my wife came home from work and learned what I had done, she was so angry and hurt and said she felt betrayed. I tried to explain that I don't have any intention of consuming at all and my family knows it. I felt that it would help my brother and sister and parents feel I accept them and see their wants above my personal morals. I also don't see alcohol as inherently evil. We have been asked not to consume it as members currently, but I don't think non-members who casually drink represent evil. Now to add one wrinkle - recently my wife and I decided we would pay for drink for our kids who have left the church when we take them out for dinner on their birthdays etc. We used to say we would pay for the dinner, but the drinks were on them. But we decided it felt weird and alienated our kids, so we agreed to start just letting them order what they would like and paying the entire bill. So why is she ok with that, but now somehow angry with me to the point of telling me I am betraying our marriage and she feels like she needs to separate herself emotionally for her 'safety'? help

great suggestions - thank you

I think for me, it's not a facade at all - I am one of those people whom everyone asks "are you always this happy?" I tell them not always, but mostly, and I am always at peace. For me, that is because I believe Jesus that if I am doing my best and renewing my covenants with him weekly, I will be OK in this life and in the life to come. It alters my perspective on tragedy and hard times. I know others can find happiness without that, but for me, it is really the core of my peace/joy. Now am I always having 'fun' or think life is fun? Nope.

Good point

They are great thoughts, thank you.

Great point. Once we get past this hurdle, hopefully we can all have constructive conversations about mutual boundaries and respect. We can work better on not bringing a religious tone into conversations and they can do better not bringing as much angst and assumptions

Yes. She has and will continue to offer art to them - just not painted on religious tomes! 😜