Chasing God

[Monster]

I have been chasing God for many years. I have looked for him at church. I went over and over to the temple and thought he would be there. I climbed the mountain and was full of faith that surely I would find him. I poured over the scriptures to find his voice but to no avail. I lived a good life or so I thought good enough to see god, to hear him whisper something to me. In my time of need I chased him with everything I had. I chased him to exhaustion and beyond. Once maybe twice I thought I had found him but it turned out to be a sham. My mind so wanting to find him that I let my imagination run away with the idea that God was actually talking to me. I could have accepted it was God but the forthcoming information proved to be undeniable false. I do not think God would lie so it was not God.

I can not chase him anymore. I do not have the energy or even if I could I no longer have any idea where to look. Mormonism's promises of God talking to me have failed. I can not hear him for whatever reason. Even those who have tried to find God for me have not been able to. He is hiding from me for what reasons I know not.

Many have said it is me. I am not listening, or I am not righteous enough. That I am a sinner and need to draw closer to God. I may have been mildly those things at times, but I have also been as good as I could make myself to be. I have listened with every once of concentration and energy I had. So if it is me I do not know how to fix it. I can not think of anything new. Is just a little more tithing going to be the trick or some other outwardly manifestation of my desire. Is there some quirk in my nature that must be resolved. Maybe, but I am clueless as to what it is.

So my new deal with God is that I can not chase him any longer. I am here. I hope he knows where I am. I will listen when he speaks to me personally and with clarity. I hope to be able to hear him, not others saying they have visited God and they have a message for me. I would like to hear it from God himself. But he will have to find me since I have been unable to find him. So until then I will assume it is not important for me to hear God. That I am OK as is and I should just finish my life the best I can and wade through my ups and downs with my own sense of right and wrong.

I do not deny his existence, but he makes it difficult to continue to want to believe he is there, but I still do. Just not in the manner that so many attribute him to be.

[Hamba Tuhan]

I sincerely hope you find what you have been looking for, even (especially?) if it comes to you!

[teddyaware]

45 The earth rolls upon her wings, and the sun giveth his light by day, and the moon giveth her light by night, and the stars also give their light, as they roll upon their wings in their glory, in the midst of the power of God.

46 Unto what shall I liken these kingdoms, that ye may understand?

47 Behold, all these are kingdoms, and any man who hath seen any or the least of these hath seen God moving in his majesty and power.

48 I say unto you, he hath seen him; nevertheless, he who came unto his own was not comprehended.

49 The light shineth in darkness, and the darkness comprehendeth it not; nevertheless, the day shall come when you shall comprehend even God, being quickened in him and by him.

50 Then shall ye know that ye have seen me, that I am, and that I am the true light that is in you, and that you are in me; otherwise ye could not abound. (D&C 88)

God is all around you, and even lives within you, and you "see" him every momemt of your life. He is in every breath you take, in every loving, good and productive thought you make; you're seeing him now, even as you read this post. The day will come when he will prove to you that you've been continually seeing him and that you've known of his reality each and every moment of your life. But for some reason, known only to God and you, there is a darkness in your carnal mind that will not allow you to see and comprehend, for now, the plainly evident fact that God is in you, and that you are in him, and even at this very moment he's right there before your eyes. He has been with to you all along, working many mighty miracles, but for now you comprehend him not.

How very strange and wonderful it will be for you when he opens your eyes and you realize, much to your astonishment, that the one whom you seek has been right there before you all along. "Then shall ye know that ye have seen me, that I am, and that I am the true light that is in you."

You want to know, but first you must learn to believe (or at very least desire to believe) by exercising faith in the proposition that it just makes good sense that a good, just, merciful, kind, all-knowing, and perfectly loving Creator rules in wisdom over all of existence.

Sooner or later you will know. My hope for you is that it will be sooner rather than later.

"Believe in what your heart is saying

Hear the melody that's playing

There's no time to waste

There's so much to celebrate

Believe in what you feel inside

And give your dreams the wings to fly

you have an inner beauty

If you just believe."

if you just believe

Just believe

you'll have everything you need

if you just believe" ("If You Just Believe" sung by Josh Grobin)

Edited December 8, 2012 by teddyaware

[Rivers]

"Holiness is found in how we treat others, not in how we contemplate the cosmos."

Terry and Fiona Givens

[telnetd]

I have been chasing God for many years. I have looked for him at church. I went over and over to the temple and thought he would be there.

A friend once had this advice for me. He told me that it was I who was lost and

that I was running away from God, who was chasing me so to speak. Even though

Jesus was God in human flesh, he still spent a great deal of time in communion

with the Father. When you get into this type of fellowship with Him, then will come

to fruition the words of Jesus - "Verily, verily, I say unto you, He that believeth on

me, the works that I do shall he do also; and greater works than these shall he

do; because I go unto my Father".

Gail

[Tacenda]

I haven't tried this yet, but the EV's preach to say the sinner's prayer first in order to get that relationship with Him. Since we are all sinners. The question most likely is do we want that relationship or not. Will He be number one in your life and will you give your all to Him. According to these people if you do this He will show up eventually. Sorry I don't have the answers I'm in the same boat. For so long I've let the LDS church be number one before Him sometimes.

[Storm Rider]

I reject in total the utter nonsense that God will only speak to an individual IF they say a specific prayer. It is without any foundation in scripture and is silliness to an extreme regardless of who may teach it. My knee-jerk reaction is that you are trying to hard and you are looking for a burning bush. Frankly, I believe that we should be grateful for all that God gives us; if we find a parking space quickly it is okay to thank God for his blessings. Gratitude is a sign of humility. Some pray and are expecting to get a direct communication, a voice that thunders from heaven that reveals all that is desired. I equate this to the Genie mentality: you are God and if I pray (rub the bottle) you are supposed to pop out and give me what I desire. For so many of us God is our Father and he is teaching us to seek after him. This mortal life is a trial of faith and commitment. Talk to God about what you are thinking and do what you think is best UNLESS he tells you otherwise. Sometimes it really doesn't matter what choice we make; just make a choice. Too many of us try to make God the arbiter of all our choices; he isn't, nor is he responsible for our choices. You are not alone in your situation of feeling God isn't talking. Many have felt that same sensation before. I promise you this; when God needs to say something, he speaks. He also talks a lot and we just don't listen well. If you can do anything, devote yourself to be grateful for all your blessings and try to exemplify humility. If you do this, you will come to know God.

[Tacenda]

I reject in total the utter nonsense that God will only speak to an individual IF they say a specific prayer. It is without any foundation in scripture and is silliness to an extreme regardless of who may teach it. My knee-jerk reaction is that you are trying to hard and you are looking for a burning bush. Frankly, I believe that we should be grateful for all that God gives us; if we find a parking space quickly it is okay to thank God for his blessings. Gratitude is a sign of humility. Some pray and are expecting to get a direct communication, a voice that thunders from heaven that reveals all that is desired. I equate this to the Genie mentality: you are God and if I pray (rub the bottle) you are supposed to pop out and give me what I desire. For so many of us God is our Father and he is teaching us to seek after him. This mortal life is a trial of faith and commitment. Talk to God about what you are thinking and do what you think is best UNLESS he tells you otherwise. Sometimes it really doesn't matter what choice we make; just make a choice. Too many of us try to make God the arbiter of all our choices; he isn't, nor is he responsible for our choices. You are not alone in your situation of feeling God isn't talking. Many have felt that same sensation before. I promise you this; when God needs to say something, he speaks. He also talks a lot and we just don't listen well. If you can do anything, devote yourself to be grateful for all your blessings and try to exemplify humility. If you do this, you will come to know God.

It can't hurt to try. How can you reject so vehemently unless you've tried and know. Knock and ye shall receive means nothing? What is wrong with this prayer? I don't get it, you've reacted quite strongly against it. Maybe God needs us to say the Sinners Prayer. Maybe we are too puffed up with pride and need to feel hopeless and needful!

[volgadon]

Here is a different perspective on the sinner's prayer. https://www.christiancourier.com/articles/368-the-sinners-prayer-is-it-biblical

[Tacenda]

Here is a different perspective on the sinner's prayer. https://www.christia...-is-it-biblical

Below is a C/P quote from a Yahoo response. It speaks well of what a Sinner's Prayer might attempt to do. Above all it must be a sincere prayer!!

This is what the Bible says:

"But what does it say? "The word is near you; it is in your mouth and in your heart," that is, the word of faith we are proclaiming:That if you confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved. As the Scripture says, "Anyone who trusts in him will never be put to shame."For there is no difference between Jew and Gentile—the same Lord is Lord of all and richly blesses all who call on him, for, "Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved."

Romans 10:8-13

Based on the above passage, we see the necessity of a public profession of faith in Christ to establish out heart faith.

This agrees perfectly with what Jesus taught, saying:

"Whoever acknowledges me before men, I will also acknowledge him before my Father in heaven. But whoever disowns me before men, I will disown him before my Father in heaven."

(Matthew 10:32-33)

and:

"If anyone is ashamed of me and my words in this adulterous and sinful generation, the Son of Man will be ashamed of him when he comes in his Father's glory with the holy angels."

Mark 8:38

Jesus Christ was not ashamed to hang naked and brutalized on the cross as an expression of His love for mankind. God His Father will not accept anything less than a public profession of our faith in Christ to make our faith acceptable in His sight.

Yet even in this He promises to give us His Holy Spirit, as a gift received by faith, so as to embolden us to fearlessly confess the name of His Son and our faith in what He did for us on the cross.

[TAO]

Mmmm... did you listen to General Conference this year? You know... the one about the pavillion. When we don't hear God, it may be that he is speaking, but we need to change a bit to hear him. I know it may discourage you... but don't give up. Please.

Edited December 8, 2012 by TAO

[Saints Alive]

I have been chasing God for many years. I have looked for him at church. I went over and over to the temple and thought he would be there. I climbed the mountain and was full of faith that surely I would find him. I poured over the scriptures to find his voice but to no avail. I lived a good life or so I thought good enough to see god, to hear him whisper something to me. In my time of need I chased him with everything I had. I chased him to exhaustion and beyond. Once maybe twice I thought I had found him but it turned out to be a sham. My mind so wanting to find him that I let my imagination run away with the idea that God was actually talking to me. I could have accepted it was God but the forthcoming information proved to be undeniable false. I do not think God would lie so it was not God.

I can not chase him anymore. I do not have the energy or even if I could I no longer have any idea where to look. Mormonism's promises of God talking to me have failed. I can not hear him for whatever reason. Even those who have tried to find God for me have not been able to. He is hiding from me for what reasons I know not.

Many have said it is me. I am not listening, or I am not righteous enough. That I am a sinner and need to draw closer to God. I may have been mildly those things at times, but I have also been as good as I could make myself to be. I have listened with every once of concentration and energy I had. So if it is me I do not know how to fix it. I can not think of anything new. Is just a little more tithing going to be the trick or some other outwardly manifestation of my desire. Is there some quirk in my nature that must be resolved. Maybe, but I am clueless as to what it is.

So my new deal with God is that I can not chase him any longer. I am here. I hope he knows where I am. I will listen when he speaks to me personally and with clarity. I hope to be able to hear him, not others saying they have visited God and they have a message for me. I would like to hear it from God himself. But he will have to find me since I have been unable to find him. So until then I will assume it is not important for me to hear God. That I am OK as is and I should just finish my life the best I can and wade through my ups and downs with my own sense of right and wrong.

I do not deny his existence, but he makes it difficult to continue to want to believe he is there, but I still do. Just not in the manner that so many attribute him to be.

This reminds me of a time when I couldn't find my favorite peanut butter at the store. I walked up and down the aisle probably a dozen times. I finally found it, they had changed the label and I didn't recognize it. It was right in front of my face and I was so focused on looking for the old label that I walked right past it several times. Perhaps you don't know what the label looks like?

[volgadon]

Below is a C/P quote from a Yahoo response. It speaks well of what a Sinner's Prayer might attempt to do. Above all it must be a sincere prayer!!

This is what the Bible says:

"But what does it say? "The word is near you; it is in your mouth and in your heart," that is, the word of faith we are proclaiming:That if you confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved. As the Scripture says, "Anyone who trusts in him will never be put to shame."For there is no difference between Jew and Gentile—the same Lord is Lord of all and richly blesses all who call on him, for, "Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved."

Romans 10:8-13

Based on the above passage, we see the necessity of a public profession of faith in Christ to establish out heart faith.

This agrees perfectly with what Jesus taught, saying:

"Whoever acknowledges me before men, I will also acknowledge him before my Father in heaven. But whoever disowns me before men, I will disown him before my Father in heaven."

(Matthew 10:32-33)

and:

"If anyone is ashamed of me and my words in this adulterous and sinful generation, the Son of Man will be ashamed of him when he comes in his Father's glory with the holy angels."

Mark 8:38

Jesus Christ was not ashamed to hang naked and brutalized on the cross as an expression of His love for mankind. God His Father will not accept anything less than a public profession of our faith in Christ to make our faith acceptable in His sight.

Yet even in this He promises to give us His Holy Spirit, as a gift received by faith, so as to embolden us to fearlessly confess the name of His Son and our faith in what He did for us on the cross.

Meh. Sounds like a diluted version of the Jesus Prayer (which even has something somewhat analoguous in Alma). Here is an article mentioning a range of thoughts regarding the sinner's prayer. http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2012/juneweb-only/baptists-sinners-prayer.html?start=1

I agree with Stormrider.

[Tacenda]

Meh. Sounds like a diluted version of the Jesus Prayer (which even has something somewhat analoguous in Alma). Here is an article mentioning a range of thoughts regarding the sinner's prayer. http://www.christian...er.html?start=1

I agree with Stormrider.

It must be LDS mentality then. Mustn't we feel as though we are lowly sinners in order to feel so needful of a Saviour or not? Or is being LDS a different thought process. Where we are God's in embryo and never a lowly sinner.

[bluebell]

It must be LDS mentality then. Mustn't we feel as though we are lowly sinners in order to feel so needful of a Saviour or not? Or is being LDS a different thought process. Where we are God's in embryo and never a lowly sinner.

Thinking that the 'sinner's prayer' is a bunch of hooey is not an LDS mentality. Quite a few protestants and as far as i know all Catholics also believe the same.

The attitude has absolutely nothing to do with denying the need to recognize ourselves as sinners or our need for the Savior. The disdain generally comes from the idea that saying a memorized prayer is all that one needs to do to guarantee a personal relationship with Christ and be saved.

That is what the concept behind the 'sinner's prayer' is, and that is what many Christians see as pure snake oil.

[volgadon]

It must be LDS mentality then. Mustn't we feel as though we are lowly sinners in order to feel so needful of a Saviour or not? Or is being LDS a different thought process. Where we are God's in embryo and never a lowly sinner.

Or it could be that I find the various verbiages of the sinner's prayer to be cheapened sentiments of something that should be far deeper.

Gods in embryo are lowly sinners, too. The Kotzker famously said that one must remeber two things. I am but dust and ashes, yet for me was the world created.

[Calm]

I am but dust and ashes, yet for me was the world created.

Now that is stunningly beautiful.

[harfad]

I have been chasing God for many years. I have looked for him at church. I went over and over to the temple and thought he would be there. I climbed the mountain and was full of faith that surely I would find him. I poured over the scriptures to find his voice but to no avail. I lived a good life or so I thought good enough to see god, to hear him whisper something to me. In my time of need I chased him with everything I had. I chased him to exhaustion and beyond. Once maybe twice I thought I had found him but it turned out to be a sham. My mind so wanting to find him that I let my imagination run away with the idea that God was actually talking to me. I could have accepted it was God but the forthcoming information proved to be undeniable false. I do not think God would lie so it was not God.

I can not chase him anymore. I do not have the energy or even if I could I no longer have any idea where to look. Mormonism's promises of God talking to me have failed. I can not hear him for whatever reason. Even those who have tried to find God for me have not been able to. He is hiding from me for what reasons I know not.

Many have said it is me. I am not listening, or I am not righteous enough. That I am a sinner and need to draw closer to God. I may have been mildly those things at times, but I have also been as good as I could make myself to be. I have listened with every once of concentration and energy I had. So if it is me I do not know how to fix it. I can not think of anything new. Is just a little more tithing going to be the trick or some other outwardly manifestation of my desire. Is there some quirk in my nature that must be resolved. Maybe, but I am clueless as to what it is.

So my new deal with God is that I can not chase him any longer. I am here. I hope he knows where I am. I will listen when he speaks to me personally and with clarity. I hope to be able to hear him, not others saying they have visited God and they have a message for me. I would like to hear it from God himself. But he will have to find me since I have been unable to find him. So until then I will assume it is not important for me to hear God. That I am OK as is and I should just finish my life the best I can and wade through my ups and downs with my own sense of right and wrong.

I do not deny his existence, but he makes it difficult to continue to want to believe he is there, but I still do. Just not in the manner that so many attribute him to be.

I recall listening to a talk by Spencer W. Kimball many years ago in which he related an anecdote (as best I can remember) about someone flying a kite. The kite was flying so high that it could not be seen. When asked how he knew that the kite was still there, the person flying the kite replied that he could tell by the push and pull of the string! Then President Kimball concluded that although for the most part God is not visible to us, if we have his Spirit with us we can tell that he is there by the tug of that spiritual string within our hearts. I think that is a good answer to your question. God is a lot closer to any of us than I think most of us realize. Often we look for him in the wrong places, when he is a lot closer to us than we think.

I haven't been able to find the talk. I tried every search term I could think of, but without success. If somebody else can find it I would appreciate a link.

[Sleeper Cell]

It must be LDS mentality then. Mustn't we feel as though we are lowly sinners in order to feel so needful of a Saviour or not? Or is being LDS a different thought process. Where we are God's in embryo and never a lowly sinner.

I don’t see how being a “god in embryo” makes anyone less of a sinner than if they were merely beings, created ex nihlio with limited potential. It seems to me that the greater one’s spiritual potential, the worse it is to be a sinner.

[mfbukowski]

I have been chasing God for many years. I have looked for him at church. I went over and over to the temple and thought he would be there. I climbed the mountain and was full of faith that surely I would find him. I poured over the scriptures to find his voice but to no avail. I lived a good life or so I thought good enough to see god, to hear him whisper something to me. In my time of need I chased him with everything I had. I chased him to exhaustion and beyond. Once maybe twice I thought I had found him but it turned out to be a sham. My mind so wanting to find him that I let my imagination run away with the idea that God was actually talking to me. I could have accepted it was God but the forthcoming information proved to be undeniable false. I do not think God would lie so it was not God.

I can not chase him anymore. I do not have the energy or even if I could I no longer have any idea where to look. Mormonism's promises of God talking to me have failed. I can not hear him for whatever reason. Even those who have tried to find God for me have not been able to. He is hiding from me for what reasons I know not.

Many have said it is me. I am not listening, or I am not righteous enough. That I am a sinner and need to draw closer to God. I may have been mildly those things at times, but I have also been as good as I could make myself to be. I have listened with every once of concentration and energy I had. So if it is me I do not know how to fix it. I can not think of anything new. Is just a little more tithing going to be the trick or some other outwardly manifestation of my desire. Is there some quirk in my nature that must be resolved. Maybe, but I am clueless as to what it is.

So my new deal with God is that I can not chase him any longer. I am here. I hope he knows where I am. I will listen when he speaks to me personally and with clarity. I hope to be able to hear him, not others saying they have visited God and they have a message for me. I would like to hear it from God himself. But he will have to find me since I have been unable to find him. So until then I will assume it is not important for me to hear God. That I am OK as is and I should just finish my life the best I can and wade through my ups and downs with my own sense of right and wrong.

I do not deny his existence, but he makes it difficult to continue to want to believe he is there, but I still do. Just not in the manner that so many attribute him to be.

Maybe that's the best thing.

Maybe you are over-thinking it and even if he speaks to you, you are not sure it is him or can convince yourself it is not.

Maybe if you were not trying so hard but remained open to the idea that it was possible he could whack you one before your mind had a chance to cancel it out

I am an occasional ham operator and sometimes when you are really trying to get through to someone, you "talk over them" - he answers while you are calling and you never hear his reply. You think he is not there when indeed he is trying to get you just as hard as you are trying to get him, but all you hear is some clicks and noise- some possible evidence that he is there but nothing concrete.

In those cases the best thing to do is stop, and give it some time and see if he comes back on.

Another thing that happens is that people push people to get testimonies. I was recently talking to a sister who wanted to go to the temple but was bothered by everyone asking her when she was going- so she decided not to go.

I told her to forget about going, stop listening to everyone and just go when she wanted to- when she was ready. The next week, she was ready.

So just give it a few years and forget about it, but remain open. Either it will happen or it won't. Don't worry about it.

I did not expect it when he finally decided it was time for me- but that was exactly what I needed because I did not expect it.

It came out of the blue and I knew it wasn't something my mind made up- I wasn't even trying or taking the possibility seriously, so when it happened I knew it wasn't coming from me. I had given up. I didn't care.

So maybe that is what you need.

Edited December 8, 2012 by mfbukowski

[Monster]

So just give it a few years and forget about it, but remain open. Either it will happen or it won't. Don't worry about it.

I did not expect it when he finally decided it was time for me- but that was exactly what I needed because I did not expect it.

It came out of the blue and I knew it wasn't something my mind made up- I wasn't even trying or taking the possibility seriously, so when it happened I knew it wasn't coming from me. I had given up. I didn't care.

So maybe that is what you need.

Yes I think that is a good plan. Forget about trying and be patient on God. But that entails leaving a fair amount of Mormonism behind or at least in the closet for some time. I am OK with that. For me to much of my existence in the church is clutter. Needless trivia that seems to bog me down. But there is good there also. So I will walk with the good for now and see what happens. I have maybe 25 years at best left on this earth, probably less. I shall enjoy and help where I can for the duration. I think that will be enough for me.

Please read the board rules. We do not allow personalized threads in debate forums.

[Storm Rider]

It can't hurt to try. How can you reject so vehemently unless you've tried and know. Knock and ye shall receive means nothing? What is wrong with this prayer? I don't get it, you've reacted quite strongly against it. Maybe God needs us to say the Sinners Prayer. Maybe we are too puffed up with pride and need to feel hopeless and needful!

This is presented as a "special" prayer; as if these words have some mystical power that all other prayers do not. I am not, nor have I ever, rejected the power of prayer, but I reject completely that this prayer has any saving power that another prayer would not have. Do you see the distinction? I know far too many Evangelicals that have misunderstood the nature of discipleship. If I say this prayer and I am saved, then I don't have anything left to do because I am saved by the Grace of God. They completely misunderstand the need for a change of heart, the purpose and continuous role repentance plays in the life of a disciple of Jesus Christ. Nothing will take away the personal responsibility of each disciple of Christ to walk the path of the cross. Times will be hard; sometimes the burden will seem overwhelming, but the way of discipleship is not achieved through sitting on our backside and thinking that Jesus will do it all for me because once upon a time I said a specific prayer. That is farce and should be recognized as such. I react strongly because it is patently false. What do the scriptures teach us? What is the value of a broken heart and a contrite spirit? God is not found in a bottle and his blessings are not obtained by rubbing the bottle and thinking that he will do everything. We either choose to follow Jesus or we do not. Some of us spend our entire lives without making any commitment to follow or not; we can't decide. We dream up reasons why we cannot make a decision. Yet, at the end the bridegroom comes and those with oil in their lamps will meet him and those without will not. Every Latter-day Saint knows exactly what we need to do and there is no excuse for any of us. It does not matter if we argue that the God did not speak loud enough to satisfy our particular desires; it does not matter that we lived a life of sorrow, trial, and burdened. When we come before the Lord he will look at our hearts and know our desires. Did we love him, did we want to follow him, will he know us? How oft have I prayed that I might learn to always recognize the voice of my Master and have the strength to respond to his every call. I would never want any member of any individual that sought to follow Christ to think that all they have to do is repeat a rote prayer and all his work was done. That canard is does not play here.

[Nathair/|\]

Or it could be that I find the various verbiages of the sinner's prayer to be cheapened sentiments of something that should be far deeper.

Gods in embryo are lowly sinners, too. The Kotzker famously said that one must remeber two things. I am but dust and ashes, yet for me was the world created.

That's brilliant, I'm going to have to remember that.

[ERayR]

I have been chasing God for many years. I have looked for him at church. I went over and over to the temple and thought he would be there. I climbed the mountain and was full of faith that surely I would find him. I poured over the scriptures to find his voice but to no avail. I lived a good life or so I thought good enough to see god, to hear him whisper something to me. In my time of need I chased him with everything I had. I chased him to exhaustion and beyond. Once maybe twice I thought I had found him but it turned out to be a sham. My mind so wanting to find him that I let my imagination run away with the idea that God was actually talking to me. I could have accepted it was God but the forthcoming information proved to be undeniable false. I do not think God would lie so it was not God.

I can not chase him anymore. I do not have the energy or even if I could I no longer have any idea where to look. Mormonism's promises of God talking to me have failed. I can not hear him for whatever reason. Even those who have tried to find God for me have not been able to. He is hiding from me for what reasons I know not.

Many have said it is me. I am not listening, or I am not righteous enough. That I am a sinner and need to draw closer to God. I may have been mildly those things at times, but I have also been as good as I could make myself to be. I have listened with every once of concentration and energy I had. So if it is me I do not know how to fix it. I can not think of anything new. Is just a little more tithing going to be the trick or some other outwardly manifestation of my desire. Is there some quirk in my nature that must be resolved. Maybe, but I am clueless as to what it is.

So my new deal with God is that I can not chase him any longer. I am here. I hope he knows where I am. I will listen when he speaks to me personally and with clarity. I hope to be able to hear him, not others saying they have visited God and they have a message for me. I would like to hear it from God himself. But he will have to find me since I have been unable to find him. So until then I will assume it is not important for me to hear God. That I am OK as is and I should just finish my life the best I can and wade through my ups and downs with my own sense of right and wrong.

I do not deny his existence, but he makes it difficult to continue to want to believe he is there, but I still do. Just not in the manner that so many attribute him to be.

Sorry to hear of your struggles. Just an observation from personal experience. I would suggest that you stop searching for God on your terms and accept him on his terms. It worked for me and it was worth it.